ROBANDDEB

Apologies i didnt mean to come across that way at all. I probably didnt explain myself at all and didnt think out my answer very well. What i was trying to say ( Ill probably still get it wrong ) Was while i think its a good thing that my Daughter can find out information to help her better understand. I had noticed her picking up traits of things that she didnt have beforehand , if that makes sense !? Although she was fully aware she had AS it just seemed to me she had found the answer she been looking for (which is good ) but had also started to develop other traits that were in the book that she hadnt had prior to reading it ! This concerned me a bit as to whether i was doing the right thing or not by allowing her to read this information ! Wasnt sure id done the right thing. I hope i explained that better that time !? Apologies again !

Sorry to drag this up from the Archives so to speak. But while browsing through old posts i came across this one . We had this very same problem with our daughter. Even to the point of her trying to use threatening weapons like knives. Im pleased to say that i DID stop this No lies No stories it is possible and my daughter is living proof of this. Im not saying it works for everyone but my daughter proves it is possible to break these walls down. To be totaly honest im not 100% sure exactly how it came to be but ill try to give you an insite . In my household there is my partner Debbie the soft one and myself the" No messing " one . ( if that makes sense ) For quite some time our Daughter was slowly getting more and more aggressive and a lot of the time it really felt like we were being manipulated and toyed with . Almost like she was trying to get more and more control and extending her control. I could see this a mile away however my partner kept trying to play it down oh its just part of her syndrome blah blah. Problem for me is im a very strong minded character and i wasnt about to have a child dictate how everyone in my house is going to live ! I could see in to the future i could see where this was going to end up if i didnt stop it ! Well to cut a long story short ( and it is a long story ) I decided enough was enough ! My solution was a simple one ! Stop pussyfooting around ! One thing i learnt was they dont like uncertainty ! They like order. So i gave her order ! This is my house and you will obey the rules like everyone else ( not literally in those words ) For about 3 to 4 weeks i had a higher rate of hell but it paid off in the end . I had the threats like " im going to scream out the window and theyll call the police and youll get arrested " So i opened the window " well go on then scream ... i have nothing to hide " " Im going to ring childline " " ok heres the number " Shes even called social services and ranted down the phone to them we invited them round a couple of days later they turned up and shortly left saying the child wasnt in danger Asked her if she wanted to leave she shook her head Id tell her to go to her room if she was going on one .. if she refused i picked her up and put her there. NO FISTS NO FIGHTS OR ANYTHING LIKE THAT Ive even had her ring the police herself. They knew of her anyways but they came round as thats their job. I never lost my poise for one second . " go on take her away she doesnt like it here she wants to leave and to be honest i dont want this stress on my family anymore " The look said it all Shortly afterwards ....they left. Finally it was over ......it stopped ... I think she realised no amounts of threats or bad behaviour was going to stop me ! Please note though that all through these times we did speak heart to heart with each other. She knows me better than anyone else i know and vice versa. She knows that as angry as she gets i do understand her and what shes going through but she must appreciate that i cannot allow that behaviour to carry on. If i could get my Daughter to talk to you she would tell you its true ! My advice to you is be honest and straight . dont lie. If they ask you something and you know they wont like your answer tell them why thats your answer. BUT only once dont keep repeating it. Your decision should be final. As i said earlier im not saying this will work for everyone but for us it did . We still have stroppy days and moods but so does everyone but the violence is a def no. She has learnt not to push me because i wont let her get away with it . Its far from calm in my house but at least its no longer physical ! But ill settle for that Sorry for babbling

I totally sympathise with you as we also had our daughter in mainstream school . The one thing we found was you really have to be hands on with schools or theyll do there best to do nothing at all. You need to get everyone whos involved with your child to get on to the school and push the right buttons. Whatever you do you must NEVER let up !! Trouble is not many schools are properly trained to deal with it !! I cant speak for everyone else but as far as boys and girls go..i dont think theres any real difference. My daughter has been extremely aggresive to completely passive. Always changing ! Maybe someone on her can advise you better.. As for paperwork they should already have this if your child has been diagnosed ! Again if not ..then you need to get hold of the doctors and specialists care workers etc and get copies of everything involving your child,and ask them to forward the relevant stuff onto the school. Hope this helps in some way !

