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Everything posted by amberzak

  1. Hi Andy. I live near Hampshire and I have worked in many schools around the area. I was training to be a teacher. I also have aspergers. If you want some comments about any school please PM me. I am sure you understand, but I'm not prepared to mention any particular school by name on the open forum. I don't want to knock any chances of future jobs.
  2. It's hard, teaching. I've just dropped out of my placement because of my aspergers getting in the way
  3. I've know. People who have one obsession their whole lives. I flit between a few. I have my stories, I love learning (sometimes I get obsessed with learning a language, at the moment it's maths) but then I can also become obsessed with things like sorting my DVDs and games. I get obsessed with computer games, but they never last long as I either complete them really quickly (especially puzzle games) or I grow bored of them. I've never been one to get obsessed over people though. Also, I find my obsessions come and go. I am always busy, but a full on obsession, which is all encompassing and I don't eat or sleep or even wash, I can tell when they start coming. I'm teetering on the edge of one now. So how does it affect you? I'm interested.
  4. My university tutor said he was happily give me good references. He also suggested teaching at university level. I feel so free in that I can do anything.
  5. Hi. I'm looking at the same thing. If I find anything, I will let you know
  6. Hi Thanks everyone for your kind words on my previous thread. A quick update. My mother in law died on Thursday. She has been fighting cancer. Was given a few months to live, and then died three days later. I live with the in laws and have lived here for over five years. Husband and father in law are distraught. I feel helpless. Now on to my teaching practise. I was told if I didn't leave I would be put on special measures. So on Wednesday (before the death of mother in law) I made the decision to stop my teacher training for now. I can go back in September, but I don't feel I will. I'm not in the spiralling depression I was in. It felt really good quitting the placement of the teacher training. Now I just have the normal sadness that you get with grief. I know a lot of you will think I've made the wrong decision to quit my teacher training. The good news is that I do have the option to go back if I decide (mitigating circumstance due to grief). But as it stands at the moment, I have no interest in going back. Quitting was the one good feeling I've had this week. I don't intend on doing nothing though. I'm going to be getting active in the local community with aspergers awareness. I do feel like I'm starting to get back to my old self again.
  7. As trekster said. Go see cab. They should be able to help
  8. Thanks everyone. I left. I'm creating another thread to explain because it involves a death in the family. Sorry to have let everyone down.
  9. I'm in placement all the time, so not actually in University. My university tutor, though, who I trust completely, said that maybe this route into teaching isn't for me. I think that the system doesn't allow for people like me to teach.
  10. I don't think this is worth it. I'm so very ill. I'm a diabetic too, and my sugars are off the scale.
  11. I don't even want to be a teacher any more. You are on show all the time, and I can't cope with that.
  12. I haven't been eating at all to be honest. And I'm not sleeping. I'm too anxious too.
  13. I have been talking to them about it. They are the ones who have told me I'm failing
  14. Trekster, my depression has come on since being told there are problems with my teacher training when I thought everything was fine. I'm not good enough. I feel like I'm useless, a failure and that I've let everyone down. And I hate the Aspergers
  15. I'm in the deepest depression I've ever been in. I don't normally get depression. Usually, if I have a knock back, I am sad for a few hours, maybe a day, and then I sort of bounce back. But I just can't shake this. I don't know how to get out of this. I can't see a light at the end. I just don't want to feel like this any more.
  16. It's specifically teaching in the secondary school I am struggling with. And I am all out of fight.
  17. I know some of you made comments on my post when I said should I quit. Well, now I think I'm failing. I'm not good enough. And all of it is because of my Aspergers. So, I just don't have the energy to fight any more. I'm done. I'm not doing it if this is what teaching is all about.
  18. I can't really advise you, but I might be able to help you understand your daughter (assuming she has aspergers) I have Asperger's Syndrome. I'm now an adult, but I was a teenager once. First things first, is your daughter being bullied? You say she was larger and then lost lots of weight because she stopped eating. That sounds like other kids were calling her names. Remember, something which may be very small to you, will be a huge deal to her. Aspergers people are prone to being bullied, and girls can be very cruel to one another. Words can do far more damage than being beaten up. It's good you are allowing her to develop her own style. That will help her to develop her sense of identity. The fear of failure could have come from anywhere. My parents were very very supportive, but I developed a fear of failing because of school. There is so much emphasis on getting things right. If you start not doing so well in a lesson you can be moved down a set, and there is such negativity associated with being in the bottom set. If your daughter has Aspergers, then she will take things literally, and everything will be the end of the world to her. If she is told, for example, 'no, that is wrong' she will hear just the word Wrong. If she is told that her work isn't good enough, she will think she isn't good enough. And (I'm not saying this has happened, but it is a possibility) all it takes is for one teacher to say that she wont go to University, and she could start to believe it. So it's great you are being supportive. Keep on being supportive. Tell her she can do anything she wants, just as long as she works for it. Let her make her own mistakes on what courses she wants to do (I only recently rediscovered how much I love mathematics, but my degree is in English). And make sure she knows it is okay to fail. I'm currently failing my teacher training course, and I really thought everyone would hate me and be disappointed in me for failing. But instead everyone is saying they are so proud of me that I tried it. Emphasise this to your daughter, that no matter what, as long as she is working hard, you will always be proud (be wary of saying the words 'try your best' as, for me at least, that has a detrimental effect, as I will literally try my best, which can verge on the point of utter exhaustion. I've put myself in hospital now). As for the cutting, I know it isn't nice, but I wonder if I might be able to put some light on that. When things are too much for me, I pull my hair and bang my head. The problem with Aspies is that we often can feel every emotion at max strength. Take the normal teenage anxieties, and triple it. Then you can imagine what your daughter may be feeling. An outlet to that is to inflict pain. This is for two reasons. Firstly it released endorphins, so temporarily at least, you feel better. Secondly, emotion is abstract, which is something us aspies can find hard to understand. Physical pain is there, you can see where it is coming from, so makes sense. I used to dig my fingernails into my arms until they bled when I was stressed as a teenager. But it's something a grew out of (even though I still do have meltdowns and bang my head or pull my hair). everyone is different, even those of us with Aspergers. It might simply be that your daughter is cutting herself as a cry for attention (I don't mean that in a negative way; I mean she doesn't know how else to express to people that she is struggling). I would really try and find out what's happening at school. You sound like a really supportive parent. Keep going and I'm sure everything will work out fine. If you want to talk more, feel free to PM me.
