raquelornot

Wow! Thank you for your replies. Tally I guess as he doesn’t obviously have a “significant impairment” that would then rule out AS. He is generally well behaved at home and at school. He is very social and loves to chat to anyone and everyone, and seems to have plenty of friends. Justine, he does cope ok in most situations and I don’t think there’s anything new that’s come to light. It’s only that I’ve been wondering about potential reasons why he was referred, and trying to view him more objectively. Sally - his finger sessions are to help with his handwriting which is pretty rubbish. He has velcro shoes as most boys do. He can dress himself ok aside from the top button on his polo shirt and sometimes zips on coats / cardigans. We haven’t got him a bike as he wasn’t really interested in the scooter we got him. He doesn’t wash his own hair (though his little brother does). He has only started standing up to pee since he’s seen his little bro do it. Finger nail cutting is fine though toenails are always a battle of wits (as are haircuts). He wouldn’t drink out of an open cup until just before he started primary school. He struggles to open packets / bars – not sure how he does it at school. He has always been a bit anxious of doing physical things but over this summer he has got a bit more gutsy in terms of trying to get up climbing frames etc. He was petrified of the sea and wouldn’t go in it, although he did finally venture into a rock pool. The things he does physically which I’m wondering about is one of his arms goes around in full circles when he runs, or walks fast. Also at dinnertime he often flaps his hands around (which my stepdaughter finds v annoying!) Perhaps I'm trying to read something into nothing, but I think most people don't do these things. In term of language he’s very expressive, brilliant at reading, and loves jokes and wordplay. He isn’t always sure when people aren’t being serious though, e.g. bonfire night as we were going to fireworks his dad told him they were over. He got a little upset and started asking if we had really missed them. I told him his dad was tricking him and he thought it was hilarious. But then his dad said the same thing a few minutes later and he believed him again. Socially he's very happy but I don't know that he always reads the signs. Last week said another boy had thrown him on the ground at playschool. When I quizzed him about whether this boy was someone he normally played with he told me that usually he says “Energy biscuit, energy biscuit” and the boy says “Stop doing that”. When I asked why he didn’t stop he said that he “wants him to be his friend”. I’m wondering if the other bump notes he regularly gets are due to him annoying other kids. And on the way home recently he started doing funny faces to a young boy who obviously didn’t like it but I’m not sure if he noticed as I had to ask him to back off. Anyway, we've had a little chat about a few things and hopefully he'll take it on board. I'll assume he is just quirky then as I don't want to be a hypochondriac.

How fine is the line between having Aspergers and being a bit quirky? I recently read Tony Attwood's guide but still don't quite understand. Is there a solid / measurable difference in the brain for example? Or is it all subjective and based on observed behaviours? Last week hubby & I had a meeting with school SENCO & Ed Psych & they basically said our son's settled in fine to year one, despite his previous teacher having concerns about him. The SENCO told us about some finger skills sessions he does but aside from that they're happy that no further intervention is necessary. At the end of the meeting the EP asked if we had any concerns ourself. My hubby said no, and I said the only thing that bothered me was why people (mostly playschool) had made some odd comments about him. She said it was probably in case he'd had Aspergers. I'm assuming that she doesn't think he does, or she would have said so. So they've put his "quirks" down to his personality. But it's a bit odd that there are so many similarities between his personality and AS. Also I'm wondering whether some funny things he does physically are acceptably NT for his age or not. How can I know for sure?

Hi Lynda, The circle sounds like a great way of explaining things. I might try to make it based on space, as that's what he's bang in to. Although people might think it's a bit odd if I ask my son what planet they're on... Just got a letter from school and we have a meeting with EP in a couple of weeks so hopefully we'll find out if the "issues" people have had with him amount to anything or not. Thank you for your tip. I will definitely try to use it. Rachel x

Hello, My 5 ½ yr old son is in the queue for an Ed Psych to see him in school – not sure what the outcome of this will be, if any. He’s always been a little quirky but his latest teacher seems very happy with him and thinks he’s just got a very individual personality. The main thing that’s slightly worrying from my point of view is that he doesn’t know when not to be friendly. He’ll start a conversation with anyone, chat away, and often needs reminding that these people might have things to do. Although it’s rather sweet and he gets a lot of smiles, he would seem a bit odd if he was still doing this in a couple of years time. He can also be quite touchy feely. Sometimes he’ll hold hands or start stroking the person he’s speaking to. He obviously needs to realise that this isn’t what people generally do. How can I get the message across without giving him a complex? I don’t want to stop him being friendly, or kill his innocence, but just make him more aware of how people act...

