KATHY BLAIR

We have had this problem too - I put a request in now in writing explaining the importance of knowing. This year I wrote to them after Easter - just to give them enough time. They told us about 3 weeks before the end of term, but still we didn't meet the teacher until 3 days before the end of term - it's goingto be a male teacher - still she will have her classroom assistant. I make a "pen picture" for her -with her photo on and loads of up to date information about her - it is kept in a file in the classroom along with her statement. Our statement is very lengthy and detailed at our request - so there is loads of information. If anyone ever wants to see the pen picture pm me and I will forward you a copy.

Thanks marshmallow

Rachael has 1 to 1 a lot of the time at lunchtime - she is 7. We didn't get this allocated specifically in her statement, as I believe this is hard to get, but the head master agreed to push for thehours so that her classroom assistant could do it. Rachael was very unhappy at lunchtime in theplayground - she couldn't stand the noise, couldn't find anyone in the crowd and didn't know how to join in the play. By the end of her second year in school I was having to bring her home at lunchtime and then take her back after because the school couldn't provide supervision to allow her not to go to the playground. Her occupational therapy report also stated that she was at danger of taking risks in play and this gave us leverage from a health and safety point of view. At the beginnig of last year then, she had the option of not going out at lunchtime at all or else having 1 to 1 in the playground. She knew she had the option of not going out if she wanted, but she never took that option. She also knew exactly who to go to when she was in the playground. She knew she was there to help her, but she supervised from a distance and only interevened when necessary. By the time she finished school at the end of June she only had the help if she really needed it, but it can be put in or left out. It really has benefited Rachael she is so much more confident and has developed one really good friend. I think it really does depend however on the classroom assistant and how good they are also.

We don't get a lot of help from family or friends either - I find that only other parents with ASD children know what it's like. We still get - they play you up; you have them spoilt;I wouldn't let her do that and all the rest. Mum took my 2 out after school for an ice cream as we had to go meet next years teacher (at our request may I add). She had them for an hour and said it was terrible ( well AS daughter was terrible). They don't normally see her on school days as we usually have to come straight home and "chill". I said mum that is what it is like evryday for me. My 4 year old just constantly reacts to Rachael's sometimes unreasonable behaviour - everyone thinks she is naughty, but she is constantly under pressure by Rachael. Today we had to go for new carpet (school is already finished here in N.I.). my husbahd is off this week (but that quite ofetn adds to the problems). We were trying to pick carpet, while she was tearing full speed around the carpet shop - trying to climb on rolls, wanting her shoes and socks off to feel the carpet and so on. I had to go to one more shop when we came out - and she totally freaked out Right now I feel like crying my eyes out - what will my mother say "they get away wtih too much"

Try not to worry too much - the number of times Rachael has been ill and I did ot know! Last year she scarlet fever - she vomited in school and was sent home, it was only when the infection in her throat smelt so bad that I realised she also had a sore throat and she still wasn't complaining of pain!! Anyway sometimes when infections become chronic, like your sons ear, children no longer experience pain - and they don't have sid. I have become very quick now at picking up the signs that something is wrong. Our practicenurse is very good and knows Rachael well and will always see her just in case. This year she has had 3 chest infections diagnosed like this. It may not be that he is not feeling the pain - but sometimes they don't know what is normal and what is not and therefore don't report it.

