lisa35

Ive just so lost it its untrue,sons ona 3 day exclusion from school,so we re having to find places for him to go whilst we work-he doesnt like sleeping out so we didnt insist he sleeps at grandparents I asked for school work -which we didnt get until this evening- because we were getting him from grandmas-we didnt get in until 1800 Then, in my wisdom I insisted he started the wor kwe got from school(which I had to ask for- so now Im worried he doesnt do it itll go against us)- obviuosly he s at point of no return Ended up huge meltdown- me screaming-him laid on room floor- I dont know how on earth we re going to get the work done- its hard enough getting him to do bit of homework And we re working tomorrow-its now 2100, we set off at 0700, havent sat down yet Sons laid on bathroom floor- told me he feels useless-and I got angry and sdaid I dont care any more- he can do what he wants at school- I cant fight his corner any more . I feel so lost. we re waiting to hear about a request for assessment-and got a meeting school Wednesday when he goes back- but only about the detention We re waiting for big meeting with autism support and Ed Pysch- wer e taking parent parner ship- the Ed Psch is very good I dont think Ive got the strength to carry on for him- he just doesnt seem to understand what we do- just says we dont care.How the hell do u get them to take any responsibitly- he is 13 next. Wont even bath himself Lisa Post Reply

not sure if any help, but find it helped to keep diary-see triggers-we now know that certain things preempt meltdowns-eg before going back to school , change inroutine, probs at school.We try to get in quick,when we see rumblings- and get to room for ten mins- avoid all stimulatio, dont speak,have tv on,etc,etc xxxxxx

that reassures sme so much-she should be so proud of herself xxx gives me hope for my 12 yr old having horrific time at aschool xxx

omg-rang cahms for update and she told me they were sending appt out- I made her tell me if theyd reached decision- backed her into corner- and they agree with us!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Said all the info we sent helped, kept diaries,etc Said writing to lEA and tell them that has to have support and shouldve had it since he was 5, is 13 next My head is busting- and I havent got Munchausens!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! All these years- 8 weeks at cahms So dont ever ever give up hope- you knock down those ###### doors, and ring daily if you have to xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Lisa

off today-spoke to school-even support admits theyre not managing him, year head said they stand by exclusion- irrespective as cannot accept swearing at teacher- and many allowances have already been made-which have Spoke to support they feel some of his behaviuors not autism-eg- she made sure all his maths home work/ book was in school bag- when he came home it wasnt- she then found it on top of a cabinet- suggesting hed taken it out But I said that in intself is not normal-and asked if she felt that Joe cannot be manged in main straem- said not for her to answer- but has v complex needs Awaiting return call as we want increased support as asap Im in bits now- wjhat hell happens if he cant go to school- we both work full time- this is horrific Our son is in bits- Im ashamed to sayI was crying down phone to teachers Lisa

thanks, have written and ringing am apaprently, as long as they make a phone call, the exclusion can start tomorrow am, as long as they follow up in writing Cant beleive I deleted the phone message before I listened properly xx

Please can anyone help, my 12 yr old has probable aspergers- we re undergoing 2nd assessment Big problems at school- we re inprocess of awaiting decision re if lea will assess for statement-at present he has one to one for one lesson daily and accessto senco room, when he has one to one there are minimal problemes Today has come home- message left on my phone from year head-has been excluded for 3 days- apparently PE teacher told him to walk round field to cool down after he lost temper with another lad and spat at him, ,Joe taken into a room and from what I can gather Joe swore at teacher called him f in w ker, teacher also got angry and callerd him a gobby shi,,, Have had probs withtthis teacher before- called other kids muppets So, here s the question-is this an ilegal exclusiion????? Im at end of tether-angry that I was informed on answer machine We re going into school with him first thing and demanding to see year head - Im not even sure if exclusion starts from tomorrow as I didnt listen to message properly aand deleted it cos so wound up ive also just started new job- in scheme of things I know he comes first but worried about the impact-he could get perm excluded-that scares me Im worried hes going to put on scrap heap, already labelled I phoned LEA and spoke to an Educational Pysch-ours is away til Monday and Ill email her Also trying to get hold of IPSEA This is further ammunition for statement- Imscared he s going to miss more and more school, already hates it Thanks Lisa

sorry-didnt mean to scare you, think ive preempted them by sending all i did! Lisa

also likes symmetry-if making lego/knex- always is symmetrical!

