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About lizzy-wilson

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    Scafell Pike

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  • Interests
    Music, drumming..more music, tracking storms (tornadoes), gardening...to a certain extent. Looking after my nieces.
  1. From about October through to December I was like a totally different person, I didn't worry or panic about anything; I could stand up straight and felt like I could take on the world but ever since the beginning of January and I have gone so down and have started worrying about things again, my posture has gone back to the way it was before. I haven't been at work for the last three days as I simply couldn't face it. I know the weather has such a big effect on me as well. Where I work, we have just moved premises and leading up to that which was at the beginning of Jan we were decorating the new offices and so on; then we lost a member of staff (which to be honest, he was awful and I was quite glad to see the back of him) which meant that I have been left to do a two man job; I have my job and then put five more on top of that. I have felt so much pressure on me the last month or so that I just haven't had the energy to fight off the panic/worry because if I don't do the job then I know it wont get ###### done. Arrrrhhhh! My therapist is taking me in on Monday morning to talk to my boss and his wife (that's the other problem but I won't go into that one) with having the time off I feel so guilty as my boss has some way of making you feel guilty (I'm going to stop that one there otherwise I will just go off in a flipping rant) Seriously, the last couple of days have been hell, every time I hear a car down coming down our drive I think someone from work or my father is coming to make me go, I know that makes me sounds crazy but it brings back memories of all the hell I was put through at school. It's been pretty rubbish recently, I want to go back to the person I was the other month. Jetting off on holiday next week so that will give me a break from everything and from everyone. A slightly depressed Liz.
  2. Well, the title says it all. I started panicking late yesterday afternoon from a result of worrying about something that I really didn't need to worry about (Bad taste in my mouth - It really was nothing...as I keep telling myself!) I came home from work tired as flip, I hadn't realized that I didn't really eat much yesterday and if I don't eat then my blood sugar levels just drop and I get the shakes. So that didn't help matters, I couldn't eat my tea as I think I was just past it, went out with mum, thought I'd stopped, well I had, but woke up this morning and it's lingering in my mind. It's stopped me going to work as I just could't face it but I feel very guilty now as we're extremely busy because our whole site is moving premises, so there has been painting and so on to do. We managed to get 9 rooms done in 3 days, all second, third coated. I think the other things is, I'm tired - It's been non stop since coming back after Christmas. As I explain to people, it's like a ticking time bomb, as soon as I worry or panic about something it lights, then it gets closer and closer as the day goes on and then BANG!!! It goes off. I think of it as the police and firemen trying to sort everything out, trying to clear it all but there are just some bits they can't get too. My way of looking at it might seem odd but it kinda works for me. It also feels like a security blanket, I'm still holding on to it but I don't want to. I really need to tell myself to get a grip and to pull myself together!!! Ah well, I'll go and try to get rid of it. It's a right pain in the a***!!!!
  3. My physio nearly killed me...again! Thought my shoulder was getting better!

