Luna

Thank you. I think I need to start writing in the diary again as you say. I will keep you posted.

Yes, the planned ignoring was from a parent support course the school referred me to go on. It was helpful to begin with, but the rewards schemes have lost their novelty now. And believe me. I have tried A LOT of different reward schemes, incentives, routines, consequences etc etc. I have another child who is younger and she can be demanding, as all children are, but I do find her responses different from those of my son. She is easier to manage but then does 'copy' elements of his bad behaviour. I do model appropriate language for my son and get him to repeat things in a more polite manner, but of course he can only do this when he is calm. I talk to him all the time about the role of parents and children, trying to get him to understand that he is not the one in charge, when he is screaming and yelling at his little sister or telling me what to do e.g. 'I want my pudding in 20 minutes or I'm going to hit you'. Of course, I don't give it to him if he speaks like this. The planned ignoring is a difficult one, because how can you ignore the bad behaviour if he is coming up behind you and punching/hitting you? My other problem is that he can go for quite a long time behaving 'normally' so I keep on doubting whether there is an issue. At first we thought ADHD because his uncle has been diagnosed with it, but then the more we looked into it, aspergers kept on cropping up, but I'm not sure. I just feel like I need something more concrete to go on before I go to the GP. I have been keeping a diary of his behaviour for ages, although sometimes I just can't face writing in it. To go over the horrible behaviour again and again is just too depressing. It sound obvious to go to the GP, but the way I was treated by the school has scared me off.

No. That is the point really. I don't know whether to persue anything via the GP or just try to ride it out. I have been to the school for help and the whole process was disastrous to say the least. He behaves fine at school so they think I am just making it up! But they do say he seems in his own little world quite often. Sometimes I think it is just me, but today, for example, he has behaved badly again and pushed me to my limits. He has spoken to me as if I am a piece of dirt. Afterwards, he realises he has behaved badly and is sort of sorry for his actions, but at the same time, he doesn't seem to understand that he should not talk to me in that way, even though he wouldn't talk to his teachers like that. He thinks I am cross because a drink has been knocked over, but I am cross because he is being rude to me or hitting me etc. He has little self-control over his emotions but then again, he is only 6. Here I go, around in circles again. Also, I was watching him listening to his bedtime story tonight - he just could not keep still - he was climbing all over his grandad all through the story. He will sit next to me watching a TV show that he loves and be squirming around constantly with his feet or legs. He often falls off his chair at the dinner table too.

He is nearly 7. I know that sounds a bit pathetic that I can't even control a 6 year old, but he is very strong and I am quite short! I know he is still young, but I thought he would be growing out of this behaviour by now. He has definitely become more physically aggressive since giving up sucking his thumb. He went through a stage of hitting me regularly when he was about 4/5 but this did stop for a long time and he would just be verbally aggressive. Now it is back to both, with real anger, smacking, punching, throwing things. I'm hoping it will be just a phase again. LancsLad, we did try a variety of stress balls to help with giving up his thumb, but he didn't take to them. He has done amazingly well to give up something that he was so dependent on, but I do still find him chewing his fingers or the sofa sometimes as a sort of distraction. Regarding the issue of working in partnership, my husband does back me up with parenting issues, but more often than not I am on my own when dealing with the outbursts as they usually happen around teatime before my husband is home from work. The timing of his outbursts suggest that tiredness could be a factor, although they do happen at other times as well. Sometimes his angry or out of control behaviour does seem to be a habit where he thinks "this is what I did last time I lost a game/I made a mistake etc so I will do the same again today". Also, certain places can trigger him off e.g. we returned to a shop where he had been playing up really badly one day. Up to this point he had been fine. However, the surroundings seemed to trigger a memory of behaving badly and so he simply repeated the behaviour of the previous time.

Thank you that does help a bit. Regarding school, I think he genuinely does behave well, but each year at parents evening we are told he is very laid back, in his own world and lazy even though he is achieving well. Since I expressed concerns about this, the school have completely backtracked about this and say he is now fine and much more engaged. My son's behaviour did improve quite a bit around Christmas time, after I had some support with some different behaviour management techniques - mainly planned ignoring - but since he has given up sucking his thumb (which he did practically 24/7) his behaviour has deteriorated again. Not sure if this is just a coincidence or not. My son is definitely worse for me, but he does play up for my husband. It's just that my husband can physically put him in his bedroom where he eventually calms down, whereas I cannot. My son can behave quite badly for his grandparents to some degree too, especially those who he is more comfortable with. I do keep trying different strategies and techniques to manage his behaviour, but nothing works very well. Distraction is often the only thing that works, but again not always. There also seems to be an element to his behaviour where he behaves badly when he is embarrassed or worried about getting something wrong. Thanks again.

