jlineton

Hi, I have recently been recommended, by an aspergers freind of mine, to get a chain blanket. For the uninitiated it is literally a blanket with chains in side. There are a number but one is http://sensorycalm.com.au/products/the-chain-weighted-blanket/. I am wondering if any others have tried these and could share experiences. JRL

I am supprised no one has commented on the following program. http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b03wp5j4 It raises some really interesting issues. (searching the forum throws up nothing). JRL

It would make sense if we collected information like this together on a wiki rather than leave them scattered around on separate posts.

Can anyone with experiece of claiming ESA tell me if you get paid during the assessment period? what if they find you fit for work do you then have to switch to JSA and do you get any money for the period when you were claiming the wrong benefit?

What do you have to do to convince JobCenter plue or ATOS that your AS entitles you to ESA? Do you get paid ESA during the assessment phase? Do they take account of depression? Regards

Possibly becase you have to wade though hordes of false friends until you find some true ones and then you will have a gem which will make you very happy and glad you tried. But it is hard and painful work.

I have got a referal to a locally based counceling service following amongst other things my AS assessment. I am wondering of people could render some advise. The service in question has CT provison which I understand is helpful to AS people. However, they do not specalise in AS. This is a London based service. I am wondering if there is a more specalist service avaliable to AS suffers and how one goes about accessing it. The service in question has as its primary focus on treating anxiety and depression, which for sure are a part of AS but not the primary concern. IT is true that for all manner of reasons I have been through some very difficult times recently, some but by no means all have been discussed here, but, I am cautious that there is better or more targeted provision before embarking on this. Any other comments especially about experience of similiar services and with CBT would be very welcome!!!! Thanks JRL

Facebook is a double edged sort. I totally empathise with you. I always think why was I not involved in that when I see them on facebook. But then I know I am an auspie and that is that. I have found reading the book Aspergers Syndrome & Social Relationships by Genevieve Edwards and Luke Beardon very good on this.

I think it has got us all by the balls and we rely on it. Just imagine the headlines if facebook went off line for a day. I like in a shared accomodation block with 5 others. Our internet went out for 4 days last month. Guess what we all ended up in the common room talking for once, then we got some wine out and had a really good chat. In one sense the internet is making us all less sociable!!!!!!! Perhaps a little over the top, but, we need to be very watchfull of this. The technology should not control us!

So true and very rational, but, I find that my emotioal side tends to take over in these respects and then my analyitical side takes over. I recently found that a friend was not such a friend and my analytical side is still analysing this nearly 2 months latter. It still hurts, greatly!

I find that for the few friends I have I do the same thing. I am constantly worrying that I am excluded or just a friend of convenience for them.

Some interesting comments. As you may have seen from other posts I have gone back to Uni. What I am finding is that the whole social circle and scene is now based on facebook. This covers everything from formal events through cheep nights out at the local clubs where you can get free entrance if you write on their wall to personal events by groups of friends are all being exclusively arranged on facebook. If your not on facebook this world is complitly unavailable to you. Worse still people now use the controls on facebook to selectivly invite people to events and so forth. Facebook may be good in the sense that you can see what others are up to but this can have a negatrive down side if you are not confident socially or are not in the groups that arrange the activities. The end result, in my opinion, is that all the disadvantages of the NT world are amplified by facebook. This in general tends to further exclude people who do not have social skills and make them even more isolated and alone. The only good point is that you can see what other are up to and then feel bad about the fact that you are not part of it or could not cope with it. On the other hand you may view the thing as a whole irrelevance to be ignored. What I think is concerning is that there is no notion and an over reliance on facebook for both informal and informal activities. This would seem to me to be completly to ignore any notion of inclusiveness and equality. Furthermore as far as I understand things facebook web standards do not comply with the W3C recomendations hence potentially excluding whole swathes of people who have visual or physical impairments. I do wonder why this has not been mentioned before and more vocally. I would be interested to hear what others think. Regards

Where have you heard this and by whom. There is a bit of auspie in the quiet scandanavian character, and this applies as much to Norway and Finland where I have travelled extensiivly. And also people tend to be quite direct, another auspie characteristic. But that is also too much of a simplification. There is probably at least as much reliance on the things we are weak at here. I think that being reserved and quite is more acceptable, but, that does not imply that those people get on well, not does it perhaps imply that they are auspie. From what I understand people are very reliant on school friendships here which endure for life. This is not so diffrent from the UK. That makes them less intrested on new people or friendships. But a disco/nite club here is as non-auspie place as any one in the UK or else where. It would be interesting if you elaborated why you thought this was some kind of Auspie heven.