I think in every situation you have to pick your arguments and decide what is the most important objective of what you are trying to achieve in forcing an issue. The most important thing to me here, is that the respite worker is there to relieve the pressure from you and his primary roleis to relieve that pressure. Today he added to it. I am not sure why it was so important that he insisted your son carried the items. What was he trying to teach your son by insisting that he did this. Could he not have compromised, by each carrying an extra item? Perhaps you should talk this over with your son and respite worker. Do you know what the respite worker is going to be doing with your son before each time he comes? Perhaps it would be a good idea to plan in advance what is going to happen. Agree with everyone what is going to be taken, who is going to look after it, where they are going, what they will be doing while they are, how long it will last and how he needs to behave when he is there ............and so on. Give the respite worker information about your sons condition and how you manage the behaviours successfully. Tel him how you expect things to be managed and if there are problems about an aspect of behaviour get him to tell you about it away from your son, so that you can figure out how to address it without your son becoming negative. What age is your son? Perhaps he and the respite worker could keep a journal ot the timethy spend together where they write down the things they enjoyed and positive behaviourscan be noted to try and make the relationship more positive. I take it the respite worker is not employed ina behaviour management capacity - solely for respite? It is not necessarily their role to modify behaviours, and while they can expect reasonable behaviour, I think they should be taking their guidance from you.

Mum22boys, I have posted earlier but what you are writing about your son could have been my younger daughter at that age, and with her it was not omly me who could see it. It could be his age, it could be autism - the only definite way to tell is to have someone see him. What I do know is, having recently attended a self esteem course, that these ritualistic and repetitve behaviours can also be as a result of anxiety. I am not saying that he is anxious, but I think we underestimate how difficult living with a sibling with an ASD can be. Especially for younger children in a family - as you cannot explain their siblings behaviours yet. They don't have the same role model that children of a similar position in another family often have. I know that my little one has had to listen to loads of tantrums, be bossed aorund a lot - even down to being told what to say. I find myself having to monitor the situation closely and make allowances in her behaviour for the pressure she is sometimes put under by her sister with Aspergers. All of us have autistic traits - or at least I hope I am not the only mother who has them . You know even if he does have asd, he will still be your little boy and nothing will change that. I know it is very hard not to worry, but only time will tell. Try focusing hard on his positive behaviours - see where the balance lies. Could he be anxious, without even realising it? There are many reasons why children behave in certain ways and sometimes it is just because they do!

This class moves forward as a class - the class only changes is if someone leaves or someone new comes. Therefore there is little movement or chance to move up and down the grading system - the same children generally all get the same grades. It is the same as reading - they are grouped for reading and the groups more or less the same the whole way through school. This is how Rachael fell so badly behind in reading.strted out at the top of the hihgest reading group. Although she had all the individual components for reading at the level she was at, she couldn't read as quickly as the others in the group (Her interest level has always been way in excess of her ability level) - probably due to sensory distractors, confidence and so on; and also a change in routine, as theteacher let a student have the reading group. They moved her back because she was slowing the group down and then back again. She lost all motivation as she saw the books as baby books and completely lost interest. I always argued that if she was technically capable of reading in the highest group and that this was a more suitable interest level for her, she should have had assistance to stay in that group. Because she was not statemented at the time they could not do it and did not see the reasoning behind motivation, performance and interest. This was when she was only half way through her first year at school and it has only been in the past 6 months that her reading has begun to improve. She was stuck in a reading group that was assessed as being suitable and none of thechildren get to move out of this group. How fair a system is it, that even though a child has greatly improved, it will never be reflected in its grades as the system is not set up to let that happen! In fairness to the teacher, she is following the school protocol, and has to. She doesn't agree with itbut as thisis her first post prbably does not feel she can challenge it.

I have spoken to the teacher this morning quite casually about this. She said that in P3 she is only allowed to give the top 4 or 5 chikdren an A grade and the bottom 5 a C grade. This means that the majority get B - This is in prpearation for primary 4 (i am in N.Ireland and we have P1, 2,3,4,5,6,7 - I am not sure how that corresponds). She says she doesn't agree with this as this a huge array of ability within the average grade. She has reassured me that Rachael's maths is as I had thought - way above average, but there are a few other children who are also at this level and she fell just short of the grade in that category. Had she been able to she would have givenher an A grade! She got A grades in science which I know is really good and I would not have expeted them in English anyway. At least i feel reassured that the praise she has been getting is appropriate and she is not falling behind. I can also explain the grading system to her and she will know then that grades do not always depend on your performance but can beinfluenced by other factors. Not sure about the method of assessment - will mention this to the headmaster when i next meet with him. He just loves to see me coming, you know!!??!!

