janiceb

My son who's 4 has aspergers, he started reception class in september but missed nursery, when he comes home from school each day i ask him who he played with and he replies 'i played with everyone' but i know that nobody wants to play with him, i know the other children in his class don't like him and don't want to be his friend, i have also overheard other children saying how much they don't like him, they tell the others not to talk to him etc. What i don't understand is, does my son not realise what the children think of him? does he really think they are all his friends? i can't bear thinking about him standing on his own in the playground or sitting in class by himself because nobody wants to be near him but he does have a lot of difficulty with social interaction, he wants to everybodys friend but it doesn't last 5 mins before the other child turns on him because they don't like him, it's heartbreaking. Does this type of thing really bother people with aspergers do they crave to be wanted? or just get on with it and not worry about it? i have no idea, i want to know how he feels but he can't communicate his feelings properly and i can't bear the thought of him feeling so unwanted. He goes to school no problem so i'm thinking that maybe he doesn't realise, i'm still learning about aspergers it's all new to us, i just want to understand.

Hi, yes the doctor has refered him to hospital, his teacher has also spent over 20 years working with children who have aspergers etc before she became a teacher in his school and has already done visual timetables which are working very well so far, she already recognised he has aspergers but didn't tell me, i assume they can't tell me incase they're wrong but with her having so much experience already i trust she is right. We did have a long talk with his teacher and she told us about one to one teaching but i assume he needs the aspergers totaly confirmed first, the school is allowing him to miss assembly untill he's ready as he can't cope with sitting in a room with over 100 other children, they're giving him the option of joining in with P.E but they're not forcing him as he doesn't like the contact, they are also allowing him to stay in the little nursey playground rather than the big main playground as he is very reluctant to go out with the other children etc so they are already putting things in place to help him too, i think the school has been great. We are putting things in place at home which are working well so far, we're not sure on the discipline though, we know he has to have some form of discipline but are trying different ways so we're not telling him off every five mins (which is what it felt like and i don't think it works) so any suggestions from anybody regarding how to make him aware he was wrong/naughty would be very welcome, it's still a working progress but he is doing very well, i've had so many cuddles off him this week when normaly he is very reluctant to have any type of contact so we must be doing something right

Hi all.. Well we have 3 children, our son age 4 has always been a difficult one with the tantrums, outbursts, the constant frustration of not knowing why he doesn't seem to understand much of what we say to him etc the feeling i have failed as a parent, We stopped going to family functions and we dreaded days out as (and i now feel ashamed to admit) we were embarrased of his behaviour and knew he would scream shout and lash out at someone at some point as this became normal especially when we were in a busy place. We didn't send him to nursery as we felt he wouldn't cope with it and the school would look at him as a naughty child, he has now started in reception and the problems have totaly become out of control, after being called into school numerous times i felt that maybe something was wrong (although i spent years refusing to believe it) so i spoke to his doctor who is pretty sure he has Aspergers, i called a meeting with his teacher who admited she thought he had it from his first week in school! (i wish she had told me sooner) I had never heard of Aspergers before so spent hours upon hours researching it and can not believe how it describes my son, there is no denying the fact he has it and i now feel so guilty for all the times i have told him off or sent him to his room, i look back and i totally understand why he has a little panic attack and screams etc when our baby is crawling at full speed towards him, or why he can't handle waiting in a queue in a shop etc. I now realise it is not my son with the problem, the only problem lies with the people who automatically look down on my son and assume he is just being a naughty child. I have now changed the way i see my son, i have more understanding about the reasons behind his behaviour and try to avoid the situations i know he will find difficult, i now know that he doesn't behave the way he does because he hates me and i think the past few weeks we have had the easiest, happiest and stress free time ever now that we understand him and can now help him, the whole atmosphere at home is different, it seems calmer and our son has responded very well, there is still alot more i want to know though so i can help him and be there for him the best i can which is why i wanted to join this site. I think my son is an amazing little boy with great potential he is so clever! i just want to help him cope with aspergers, i don't want him to think he is 'different' as i believe that would iscolate him even more and i feel so guilty for not understanding and helping him sooner xx