keepingmesane

well, hubby and i had a short split for two weeks and he has been back only 3 days and im not sure we can make things work again i really enjoyed and was able to relax for the two weeks. ok i had 5 children to look after on my own and that wasnt easy, but i did it. I also went and saw an adult psychologist a month ago and have been told i am an aspie! cost me £500 but the relief is so worht it i wish life wasnt so complicated

gee baddad... glad to see we are the bad guys yet again even though i have strived every day of my childrens lives to teach them right and wrong and do the best i can for them. i have in no way said he is innocent in this issue and do no condone what he has done today. The child who he had issues with today is no angel herself and is also a statemented child who does her best to cause as much problems as she can. Not an excuse, simply a fact! i aim to find out why no adult stepped in as i know that my son repeatedly asked and then shouted for her to stop doing what she was doing before he did what he did. It took him to go to extreme distress (something he has never done in his three years of school) before the lunch people stepped in to stop things ok so you have only my post to go on, but to make such judgements about us and him is really upsetting and out of order! I have NEVER let his autism be an excuse for his behaviour and up until today he has never caused any issue with anyone other than myself. When he makes such threats at home, it is done to get a rise out of us. We have followed professionals advise on what to do on these occasions and removed him from the room whilst not responding to his attempts to rile us. His behaviour is then dealt with once he is calm enough to understand. what else would you have us do? im so happy that when i ask for help and get told what to do by the people who are supposed to know, that i am now apparently incompetant as a role model for a boy who is excelling in all areas of his learning and up until today, his behaviour. thanks to the two other members for the helpful responses prior on this post dont worry baddad, i shall now retire back to slumping in front of the box to watch good old jeremy kyle with a box of fags whilst i neglect the welfare of my children (and just to add, we actually dont have tv apart from a few selected dvds we watch)

I had the most awful news from my eldest sons (7) teacher today. My son was being wound up by a girl on his table at lunch, he got so distressed by it he put his knife to her back and told her that if she didnt stop he would kill her I feel absolutely gutted by this as he is such a lovely boy but i know that if he is irritated enough he gets very very angry and has been getting more aggressive with his actions. usually he will just shout at us that he wants us dead and he will kill us, but ive always ignored him as he knows that people react when he says this. but today is a different matter and i am worried that in a fit of anger, he could hurt someone without actually meaning to. He is a very gifted boy but just doesnt cope well with the other children at times He knows what he did was wrong as he got sent to see the headteacher and they dealt with it very well, but he was distraught when coming out of school as he hates getting into trouble. im going to speak to the teacher properly tomorrow about it all as i have been in shock since i was told is there anything available such as an anger management course for children? something to help my son deal with his anger? Its so frustrating as i cant get him to ignore the children who deliberately wind him up any advice on how best to deal with this?

hi everyone and thanks for the replies Lizzie thanks for the link, it was fab and i ordered the exercise ball with legs on and the large spinning top which have been a HUGE success with all of my lot, including isaac I managed to get a playskool sit and spin and a climbing frame for outside from argos (half price at £40!) we put an old mattress down to jump on and they have had a lot of fun this week I got a couple of fidget type toys for isaac to use at school but most are too big as we need something he can fit in his pocket, but that wont spill if he bites it (the teacher keeps saying to get a stress ball but i dont think it will last long!) As for family fund, thanks for the suggestion but we already get that for trips out each year Ive been reading the Out of sync child which is very good, though i was lucky enough to go to a conference run by genevieve jereb and i have to admit to having a lot of sensory issues myself so i have a bit of an insight as to how it feels. Ive just received the second out of sync child book with activity suggestions so im hoping to settle down for a good read and get some good ideas. thanks again everyone, really appreciate the help xxxx