Hi SJB1, How's it going? It might be worth talking to the staff at your son's nursery about it. I just found out about Aspergers and it feels like a things are starting to click into place re my 5 year old boy. His preschool wrote him an ILP (learning plan) but said these were very common so I didn't think about it much. However they did occasionally say tell me things that sounded a bit odd. Like he wasn't sure how to play with toys properly, he wouldn't sit down for circle time, etc. I was even told that he "didn't get out enough" due to him not being as agile as others. Nobody mentioned "the spectrum" or "learning problems or "special needs" but last week I got a asked to sign a referral to psychologist from his reception class teacher - very much out of the blue. I'm pretty nervous about my son getting labelled. But also worried cos his teacher pointed out there's no teaching assistant next year, so she must envision possible problems. And I guess it's the least of two evils... If you have a proper chat with his teachers they might be able to help - or at least you may prevent some misconceptions. xx

Thank you so much for your replies guys . Mostly I was concerned about the whole getting labelled thing. But it sounds like a lot parents see a referral as a positive step. I guess it is best to get on the case now, rather than waiting for possible problems to arise (especially with no teaching assistant next year). I'm going to talk to the SENs person at school in September and fill her in on everything. Probably I'll wait til she's talked to Josh's old teacher, sat in with his class etc. If a referral's still needed she might be able to convince my husband, as he won't even question Josh's "normality" at the moment. Karen I checked out your link & I'll also check out yours JsMum. Thanks Beebee, it sounds like you've got a fair bit of experience and I may be picking your brains on a few things. Let us know how it goes with your little boy Jingle. Cheers, Raz

Just looking for any thoughts really on what to do (or not) about my son. Sorry, it’s a bit of a long story... In pre-school my son Josh got an ILP (learning plan) focused on doing different activities and sharing. I also had a couple of very strange conversations with the preschool boss. The first time she approached me to discuss his "large movements" which according to her was because he didn't get out enough. That really upset me cos I used to take him out all over the place and the health visitors always said every child develops differently. The second time was just before the nativity play. She suggested that he should sit at the back with the younger kids, although the other leavers had parts to play. I thought that was very mean as other than his physical development she'd never highlighted any issues. Anyhow, I asked her to let him have a go and he did brilliantly. Josh’s own preschool teacher she said he was the best reader she’d ever known! Other than that she’d said earlier that he didn’t seem to know what to do with toys properly and he’d rarely sit down during circle time. Josh is now 5 years old, he’s been at school 6 months, and the 2nd last day of term the teacher called me in for a chat. I had to sign off his ILP and then she asked me to sign a Referral to Educational Psychologist form. It looked very official and intimidating and I said I wasn't really happy to sign it. The issues she'd written down were poor motor skills and social issues. I didn't understand how he could have any social issues as he's got lots of friends at school and everyone seems to know him. He's very outgoing and loves to chat to anybody. When I asked the teacher what she meant, she said that he plays independently rather than with other kids (not that strange). She said he prefers talking to adults - but I'd assume that's cos he's quite bright boy and knows adults have more information. She also said the last few weeks he's been getting a bit emotional, e.g. over a "hairy" ball he had to play with in PE. When he was little he used to get upset about things being wet or dirty but I thought that was just a phase. It's just occasionally he gets upset about things like that now. I was chatting to my friend about what's been going on and she mentioned Aspergers. Looking online there are quite a lot of traits Josh seems to have. Special interests (rockets and spaceships) and spending a long time with one toy. Moving his own little way, I’d describe it as playfully. He is a great with words and loves to chat – but doesn't always like to listen. Loves non fiction books. Fussiness about cleaning his teeth properly and having his duvet fixed perfectly. Being over sensitive to certain smells. He also had a troublesome birth and was special care for 11 days. But he definitely doesn't lack expression – if anything it’s exaggerated. He literally bounces around when he’s happy and he’s often really excited about things. He tells us he loves us every day and he enjoys caring for younger children and animals when he gets the chance. He wouldn’t hurt a fly, he runs away and cries if his 3 year old brother starts trouble with him. From my point of view he’s a bright, bubbly, gentle and pretty full on kid. Maybe he’s slightly different but nothing to warrant a psychologist visit. His dad is adamant that he’s perfectly normal. Any ideas? Could he have Aspergers or are the schools just trying to make everyone identical? Is there any benefit in getting a psychologist involved? Any words of wisdom welcome!