pola y dobie

Just asking all out there, if anyone has a social worker, community mental health nurse/ and/or learning disability nurse, counsellor, advocate etc... Basically I'm looking at what support a person with AS needs living within the community. I know AS's will be asking why an NT is asking this? Being a forward planner ( looking ahead instead of backwards), I need to know if anyone has received sufficient support etc from the 'caring agencies'. At present we are awaiting a social worker for Dobie, ( without it we cant access a routes to work course specifically for ASC persons). Also for support ( a few behavioural issues). Our GP has kindly sent referrals to the CMHT for support ( self-harming, depression, counselling, etc). Also benefits, as Dobie can't claim anything!! He's enrolled at our Job centre but not liable for benefits because I work over the stated hours. Re-applying for DLA ( may get middle rate for personal care). Also forward planning, ensuring that Dobie has the right to stay within our home ( he does need a lot of support re social skills and in activities of daily living, he could never manage to live independently without some social support). Look forward to hearing from others out there that can offer advice etc. Thanks again for reading my genuine article. POLA xx

<'> We live in Glasgow at present. At the moment we are waiting for Dobie to be re-assessed for AS. There is a specialiast AS clinic. Our GP ( who is excellent) has referred us. That was two weeks ago and we are sill waiting. POLA x

<'> >< Thanks Tally for your help. I didn't know if having AS would affect a legality of having a will? (still an NT Novice). POLA xx

<'> Both Dobie and I are looking into and examining the issues of wills and power of attorneys for each other. My only experience of these are from the Spanish way of life!! Any information or advice would be grateful, especially with the AS aspect. Thanks for any advice etc and your expriences POLA XX

<'> Thank you kindly for the reply. I have been doing some research on relationships with NT and AS. especially in tryng to help our friend. Even trying to read some psychological theories behind it. Reading into AS ( I put both hands up being a novice NT that I am merely trying to find answers), is that my friend's partner shows lack of 'theory of mind' in that he is unable to view is partner's perspective and is unable 'imagine' being in their shoes. To him, he has difficulty into realising how she feels, ( the anger, betrayal, trust etc). My friend has sat down with her partner and clearly and simply stated how she feels, knowing he has been with others and how this has affected their relationship, love etc.. But it appears that he is finding it extremely difficult to comprehend!!! Also looking at it psychologically ( my nursing experience) there is also difficulty with ' weak central coherence', meaning that he can't see the bigger picture, he maybe getting the gist of how his behaviour has affected the relationship, BUT is unable to fully grasp the 'complete impact' or 'fuller implications' this could have!! After speaking with my friend, she has tried to examine all avenues as to WHY it happened, re-examining herself into was she to blame, could she have prevented it, etc....But as much as she tries to look for reasons, she has admitted that there is none!! She completely loves him and still does. Although her search for an explanation or answer from him, will never come. She has decided to continue in the relationship. Her partner, it appears just continues to get on with normal day to day life, although he has stated that it will never happen again. My friend ( she is one strong woman), has decided to continue with him, and has made plans to move out her home ( the place she loved and cherished), and move somewhere else with him. With my limited background, ( although I have had previous NT partners personally cheat on me!!), I just wonder that surely the urge to stray is easily applicable to both AS and NT partners. I welcome any comments on this and look forward to hearing from anyone's experiences. Thanks again for reading my genuine posts. POLA xx

<'> >< In our household we watch Dr WHO, ( myself being the big fan and have tardis's even in our kitchen!! That and the numerous teddy bears!!!Oops!). My belief is that if you were denied these as a child ( how many times as children, were you forever being told to grow-up and put things away, or stop watching that!!) So maybe the 'inner-child' wins after all, even when in adulthood. ( my mental health nursing view hehehehehe or MY excuse anyway). I still love Batman, and comics and curley-wurleys and absolutely love going around Toys R Us ( dragging Dobie with me!!). Still love looking through Argos catalogue and looking at the new toys ( wishing I was young enough to play with them). And still would happy watching endless episodes of kids tv ( i make our dogs sit with me with a bribe of a milky way each). Never give up on enjoying life even if it means cuddling up to a 'bagpuss' or watching cbbc thanks for reading my reply!! POLA xx

Hopping all over the place trying to find information and resources to help an NT friend of mine with her AS partner. So what better place to come to for advice and information. My NT friends situation is such : she is in a permanent relationship with her AS partner. However, he has stated that he has visited various 'adult-based' websites, and as such has had encounters. Of course, this has had a devastating effect on her relationship ( numerous calls to me for help and support). With support, she has allowed her AS partner back into the family home ( two children in relationship). But she is concerned with the issues of re-allowing trust. She has banned her AS partner from the internet, but had found messages on the mobile phone. I have forwarded her the loan of my resources on AS/NT relationships, but she still has a concern that it will happen again? Commitment between any partner is difficult. You only have to read the papers, to find cheating and infidelity!! The upset, despair, paranoia that infidelity can cause in any relationship can prove difficult. I know some RELATE counsellors are trained in dealing with AS/NT relationships. The research into this crisis in a relationship is very limited!! I meet my friend this week to help her through this turmoil. Any advice or suggestions would be kindly welcomed. Thank you my on line friends and I look forward to hearing from you..... POLA xx