Hi all, apologies as i havent been on here for ages but life is very busy as im sure you all well know Im after some advice for my younger son, he isnt dx asd but displays asd traits and has sensory issues. His behaviour in the last few weeks has been steadily getting worse both at home and at school. I am embaressed to admit that i havent been the most patient with him as im 32 weeks pg, very tired and having to deal with issues to do with my older asd girl. I had a good think about things today and its dawned on me that his behaviour started to get worse as the weather got worse and the dark nights rolled in. He is a little boy who always has to be on the move, leaping and rolling around. He would play outside for a short while but he can be very funny about things outside being wet and dirty so would never use anything we got him for outdoors like a trampoline etc Im hoping that some of you lovely people might have some suggestions about things i could get for him that he could use indoors that would maybe expend some of his energy, or something that would appeal to his love of movement? His teachers are finding him difficult because he is always fidgetting... todays example being that he was swinging his jumper about whilst sitting down and though asked to stop, he continued and ended up hitting the teacher and another student. I dont think he means to be naughty, but he just cant stay still! im not a mum who excuses naughty behaviour and so am working with him on it, but at the same time i think it would be unfair to dismiss the sensory seeking/ need to move as i dont think it will help to solve the problem. He saw an Occupational therapist over a year ago who suggested things such as a fidget cushion and giving him jobs that involved sending him on messages/errands etc to keep him going. With having 3 with similar issues, i had always wanted to get some softplay equipment for the boys room so they could jump about, but price is prohibitive. Can anyone suggest anything else he can use indoors? (though not an indoor swing as there isnt anywhere strong enough for it) thanks

my younger son had an ados last year and only scored 1. they said they spotted several asd behaviours but they werent scorable. the consultant discharged him saying he did have sensory issues (the OT assessed him and he has very definate sensory issues) but was intentionally controlling everything and was copying his older siblings (even though he does completely different things to them) since then he has seen two ed psychs, a behavioural advisor and a headteacher with loads of experience with asd as she ran a unit for quite a while... all saying they are 100% positive he is on the autistic spectrum he has got a statement for 16 hours one to one but needs more and the teachers have said they have seen more autistic behaviour from him in the last few weeks than they saw from my older son who they had last year and scored 13 on the ados im waiting for the report back from the second ed psych but i really want to go back to the consultant (who sees my other two and has said if i want him to he will see isaac again) to push for a diagnosis, but can this be done without the definitive results of an ados?? i understand that isaac is only 4 so its early days, but it feels so hard to wait when he needs the help and i could really do with the support as he is very physical at times

thanks for that, i could see my jas in the little girl in the video! and me! A very good report, only a shame that the UK news dont do the same

Kieran is almost 6 years old, he is a very smart little boy and after a slow start when he was young, once he learned to speak and communicate, he flew!! He taught himself to read early and the nursery had to hide paperwork so he wouldnt read it. he had a reading assessment done a few months ago in his reception year at school and he came out at a nearly 10yr old reading level and his understanding of things is also very advanced. all the teachers and staff love him as they say its like having a miniature adult around. I have been told that he could easily have skipped reception and year1 with the level he is at and the speed he picks things up, not that i want him to as he needs to learn to socialise as well as the academics of school but its not so much what he can do that has me confused/torn with him I feel like he is a really old soul in a little body. occasionally we get a view of a 5 year old kieran who runs around silly for a few minutes... but most of the time he seems so much older and i almost feel bad for having to treat him the same as his twin sister as he seems so much more advanced (im not sure this is the right word im meaning but he just seems to be further ahead in how he thinks and feels etc) I try to treat all my children as individuals and equals, but so many things suitable for 5 year olds just seem so wrong for him. People tell me that its inappropriate that i allow him to read books etc for older children as he is only 5. He is rarely into any toys and adores video games. now i know that there will be some of you who dont think thats right but he is good at them, they keep him calm and he does do more than just play... he reads guides and works out ways to solve puzzles so he is always using his mind and always chatting to us constantly through it.. he is not a recluse gamer. He loves his books and finally is writing now after getting over a block of refusing to do so as it didnt come out as he sees it in his head. can i ask how other parents of 'gifted' children get on? do you continue to treat them as their physical age or do you give them a little more leeway? i feel really silly posting this, but i have to say that of all my children, he pulls my heart strings the most. when we go on holiday its as though he would be better on the older kids groups for some activities but of course he cant because he is too young... all the stuff aimed at him he is way beyond. Im not wanting to race him into growing up, in fact i find that im constantly trying to remind him that he is still young and needs to enjoy things... but he is so desperate to be with the big persons