Ah yes i understand now ! I do this same thing with real life situations with my daughter. Trying to teach her to understand that people do not neccassarily see things the way she sees them. Not to assume people know what she knows. etc .. Actually after reading a lot of the posts on this site im starting to realise that she has actually come a long way forward in the last few months so its quite encouraging. It also shows it is possible !

Ah yes i understand now i still had to read it about 8 times though Thanks for that

I dont that totally confused me and ive read it 5 times

Meaning Someone with no friends. Origin Coined in the youth culture of the UK in the 1990s. This sort of naming became widely used by the UK's young following the popularity of comedy performers like Harry Enfield, Paul Whitehouse, et al. Their comedy uses named character types, e.g. Tim Nice but dim, Ted and Ralph

First time i ever heard this Phrase was in a film but cant remember which one. Shortly after everyone including my son was using it as a sort of jest calling themselves a " billy no mates " and laughing . It was never used in an aggressive manner.

he will look at me or his Dad then with a frightened/ plea for help expression on his face . It can be quite upsetting to see him like this at times,but we are getting used to it. Theresa Yes she also does this. Only in the last sort of 2 to 3 months when we have increased visits at home form specialists etc. They come in and talk to us and she sneaks in to listen in (like they do) Then generally what happens is the person in question tries to talk to her ... Suddenly the blood drains from her face and she stares at either myself or Debbie and looks like something really really bad has just happened. She stays like that for as long as neccassary without talking .I have to agree the first time i ever saw this really upset me and it really brings it home to you. But like you say you slowly get used to it. Its so strange too because as soon as theyve left she wont stop talking !! Maybe i should ask one of them to stop over for a few days (kidding)

I used to drink Gallons of very very strong coffee but after giving up smoking i moved onto back onto good old Tea. Has to be very strong though and actually look like the teabag was really in the cup I hate milky tea it makes me Gak

Yes this is true of my daughter too. I have got her so close to talking at school again but then she fails. When she gets home her answer is " i wanted to and i was going to but i couldnt " She tells me she has geared herself up and was already to say something . But when it came to it she just couldnt. She is so keen to start talking again but physically just cannot ! Physcological maybe ?

Thanks for that <'> ! My daughter has been using the programme to combat this and so far it has been successful. It consists of hoodia barley and omega.Im not saying it will work for everyone but it is certainly working for our Daughter . with no side effects ... so far ! Im going to send the link to a mod as i dont want to get in trouble for advertising. Hopefully they will approve it and post it on site.

WOW thats brilliant to read. I had that exact same theory and i kept telling my partner but she wouldnt have it My daughter kept searching for info to find out stuff relating to AS including being given books like the curious incindent from one fo her specialists .I kept saying to my other half not to over encourage her as it seems she is adopting the syndrome as apposed to having it ( not sure that makes sence i know what i meant I think its a bit like people and the self diagnosing medical books isnt it ? Whilst i admit she had the syndrome to begin with i dont think some of the info they can get hold of actually helps them. " Too much knowledge can be dangerous " Am i wrong? What do you think ?

Id say its perfectly normal. If any of our children go out and play ,i cringe if i hear anyone start crying cos i know Debs will be up and out that door and sceaming away . ( mind you she has chilled out a bit in the last year ) I think its just a case of protecting our own !

Guess who it is ? Me thats who lol Back on subject . My daughter was finally after many years diagnosed with AS. Things went on as usual doctors specialists blah blah. After we did some more groundwork WE found out about the drugs that can help control the temper and moods. Eventually they amitted to knowing of this drug and the neccassary people prescribed it for her.We had to swap from the tablet form to the liquid form as she was starting to refuse to take them due to the enormous weight increase. In a matter of a few short months she put on an extra 4 stones. ! Now as recently as a month ago I find out theres omega 3 and hoodia (not sure if im allowed to mention that so apologies in advance ) which stop this problem. The chemist says to us. " oh yes you use that to combat the weight gain " as did our doctor and so called specialists . My daughter has gained over 4 stone has terrible stretch marks and now is extremely comscious of going anywhere due to her wieght and size. My question is this :If they knew about this stuff why didnt they tell this. Why was it down to us to seek this out ? What are they meant to specialise in again ??? Surely these people should be made accountable for errors such as this ?