Hopping all over the place trying to find information and resources to help an NT friend of mine with her AS partner. So what better place to come to for advice and information. My NT friends situation is such : she is in a permanent relationship with her AS partner. However, he has stated that he has visited various 'adult-based' websites, and as such has had encounters. Of course, this has had a devastating effect on her relationship ( numerous calls to me for help and support). With support, she has allowed her AS partner back into the family home ( two children in relationship). But she is concerned with the issues of re-allowing trust. She has banned her AS partner from the internet, but had found messages on the mobile phone. I have forwarded her the loan of my resources on AS/NT relationships, but she still has a concern that it will happen again? Commitment between any partner is difficult. You only have to read the papers, to find cheating and infidelity!! The upset, despair, paranoia that infidelity can cause in any relationship can prove difficult. I know some RELATE counsellors are trained in dealing with AS/NT relationships. The research into this crisis in a relationship is very limited!! I meet my friend this week to help her through this turmoil. Any advice or suggestions would be kindly welcomed. Thank you my on line friends and I look forward to hearing from you..... POLA xx

<'> Thanks for the replies!! I hope you all enjoy the book, already it had given me an ' easier insight' into AS. It's making me look towards my other books I have ( the advanced ones already read by Dobie!!). And slowly things about AS are becoming clearer ( well a little anyway, I have a long way to go and a very understanding AS partner!!!) I have asked Dobie that when he reads the AS books, to stop and tell me, what relates to him specifically. This has proved to be a success in my understanding of AS and our relationship. I must admit and put my hands up, I have ALWAYS been the worst student, but with Dobie showing and telling me, why he is hypersensitive, and why I can't put the luxury bubble-bath in our tub, or why he goes on at length over War-Hammer ( that is just one game I will never get to grips with), or why he doesn't have eye contact with others, and of the other things we talk about. One day I WILL understand Let me know if you enjoyed the book or other books you can recommend to a novice NT. I am awaiting another book from the USA, which looks promising in the social skills of AS. I think I'll let Dobie read it first though!! Thanks again for reading my genuine postings xx POLA

Dobie's favourite is Vince the fox, mine's the Afghan hound and the cat.

AS, NT, ODD, ADDH, abbreviations!! Terminolgy, exhaustive, endless scripts on Aspergers...Just how does an NT finally get to understand their AS partner. Having spent 20 years in the field of psychiatric nursing ( RMN, RNLD )sometimes you just want a book on AS that is gives the most simplest and easy to understand approach to AS. The endless hours searching on the internet, looking into health web pages, looking into specialised articles. Infact looking everywhere..just to get an insight into my partner's being!!! Well I think I have found it. Dropped through my letter-box ( well actually I had to sign for it from our postman, good job he's used to seeing me half-dressed!!)The saviour guide to NT understanding more about AS had finally arrived!!! Before I devulge what to me is the biggest awakening yet ( apart from finding that our english bull terrier yet again has not cured his stomach upset this morning!!). I give you an insight into why I HAD to order my fool-proof book. I come from an educational upbringing, having twice been to Cambridge (University), one would think that I would be used to terminologies, diagnosises, the DM Manual ( psychiatrists guide to almost everything). Well NO really!! I like everything explained to me like a 3 year old, that's how my mind works!!! Yes I have strange letters after my name, but for my mind to calculate and comprehend absolutely anything ( I still have enormous difficulty tying my shoe-laces!!). I need someone to tell me in the simplest form how things work. ( You should have seen me trying to study human biology!!!) I think there's a name for this type of learning ( stupidity is what dobie calls it!!!). Anyway in trying to comprehend AS, has proved extremely difficult, infact I think Dobie has an easier and better understanding of how an NT works!! But eager and determined am I to help my partner, that I try and read up-to-date resources and discuss them with him. I just find it difficult to try and comprehend information. Anyway, I digress, snatching the amazon box off the postman. I ran back inside and began unwrapping my latest delivery. Dobie (preparing our bacon sandwiches and showing the slightest of interest. He has already fully read the complete guide to AS, and several other advanced medical books which puts me to shame!!) ANYWAY!!! The book I have long awaited for, the book which I would heartily recommend every NT to read is " Aspergers Syndrome for DUMMIES"!!!! You may laugh, you may scoff ( all the AS out there!!). BUT, for a complete novice NT, this is the ultimate AS guide that is simply..well simply the simpliest and easiest to read book on AS. How refreshing to find a book for Dummies.er I mean NT's!! (Dobie thought I had gone mad when he saw it!!) BUT, if there was ever a book, that explains and gives an insight into AS, then this IS the book!!! Don't take my word for it, go along to the library and ask them to order it, or simply go on the many book selling websites ( i got a massive discount and free delivery on it)that sell it. You will not be disappointed. Already the information IS sinking in!!! Once again thanks for taking the time to read my genuine postings POLA xxx