I just wondered how good or bad auspies are at dance. I am completly hopless, I have never learnt of been taught, and I never understood how or why people dance at a disco. My dispraxia does not help of course, but, I just do not see the point or know what is an appropriate dance or not! I went with a friend to a night club the other night and people were giggeling about all over the place including making a simulated sex dance. What is all this for. Why would you want to do so. If you want to have sex go away and get of with it. Why pretnend and gesture on a dance floor. Almost certianly the dance floor is not a place for me. But I do wonder what others think. Again is this me or a common trait? best JRL

hmmm.. You seem to have a hard time there. I am finding similiar things. I am a little supprised you had to attend lectures in Swedish, that is unusual for eurasmus. we have Erasmus students here and they attend lectures in English. Fortunatly my program is all in English. I do find there is a whole scale absence of process in Swedish life and I think that is reflected in your experience. Also much of the support is throgu the ESN (European Students Network). There was a small introduction event at my school but I missed it. There is much less a social focus than at british universities. I think it comes down to Sweden being a much less diverse and more conformist society. This means than in general things are assumed and unstated and culturally embeded. This causes problems for outsiders, whether that is people with disabilities like ours or foreigners. There is a similiar lack of support, but, I am pushing them to set up a autism support group.

Just trying to gauge myself: How often do you change your sheets and how often do you change your pillow cases. Regards

Why do you ask. Strange, it was not right country though.

There is something about what kind of music you like that NTs interpret as being somekind of measure of you. An NT I live in the same block as asked me what kind of music I liked. I do not obsess about a a genere of music. I have a really small collection of music and most of the conversations NTs have about music goes way above my head and sounds boring anyway. I like a few odd bands or groups and generally buy all they produce but there is no coherence in what I like or buy. My music collection resembles one in a second hand shop. I have not been asked this question for years now and it prompted my post to see what other thought. I do not dislike music and I miss it if I go with out it for a long period say 2-4 weeks, but it is not central to my life as other seem to have it. I just wondered if it was a me or a auspie thing. JRL

Do others auspies have as little interest in music as I do. Do you not have the interest to remember bands (names, band generas, generally not think that bands (e.g. the Beatles, Nivirna, the smiths, etc) are not that important? Or is this just a facet of my personality? JRL.