HI , Nearly missed this bit My name is Rob and my partner is Debbie. Too much to mention ill end up depressing everyone Heres a rough idea of our family setup We have : 3 children 1 is due to leave school in may healthwise he is fine. The second is a 13 years old daughter with Aspergers Syndrome The third is 9 years old boy with Arskoggs syndrome And 1 well overloved and spoilt rottie. Stress levels most times ok but can sometimes go from 0 to 60 quicker than a ferrari bieng driven by Jeremy Clarkson Had a couple of really bad years from absolute hell !! My local area and authorities now realise im not terrorising my children i just have a child with AS Everyday around school times the panic ..sets in before she enters the house Once a week we have a school meeting with all the neccassary parties to be told how well were coping and how they couldnt cope if they were in our shoes. Or i dont know how you do it AAARRRGGHH !! Overeall : like most people on here overworked /under appreciated /over tired /overstressed but coping !

Only me again My Daughter stopped eating at school nearly 2 years ago now. We all tried everything but to no avail she simply wont do it and that that . She eats breakfast at home then goes to school and wont eat till she gets home. But .... Apparantly they have on the odd occasion caught her ( though shes not aware ) slipping her hand in her pocket and putting something in her mouth when noone was looking. We double checked this and found out that sometimes she puts cereal in her pockets good job she didnt add milk If we go out anywhere she will eat fine .. but not at school or anywhere she thinks she may be recognised by someone she knows ! : We also have the same problem with the toilets now she will not use school toilets !?!

Hi, Our Daughter has Aspergers. She scored 148 moderate. She has recently become selective mute and has limited social skills if any ! We have never had this test done other than throught the link provided here so im not sure how relevant it actually is or whether its just a genaralisation ! Its nothing i didnt already know though

Just being nosey again Having a daughter with AS / selective mute/teenager/hormones We have been through far far too much much too even begin to mention. I was just curious to know (if it doesnt upset anyone) How many times have you nearly split from your partners or have you split . Are you going it alone ? We generally do ok and have grown stronger through this but there has been many a time its caused some big rows and i ve thought about jacking it in and going. ( I wouldnt though but it gets you like that dont it )

Hi again, Thanks for all the help and replies its been very informative. Especially from Kathyrn. Ive only just joined this site and was to be honest somewhat apprehensive, but last night i was reading through some stuff and have to admit it its pretty good here . Ive had people say to me over the years why not go to the help groups, join a site etc. But to be honest i thought the last thing i wanted was to hear about a load of other peoples problems when ive got my own going on . Another reason i think is, ive heard so much from so many over the years and none of it was of any use at all .In fact most the time it made me wonder how on earth these so called specialists became specialists I wonder did they perhaps buy their diploma's off the web I honestly believe and we hadnt been pushed from pillar to post for so long we could have been a lot further forward than we are now. More prepared for her future etc I will be more active on here just as soon as i find my way around . Theres just so much to read

Brilliant site ! Hi to everyone. I have a Daughter of 14 who was finally diagnosed as having AS. On one hand it was relief to be able to finally shove it in the faces of the likes of SS , who for years had been trying to tell us it was a family problem ( bad parenting etc )and on the other it was a devastating blow . As time has gone on we have stumbled across more and more problems and everyday we do our best to learn to cope. The most recent one being that She has now decided to become a SELECTIVE MUTE ( where does it stop ) When i first heard of this i nearly burst out laughing thinking this was just quite simply the child choosing not to talk because of the situation at Her school. In my day wasnt it just being plain old SHY ? I thought it was them now making up silly names for something they didnt understand. How wrong i was . It turns out its very common , however .... ive looked about other sites etc and have not as yet found anyone with AS also being Selective Mute. I am interested in hearing everyone elses opinion on this subject.