<'> thank you for the welcome xxx

<'> Thank you for welcoming us to the forum. We are glad you enjoyed reading our posting. There are too many articles, especially on the web, that slate and put down AS relationships!! Even in the relationship suggested material resources which we referred, there still is a negativity. I especially love the Cassandra syndrome for NT's. Believe me I have had a previous relation NT + NT and I could have had a Cassandra Global award from it!! My relationship with Dobie is perfect, he certainly knows how to show love and affection, he is at times aware of when im sad, unhappy etc. as I am with him. I sometimes feel it should me with with AS label as dobie keeps pointing out to me!! Hopefully there will come a time ( especially a book for AS which gives the highs and lows of living with NT ), when people will just accept relationships as equal. All relationships have problems ( ours is no different from others ), but what matters most IS taking the time to examine your partner's needs and wants no matter who or what they have!! Simples really!!! Dobie y Pola

<'> thanks for the welcome, and thanks for reading our post!! I believe that AS relationships has had a very bad press,they have appeared very negative. But with love, patience and understanding it is possible. Love does indeed conquer all. xx

<'> >< thanks for the welcome ( hugs from me and math) great to see that it exists its made us feel we are not alone xx

<'> >< Hiya Laura. We are new to the Forum aswell and we live in Glasgow!! Anytime you need a chat or support then don't hesitate to contact us ok. AS is another 'normal way of life' is us NT that have the problems See our article on 'relationships' it will help pola and dobie

Pola write : In Love with You and Aspergers I have never previously before been in a personal relationship with an Aspie! I met my permanent partner Dobie through one of those many 'social-network' sites. We would talk for hours, sending hugs, pictures etc. Then one day we decided to meet. We 'knew' we were meant for one another, as they say love knows no boundaries....Dobie informed me had Aspergers, although my job takes me into a variety of nursing work. I really wasn't that specialised in this syndrome. (hence joining here, eager and hoping to learn more). Through our relationship, I have noticed more about Dobie, the way he interacts or doesnt!! One thing for sure I know is that he loves me and I love him. Having Aspergers doesn't stop you from being in love and shouldn't stop you from having a relationship!! Having since read various negative articles on relationships of people with Aspergers. I thought I would self-examine why such negativity exists!! Primarily, it appears that we each hold expectations on relationships and what we should expect from our partners!! ( mine is simply a cup of tea ready for when I get back home from working night-shifts) You could say that about any relationship. Reciprication: giving one thing to another in return for something else. But what happens when the giver is soley giving and not receiving anything back!! It's what we expect to receive back that appears to be the issue, especially with Aspergers Relationships. The endless articles I have read, have highlighted that they expected more love, more romance, more of everything from their AS partner? The only thing I ever expect from Dobie is a great big Hug at least once day ( but usually end up having more than a dozen). To me it appears, that certain people are unaware of their AS partner's ability to recipricate those feelings back. Like any partnership, we both take on a voyage of discovery, taking the time to know each other, our likes and dislikes. There are times when I just want to sit on the other sofa by myself, without two heavy dogs and Dobie!! And then there are times when I just want to cuddle up and watch a film. Everyone is unique, and AS partners are no different than any other partner!! In understanding your partners needs and wants, you examine your own needs and wants and how you both can combine these. Maybe ( as in my own case), I had to do more partnership homework and read up on AS relationships. Dobie always remarks " love conquers everything", and with a little understanding, a pinch of patience and a great deal of time reading!! Love does conquer everything. I have enclosed some excellent reading and support to those in AS Relationships. They have helped Dobie and me develop and continue our fantastic partnership. I hope, given time, they will help you aswell. Many thanks for reading this article Suggested Reading : ' Aspergers In Love : Couple relationships and family affairs' by Maxine Aston 'Alone Together: Making an asperger marriage work' by Katrin Bentley 'The Aspergers Couples Workbook' by MAxine Aston. & finally books written by Sarah Henrickx.

<'> <'> Hello! We are new members to the Forum and look forward to meeting and making friends. My name is Dobie (male) I have Aspergers, my partner is Pola (male), who doesnt We live in Scotland at the moment, as my partner works as a nurse. I look after our two dogs Martha & Kane. We hope to meet new friends, where we can share experiences, support etc.. we use our FURRY names here but our real names are in the brackets Thanks again <'> Dobie (math) and Pola (cris)