spudulika

He has tried the wide fit boxers, the trunk style, normal pants, y fronts.....every kind and its a no go with him, it seems to be the issue with all the seams. Our local BHS is over half an hour away but I think we will take a trip on Sunday and see, anything is worth a try. I also love your idea about getting longer joggers and reheming them. I wouldnt have thought about that. Even if we have to get the waist altered too. Thats something I really will look into. Thanks

Tell me about it, we have to bring him with us when we buy new clothes for him so he can try them on there and then. He cant wear anything with a logo sown in as he feels it, the same if it has a big print on it (you know the kind you cant iron over). He has jumpers but refuses to wear them even over a tee shirt and will only wear a light cloth jacket if he needs a coat. I dread the winter as he refuses to wear his big coat. Shoes and trainers are a problem as if the edge if the heel is too high then that annoys him and he also cant tie his laces. We have tried and tried to teach him but he just cant pick it up. That probably makes him stupid but its all part of the aspergers and his motor skills. He is actually a smart wee cookie and can give me a run for my money lol. In a way I use this to our advantage, the fact he dosnt like most clothes, all his stuff is from asda. He isnt interested in fashion at all so that saves us a fortune on branded names. We got navy jogging bottoms there last year for his last year in primary school and as they were so comfy on him we went back and bought a load up to the age of 13, he lives in them at home now, those or pj bottoms! Before we realised he had aspergers we were quite hard on him about this and lots of other things, but we are learning now how to deal with situations like that, and we still learn every day. We now know when he is serious or when he is using it as an excuse. My way of dealing with everything now is to find the positive in no matter what hurdle he is facing and try and find the silver lining in it. Every cloud and all that.......

They have said he can get dressed and undressed in the office ajoining the changing rooms and he was happy at that. there is a website that does seamless clothes, underwear ect and we get his socks from there , I might try their underwear and see if he can cope with that. (im not sure on the rules of posting links on here, if Im allowed I will post it, although Im sure most people with sensory issues will have came across it. If he is in school early and finds the noise too much he can go up to the library and the same at lunch time. He is happy about this as he is a big reader and loves computers. The vice principle said she had been watching him at lunch time yesterday and he was laughing and getting on the best with 2 other boys in his class. He is always fine once he actually gets to school, its the getting him dressed is the problem. Our local woolworths closed a long time ago and just recently peacocks have shut, Im not sure if its just the antrim store or if its nation wide. I must try tesco or asda too as I got his primary school ones in asda, They were navy though so much easier to get than the charcoal grey.

Thankyou so much Mannify, it means a lot

Hi everyone, its been quite a while since I have posted as my son has been doing quite well........until now and I need help desperately. He has just started secondary school yesterday (monday) which brings a total change of uniform. This morning he done his refusal to go to school as the trousers were hurting him. A lot more worries came out at the same time, but we got those sorted. We got him into school eventually and the headmaster and vice principle talked all his worries over with both of us, the were brilliant. As for the trouser issue, he cant wear underwear as it also hurts him. The school now knows this and have agreed that he can wear tracksuit bottoms so long as they arnt elasticated at the bottom of the leg and have no logos on them, so basically they have to be open hem CHARCOAL grey with no logo. I have tried sports direct as that is the only place the vice principle could think of. I have tried ebay, amazon, googling, and also specialist shops online but cant find any anywhere. Would any of you have any idea where to look for these, links or names of places would be great. He is 11 years old. If anyone can help, many thanks in advance.

My son is 10 and has aspergers. He was brought up to know the difference between whats right and whats wrong, and he does know the difference. If he was to do anything against the law then I would expect him to be treated the same as any person without Aspergers.

