Confused Traveller

There's a very good group in Carmarthen, that meets monthly. I went to my first meeting yesterday. They are very friendly and great to talk with if you want to talk, but you can just go there and be quiet on your own too. They just have a private group on Facebook as far as I know. https://www.facebook.com/groups/931469243883658 The person who runs it is also organising an Autistic Pride event in Carmarthen this summer, and already runs one in Cardiff. https://www.facebook.com/groups/570304943699848/

It was quiet last time I was here, but not this quiet. I don't get on with Wrong Planet or the NAS forum, so was hoping this place might be a bit supportive. It's taken nearly 5 years to get my diagnosis, and I'm a bit exhausted by it, so need some support!

I came back to look at the forum after a long break, and for the last few days it was broken. Now it's working again I see there haven't been any posts since August. Has it been broken for that long, or has everyone just gone away?

Thanks. Having got an unclear, to me anyway, result from my assessment of having characteristics of autism and avoidant personality disorder, but not actually having either, and my problems with getting things done put down to my low mood, rather than a problem with executive function, that's interesting. I really feel that there's something much deeper that's caused me problems for 61 years than anyone has recognised. Either no one I've seen really understands me, or there's something they're telling me that I don't understand. Either way, I'm now totally stuck. I've read the blog, and will read, try to make sense of, the research later, and maybe stir things up with the so called "experts" with it, and see what they say.

In my corner of Wales, the system has been set up specifically to deal with adults and late diagnosis. According to the person who did my Pre Diagnostic Counselling, only one person who has gone through the process hasn't got a diagnosis. Having had two sessions with the psychologist, I'm less sure what the outcome will be, as I couldn't answer most of the questions about my childhood. There are only two people still alive, who are both in their early 80s, who knew me when I was little, and I don't know if they will remember anything useful if they're asked. The counsellor told me that that they only ask them if the results are inconclusive, so they seem to appreciate that it's one of the problems with late diagnosis. The psychologist didn't give much away, but he has to spend some time working through his notes, ticking boxes, and calculating a score. Then it's discussed by a panel of experts. I'm pretty sure that people of my age are being diagnosed as being on the spectrum, otherwise why would they waste scarce resources on it? The question is whether I tick the right boxes, and what happens if I don't.

In 60 years, only two people have commented on how I might have Aspergers. One was someone I met about 7 years ago, who has a friend with it, and the other was the mental health nurse who started the ball rolling for my assessment. At the beginning of next month I'll find out if the process used in my part of Wales actually works. Despite being male, I must have learned to hide it pretty well in all that time!

I wouldn't notice any difference if I didn't need to think whether shops are shut on some days, and I have to put out the rubbish a day later. It just disrupts my routine a bit!

I was put on the waiting list for a diagnosis after my GP sent me on a stress management course, so I don't see how anxiety stops you getting a diagnosis. After a 15 month wait I have the first part of my assessment next week. It seems that in my part of Wales they have a pretty enlightened attitude to adult assessments, and will only look for evidence from childhood if the other tests are inconclusive. The whole thing seems to be set up properly, even though they're very short of resources. I just hope there's some useful support at the end of the process.

While I'm sitting here stuck on the waiting list for a diagnosis, I've been reading some books on Aspergers. From what I've learned from them, and from the internet, I've been trying to change the way I do things, by assuming I have Aspergers, and following various bits of advice I've picked up. And it seems to be working. I've been dealing particularly with my problems with Executive Function, and in the areas I'm dealing with I've achieved far more in the last few months by assuming I'm an Aspie, than I have for years assuming I'm "normal". Maybe that's something you might be able to try, and if it works then tell your GP that applying Aspie ways of dealing with things works better for you than the "normal" way. If it doesn't get you on the waiting list, at least you'll have a solution to part of your problem, that you've worked out for yourself.

Maybe not what you're looking for, but I've just finished reading "Living Well on the Spectrum" by Valerie Gaus. It's a very practical book, with worksheets designed to help identify the things that cause the biggest problems, and work out ways to deal with them. Making friends, and getting on with people at college and work, is covered extensively. I'm about to start working through the process suggested to see if it works for me, and it may well be useful to your son.

Maybe a self-diagnosis is enough for you, as long as you're able to act on it, and people will accept that you do things differently because that's what works for you. But what if they don't, and you're forced to conform even if that causes stress and leads to problems in the future? I think it's worth trying to look ahead to the rest of your life, and consider whether getting a diagnosis now may be something you will be glad you did when you're older, and maybe finding acting being "normal" is exhausting you. Maybe facing the problems with work, and possibly changing the way you live, is best done now, while you're young enough to have plenty of time to change direction. At 60, and in a mess, my plans for a fairly comfortable old age seem to be falling apart, without enough time left to do much about it.

I got 11, but it must be logic based on years of observing and reading about other people, as none of it has ever worked for me!

Has anyone completed this workbook? It was published by Jessica Kingsley in 2001, ISBN 1 85302 796 0. I need to start earning some money and thought it might help, but it's a massive task, and I don't think I can cope with it. Maybe that proves I can't cope with working either, but I need to get unstuck somehow. I think the first part of the book was a useful read, and maybe worth the price I paid for my secondhand copy, so it's not a complete waste if I don't get any further.

I can say without getting upset, but not in a sentence or two. It's long and complicated, and I don't know how to explain it without pretty much writing a book!. I agree that the past has gone and can't be changed, but we can learn from it. I think I can see now how all the things that have led up to this situation were the result of thinking I was like everyone else, and not being aware that my brain works differently. I only became aware of Aspergers, after things had gone wrong. I really can't think of what else to say. Unfortunately me and cryptic do work!

