lilnicki

Oh dear...... i said i hadn't explained it very well :/ Let me give you an example ....... My Mum ( who can be very bossy) came round to my house and we were standing in my garden. I told her i wanted to get rid of the pond because i have a small son and didn't feel it was safe. She proceeded to spend the next half hour telling me why i should keep it..... and some point along the time i should have said something to her....... the first thing that came into my head was " butt out it's none of your business what i do with my pond".......but i KNEW that sounded too abrupt.......so because i couldn't find the right words i ended up saying nothing....... which wound me up even more because she then thought i had taken it on board ( the pond came out the following week). Can you now see what my problem is?? Nicki

I am INFJ...... though i found it REALLY hard to answer some of the questions, because i often do "both" and couldn't decide between the 2 answers !! Nicki

I find it really hard to be descriptive when i talk...... I seem to use simple words, and often come across as using "clumsy" vocabulary.... If i'm trying to put something across in a polite manner respecting someones feelings, i usually end up offending by just being to "direct" and not at all "eloquent". Even trying to write this post is hard as i can't find the right words to describe what i mean...... I read the post about someones uncle who had taken offence because of the bad back, and a very helpful reply was written about how to email him...... this is exactly what i CAN'T do. I know i'm like this, so most times i try not to say anything at all so i don't offend, but is there anything i can do to improve this or am i stuck with it? Nicki

Yes i'm sure they won't mind you ringing or emailing...... they must get questions from people who suspect they have it. I was diagnosed by a psychiatrist, i was referred by my GP....but i'm sure there are other ways to be diagnosed....hopefully some other members on here can give their experiences. Nicki

I drink the lactofree, because it's just cows milk with the lactose removed.......so it tastes like it should!! The yoghurts and cheese are nice too Nicki

For what it's worth you are displaying some of the signs of Aspergers, but only a professional can tell you for sure. You can do some of the online quizes "AS quotient" which will give you an idea, as will reading the DSM guidelines. I was diagnosed fairly recently aged 38, and for i time i was excited to be thinking that something could be done, but actually there's no "cure"......although you may be able to get some CBT to do with your behaviours. Talk to the person who you feel would be most helpful, and if you get stuck then contact the NAS who can point you in the right direction. You can email them if you don't want to telephone. Good luck Nicki

Zander loves the Thomas trains and books, but is frightened to watch the DVDs as he doesn't like the moving faces,.... it feaks him out!! Nicki

I think it all depends on the individual...... i did best at french, and worst at german....my french GCSE i got grade B....... i remember most of it.... i can use the "holiday" french as someone mentioned......can order food at a restaurant/book a hotel room/ ask for directions......my best subject was biology because it's quite a "literal" subject...... just lots of facts to learn...... i struggled mostly with physics because it was abstract things like forces and friction. Nicki

From the list that you wrote i'd say Aspergers is ONE of his "issues".

"I would hate to think I'm just wasting a professional persons time by trying to get diagnosed. If it turned out I have Aspergers I would want to know." These were my exact same feelings just before i was diagnosed recently aged 38.......What i did was read the DSM guidelines ( make sure you find the up to date ones)........ it's a big list of criteria, and also tells you how many boxes you need to tick to get a positive diagnosis.... this should give you some idea as to where you stand.....not literally ....lol Nicki

I can't help in any practical way, as i was seen by the NHS, and i live in the south west. Like you though i had a very strong desire just to KNOW. From my research and reading of forums, it was fairly obvious that there isn't that much help for adults after diagnosis, so in one respect my diagnosis was fairly pointless, but to me it was crucial. I did some online tests before i went, because i didn't want to waste anyones time if i didn't have it....from those i was re-assured somewhat that i did. My memory is very poor, so i made a big list of all my "issues", because i wouldn't remember much if asked to list them......I was terribly anxious for the first 15 minutes or so, but the psychiatrist was very calming and re-assuring. I think a good place for you to start is the NAS ( national autistic society)....they should be able to point you in the right direction of someone who can help you. Good luck with it all, and let us know how you get on. Nicki

I just get obsessed with whatever im doing......i planned my entire wedding in a couple of weeks Actually i do have another "obsession"......i like to look at what things are made of...... i got the use of a microscope when i was about 11, and looked at everything from snot to ear wax!! I'm now a microbiologist, so i get to use microscopes at work too which i love Nicki

I tried Net Mums and found it a bit too " abrasive" for me.... far to many people having a dig at each other. I now post on ivillage UK and it's more friendly. Nicki

I closely scrutinised the DSM before i had my diagnosis.... i didn't want to waste anyones time if i didn't have it!! Eye contact is not an essential trait if you look at that....... like i said, you only need to tick a certain number of boxes for a positive diagnosis......I'm sure you've done those online tests marked out of 50.....i usually score 40 to 42 on them. You don't have to score 50 out of 50 for AS. Nicki

This is an interesting topic actually..... the old me before i was diagnosed or knew much about AS just thought i was unlike-able...... why else did i have no friends??...... I have just got married, and sent out an open invitation to all of my work colleagues ( roughly 50 people) to come to the evening reception......on the day not one person showed up. ( I have been working there 20 years!!).The old me would have taken it personally, and there would probably have been tears. The "diagnosed/better informed" me knows that this is most likely down to the fact that i don't talk to anyone, and don't ever engage in the usual "how was your weekend" kind of talk. I probably come across as very standoffish. If they knew about my diagnosis ( one or two DO know but the word hasn't got round yet)....i wonder how i would be treated.......an interesting debate!