  4. Anyone ever had a jaw joint dysfunction? I have..it's rubbish!

  5. Anyone ever had a jaw joint dysfunction? I have..it's rubbish!

  6. The winter months get me down a lot. Roll on spring! I would say that getting enough exercise, fresh air and eating healthily will help an awful lot. But I know some people would disagree with me on that, god I know what it feels like to be told to 'cheer up' 'it might never happen' 'life's to short to be down' but when your depressed, being told to think positively and constantly being told things like that it really doesn't help, well, it doesn't help me I just want to smack the person who said it and say 'Hey, why don't you try, when one side of your brains telling you one thing and the other something else' it's the last thing you want to do and it is really hard to think positive. I want people to come to me when there at their wits end and to talk to me. Because I know for a fact that life does get better...maybe not straight away but soon. This young girl had her whole life in front of her, it brings back memories from when I had my 'breakdown' It's shocked everyone around here. I suppose another thing is to - when you have a horrible thought or your down about things is to turn it around and think a good thought (How many times have you heard that one before...but it's worth a try) I struggled still struggle with the 'what if's' e.g What if I panic - What if I'm ill in front of people. I got so fed up of them that I turned it around and said 'What if I don't panic - What if I'm not ill. eventually they worked. I there's an up there's always a down. (Not sure if that fits but hey ho)
  7. I treat mine as a security blanket I think. I know when I'm down, the last thing I want to do is to think positive, it's the same for my panic and anxiety - for some odd reason I want to hang onto it as it's giving me a reason to be down, it takes me a while to tell myself to pull myself together and to get a grip and eventually I come out of that dark place. The thing that worked for me was a thing called Panic Away - It's set up by an Irish man who once himself suffered from panic attacks and so on; I came across it about 2-3 years ago when I had had enough of feeling the way I did, yeah, it cost but by god it worth it! I have on my ipod and when I'm feeling panicky or low I just do one of the strategies and it works within a couple of minutes, sometimes I have to do it more than once though. It's a tough one especially when everyone deals with it differently but I agree with A-S warrior (Ben) It's about your diet and what you do daily. They say exercise and fresh air is the best way.
  8. Yesterday I was as everyone else around the county shocked to hear that a young girls body had been discovered in a local wood. I soon found out that it was due to depression that she had taken her life. I didn't know her but I hear she was a very talented young girl. I feel very sorry for her family and from what I can gather they tried to help her but it was obviously too late. I know what it feels like, hey I've been there and it's an awful place and would not wish it on my own worst enemy. As the help round here is terrible for depression, autism, aspergers, ect, I just hope that this shocking incident will have opened people's eyes and made them see that people really do suffer and it's not something they can just get on with. It may seem out of terms but what does trigger depression? I think mine would be through the stress of moving onto secondary school, the anxiety of all the people and not having the right help that I needed. I still get down; But something inside me is telling me to go on and I thank god I listen to it. I know it effects people differently and I know some people don't talk about it and bottle everything up. It makes me want to help people even more when I hear things like this. Tell them that I know what it's like but for them to trust me and listen to me when I say it'll get better. But at the minute my thoughts are with the girls family. How do you cope with depression and what triggers it?
  9. Sorry, I forgot to say it earlier on in the week! Merry Christmas one and all, hope you all had a brilliant day and have had a great couple of days! And for the next one - I wish each and every one of you a very Happy New Year! See you next year!
  10. Special_talent123 - It's not the socializing bit, it's the being center of attention part I'm not keen on. I'm nervous if I go to places new though...not fond of meeting new people, takes a while for me to get use to the person; still trying to get use to one person now! Sa Skimrande - I find it hard reading people, not good with emotions, so buying presents for people is quite hard. Sorry if I offended anyone but I like say what's on my mind sometimes.
  11. Oh, I know they will want something but you lot don't make it easy for us women! Sorry if that offends any men out there...but it's sort of true.
  12. When you go to the pictures and there's that VW one...never understood it.
  13. I always seem to get my self stressed around Christmas time - I don't know if it's because I have a lot of shopping to do and saying bye to my money! Now that I have nieces to buy for it's even more confusing especially when their mothers keep buying me their presents and I then get confused as to who I have bought for and who I haven't! Not so keen on birthdays either - I don't like being made a fuss out off, god forbid when and if I get married (got to find someone who would put up with me first!)..the whole day having all the attention on me and the husband. Arrhhh! I'm sure I have forgotten someone on my list...soon find out! One more thing. Women out there...!! Is it just me or are men very hard to get presents for?! You ask them what they want they say 'Don't know' or 'Not bothered' it's not helpful. It might just be me! Anyway, just thought I'd ask. One..stressed person.
  14. Looking forward to having nearly 10 days off! Just a shame we're back so early on...then busy, busy, busy!! Can't wait...hmmm

    1. Miss Understood : (

      Miss Understood : (

      Lucky to be at school - 2 weeeks of non-academic bliss, family and pressies!

    2. Miss Understood : (

      Miss Understood : (

      I'm lucky! ( if my previous comment didn't make sense ) Have a great X-mas : )

    3. lizzy-wilson


      Yeah, I kinda miss the school holidays!!! Same to you!

  15. Wow! What a week I've had, Monday seems so long ago! It started off on Monday when we went to the MEN in Manchester to see Mumford & Sons which was awesome!!! One of the best bands I've ever seen!! The only problem was, it was 1am when we got in...my alarm goes off at 5.45am to get up for work, so about four hours sleep not the best! As you could imagine I was in a bit a grump on Tuesday! Tuesday - Nothing (thank god - one night to recover!) Wednesday - We went to see Mrs Browns Boys in Liverpool. It was fantastic! Very very funny!! Another late night, same as Monday! Thursday - What did I do on Thursday...--.... Oh yeah, that was it. I went to the cinema with my therapist to see that Silver Linings Playbook which was very good...can't wait to get it on DVD! Friday, Friday, Friday!! Works Christmas do!! What a great night!!! I wore a dress for the first time in..hmmm...8 years maybe then the time before that it was when I was four or five and I had to literally be pined down into it! Anyway, yes, the party was at a local hotel and it was shared between two or three other party's. I was quite shocked I was still in my high heels as I've never worn them before I was struggling to walk in them even though the heel was as small as your little finger!! There are going to be some sore heads this morning and maybe even Monday morning when someone gets into work and faces certain people!! Fantastic night! But to bring it all down today, we have a funeral to go to in an hour and a half, not looking forward to it really...don't think anyone does. The family are expecting nearly 300 people I think. Ah well all will be well. Anyway, just thought I'd bore you all with that! Same again next year....let me think...!!!
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