I just want to make it clear that we at no time have geared motivation towards achievement, this is part and parcel of her condition and something we have tried very hard to steer her away from. In saying that I don't want the teacher to think that "getting by" is enough for a child with asoergers, I haven't expressed myself very well. What I am tryin to say is that the teacher may think that Rachael, as a child with Aspergers is doing well, because she has aspergers! She may not be looking beyond the Aspergers - I want to be sure that she has not been praising and so on because that is all she expects from a statemented child, with Aspergers. Rachael's statement has never been because of any "learning difficulty", but because of the difficulties arising as a result of the impact of her Aspergers on her ability to learn. I should have said earlier that this is her teachers first post since qualifying and that it is her 3rd teacher this year. Whether a "B" is a good grade or not, it has fallen below the grades that she normally achieves. Once Rachael's motivation ahs gone, it is difficultto get it back on track. Lastyear she was achieving A grades, but the teacher was scoring her 2 for effort (effort is graded 1,2,3). This year she has scored 1 all roundfor effort but has achieved lower grades. I am just concerned that the teacher keeps telling her how fantastically she is doing, quote: "your number work was just amazing today" "your maths was excellent" "your number work was fantastic again!" "you are so great at mental maths!" "fantastic number work clever clogs!" This hasled us and Rachael to believe she is doing fantastically at maths - like she always has. Everyone has always commented on her mathematical ability. All I want is to have been getting realistic feed back throughout the year on her work - not being told how fantastic she is and then receivign a grade which in her school = average. If the teacher had looked back on previous performances, she would have noticed that her performance was down on last year. If tehre is a porblem we should know. This may seem like a huge fuss over nothing, but I know my daughter and the effect these things have on her. I don't even know if these grades are on test scores or general performance through out the year. She siad in the report her test scores were high! She also stold me she scored in the top ten in the class in maths and english ( there are29 in her class). It is not the grade she has received - it is the fact that perhaps ove zealous praise has been given to this little girl and now she feels really disappointed. I must reiterate that I have consistently praised her for her report and told her that ehr grades do not matter! I would be very foolish to do otherwise. However it does not stop me from being concerned! What I should add is that over praise which is unrealistic can be just as dangerous as not enough!

We don't pressure Rachael in anyway and are extremely relaxed about school and achievement! Though I suppose there is a balance and we are left wondering have we tipped it too much the other way! She expects to achieve - but is not motivated to do the work. Our take has always been to not press her to do extra work at home and we havebeen reassured all year that she is more than getting by without being put under pressure at home. I suppose that is why she and we are disappointed that her grades have dropped off. We do not want the teacher to think that getting by is enough because she has Asperger's or that she is doing well enough for a child with AS. In the long run that will lead to self esteem issues. For her to feel that she is not fulfilling her potenial has and will do harm - that is my concern. I feel that because of the mixed messages I havebeen receiving all year I don't know what is realistic, and i feel itis not fair that she has been told how super she is all year, but that is not reflected in the grade she has got. She has seen some of the children from her class today and asked them how they did. We do everything we can do take pressure off her and spend untold time on teliing about all the ways other than academically that sheis loved - she puts the pressure on herself and at 7 does not even understand that she does this, never mind how to not do it.

