madeinthe70s

@ Prud It would appear that we share more than a few 'views and opinions' (don't get me started on Tracy Emin or Damien Hurst! LOL) I am - and always will be totally unable to cope with unfairness or injustice of any kind. When it happens I'm either struck dumb or I get so upset that if I don't have a meltdown it comes very close. These days I would go as far as saying that (to me) there seems to be very little point in getting an official diagnosis for Aspergers other than for your own peace of mind... or a need to know one way or the other. If people are going in the hope of some practical support then I hope they get what they are looking for. To be fair, when I was diagnosed as an adult I was told that there was very little in the way of “real word help” for me. I have been able to claim DLA and I've been allotted the minimum amount of hours (my own choice) with our local Autistic Trust. However never having had any kind of help with my AS before I've never really understood what help to ask for, I just automatically try and take care of any difficulties or problems I have myself (usually by avoiding them) After such a long time I find it next to impossible to do things in any other way. Just like you I found a huge amount of solace in sitting alone drawing, I know you'll understand exactly what I mean when I recall those moments when nothing else in the world exists, I would forget to eat or drink and the hours would fly by. And if I thought the piece was going well then trying to stop me would not be a very good idea. I know that it's in the past now but it's a shame you didn't try to enroll at the art college again for the next year, I was thrown out of art college when my grandmother (who lived with us at the time) died of cancer. The tutors couldn't have been more callous and cruel about it, my parents went and pleaded with them to let me stay telling them the reasons for my poor work and inability to cope but they wouldn't have any of it. Fast forward one year later and I heard that the head of the course had retired and all of the old staff had left with him, so I went back and tried again. I was accepted, did well, and managed to go on to university. FWIW I'm convinced that formal training in art is completely unnecessary anyway, if you're good, you're good. A lot of the very best artist and musicians are self taught and manage to be fantastic without one shred of formal training. I've done a handful Graphic Design jobs in the past but again I'm no good a promoting myself so it didn't turn into anything more substantial. It's always been my intention to have another go at art if I ever get out of the situation I'm currently stuck in, If I ever do get a half decent place to work I'm going to try and start up again, I've nothing to loose by trying. I experience synesthesia when listening to music and sometimes it even manifests itself into imagined pictures or landscapes, music is my greatest passion in life even above drawing and painting. Thank you for the encouragement – it's much appreciated.

Hello and welcome

First of all let me say that I'm sorry that things things came to a head, and your life came crashing down in the way it has, I am not at all surprised that you're suffering with depression I hope that you can bounce back and I wish you all the best for the future.Thank you very much indeed for your helpful suggestions, over the years I have given various options some very serious thought indeed. Two of my biggest problems are an almost pathological lack of self confidence and the other is that I graduated in art... or more specifically Illustration a notoriously difficult field to get a career in. Just around the time of my graduation my mother was diagnosed with cancer so I had to return home and help my dad. After that I found myself trapped in this situation that I've been unable to get out of it. I live in a very small dark and damp room that has proven impossible to do any serious artwork in for over 10 years now. I was forced to give up on art after trying so hard to keep going because of my circumstances. Also it's been such a long time since I did any art that I don't even know if I'm still any good at it. I would have made use of ebay but unfortunately I've not had anything to sell. However just recently I have come up with something that might be profitable and I'm seriously thinking of truing to make into a small business, I need to do some testing first but I hope that I can turn this into something viable in the very near future. Like a lot of people I never wanted to rely on any benefits but for years I had no money whatsoever. Then a year after I was diagnosed someone helped me to apply for DLA and it was successful. Even though receiving benefits feels humiliating I can't tell you how much it has improved my life. But now the government has seen fit to label everyone (on any kind of benefit) a scrounger while paying Atos millions to remove as as many people off benefits as possible I will definitely be loosing my DLA next year. In fact I'm not even going to go to my so called assessment with Atos when they call me in. I would be happy to go if it was fair and they would listen to my doctor but this is anything but fair so what's the point. I would definitely have a meltdown if I went to this 'so called' assessment. I can't think of anything much more humiliating than going to a something rigged like that. I've never even attempted to claim any other benefits all I receive is DLA and that is the only income. I know that many people with Aspergers are going to be in trouble when their money is taken away and that is one of the reasons I started this thread. I wanted to ask others what could be done and maybe give others in a similar situation some hope. There has to be a way for us to make some kind of living without being forced to work in situations and environments that we can't cope with. I have had experience in the workplace and EVERY SINGLE TIME I was bullied, mistreated and taken advantage of. My doctor said I should never have go back into that sort of situation again but that is exactly what this government wants to force me into. Not that there are even ANY jobs around anyway. One thing that has always guaranteed to caused me to break down is unfairness, I just can't deal with it, I've never been able to cope with it, and this is a deeply unfair situation. Anyway before I don't want to digress any further: Thank you to the people who have given such helpful suggestions so far I hope that even more people will step in with some ideas. In my experience people with Aspergers are usually highly intelligent and talented / gifted people, and even though our particular set of problems cannot easily be overcome I hope there is a way to move forward. As Darkshine said if we can't find a way through via the normal channels perhaps we can find another way around. If the larger world refuses to let us forge our own destiny then the only thing we can do is attempt to forge our own. We want to work given the chance.