  19. Well, all my friends and family are encouraging me to stick with it. They all think that when I actually get a job things will be different. When I'm not training any more. The good days I will say without question that I love it and it is so worth it. I just want to be a really really good teacher, and at the moment i don't feel like I am.
  20. Hi Ben. I have aspergers, known it for years but only got a formal diagnoses in January. I'm doing a teacher training course, and I have been struggling, experiencing the same sorts of things you describe (more so at my first placement than now). I can truely sympathise. A couple of things that are important to remember. First is that the Autism Act protects you even if you are self diagnosed, that is you don't have a formal diagnoses. This is because there are so many people of the older generation that didn't get diagnosed (Aspergers has only really been recognised and diagnosed in children in England since the mid 1990s) and many GPs and health professionals feel it isn't worth diagnosing adults now as there are so little services around to support us. So, you have every right to see your boss and inform them that you have aspergers. The way I worded it with my course coordinator was made out that this was a recent thing, because I didn't want him thinking I'd hid anything from him. If you do see someone, say that you just need an extra bit of support and understanding. You are trying to do what's best by everyone, and the nature of aspergers is that you will get that wrong sometimes. But that you always try your best, and that if things are made perfectly clear to you, you will be more likely to understand it. My mentor at school tells me 'this is confidential, and you must not discuss this with anyone except me' and I realise that what she's told me is serious. The reason for me needing this is because, while it is obvious that some things should remain confidential, I don't always know. Especially when everyone else seems to talk so openly about these things. If you make an actual appointment with your boss or whoever you feel most comfortable talking to, you will have longer. It's really important if you raise it with them that you provide them with clear guidance on how they can support you. They have to, as it's reasonable adjustments. But I've found if I am clear about it, and I'm the one who has told them what I need, people tend to be more accepting because you've gone in with solutions as well. We can be fantastic employees and offer a lot to our employers as long as we are given the correct support. I hope this helps
  21. Thanks guys. I'm training at the moment, so I have to work full time. When I get a job, I might try and see if I can work part time. 4 days a week or something. The people I work closely with know I have aspergers. My mentor is very very supportive, and is amazing. I just feel really bad because I feel she has to do more for me than she would another trainee, and that puts more pressure on her. I know they have to do reasonable adjustments for me, but I just feel really guilty of it because she is such a lovely person. At my first placement, I was basically told I shouldn't teach if I have aspergers. That kind of upset me, but unfortunately that put the thought in my head (as well as it being really unpleasant) and now I lack so much confidence. So when a lesson goes badly, it feels like the end of the world. I had an amazing last lesson today. One of the kids, a year 7 boy, said as he walked out 'that was a really fun lesson. Thanks miss.' and that made me feel really good.
  22. Hi I just need a bit of help really. I'm training to be a maths teacher, and on the good days I love it. I really enjoy what I'm doing. But things get stressful very quickly, and my aspergers seems to keep getting in the way. I keep getting told I'm too chatty, but then get told I'm not friendly enough in the staff room. I find it very hard to adapt my lessons at times. I got really stressed the other day because the teacher I was working with wasn't in, so I couldn't use his laptop. I am really struggling. But all I've ever known is either writing or teaching. I'm finding the PGCE very stressful at the moment. I am trying so hard, but I don't seem to be doing very well. I really want to be successful. I do enjoy the good days. I really lack confidence in myself.
  23. Hi. I have always felt empathy for others. As a child my parents had to ban me from watching the news. As a child I was unhappily obsessed with the Dunblane Massacre. I sobbed about it for days. More recently I heard about a science teacher who hit a student over the head with a weight, and I felt so guilty for him. I'm training as a teacher, and I get really upset when I hear about the horrible ways the kids I teach are treated. I find it really hard not to feel empathy for the kids I teach. It isn't that we don't feel the empathy. It's that it's too strong to cope with. My friends think I'm cold because if they start talking about something that's happened, like for example that shooting in the elementary school in USA, I say 'I don't want to hear about it.' They think I don't care, but it's just I know I will become obsessed, in a not good way, with it if I hear about it so I have to block it out. I also don't know how to show sympathy without sounding cheesy. I'm a very practical person; if there is a problem I try to find a practical solution to help people.
  24. I hear electrical buzzing constantly. I can block out mostly, though there are some days when it gets bad. I find computer rooms hard, you know like at school or in libraries and Universities. All that electrical items in one place. I can't get any work done in that environment and end up getting head aches. Although it may have something to do with the lighting as well.
  25. Aspergers and girls is a good book as it features some of the most knowledgable people in the field including Tony Atwood and Temple Grandin. But it is more a book for you, as a parent, to read and get help on how best to help your daughter. I found Aspergirls by Rudy Simone to be quite helpful, but I am an adult (female with AS). Hope this helps
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