My oldest daughter Rachael- aged 7 has Aspergers and was diagnosed aged 4. When my little one was 3 I used to really worry about her - the playgroup had some concerns also. I spoke to Rachael's paed and she agreed that there were some unusual behaviours. She saw her for a Griffiths test and everything turned out okay. She said she could understand my concerns and it was impossible to know whether she had picked up some of the behaviours or whether she would have had them anyway. She was able though to show me areas where she was definitely not exhibitng signs of ASD - communicating and socialising. The concerns I had were mainly routines, accepting change and so on, which as part of normal development 3 year olds have problems with. She had sensory problems and to be honest still does - so do I! There are times too when I would still swear there was something even know I know there is not. The other day, at a friends house, she got some strawberries, she sniffed them and pointed to the one she wanted, but would not touch them and was talking in a very strange voice. I have to accept that this is the way she is - either because of her sister or not. She is 4 now. I know she has not got ASD - but she may have sensory processing difficulties. Time will tell! If you are worried get some help - either way you will know then.

This is the schools form af grading. I have to say that i don't reaaly agree with grading children in attainment at this age. I have read some canadian report cards and have found them to be much more informative. I have really rewarded her for her brilliant results! She responds to reward very well and she has put in so much effort this year - we took a special trip to ToysRUs to reenforce this! It has just left her feeling a little confused - I am meeting thisyear and next years teacher together on Wednesday and may discuss a different, less "attainment" based assessment for her in the furture, which is more individualised!

Rachael, because of her Aspergers, has the opinion, if she is not the best at everything she tries then she has failed. We have had huge problems with this in the past - mainly surrounding reading. It gets to the stage that if she cannot do it 100% she will not do it. The achievemnet is the motivation and reward for doing it - if she is not going to achieve 100%, there is no motivation. We have been to CAMHs and so on and this has been picked up in ed psych reports and so on. Anxiety levels around school are very high Because she sees the visual representation of the A,B,C thing, wherein A is perfection that is what she wants. She knows that she is as smart, if not smarter as the other kids, but finds it hard to accept that she does not perform as well. She has a significant discrepancy between her preformance and verbal IQ. We try to gear as much as we can to allowing experience success. It is hard as a parent to see a child of her age bieng so hard on herself - and it makes you react to every situation. I know we should try to get her accept that she cannot always be top, but at the same time the teacher has been telling her how fantastic she is all year and also in the report - but the grade, which she sees as the yardstick for her acheivement don't reflect this.

I have a seven year old daughter with Asperger Syndrome, who has been assessed as having high IQ. She has been lacknig in self confidence which has really improved this year. Part of the reason for this was because an achievement book was implemented in school to note her achievements. All year hae teacher has been commenting to her on how "exceelent" her numeracy skills are and this has always been an area where she has excelled. The class she is in is a very competitive class for such a young age and a big hype was gathering around the school reports. The children are graded for attainment, but I don't know whether this is best on tests or generally. In previous years she has always had As for maths and science and art. We got her report - the grades are A=above average; B=average;C=below average. The report was mostly Bs and I could see her little face drop - she got A in science only. She has always had A in maths and her teacher has been telling her allyear how super she is and she is so disappointed. To be honest, so am I, although not showing her this. I have spent the morning crying - in her comment the teacher wrote: "Rachael can recall number facts quite quickly within 20, and is excellent at answering number family questions verbally.I am really pleased with her progress in maths, she has a good understanding of all thetopics we have covered, and her test scores were high. Rachale is able to complete problem solving activites quite independnetly. She has a wonderfully logical thought process which is an asset to her!" But she awarded her B= average. All Rachael sees is the B -I have tried to reassure her by reading this to her and telling her how well she has done. But I know she is really disappointed. I am wondering if I should speak to the teacher, and tell her what has happened. She is young and inexperienced and I don't want to upset her, but I don't want Rachael's confidence to take a knock. I know I should be happy she is doing so well, but you know what these children are like and how hard they can be on themselves. We don't push her and have taken a laid back approach with school. But i feel so disappointed for her. To top it all, I know they are all going to be talking about what they got. The little boy up the street from us called me over and told me got 8 As and asked hpw Rachael did (they are in thes ame class). More than anything I am confused about her progress - they are telling me how wonderfully she has done and yet her grades are down on last year. What do I do?