My son is very bright and seems to communicate well with people, but does talk quite precisely sometimes and sounds a little pedantic. He is functioning quite well at the moment in most areas but struggles with self control when he loses a game or makes a mistake. I know I have asked this before but is this just normal child behaviour? My son takes it to the extreme. He gets really physical and hits, punches, grabs me etc. He laughs when he sees that i am not strong enough to stop him. Afterwards he knows to say sorry and what for but he doesn't seem particularly sorry. He also doesn't see it as an issue that he talks to me disrespectfully. He acts as though he is an equal to me and even tries to parent his little sister, using phrases that I use on him to correct his behaviour. He is so intelligent, yet doesn't seem to see what is wrong with his behaviour, The fact that he thinks it's funny to wind me up and hurt me makes me think he is aware of and has control over his emotions. My son understands consequences, but they are never enough to stop him carrying out the bad behaviour at the time and this is what I can't understand - he doesn't want me to take away his computer or go and speak to his teacher, yet he can't or won't stop screaming at me or hitting me. I would appreciate any views on this. I am still going round in circles. I have become so absorbed in the issue that I cannot see things clearly any more. Do I expect too much as a parent? Is it poor parenting or should I be concerned by my son's behaviour? The way to sum up my son is that he was practically born a stroppy teenager with his attitude and grumpy moods. At school however, he is polite and well behaved!!! My husband seems to think that it is just because I am not strict enough as a parent. However, he also admits that there could be elements of ADHD in our son's behaviour as my husband's brother was hyperactive as a child. Please help. Thank you

Thanks everyone, I am currently keeing a diary of evidence so that I have something concrete to go to the GP with. Am still feeling aprehensive about it but think I will probably end up there soon enough. I certainly regretted going to the school for the help as it completely backfired on me. Luckily it doesn't seem to have affected my son so that is the main thing to hold onto. The trouble is, when my son has a good week, I start feeling guilty and thinking there can't be a problem and it is just me. The school told me I am looking for something that isn't there and the experience I have had with them makes me doubt myself even more. There is also ADHD in my husband's side of the family so have always thought there could be an element of that with my son too. The more I read on different subjects, the more confused I become, as no description fits my son that well. Thanks again

Hello everyone, Am really hoping to get some advice. Since my son was about 1, I have struggled with his behaviour. He is nearly 7 and I am still struggling. I really want some advice on whether anyone else has had similar experiences and if people think this is just typical 'child' behaviour or could there be any underlying issues, such as higher functioning Autism or Aspergers (which has been suggested by a couple of people to me). Typical behaviour problems are my son's ability to control his anger and aggression. He has always been a demanding child, requiring a lot of my attention, but as he has got older he has become very rude and disrepectful towards me. He is always answering back, shouting, yelling and even screaming at me. He also tends to lash out when he can't control his emotions and hit, punch or push me. Sometiimes he has complete meltdowns over silly little things, especially if there is a sudden change of plan or he doesn't win a game. In the latter case, he might throw all of the game pieces on the floor, then scream and shout at me uncontrollably for 15 minutes. When I try to ignore the behaviour, he would come up behind me and try to punch me or hit me with an object, such as a chair, stick or toy. I have had support from outside agencies to try to control his behaviour, and small improvements are possibly being made, but every few weeks we end up back at square one. At school, my son is well behaved and very bright academically. However, at EVERY parents evening we have been told: He is lazy, could do better, seems in his own little world, even though he is achieving very well. He is quite sensitive to noise. For years, he could not bear the sound of the hand drier in public toilets, although he is starting to get used to it finally. We have also noticed (and his nursery teacher pointed out) that when places become noisy, it will trigger him to behave in either a hyper or noisy way, making ridiculously loud noises to try to compete with the noise around him. (The hoover is a classic example of this) The school say there is definitely no problem, but they never see the whole picture of what my son is like. I haven't gone down the GP route yet, as I'm pretty sure I will get the same awful response I have had from the school, and other family members don't want me to go down that route. There are probably loads more little things I could add, but this is turning into a very long post. Any suggestions please??

Hello, Am new to forums so not entirely sure what I am doing. Arrived here for some advice regarding my son, who I have been struggling with for the last few years. Hoping to get some advice and ideas, when I've worked out the right section to post in.