i know how frustrating it can be <'> <'> My first son was diagnosed autistic via an ADOS, his twin sister was later diagnosed on the spectrum after an ADOS but only once a specialist in girls with asd watched the video of the assessment... however my second son is also strongly suspected as being on the spectrum by ed psych and behavioural advisor but only scored 1 on the ados even though they commented on several other behaviours he had that were common with asd... but the ados doesnt score them we are now at the point where he has a statement and has just started school so hopefully we can work out whats going on, but it is frustrating seeing the behaviours and knowing that he is on the spectrum somewhere but being told he doesnt score high enough. i have repeatedly been told that the ADOS is not the only way to diagnose and that it doesnt always get it right, so hold on to some hope that they will get things sorted for your son xxxx

ive just had a phone call from the nursery behaviour support lady to say that isaac has been given a statement and will get 12 1/2 hrs support not loads but they have said they will review it if he needs more as its just to see how he goes i know it sounds silly but im so relieved as he has no diagnosis so i didnt think he would get one. im hoping the school move will now be more supported for him. the behaviour lady and ed psych have said they believe he is on the autistic spectrum as well but he is so high functioning that he wont get a diagnosis and is lucky to be getting the support he is. they are also trying to find someone to support me with his behaviour as he is so volatile and angry at times, having to control everything, but when most people meet him, he is such a sweet, charming, loving funny boy. i do adore him but he can be such hard work and jas had her annual review today at school and she is doing fantastic xxx they are supportive of keeping her level of support as although she is doing well now, the gap will widen the more that is expected of her. but she is a majorly popular person in the class, often being mobbed when they are asked to pair up.... she has taken to saying "you can be my partner now and you can be later" i brought her home after the meeting today, her face was a picture when she saw me in her class (she goes to school by transport so i am very rarely there) half the class all crowded round her to give her hugs and kisses goodbye lol jas and kieran off to school trips tomorrow, chester zoo for jas and the beach for kieran sorry for the post but im just buzzing from that news, another possible fight for support averted xxxx

this is gonna sound a bit daft probably as my family think im silly... i was trying to explain to them that i find it very difficult to remember what people look like, and if asked i couldnt describe them. i recognise people i know well when i see them, but in my mind its a fuzzy image, even my mum and dad. i wouldnt be able to describe anyone if there were ever a crime as i can never recall what someone looks like if i only met them briefly and also im rubbish at doing heights weights etc... id be a crimnals dream witness i had a problem the other day where two girls were causing a problem for me, i saw them for approx 20 mins, but 2 minutes after theyd legged it, i couldnt remember what they looked like and couldnt describe them to the neighbour who was trying to help me... the only thing i could recall is that they were teen girls... not helpful really im not too bad in social situations with people i am well acquainted with as i recognise them as soon as i see them, some people i am able to recall quicker that i know them if they are someone i have liked (i seem to have a horrible thing where i get attached to certain people, almost like being a major fan of a star and id do anything to have them chat to me, in the past i never even thought about itm, but it was pointed out to me how embarrising i was being so now i try to avoid it happening) if shown photos of my family or other constants, i can easily pick them out, but anyone else i have trouble remembering so is it just bad memory? or something else?