Thanks for the replies everyone. I'm not aware of him doing this elsewhere, what he does hide always seems to be smallish hard lumps so its possible that it may not stain his hands every time so he may well hide it without us being aware. I have no complaints from school but I have never mentioned this aspect of his difficulties with them, theres not too many people that I have told due to the nature of it. He does use the toilet and while he dosnt like other peoples toilets he will now use them. He used to have a really bad phobia of using other toilets and I can remember being on holiday in Canada when he was 5 he quite obviously had to use the toilet but just held it in. We got to day 10 and we had to hold him on the toilet until he went. Hes not too bad now and will use other toilets if necessary but hates public toilets or toilets in a cafe ect, he says its the noise of it he dislikes. It seems to be the toilets with the extractor fans going constantly or that turn on when the light is put on, he will use them if someone is able to go in with him. He has suffered very badly with constipation in the past and found it very very hard to go, he would be in such pain and when he finally managed it you could see why it hurt him. It would have hurt a full grown adult!! I dont know if this is relevant to whats happening now, but its a possibility. He used to hide it in the computer room too and behind the TV in the livingroom but now it just seems to be behind the TV in his bedroom and behind the bed. He does see a guy called Peter from CAMH's and we have an appointment on the 22nd with him again. Peter has told us that now he has the dx that they dont normally deal with kids who just have aspergers so there is a good possibility he will be discharged. I dont understand this at all and it really scares the hell out of me as since the dx we have had no idea what to do now or where to go or what we can do to get the extra support my son needs. Peter is pretty certain that he has a mild case of tourettes too. He would twitch his mouth and head when he is talking and his hand would go up to his ear, he seems unaware that he is doing this and when its pointed out he will say that he dosnt know why it happens and he cant control it. This dosnt happen all the time. The twitches could disapear for weeks and then start up again. Peter has said that if he gets diagnosed with this then he will be able to keep seeing him. I feel that if CAMH's were to withdraw from him then it would set all the progress he has made back a step or two. I requested a call back from my GP this morning (its almost impossible to get an appointment) and explained what was going on. There are a few options, one is giving him something similar to a mini enema which I said no to straight away, I explained that you would literately have to tie him up and knock him out before he would agree to that. The other option is giving him a medicine which would fully empty his bowels so we can be certain there is nothing remaining in there and he isnt constipated (I have only recently found out it is possibly to be very badly constipated while still going to the loo) and the next option is lactluose just to soften things up and keep them moving. We have agreed to try this first before anything more drastic. If none of these work then it looks like its a matter of him being refereed for more tests so we can be sure there is no problems with his bowel. I will sit down with him tomorrow and explain what the doctor has said. He is terrified of hospitals and tests so hopefully if it is something that he is in control of then the fear of this will stop him. If it really is out of his hands and he cant stop it happening then the tests will be necessary no matter what. Thanks again and if anyone has anymore advice I would gladly take it. *A reply directly to Linda* Linda, up until a couple of weeks ago we were only getting K into the bath once a week. He is getting to an age now where a quick wipe with the facecloth just isnt enough and I even dreadded hugging him as his hair really stank. He refused to get it cut until we threatened to shave it off with clippers. I have became much more insistant that he gets bathed and will not take no for an answer. He hates the shower. I now leave him to it and let him wash himself, I make him do it twice and always check him. If he does it right then I dont need to rewash him. He used to tell us that he didnt care if he was smelly, he didnt care that his hair was dirty and sticking to his head, even trying to explain that he would eventually loose friends over it didnt make a difference. He didnt seem worried about anyone calling him names We have tried so many things for the hair washing and none of which worked. Getting him to lie back and put his head in the water, getting him to tilt his head back and pouring water over his head, swimming goggles, those headband things to keep the water out of his eyes, nothing worked. I always used to scold him if he dropped a towel in the bath but this one evening I was upstairs while he carried on, when I came down the towel was in the bath but he had the hair washed and rinsed. He told me that he used the towel, he just soaked it, set it on his head, rubbed, and kept doing that till there was no suds left. He was worried that I would shout at him about the towel. I didnt mention it until his next bath, when I threw the towel in myself, he looked so confused till I told him that if it meant he was able to wash his hair then I was ok with it. We have went from a bath once a week to having a bath every other day, every 3rd day at most and while he is still not happy about it he has learnt that if he does it all himself and does it right then we dont need to help him and that is what he is most happy about. Im not sure if any of this will help with your child, but I have told you just incase it might do. This is a battle that has been ongoing for about 7years and its only now that we have realised a solution. Its still not perfect but then again, is there really such a thing? And the main thing is I have a son who looks and smells clean.