ditto-son also refuses to ever draw people/faces Lisa

Good Luck, just sent our evidance-all previuos reports from ot,etc, also a diary Ive kept of behaviuors, and sent by recorded delivery-god help em if they refuse Lisa X

http://www.nas.org.uk/nas/jsp/polopoly.jsp...282&a=12731 could try letting him come into lesson 5 mins before end of brak so has "com down" time, Im not sure if it ll help but I could pm you a summary I did for school, with strategies Lisa

ps there is no point teacher trying to discuss anuything with him when hes in such a high state of anxity-it has to be done when calm, also is there a "safe, quiet " place he can go at break times, also we use a time out card

Hi, my son is 13 next,we dont have diagnosis as yet but convinced hes aspergers.Sounds very similar, I so wish id ve really got my head arundd this aspect earlier We noe explain every single social situation, never presume that they "understand" any unwritten social rules The NAS has good info about how to teach these things, Ill find link Also, our son has support one lesson daily, witha support who has worked wit another child withaspergers She intervenes, avoids things escalating, and uses every opportunity to explain body language,etc I was quite shocked when I realised how well my son "hides" his inability to reead expressions,etc, its never too soon to start, wish we had earlier We didnt because we believed the professionals when they said he was nt aspergers Things like turning sound down on tv- ask what he thinks expressions,etc,are-it is difficult, our son tends to be very paranoid also as he misreads intentions/social situtations Maybe SENCO could access some social skills training, but i really believe its us as parents that have to keep ona nd on at them-our son is reluctatnt to admit/cant see he has a problem. Its also hard when they are older, sorry if rambled a bit, ill find the link Lisa ps our lad hates school-and we re currently requesting assessment-he needs more one to one to rduce his social isolation We also found that at primary-the knowledge of aspergers is limited, up to us toeducate

Im sure someone will remember this, but think some time ago I saw a link that advised teachers what to record when passing on homwork tasks- ie being precise, etc,etc, also I think it mentioned how to keep asp kids on task- my son will literally rush througha piece of work-finish first and miss loads out Thanks Lisa

thanks all-he was fine, infact, my friend is a bit quirky too- so son eas like another adult with him, and he bought the little girll a pack of sweets- bless You re right tho, I did spring it on hi9m ,usually Im much better and organised, kidded myself we were "normal" for a while!! Lisa

Hi, i asked GP, and then I rang and rang CAHMS ,til they got sick of me, I laid it on thick too, one thing you learn, and learn quick, hassle people ! Lisa

Son currently kicking off, he would happily stay in front of laptop 24/7- Ive said tomorrow we re going bowling with a friend and his little girl Hes creating ,says hes no good at bowling, doesnt know em,etc,etc So am I doing totally wrong thing-reality is I know he finds these things so hard-but in real world- he will have tl learn from such situations-meet new people,etc I chose the particular person cos hes a good friend, his daughter is young-so they wont pressure him or make out hes weird Or do I sit in house 24/7 with him!! X

Right, decided , am writing to LEA to request assessment.Ive been advised from Ed Pysch to list all the people I want them to contact, Im just wondering if I d be brave enought to contact the people Im listing as well,and am tempted to ask them for acopy of what they say about our son to the LEA when the LEA contact them, that way, if the LEAS refuse we ll have an idea why. After all, this is OUR son we are discussing I was so cross, the Thursday before holidays he was sent to the behaviour unit ans spent an entire lesson doing a Simpsons wordsearch! Wow, gonna learn lots then ! Lisa

My 11 yr old currenlty having massive meltdown Has had a friend fro few months(quite a miracle!)- and my son keeps upsetting him- calling him names- but is devestated after when he falls out with him and it breaks his heart I keep trying to explain to my son that he cant expect him to forgive him all time, how on earth do I deal with this?? My son is probable aspergers- has awful issues re body language/ emotions/ facial expression We, and the school are trying to work on this But this issue has me lost- but i did ine thing right- I left him to meltdown- didnt try to speak, or touch him ,a nd hes come out of it a lot faster than usual I know some of you have similar children , so thanks in advance! Lisa