my biggest worry is that the authorities could deem you not worthy of being able to home educate and actually force your child out and back into school. soon we as parents will have no decisions at all over our children, it will be the government dictating what we should do and if we dont follow they will most likely deem you unworthy parents and take the child. edited to add - i guess what im thinking is that local authorities are failing some of our children now, even though they think they are providing everything the child needs, home educating is a saftey net for us parents... so who is to say that the local authorities wouldnt overstep themselves and fail our children by denying them home schooling because they feel the child would be better in a 'proper' school setting

hiya im probably not really 'experienced' enough to answer you but wanted to say that my girl who is autistic spectrum, has very different behaviours to my lad who is autistic spectrum. i was told that girls present in a very different way. some of the things you mention sound very like mine... the car direction thing is a definate problem here!! is it possible some of her behaviours are copied? that is what i am seeing in my younger children though my younger boy definately has traits but not strong enough to get a diagnosis... he is being put forward for a statement anyway as everyone has difficulty with him. best thing i would advise is keeping a diary of anything you find 'odd', 3 is a very young age to say for definate and the professionals dismissed my daughter until she was over 4 and had loads of evidence from her nursery who were luckily very switched on! good luck with it all

((((((((((hugs))))))))))) that must be a really tough thing to hear xxx i too have 5 yr old twins, mine are both on the spectrum and have had to be split into different schools due to their different needs and abilities, it was really hard and im still sad that they have had to be seperated... but they are doing really well and not overshadowed by each other. i know its not the same thing but i understand the hurt of having to break them up xxxxxx

my parents and i are taking my 4 children on their annual holiday to butlins next week. we dont go away very often and this is our 3rd year in a row of going to the same place. We all enjoy ourselves there but i have issues with swimming... i cant bear my feet touching the wet floor it completely turns my stomach and really makes me feel ill and i cant enjoy myself, i often get myself out of it but with only 3 adults this year with 4 children i have to go as the children love swimming. can i do anything to make this more bearable? up til now i have always gritted my teeth and got through it but im feeling a lot worse with some of my sensory issues in the last year or so and dont know if i can do it this time. i hate getting undressed too but that one i can manage also, my youngest lad (4) often wants to go but screams to get out within minutes of being in... we think its because of the noise in the pool as he has sensory issues, is there anything i can do for him? amazingly though my two asd children actually quite enjoy swimming, jas is obsessed by it so would spend all day in there, but kieran is more sensible and stays in for a short while and then wants out. thanks in advance x

thanks for your reply xx i too have difficulty with food which has been at times very problematical.. for a whole year after the birth of my youngest daughter i would only eat toasted pitta bread (with nothing in or on it) its all i could eat. Jasmine world is definately the place to be, she is so happy and carefree, if only everything was that easy

thanks so much for your reply, i really appreciate it xx i was beginning to think from all the views that i was on my own where we will go i dont know, but im glad to finally be sure in myself and be honest that i dont like it.xx thanks again

Ive split my original post as it was really about two different things so im starting this new thread to make things simple... my husband and i are about to split as i cant bear to be touched anymore, i just want to be by myself and really hate sex. i enjoy the brief period of orgasm but hate the build up and hate my body feeling different after sex. my husband has treid to stay with me in the hope that i change but i feel as though i wont. ive never been fond of sex... i did it because i always wanted to feel how the books and people tell you you should feel... i always wanted a partner because i felt lonely and wanted to meet 'the one'. When we first got together (he was my first and only boyfriend) it was ok because i could do things becuase i adored him and wanted to please him, ikept going thinking i would grow to like it. i then got ill with M.E and we had sex less, but that led to times when dh was desperate and i would do things to settle him, i didnt enjoy it but wanted to make him happy. since having the children i have very little time to myself and found that i pushed hubby away even more, i couldnt bare to be touched and hated sex... i felt it made me so happy and even got sent to a councellor who taught me to say NO for the good of myself. its been a year since seeing the councellor, ive talked to dh and explained that i just cant have sex anymore as it makes me feel so bad and uncomfortable and its not enjoyable. weve always had an odd relationship as ive always siad if any other woman propositioned him for sex then to go for it, even now i feel more like a sister or mum to him. im just really detached. i hate to admit it but he was an obsession, or at least i think thats what it was, i do still love him but my world is my children and my pets now... every thought i have is about them and theres not really any room for him any more. i felt so guilty when i realised this a while ago and have been trying to get hubby o think of finding someone else. it hurts in one way as i cant have him around here and cant be a normal wife, but i want whats best for him as being trapped like this has really affected him and he is so depressed all the time. he isnt innocent in all this, but im a big part of causing the problems by being so cold and isolated. It looks like dh might be leaving me soon, he had an 'incident' with a friend of his at uni. she wanted to sleep with him and in the end he turned it down as he was thinking of the children. when he told me i was actually sorry for him that he has missed an oportunity. he feels very strongly for this girl and i have been talking him through things as he was left very confused. it seems such an odd situation that i, as his wife, am talking him through whether he should talk to this girl again. its bizarre because i feel impersonal to it all and just want to see him happy. for myself, its not just my husband and going with another guy wouldnt change anything.. im just not interested in sex in any way shape or form. i would miss my back rubs but thats all. does anyone else feel like this? ive been to sex councellors and therapists only to be told thats how i am.