Thanks for your stories and opinions, I really appreciate it, I've always wanted to make my own way in the world but so far my AS has proven to be an insurmountable barrier. I will keep on fighting but it's so hard to keep going sometimes, I've been fighting all my life and I get so very tired. I often wish that when I fall asleep it would be better if I didn't wake up. It's not self pity but sheer world weariness - basically I've had enogh mental anguish to last me several lifetimes. Anyway thanks

This is so difficult I don't think I'll ever get any better at it, even if I find that a person shares one of my interests I can easily get so carried away talking about it that I'm afraid that it probably looks like I'm giving them a lecture or something.

Very wise words people are not always as they seem and we are at a disadvantage to begin with, let someone know where you're going and what time you will be back, stay safe.

Your absolutely right she should have known better but sadly age is no indicator of maturity.

For me a meltdown is total overload frustration anger quickly followed by loosing control. The loosing control part can vary from person to person, for instance I have never been physically violent to anyone but I have been verbally, I have also smashed things up and (embarrassingly I've even spat at people - which is totally out of character) I've also tried to do something stupid, basically I can't think straight and just loose control. It is the most horrible feeling and thankfully these days for me it's extremely rare. Oh yeah and if I get embroiled in some kind of injustice or something unfair then I find it REALLY find it hard to not have a meltdown - my brain screams DOES NOT COMPUTE DOES NOT COMPUTE.

I'm certain it has a bearing on peoples behavior, self confidence is a huge factor and it's something I've had trouble with. People with AS have a lot of other problems that make things much more difficult than say just being shy and retiring. Not being able to read peoples expressions properly is bound to effect how you behave in a social situation. I have trouble ending conversations or detecting when a conversation has run it's course so some people might mistakenly think that my personality is overbearing and boring because I talk to much. But overall I think it's safe to say that people with AS are just the same as anyone else when it comes to personality types, I've met some really nice people with Aspergers and some horrible ones too how much their Aspergers has shaped their personality is almost impossible to quantify.

Well I'm sorry to hear they made you cry, if anything like that happens again just remember that it's not you it's them, they will be doing this kind of thing to lots of other innocent people. They are sad empty people that need to grow up.

I found this post to be most interesting, 'yet again' it only goes to show the huge difference in traits exhibited across the spectrum by people with AS and why the public has such a difficult time working out what Aspergers actually is. As a child I was almost the opposite to the OPs little boy, I was quiet withdrawn liked to play on my own, I was painfully naive and non violent, but most of all I just didn't know how to interact with the other children so I didn't really try. As a result I was very wary of most people and I preferred to keep my distance. I rarely had a lot of tantrums but when I did get upset I would often go berserk and self harm. In those days long before Aspergers was recognized I was simply labeled as 'shy' by adults and 'weird' by kids! Anyway I think it's perfectly reasonable to appear sociable and have AS, I always wanted to be sociable and join in but like some kind of aversion therapy whenever I tried it I felt very uncomfortable and that quickly put me off, especially when some of the kids started to detect that I wasn't OK and started to bully me for being or "behaving" differently. I hope that the OPs son will be spared the anguish I had to endure and have a much better time of it than I did socially, I'm sure he will soon grow out of his less desirable traits as subject based obsessions begin to take hold.

Sorry I didn't explain what I meant to say very well, when I said "don't react" I only meant don't let them make you feel upset because they are not worth it. Of course I would never suggest confronting these people it would be a complete waste of time. It took me a long time to achieve it but this kind of behaviour has no effect on me anymore I've been subject to it so much that it's lost all of it's power to upset me so if it happens to me I just think idiot and forget all about it. That is the way I've learned to cope with it but everyones different, what works for me might not be te answer for anyone else.

Wow fantastic

And people say people with AS are bad socially! In my experience it's always the people who think of themselves as "normal" (if there is such a thing) that have always been my biggest problem. All we do is get a few little things wrong from time to time and get told we're the freaks! NO it's people like that who are the freaks. The best thing to do is not react at all, just ignore them they are not even worth your anger, in fact pity them because they are EMPTY INSIDE they lack what it is to be a human being. Despite the terrible way I've been treated throughout my life I made a decision long ago that I would never become like them, I am a good and kind person and I will NEVER stoop to their level. Sorry my post is so small I don't know what happened there

Yes of course all of the best things were made in the 70s Star Wars, The Muppets.........us

Hello

Yes that describes me pretty well too, and you're absolutely right not getting a reply does not mean that it's a rejection anyway I support you in your crusade keep on posting

Thanks I will have a look

I wish I had something a lot more positive and hopeful to say but this is such a terrible situation, all I can say is that I really do empathize with you, if you're son has any talents / obsessions that could be turned into a way of earning money then that could be a possibility. I like most people with AS don't cope with stress very well at all and I'm afraid that even if the little venture I have planned takes off - will I be able to cope without caving in? I must give it my best shot because if I can't help myself I have literally nothing else that I can fall back on.