The friendship that never was A cautionary tale from an Aspersers sufferer who knows not how to make friends This tale starts some 6 months ago. Myself an autistic mature student set of on a course at a far away university where I had only briefly been before and where I new nobody. It was always going to be a challenge, as an auspie, a dyslexic and much more, to make new friends and deal with the social aspects of being at campus university far away from family and what few friends I had back home. But I was determined that I wanted to do this adventure, both the course and the adventure of going away from home and coping. The course began predictable, but, strangely at this campus there was no bar, no students union building. This is not a UK university so cultural differences are present and will be an aspect of all this. But they in my opinion do not account for any of the events to come. So there were a fair number op people on the course, and a fair bit of small talk. Soon some characters emerged. There was a German who, a Chinese girl or 2 and some Scandinavians. But the person who drew my attention was a Greek woman. She like me was slightly older than the rest. After a month or so of going to lectures and just seeing faces and there being no organised or obvious social activity, I decided to make some small talk with her. She was fairly easy to talk to at first, but, a bit off the wall at times. Anyway we decided to go and study together with another student on day and talking on the way to the library after a class she disclosed that she was dyslexic. I told her that I was too and felt some connection with her. We studied for ½ and hour when one of her friends came up and spoke to her she then disappeared off saying she would be back. I continued to study with the other student until lunch when I had to go and eat. The other student said that she would be there when I cam back, so off to lunch I went. I saw the Greek woman on the way out and said I would be back in an hour. When I cam back neither of them were there. This was not a good sign, but, I did not think too much of it. We meet another few times and I asked her how her weekend had been when I saw her next and practiced making this small talk stuff. In the course of our meetings she began to disclose more and more about herself. It seemed we had a lot in common especially along the communication spectrum disorder. Amongst other things she gave a number of classic indicators of someone on the spectrum. Poor sleeping patterns, misunderstanding words (compounded by the fact that English was her second language), and being easily distracted, others too. But we continued to meet on and off to study, but, never more than that. Also she had a habit of arranging to meet, but, then coming late or not coming as all because she was either too tired or sometimes it was her period. Xmas came and we were working together on a project assignment we spend quite a lot of time together on this and I thought we were forming a friendship. We both went to the department’s xmas party and when we came to leave and say good bye she gave me a friendly hug and I thought we had some good friendship as women do not usually give hugs to people they do not feel that close to. We both went home over xmas and we chatted a lot initially on skype and facebook to complete the assignment. Our communication as time had gone became more and more personal and informal as you would expect in a friend ship. So this for me at the time was some kind of success. I had managed to make a friend despite all the communications problems latent in being high on the ASC spectrum, something I have always struggled with. But as you guessed things did not work out well. We continued to meet to study as we both had to re-sit one really hard course. But I found it increasingly hard to keep up and she was not so understanding of this and began to get a bit frustrated. She was also not able enough with the course material to help me over the stumbling blocks that I had encountered. These meetings continued through January and February. I also meet to help here with the assignment she had submitted of a computer course and had been told to re-do. She would not have been able to get through it without me, for sure. We also had to work together on new assignments and our meetings became increasingly fractious. She also told me one time that she was going to have a dinner party. I asked if I could come. She said yes, but, I get the impression that she would not have invited me without me asking. The dinner party went of without incident, but, at then end she decided that she wanted to arrange a flat party. She invited everyone on facebook to her party. I was not that keen but came anyway. The flat party was a bit of a flop as not so many people came along. But for me it did have a purpose as I was able to talk and meet other students and practice social skills. This was true of the dinner party too. About an hour into the party she disappeared with her friend. The rest of the people at the party continued and noticed that the 2 of them had disappeared about 2hrs latter. The party broke up fairly early for a party as it was obvious it was not a success. But at least I had practiced some social skills so it was not that bad. The next time I saw here I asked her what had happened to her and it turned out that she had found the party boring (her party) and decided to sneak of to the nightclub where she could party. I did not say anything but thought that this was a bit rude and selfish. Our study meetings continued despite becoming increasingly difficult. The tension seemed to be around the fact that she just wanted to get through these and tick the boxes rather then follow them through properly and understand them. She/We ended up getting a copy of a completed assignment from one of the 2nd year students which had mostly the same questions and copying the answers. She began to get fed up with me wanting to do things slowly and methodically and our meetings began to get very argumentative. Despite this we continued to meet and she continued to self disclose to a point. I tried to ask her out socially, not on a date, but just to go for a pizza or something after an exam say for example when you were too tired to cook. But none of these were ever taken up. And it seemed that she had an active social life organising many dinner parties and so forth. So I concluded that she did not want me to be part of her social circle and social life. I was a bit disappointed by this, but, thought that if that is how she feels then there is not point in trying to be where I was not wanted. We needed to continue to meet however to get further assignments done and she continued the friendly disclosure tempered by arguments about how we should approach them and whether we should do the minimum necessary. Looking back, there was some strange psychology going on her I still do not understand. She would ask me if it was ok to go and have a cigarette. I always said it is ok, but, eventually found this so strange that I said to her that “You are a free woman you do not need my permission”. Perhaps it was lost in translation or differences in social etiquette, I guess I will never know. But she then for some reason decided to clam up on the self disclosure and started being very vague about what she was doing, when before she was quite open. She at one point accused me of being controlling and I observed signs that she felt uncomfortable meetings. She never said so so explicitly however. I became increasingly aware that this was not what I had hopped for in any way from the friendship. I pointed out to her at one point that we were arguing like an old couple and she said that she thought the thing that had brought us together was no longer present. So a further scale back of expectations. The meetings continued into March. Then we were in a lab one day shortly before a re-sit examination. Another student gave her some model answers which she was going to photocopy. I asked her to do an extra copy for me, but, she said it would be a lot of money, so I said I will give her the money, but, she said it would take too long to get the money added to her printing account (it would have taken no longer than 15 mins max). She also became increasingly fractious in the lesson which almost developed into a full blown argument which made me upset. At the end she wanted to know when we would meet next (to finish the latest assignment), I said I wanted to look at the solutions and she said something about that “she was making her position clear”. Well this really made me snap. Friends do not make their position clear to one another. I said she was being selfish. The student who lent her he model answers clearly felt this was a row happening in front of her and distanced herself from the both of us and told her that she could return the answers when she was finished, negating the need for her to have photocopies and leaving me out on a limb. I tried calming her and touched her – she is generally a very touchy person – and she nearly bit my head off “ do not touch me” she said in an angry voice. Then I went home. I was furious at her behaviour. I thought that if she could not be bothered to spend 15 minutes putting some money on here account then that was not a friend at all. (she has loads of money on her account and it would have only been to repay the cost of the extra copies and not stopping her doing the copying there and then). So I was really up set that weekend, but, began to come to terms with things. There is flu going around at the moment and I got a text from her saying she was not well “so we cannot meet” to do this latest assignment. I decided not to reply as I was not looking forward to meeting her. I also fell ill myself and was not well. We had another lesson which we both went to but I was purposefully distant and calm. I really did not want to give her a bit of my mind there and then in front of everyone else. So I just said I was not well when she said you do not seem yourself. She asked me when we were going to meet to finish the assignment. I said that it would have to be the next day as I was not up to it. We had a lesson the next morning, but, she did not attend. Then a text arrived asking when we were going to meet. After the lesson I went to see the person assessing the assignment and asked for a extension by way of illness and dyslexia. Then just when I got home she was calling my mobile. I decided not to answer. I sent here an exceptionally polite and clear message saying that I had arranged an extension. She sent me a message back saying that she was concerned about me which made me laugh. Today I saw her in a lab session and she again said I was not acting normally and asked if something is wrong and being overtly friendly, she also tried to touch me on the arm and said “is there something else wrong” I took my arm away very quick and just said I was ill and not up to my normal self as again I did not want to have an argument in the lab in front of the class. I think she got the message and left the lab early. I really do not think it sensible to have a shouting session with her, but I do feel really angry and upset. Perhaps it is just me and perhaps this is all an uninteresting and unimportant storm in a tea cup and I need to get real or something, but, I am feel really up set and rejected by all this. It has undermined my confidence lately. So what am to make of this. I feel manipulated and exploited. My achievement has fallen apart on unsound foundations and it is back to being a lonely auspie jonnie no mates. Will someone please tell me what I have to do to make real friends and how to avoid such grief. I feel so stupid.