Hi all, sorry to have been missing from the forum for ages (you guys probably dont remember me anyway lol) but with my twins being quite high functioning i always felt guilty with others in a more difficult place. My twins are now 5 and doing well. kieran is on the gifted and talented list for literacy and is doing fantastic, jasmine is very lovable but definately still lives in jasmine land most of the time . Isaac (now 4) has now been noted as having sensory issues and is in the middle of applying for a statement. Thankfully my youngest is bright as a button with no issues at all except for a major stubborn streak im here to ask a question for myself though. im undiagnosed ASD though my family and i are now pretty much convinced that i am somewhere on the spectrum. Most people who meet me think im perfectly ok, but i can only manage short times out before it all gets too much and i have to almost practice whats going to happen before i go out, im generally getting better at things like school pick up as its a familiar routine with familiar faces, i hate it when then change where we go to collect the children (nevermind poor kieran... jas gets transport to a seperate school so i dont have to worry about that) Im having a tough time at the moment, ive always been funny about touching things and hate having things such as soap on my skin, but its got so bad that i cant stand doing washing up or washing mine or my childrens hair, it makes my stomach knot up and awful sensations up and down my arms and i just hate it. i have to tolerate it at times as its a necessity... but it never used to be this bad. ive never liked it but could tolerate... now im having to use gloves and still cringe as i can feel the sensation through the gloves. even just thinking about it makes my skin crawl. Is it normal for sensitivities to increase as we get older? also, i never ever think of normal daily routines such as washing, cleaning teeth, changing clothes, beds etc. often i find its days before i get an 'oh yeah, i must wash my hair' i often end up wearing the same clothes again and again as they are comfortable and ive now gone to wearing only baggy things as i cant stand having anything tight on any more. i cant wear a bra as it irritates me too much... sounds daft but im so snappy if my clothes or hair irritate me (or if someone irritates me by trying to alter something on me) i know its not good to admit the above but i honestly just dont think of it most of the time, im getting better but with reminders about the place and of course the children who have to do certain things. anyone else the same?

thanks guys, i have just emailed them

hi guys, sorry not been on in an age. im sure ive heard of places that you can go to be assessed as to whether you are AS/ASD as an adult, some of them needing a fmaily member such as a parent to back up info? ive been to my gp several times and have even been referred to councelling but i am not getting anywhere and i would really like to see whether or not i actually am on the spectrum. my doc agrees i poss am, my parents and hubby agree i prob am... but i cant seem to be able to get any further in the process. can anyone help with info? i know the NAS have a helpline to call to get info but i loathe phones and only use them when i absolutely have to, and it takes ages of running the conversation through my head before i can do it, drives me bonkers cause even now im writing this im doing it! what did people here do to get an adult diagnosis? thanks much appreciated xxx