Hi again everyone. As you may know my son was diagnosed with Aspergers during the summer. In many ways this has actually made life easier for us as we constantly learning new ways to cope with whatever it throws at us. My main problem now is the fact that he smears poo over his bedroom wall, on the bed covers and mattress and hides his mess behind the bed or the TV in his room. We have tried everything we can think of to deal with this. The doctor says that there is no reason for it, his bowels are perfectly normal and scans have confirmed this. It has been happening for a few years but there could be a break in this behaviour for some months before it starts up again. We have done everything from being cross with him, trying to reason with him, trying to be sympathetic and even ignoring it. We have always made him remove the mess and clean what he could from the walls. The amount of times I have had to take to his mattress with a toothbrush, some vanish and daz. My last idea was that if nothing was stopping him from doing it then we would provide a bin with a lid and some babywipes and that he could put his mess in there and clean himself up and put the wipes in there too. He seen me crying as I was scrubbing the mattress and seemed very determined to make the bin idea work. He knows that it isnt right to do that and that its not fair on us having to clean up what he cant, but yet he cant explain why he does it. He says he dosnt want to do it and I asked him if he enjoyed doing it and he said no. He said it just happens and he dosnt feel it, he then gets embarrassed and hides it. He does also go to the toilet to do motions, but you can see that he has tried to clean himself and the toilet but just makes it worse. The fact that he can go sometimes is what confuses me. Does he really not know that he has to do it until it comes or is it something deeper? I also pointed out to him that although he may be embarrassed to tell us, its surely better than him hiding and smearing it and then getting into trouble and having to be called in to pick it up? I have also said that if he tells us when it has just happened that he wont get into any kind of trouble and we wont be angry with him at all. He knows the hiding and smearing makes us angry but I dont think that he is using it as a reaction technique. I may be wrong though. I cleaned his mattress this evening and made him pick it up the actual mess and explained that I was angry and upset that he let it happen again when he promised he wouldnt. I explained that I felt hurt by it, he understands that. He has also been told that this is his last chance and if it happens again and he dosnt use the bin and tell us then his xbox will be taken away. We have tried this before and it didnt work, but I will try anything again if I think it will help. You know it has happened even without seeing the smears because you can smell it, I can even smell it off him. It used to be bad because he point blank refused to go to the bath and would physically fight with us, this is now slowly getting better. I am embarrassed for anyone coming into the house as Im sure they can smell it too (its not a big house and his room is right at the top of the stairs, the front door is directly at the bottom) and Im embarrassed for him if he has any friends over as Im sure they can tell. Im at my wits end and Im certain that its only a matter of time before I really loose my temper with him over it as this is the last thing I want. Anyone who could give me advice on this no matter how small would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks everyone for your replies, We told him this afternoon. We sat him down and started off the conversation by saying about all his appointments at CAMH's and his medical appointments and I asked him if he remembered looking at the letter he got from the group assessment. He said he did so I told him that they had finally discovered he had As and it meant that he was really smart and clever in the things that he was interested and also that it explained why he found certain things uncomfortable or couldnt bear to do certain things that most other people have no problem with. He went off on one thinking that it was a really bad thing but after a bit of comfort and some more explanation that it meant we could help him find ways to overcome the things that he finds difficult and in no way at all was it a bad thing, if anything it was infact a good thing, he finally calmed down. He lay on the sofa with a fleece blanket covering him and his face (he would do this if he is upset) so I went over to him and gave him 'butterfly kisses' and just held him and didnt speak. He eventually gave me a hug and went off happy as can be. He is the kind of child that will think about things and it will be in a day or two when he starts asking us all the questions. He dosnt go back to school until next Thurs so I rung this afternoon to see if I could get an appointment with the head mistress and his new class teacher so we have to go on Tues at 1.30. Im a bit worried about his class teacher as he actually taught me when I was at that school and I didnt get on with him at all, he actually made my school life hell. I will be keeping a really close eye on that side of things, on the plus side I have also found out that the same teacher has been actively involved in teaching children with special needs so I may be worrying for nothing. I know the head mistress will do everything she can to help him and will make sure he gets any help if he needs it. She has been fantastic so far. Once again, thankyou so much to everyone who replied