It's an autistic SPECTRUM....... just because you don't have SOME of the features, doesn't mean you don't have it...... I too can look into peoples eye's because i've learned to do it. If you fulfill the DSM ( or UK equivalent) criteria, then that's enough for a positive diagnosis. Nicki

I get a similar thing if a sentence is too long......or if it has a double negative in it..... my brain can't seem to take it all in, it just spits it out !! Nicki

I think the simple answer is they'll never understand because they don't have it...... i don't know about you, but i'm not very good at putting my thoughts into words anyway, so trying to explain what it's actually like to have Aspergers is nigh on impossible for me......and even if they COULD understand what i was trying to say, they would never actually experience it. I think the fact that they are TRYING to understand you though shows they are a good friend to have. Nicki

I took about 80 (oh dear) lessons to learn to drive......my first problem seemed to be that i couldn't concentrate on too many things at once........which gear to which speed etc ( i now have an automatic which makes things easier)..... i also struggled with my instructors method of teaching which was basically to let me get on with it, then use the dual controls when i did something dumb ( often!)......i think on my second lesson i remember approaching a roundabout, and i didn't know what to do, so he had to do an emergency stop....... i think for an Aspie it would be more useful to give constant instruction, at least initially until you have the hang of it. One other thing was the language he used.....ie trying to parallel park......he would say "left hand down".....what the h*ll does that mean??..... when i parallel park both my hands go up and down the steering wheel...... he should have said "clock" or "anti".....which would have been more helpful to me. Hope this has been of some use ( oh and i still can't parallel park!!) Nicki

It's just something i've always done...... it doesn't interfere with my life as such, because i do it automatically, it doesn't take up time or make me late......just another one of my "quirks" i guess Nicki

.....dislike of odd numbers??..... I have googled this, and it does seem to be an Aspie trait ( although it's curious that there's no "formal" name for this fear.) I spend most of my day avoiding odd numbers at all costs. For example won't buy a chunk of cheese or piece of meat if the price ends in an odd number....I have the car and TV volume on an even number, i get up out of bed at 7.30 or 7.32 am .....use 2 or 4 pieces of loo roll etc etc. I did speak to a counselor about this and she mentioned maybe OCD, but i don't have the usual problem in that i don't feel anything bad will happen if i don't do it, and there doesn't seem to be any "benefit" to me from doing it.......it just feels "natural" to do it....... I thought long and hard about WHY i'm like this, and i did come up with one possible solution....... i like things to "balance"......picture frames/mirrors/photos on walls should all be straight not wonky, and i must park straight in a parking space or i have to pull out and try again......Even numbers are best because you can split them in half, and you always have 2 equal parts..... odd numbers will always have one left over. Anyone else have this "problem", and what are your theories behind it?? Nicki

I'm a mother with AS...... i don't have any friends at all, and when my 2 were younger i tried to go to mother and toddler groups, but i would come home in tears because i was ignored. I talked to my councellor about this and she asked me if i would have liked to join in a conversation, and actually after having a good think about it, i hate small talk because i find it pointless, so wouldn't have really enjoyed it anyway. I seem to have spent most of my life like this actually, wanting interaction, but not enjoying it when it happens. I think it's due to wanting to "appear" to fit in, because when you don't, people notice, and that's when the teasing starts

I don't laugh out loud very much at all...... most comedy i don't understand. Monty Python gives me a "happy feeling". I do sometimes laugh if other people are..... I have learned to try and "fit in", because if you don't thats when you get teased or picked on. Someone else mentioned they have been called weirdo alot..... this is the same for me, as well as "freak" Nicki

How has it changed things/has it changed you? I came out of the consultation feeling it was the start of something at last, but this quickly wore off when i realised i was still me and stuck behind a pane of glass. Do you feel more or less able? Now.....neither. Have you had support? Fom my partner=yes.......from my family= only my Mum knows at the moment........she was in denial at first, but is coming round now she's read up a bit more. How did your family react? See above. If you got an "official" dx - did you get any help/support? He told me to look on the NAS for any local groups i could join......that's about it. Do you feel understood? I feel he understood completely.......my partner=moderately.......my Mum= slightly......one work colleague is now looking to speak to his GP. How was the experience for you? I was refused a diagnosis at first......they wrote a letter to say "we cannot help you at this time"....my GP was furious, and wrote asking "why the h*ll not?!".......i had to wait 6 months which felt like forever. If you don't have a dx - would you need support? N/A What difference would dx make to you or your life? N/A Has anyone else found as issue regarding AS and MH when dealing with professionals? I think their innitial dissinterest was due to financial reasons and the NHS....the man who assessed me was kind, caring, and put me at ease......i really couldn't talk at all for the first 5 minutes i was shaking so much.

I was on plentyoffish about 2 years ago ( just before i met my current partner on Match.com)......it was free then, and i thought it is still free???...... are you talking about the same website? I think online is a really good place to meet someone because you can think about what you want to write in your messages rather than talking face to face which is SO hard!!! Nicki