tbh, im sure the actual child who was being bullied would be very thankful of you contacting the school, its all very well worrying for the bully, i can understand that he may have had a bad start himself, but the victim will carry it with them for much longer, i know i did. well done on phoning the school, you did the right thing xx

firstly i apologise that this may be all over the place earlier this year i started an arts on prescription course, which is basically an art class for people who are depressed, have social problems etc. it was going really well, i found it very difficult to go to as i dont like being with other people and find it very stressful, but i love art and always wanted to do a class so i pushed myself majorly. well things happened like children being poorly and going away for the week so i missed a few classes, it became harder to go back and when i did go back there was someone new there and they were sat where i sit. now here is why i feel pathetic and childish... i have to sit in the same place everytime i go somewhere or else i cant settle and i feel so uncomfortable, so much so that i will often find a way to get out of going there again as i dont feel that people would understand and i feel like a silly child. so, this morning it was my class again.. all was okish until last night when i was told that a rabbit who we were going to home (a rescue bunny saved last week) was very ill and had lost the use of her back legs, we are still waiting to hear how she is now, add to this our boy bunny is at the vets today having 'the' op and im feeling a little all over the place. nobody else understands that to me, animals are a very big thing and i get very emotional about them, they are like more children to me (and i far prefer animals to humans). so im not in the mood to paint and decide to go and talk to the teacher and explain my difficulties and why i am finding it hard to come back. now this is a big step for me as i try not to bring attention to myself and i feel silly for saying how i feel. i started talking and because i always get so wound up and stressed when talking to someone (bear in mind that i spend a long time prior to the actual time running over and practicing the conversation in my head) so i start talking and end up all tearful looking even more daft over nothing. i managed to eventually calm down again and the teacher was very good, i embaressingly explained about needing the same seat everytime and finding it difficult with people around me, she was very good and understanding Im not dx autistic or anything and i think people think im being silly if i suggest i am, but i have always struggled and in my childhood there were so many things that were always considered odd and difficult, finding out my son and then daughter were autistic was a relief to me understanding why i felt and feel like i do. People think im stupid for thinking like this as i seem fine and can make it as 'normal', i chat to people as i hate silence as it means people look at you more, if someone talks about one of my likes then i could talk the hind legs off them and become very animated, so they say i cant be autistic and im just imagining it because my children are and that its common for parents to go through this when their children are dx. what they dont understand is how difficult and draining i find it, how much i live a very solitary life staying in a lot as im only comfortable here in my own surroundings. they dont see any problems and because i have no dx or anything 'official' i feel as though i shouldnt or cant say anything. if only i could explain to people what it is really like to be me, maybe they would understand more. but i feel pathetic with the things i struggle with, and i feel childish trying to explain, as though i havent grown up. i thought about seeing about a dx and i even started it, but its such a difficult thing to do and drs just brush you off that i just cant face fighting it, i have enough to fight for with my children, and i cant take them looking at me and studying me and calling me neurotic for even thinking i am on the spectrum. sorry for the post, just feeling very frustrated

phew glad to know im not alone yep mine always ask me where they are going when i try to dress them i just wish family wouldnt keep moaning and would be thankful that they havent gone public yet

all of my children seem to have a major preference of stripping off their clothes. mainly its jas, isaac and lauren who do it and no matter what i do they continue to strip and then happily run about and play, kieran strips off whenever he gets upset with something or someone now in general i dont really mind as frankly they are all still quite young and its just that stage (though we have been in it for over a year now) but i have family who are having a real go at me about it and feel i should be doing something about it. its really only in our house (they try it in grandparents but mum hates it so spends all her time chasing them) but i dont know what more to do, ive tried everything and short of physically fighting them to redress them every two minutes, its just a losing battle. if their clothes get even a spot of dirt or wet on then off they come. they just seem to prefer being without clothes. please tell me im not alone? am i really bad for not fighting with them about it? i just feel its a battle i cant win its costing a fortune in washing too