Hi KezT and Suze, thanks for the replies. When K first started going to CAMH's we told him it was to see if we could help him with the anger and frustration he was experiencing. AS had been mentioned, but we were always told he displayed some of the symptoms but not enough to make a positive diagnoses. K would be a massive worrier and I didnt want to say it may be Aspergers incase it wasnt and have him worrying over something that may not even happen. It was during the week long group assessment that he was given a letter to give to me (it just contained the date and time for a meeting to discuss the outcome of the assessment) but it did have the Autism Assessment and Diagnostic Service on it. He asked me if he could see the letter and I couldnt really refuse. He asked what it meant so I just briefly explained that he has had lots of tests to make sure his hearing was ok, that his insides were ok (he has problems with pooing in his room and hiding it)and so far everything was coming back normal so they were checking for something called Aspergers. He kind of knew what Autism meant so I told him that Aspergers was a kind of Autism but anyone who has it is extremely smart at certain things and I pointed out how good he was at his lego building and his history of world warII and his knowledge of all the different planes in the war. I explained how people with Aspergers may find it hard to make new friends or may feel uncomfortable doing something new to them. It may explain why his temper is the way it is as people with Aspergers find it harder to describe their emotions and also why he dosnt like to leave the house or hates it when anyone comes in the house. I told him that we didnt know for sure if it was Aspergers, but if it was it just meant that he was a very very smart boy. He seemed to accept everything I said and for once didnt ask any questions (normally he questions EVERYTHING). Suze, Can I ask what is senco? I live in N Ireland so Im not sure that things are the same over here, I cant imagine it being that different though. I am still very new to all this and find a lot of abbreviations confusing. He missed so much school last year as he point blank refused to go and even though he is only 10 he is too big to carry him out the door. He would lash out and kick, scream, wreck the room ect. Eventually the Education Welfare Officer became involved and seen him in school every day. If he refused to go to school she would personally come and get him. It got to the stage where if he was refusing to go all we had to do was ring the school infront of him, then his class teacher would tell him to get into school as soon as possible otherwise someone would come and collect him. Once he realised that we were calling his bluff and the temper wasnt working anymore he started to go, his attendance is now in the 80% range rather than the 60%. It turns out that he didnt like the playground as the whole school has to line up outside and be brought in class by class, it was even worse when it was raining as they all had to gather in the gym hall. We discovered that he dosnt like crowds and also the noise in the playground/gym hurt him. He cant seem to filter out background noise. The school agreed to him coming into school 10mins later than everyone else so he wasnt having to line up ect, he is also allowed to stay inside the school at breaktimes if he wants. I have to say that so far the school have been brilliant and Im hoping it will get easier for him now we know what is wrong with him and if he needs extra support then Im pretty confident he will get it. I just have no idea if theres something I should be spefically asking?

My son is very sensitive to seams in clothing. He will wear his school uniform but it takes him ages to 'twist and fix it' so it feels comfortable. We have had to buy him seamless socks. He hates hoodies and any material which has a badge or logo stitched in. At home he lives in track suit bottoms and teeshirts. He refuses point blank to wear jeans or shorts. we have to cut the label out of his cloths and there are certain kinds of tee shirts he refuses to wear because of the stitching around the seams. We had a family christening about 6 weeks ago and I had to tell him weeks in advance that he was going to have to wear dressy trousers and a shirt and I had to keep reminding him of this. When it came to the shirt he didnt actually have any that fitted him so he had to borrow one. I gave him the choice of 3 different kind of trousers to wear and had to promise him that as soon as we got out of the church that he could put on his comfy clothes. He wasnt happy and you could tell that he was visibly uncomfortable but god love him, he really tried. He seems to have no concept of the cold weather, he will happily go outside in a teeshirt when there is snow on the ground. The only time he complains of the cold is first thing in the morning or just after getting a bath. He also gets overly hot in bed whilst sleeping, its not uncommon for him to roll over and you can see the pillow and his hair is wet from him sweating. He dislikes large crowds of people and because of this we cant get him to come shopping ect. We have to get someone to sit in the house with him while we go shopping. He is now allowed to come to school 10mins later than everyone else as he had missed so many days of school and one of the reasons is the dislike of crowds and noise. Having to queue up outside in a line every morning was hell for him and it was even worse if it was raining and they had to gather in the gym hall before class. He is also allowed to stay in at playtime now too if he wants. He also has A LOT of trouble with background noise, its like he cant filter it out. For example, we went out to a restaurant for a family meal and when we got there there were only 2 other couples there and we couldnt hear them talking. My wee boy was fine then but then a large party of around 15 people arrived and the whole place was full of background chatter. He couldnt stand it and had to be taken out, if we hadnt took him out he would have had a full on panic attack. He dosnt like the noise of fireworks, if he is outside when they are going off it will send him into a panic attack but when he is in the house its not too bad, I think he feels safe. He will take himself upstairs if the hoover is on. My other half lives in London and I am taking him over to his for Halloween. We will have to get the boat as the last time he was on a plane he suffered a major panic attack, the cabin crew were brilliant with him, they brought us to the front and even let him into the cockpit, gave him a free drink and some sweets, but it made no difference to him. I have swore I will never put him through that again. Im worried about the noise of the underground tube though. I have took a video of it on my phone which I will show him so he knows what to expect and Im hoping that if he has his ipod on that the noise of the tube wont be so bad. Its as if the background chatter and noise that NT people can filter out without even thinking about it causes actual pain for him as do the clothing.