The site does seem to wander along at a rather slow pace, but if you stick with it some interesting things come up! I don't think Aspergers officially exists now in some places, although it seems that here in Wales it's still covered in the diagnosis. My problem is that life isn't going on. After decades of adapting to be "normal" without realising it, and then thinking I was "cured " of whatever was wrong, I've got into a situation that I can't get out of, and that isn't sustainable. I'm keeping going at a level I can cope with, but it can't last. Learning about Aspergers has certainly provided new insight and personal knowledge, but it hasn't yet produced a solution to the slow motion train wreck that's been happening for years without me realising, and is now getting near the buffers!

I think most evil comes from another minority group, sociopaths, who are expert at diverting attention away from themselves onto other minorities, so they can get on with grabbing all the power and money they can get their hands on.

It seems to me that NTs are the disorderly ones. They either create it, or are complicit in it. I haven't been involved with social care, either as work or as a service user, but over the last six years from when I started on something I was confident I could achieve, to now when things are in such a mess that I can't see a way out of it, I can see that most of the problems I've had have been due to the dishonesty of other people, and being taken advantage of. I set out to help people, but the only people who have benefited are those who helped themselves at my expense. I think it's endemic in society, as ordinary people have picked up on the nasty traits of the sociopaths that they've allowed to take control of the world. I'm still waiting for my diagnosis, that could be several more months, and the wait is driving me nuts (if I wasn't already!!!). At 60, there isn't a lot of time left to get the rest of my life sorted, before old age starts to slow me down.

Fragile by Yes. A large proportion of my music collection is from my youth over 40 years ago!

Ten years ago, I wasted a lot of time and money on conventional counselling after I had my "mid life crisis". I thought it had got me well on my way to being "cured", and because of that I ended up doing things that I hadn't done before, but was confident I could do now. It got me in a bigger mess than I've ever been in, and I still haven't got out of it. Tony Attwood makes an important point in his book "The Complete Guide to Aspergers", where he's a strong advocate of CBT, but that it must be administered by people who understand ASD. I think seeing mental health "experts" who don't understand Aspergers may well cause more problems, rather than solve them. Having said that, it was a mental health nurse who set the ball rolling with getting me a diagnosis, so enlightened mental health people are out there. I think if I have to get involved with health professionals outside the ASD field again, I will insist on finding out what their knowledge of ASD is, before I let them mess with my head.

I think that's the big problem. I finally had my Pre-diagnostic Counselling Session on Tuesday, and it looks like I'm on the right track at last. I was told there's a big problem with ignorance of ASD in most of the medical profession, so it's no wonder you get told rubbish like that. Hopefully I'll eventually get a diagnosis, and if anyone tries that one on me, I'll be armed with the ammunition to show them how ignorant they are. All my life I've been told that I'll "grow out of it", or "never mind, things will work out", or have dealt with "experts" who are trying to "cure" me. In fact, I don't think there's anything that needs "curing" (except the rest of the world ). It's how I was born, it's not a disorder, just a difference. But because we're different, society dumps so much **** on us that it drives us nuts. Over the last few months I've been working on my newly discovered problem with Executive Function. Rather than trying to cure it, I'm trying to deal with it in ways I've picked up from reading up on Aspergers. In other words, I'm taking the attitude that I need to adapt my life to live with how I am, rather than what I seem to have been doing for 60 years, which is trying to adapt to be like everyone else. And it seems to be working.

If there were sausages in my bin there would be an animal stirring in my house. A German Shepherd nose would be in the bin before the sausages had a chance to jump out .

Deja Vu by Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young.

Great news. No sign of an appointment for me yet. I was told it was likely to be December, but haven't heard anything yet. Time to start chasing them.

I became self-employed nearly 30 years ago, and did quite well with the marketing and people stuff. It was interesting that I was offering a service that when described to some people would get the response "I can't see the point of that", while others would respond with something more like "Wow! I didn't know that was possible. Will you do it for me please". Maybe the services I offered came from the Aspie brain that I didn't know I had! I haven't worked for a long time, but need to start earning money again. If I had the work, I'd get on and do it, but at the moment I really can't handle the people stuff, either to find new clients, or to communicate with them other than by e-mail, which probably wouldn't work. So some sort of connection with a person or people who could find work for me could be great. But I'm not sure how it could be made to work for a book-keeping and accounting business.

Hi. I can relate to a lot of what you say. I was 60 a few weeks ago, and am stuck on the waiting list for a diagnosis (I hope, as all the evidence I can finds points to Aspergers, and I need it confirmed). One thing that has really struck me though, is that a lot of the discoveries and inventions that the neurotypical world rely on, and love, were, or may well have been, discovered by Aspies. So the world needs Aspies! My big frustration is not knowing decades ago, so I could have made better use of any rare talents I have, and worked out ways to compensate for the weaknesses. As it is, I've got into a situation I can't seem to get out of, that I hope I wouldn't have got into if I'd known. I may still have done what I've been trying to do, but done it differently. When I was little, doctors said I would "grow out" of my "nerves", and in more recent years they (and other so called experts) have been trying to apply "cures". Interestingly though, Aspergers experts like Tony Attwood strongly recommend CBT for Aspies, but it must be done with someone who understands Aspergers. So maybe they were applying the right solution, but with the wrong practitioners. The idea of a support group is great. The ASD advisor for my local council has been trying to get one together, but without success so far. One of the most useful experiences I've had so far was a two hour conversation she arranged with someone with Aspergers, who gives public talks about it. At the end of the meeting he said that he was sure I'm autistic. But the difficult step is the one where the right boxes have to be ticked to fit the official definition.