Thank you for your reply, I was involved in a local group a couple of years ago but it was just too far away for me to travel to regularly. I'm in no way disagreeing with your suggestions but I am going to have my DLA stopped next year sometime so I feel like I have to channel all of my efforts into finding a way to survive on zero income. I wish I believed that signing a petition would make a difference but in my whole life I have never heard of a petition that the Tories have taken any notice of whatsoever. I am really scared and I know I'm not the only one, I'm really quite an optimistic person and I don't give up hope very easily but this time I must admit that all hope of being treated fairly has gone.

I was in a similar situation to yours some years ago 'but like most of my friendships it seems' my female friend got a new boyfriend said a few hurtful things to me and I never heard form her again. I don't have any ill feelings towards her in fact I hope she's well and happy. I do seem to get on very well with women but I'm not looking for romance I'm happy with my girlfriend - however having a genuine female friend when your in a relationship can make things difficult there's no doubt about that.

Hi there, I am trying to start a small business of my own quite soon on very minimal funds, It's all a bit scary but I have little choice because like most of us on DLA (or any other benefit) it's highly likely it will be stopping next year. Anyway I hope it takes off and I can earn some sort of wage on it. I just wrote a lengthy post on this very subject but I see you beat me to it. Anyway I wish you the very best of luck, I hope it all works out for both you and me.

Hello again everyone, I joined ages ago but after a few posts I felt uncomfortable and moved on. The reason is I don't really feel at home on any forum, I've tried to be part of lots of different ones but I never feel like I fit in. Maybe my Aspergers even extends out into cyber space! Anyway I'm not sure if I will stick around or not but I wish you all the best one way or the other I'm like the internets littlest hobo lol (people of a certain age will know what I'm referring to )

I was finally diagnosed with Aspergers as an adult in 2006, after decades of misery and abuse I was forced to concede that there was something very wrong and I just wasn't coping with life. Since that day I have sought out all of the help available to me in the hope that (with the right assistance) I might be able to turn things around. Well I'm sorry to say that the help I needed and hoped for does not exist. I believe that what I and so many others need so badly is something real.... some PRACTICAL help. Sadly all I've ever received is tea and sympathy. I'm certain that all of the people that I've met have had the very best of intentions but the thing that disturbs me the most is why all of this (support) offered to me amounts to nothing more than a load of hot air. The one single helpful thing that I did get out of my diagnosis was that after living without any money 'for a very long time' being supported wholly by my very ill parents I did (with some help) apply for and receive DLA. That has been of enormous help to me and is my sole source of income. Unfortunately that will soon come to an abrupt end courtesy of the Tory government and I will soon be totally penniless once again. Some people with AS (myself included) have had such bad experiences at work that we have been advised by our doctors not to go back into that kind of environment ever again. So just getting any old job is not really an answer to our problems. What I believe people with Aspergers would benefit from most of all is some REAL help and advice – even some funding to help them make the most of their talents, perhaps to become self employed, then they could help themselves - at least to some degree. This is so important right now because there will soon be no practical help whatsoever out there for any of us in what seems to be an increasingly cruel and selfish world. How this could be achieved I'm not entirely sure.. but I do think that the existing charitable organizations (the ones that cater for adults on the Autistic spectrum) should at least try and gear themselves more towards 'self help' rather than the road that they are currently tread. Everything seems to be geared towards getting people into 'exactly' the kind of work that people with Aspergers will find very difficult to sustain. Like working in teams, shift work in factories, supermarkets ect.... It's all seems like an attempt to try and force square pegs into round holes. I am painfully aware that this is the real world and a tailor made job for everyone with AS is not practical. People with Aspergers are amongst the least lazy people I've ever met, I love working I just can't sit around all day I have to do something productive. But there is no doubt about it I work best alone without the fear of being threatened or picked on (for no apparent reason) all I want is to live and work without constant fear. Perhaps a website could be set up where people on the spectrum can come together and sell their wares? I know that there are a lot of talented people with AS are out there with no outlet or support whatsoever, they might benefit form such a thing. Even earning a small amount of money is better than nothing! After all we are no different to anyone else in that regard, we still have bills to pay, food and clothing to buy. As I see it the best thing we could do is band together in some way, kind of an ironic thing to suggest eh! Surely we would be stronger together than apart? Maybe I'm just dreaming and looking at this from my own isolated perspective but if the world denies us the basic tools we need to survive then all we can do is try and make our own. I am terrified for myself and others like me, how will we survive without any monetary support? Personally I am desperately trying to set up a small business, but if that does not work out I will be in serious trouble, I'm so scared of becoming homeless. It's very hard not to feel extremely depressed and keep any hopes I have alive. Obviously we have all been utterly failed by rich self serving politicians, they have set themselves up as the enemy of the disabled and vulnerable and that is utterly despicable in a country that purports to be civilized IMO. Anyway I'm interested in anyones thoughts or comments on what I've written, I'm sure I'm not the only one feeling this way.

Hello RainbowsButterflies, thank you for the welcome