Hi, mine too, two fantastic days- no trouble at school, lovely quiet evening, it just shows how down he has been as when he s upbeat hes so different I dont think you can under estimate the eddect that support from school can have, it changes everyones lives Hes so happy too cos hes just got twoafrican landsnails! His pride and joy, hes such a compassionate, wonderful boy, it makes us certain that we are right to keep gighting his corner, he is NOT a naughty lad Well done to your boy- they do seem to have extra caring personalities, maybe its because they know what its like to struggle, I know miine is very loving, told me about ten times tonight how much he loves me! Lisa

Hi, this is why I want to speak to Ed Pysch on Monday, she seemed very supportive , I also realise that his behaviours would not have happened if hed had one to one support, I intend to use this to say the difference it makes., im going to ask ed Psych first, think it ll be better if she can support us thro process, its been hard three years, we re also almost at diagnosis, which we ve fough and fough for, not sure Im ready to fight LEA alone yet xxx Lisa

Hi all, thanks so very much, thanks Karen too!had response from school , said that they still feel Joe needs to understand there are consequences for his actions, and I know any other childv wouldve been suspended for swearing at a teacher She said she agrees that currents trategies are not working and Js stress is very high and ararnged another meeting April 15th to discuss further, with ed psych again. Im also gonna speakt o Ed Pysch myself on monday to see a. if we have to wait that long and b. what we can do as emergency intervention In a way him loosing it is good cos it proves that he DOES need the support cos none of the meltdowns occur whehen he ahs one to one Thanks all Lisa xxxx

Thankyou xx just getting bit tired xxx

Hi, just wondering what I can do re school, last few weeks things escalated- 12 yr old son being sent out of a lot of lessons, bullied, loosing his temper,etc,etc This is because of his proablle aspergers 9awaiting dx)- school agree he is 100% aspergers and two weeks ago have intervened and has one to one for one lesson daily from support, as well as being able to use senco room when stressed,etc, However, he is missing more and more lessons, he spent whole day today off curriculum with his year head, and two lessons yday in "unit" for loosing temper and pushing a table We saw educational Pysch on mOnday, she is very good, autism outreach seeing him tomorrow(but is unofficial as we dont have dx yet) and agrees that if interventions dont work we should consider statement around May, when she wants to meet again However, it is worsening daily, to point his mental health is suffereing, we feel we need one to one more, if not every lesson Ive written to school(Im keeping copies of alkl letters), ythis is the letter, am i right??? Dear , We are writing re events yesterday, we are concerned that J spent the entire day today off curriculum and spent two lessons yesterday in the unit. Whilst we accept that J had to be disciplined for his behaviour in the music lesson, J informed us that he was intervening and protecting another child that was being bullied and this is why he reacted so negatively when challenged. We do not give permission for J to attend the after school detention and suggest it is completed in lunch time. J uses school transport and would have to wait an hour for the feeder bus, and was subjected to a physical assault last time this service was used. Also, after discussion with J regarding the incident in PE it is evident that J was subject to taunts from other children, saying ?they hate him? and was kicked by a child wearing studded boots (E), pushed over by B and called names b. I believe this same group were involved in previous incidents At the moment, despite real effort from yourselves, Joe is not coping, on the incidences he does have one to one support from Mrs M there are no issues and she is able to support J and intervene. I have tried to contact Vicky , the Educational Psychologist today as we are concerned that we are subjecting J to extremely stressful situations in school, his anxiety levels are very high, and we intend to ask her if there is any other route available to obtain immediate one to one support for J This is not because we believe that the interventions currently being implemented in school are inappropriate, or that we don t appreciate the recent support, but because we feel that we can no longer put our son?s psychological health at risk. We realise that J?s behaviour and needs are complex and believe the only way to support him effectively and facilitate his education and inclusion in school is with one to one support Thanks for ongoing support Anything else we can do Thanks Lisa