Funny you should mention this, my other half printed me out a lot of info he has been reading online and this was one of the things he had been looking at. The link is http://www.autism.org.uk/card and this is what it says on the first page of the link........Developed in consultation with adults with autism and parents, our autism alert card can be carried by a person with autism and used in difficult situations, where they may find communication difficult. The autism alert card is designed to tell people about the condition, and asks them to show respect and tolerance. The card comprises a wallet which contains a leaflet of key facts about autism, and a credit-card style insert where people can write emergency contact details. Lou

Hi everyone. Im hoping I can get some advice from people who have been through the same thing. My son is 10 and was diagnosed a short while ago with aspergers. They also think he suffers from tourettes but we are still awaiting a firm diagnoses on that one. We havnt told my son about the aspergers diagnoses as we wanted to learn as much as we could so we would be able to answer any questions he will have, and Im sure he will have plenty. We have recently received all the paperwork that the Autism Assessment and Diagnostic Service has sent us and have done lots of research online, this forum has been great too. We now feel the time is right to tell him but arnt quite sure of the best way to do it. Any advice on this would be a great help. He is going into primary 7 at the beginning of Sept and during the last school year he missed so much due to refusing to go. Eventually the education welfare officer became involved and if he refused to go to school she would physically come and get him. He realised that he couldnt get away with it anymore and even though he isnt happy about going, he knows he has no choice. The beginning of the new school year has always been a challenge and its only now we realise exactly why. Its a big change in his life. We need to speak to his headmistress and his new school teacher too, I know I need to ask about an IEP and get one put in place and also if its necessary to have an Education psychology referral. Other than this I have no idea what to ask the school, can anyone give me any advice as to what I should be doing on the school front. Getting his diagnoses was a major relief for us, but its only now hitting us as to how little we know. Thanks in advance to anyone who replies. Lou

Hiya darkshine, thanks very much for the link, its good reading and I think it will help a lot. Ive just noticed your post is above mine yet today is the first I have seen it, I think we must have been typing at the same time Hi Mandapanda, thanks for your reply. Its very helpful to see other peoples stories and how day to day life is dealt with, I hope to learn so much from everyone on here. Im not sure whats going on with the poo'ing to be honest, its always very small bits and by the time we find it its always rock hard, as if its a couple of days old even though it wouldnt have been there the day before. When we question him about it he claims he cant remember doing it. All medical tests were clear so he has to have some level of awareness that he is doing it. The rest of his behaviour Im slowly starting to understand but its so hard when he dosnt really understand it himself. Thanks again everyone for the replies, I really do appreciate them

mummycanhandleit where in N Ireland are you from? Im in Co. Atrim. My son is 10 and has just had a dx of Aspergers. He was refered to CAMH's and things went from there, once we got the first appointment with them then things moved quite quickly compared to some other stories I have been reading. I love your idea of a support group as I agree they seem to be non existent in N Ireland.