oxgirl

Does he access mental health services? They could perhaps refer him to the right place. Or else a private psychotherapist might have contacts or know where to go. Have you tried googling 'private AS dx'? I know there is somewhere in South London, I think it's the Maudesley Hospital, who does adult dx but they do have a long waiting list but I think they take self-referral or there is the Tavistock Clinic in North London. Good luck. ~ Mel ~

Welcome Jack. ~ Mel ~

Hi Cadburygirl, and welcome. I don't understand why the GP won't refer for a dx, there could be a long waiting list but being investigated in childhood shouldn't be a reason not to look into it. Is it worth going back and being more insistent about being put on the waiting list? There are many people who get dx'd in their 40s and 50s so it isn't just children. Is your lad hoping to access support services by gaining a dx? I'm sorry to say there isn't much out there for adults, if I'm honest. What does he do to fill his days? Good luck. ~ Mel ~

I'm just very surprised, seeing what you've written, that they are not looking at a dx of autism rather than Asperger's. Asperger's is usually dx'd much later and speech is usually well developed if not precocious. Do you know why they are suggesting Asperger's rather than autism? ~ Mel ~

Hi and welcome. Yes, this is very worrying. Have you discussed this with his doctor/consultant? You can get lightweight helmets that children who head-bang can wear to protect themselves and this could be helpful in the short-term until you can find a solution. Is he communicating or is he verbal at all? It could just be frustration at not being able to communicate and could, therefore, lessen in time but if he gets lots of attention for the head-banging then it could make him do it more. 2 1/2 is very young for a dx of Asperger's, are they not considering a dx of autism because he is speaking? ~ Mel ~

Maybe if you tried to go regularly you would become more accustomed to it and feel less anxious in time? You could wear headphones with your favourite music to try to get in a more relaxed mood. What about yoga or pilates to try to get more in touch with your own body? ~ Mel ~

Have you thought of massage? It would be a way of getting used to being touched by someone else. You could give it a try and if you can tolerate it make a regular appointment until you feel acclimatised to it. Also hair cuts; you could use a hairdresser rather than a barber, who could wash and cut your hair, they give head massages as they're washing and conditioning hair and would be another way of getting used to being touched by others. Also, yes, get used to your own touch. ~ Mel ~

That's hardly the norm though, is it. ~ Mel ~

Welcome Welshorchard. Glad the dx brought some relief for you. ~ Mel ~

Hi Lyn, your posts are very brief and so difficult to answer, but welcome. ~ Mel ~

Ashburgers?! Do you mean Asperger's Syndrome?! Do you have a diagnosis? You don't make it clear whether you like this man and want to get to know him or if you want to avoid him. It's easy to avoid him if you want to. Are you anxious that he will pursue you when you don't want him to? I suggest you stop going to the place where you know he is if you don't want contact. If you are anxious because you like him and do want him to contact you, I guess he has your number and will do so if he wants to. ~ Mel ~

Could it just be lack of experience? It takes some people a long time to get used to being with others and being touched and touching them and knowing what to do and how to enjoy intimacy. Could be you just haven't met the right person yet. To enjoy touch you need to in some ways lose self-awareness and go to another place, and maybe you feel too self-aware touching yourself and not able to lose yourself in the moment. Could be you need to transport yourself with someone you really trust before you feel comfortable and that takes time. ~ Mel ~

The OP doesn't say she has a pain problem. If someone is healthy, exercise releases endorphins in the brain which brings about a calming and relaxing effect, making sleep easier. It's worth a try, at least. ~ Mel ~

It sounds like a good plan to take things slowly. They don't want to try putting too much pressure on him and tip him over again. Probably best just to try to be patient and have him get used to going out regularly again. Once he's in a regular pattern of doing that they can start offering other things and build up gradually rather than rushing him and him refusing everything again. As long as he is happy and you are having nice visits that is the main thing. Try not to worry so much. ~ Mel ~

What makes you say that? Exercise really is proven to help with poor sleep, not right before going to bed, but during the day sometime. Have you tried it in the past? ~ Mel ~

Damonshouse, is the Chimp Paradox helpful? I am thinking of giving this a try, is it easy to follow? ~ Mel ~

:clap:Fabulous news, Jeanne!! Very well done to you and the team of dedicated staff caring for Glen. He must have been very uncomfortable and I'm so pleased he's feeling better and wanting to go out again. You should be proud of yourself. ~ Mel ~

I would recommend exercise. Take up running and run for 20 or 30 minutes or progress to longer if you take well to it. It will unwind your mind and your body will be tired and ready to sleep. ~ Mel ~

Hi Sam and welcome. ~ Mel ~

I don't think there is any one answer, iamanders. Everyone is different and wants something different and I don't think you can generalise about that sort of thing. What works best with you? ~ Mel ~

My immediate advice would be to take care of YOURSELF. You are not his nurse or his maid, you are supposed to be in a loving relationship but it doesn't sound like he is making you feel loved only needed and useful. You need to find the inner strength to do what is right for you at the moment and if that is leaving then that might be better for you than waiting around feeling worse and worse and hoping that things will improve. If you do that you might just feel worse and lose the will and strength to do what you need to do for your own sanity and happiness. I know that when someone is depressed they find it hard to find strength and inner belief though, I have been there myself. He survived before you came into his life and he will if you decide you've had enough. You can't stay in a relationship just because you are worried about what will happen when you leave, that's just emotional blackmail. Take care. ~ Mel ~

Really there is only one question you need to ask yourself; is this man making you happy? Oh, here's another question; does he make you feel good about yourself? If you can't answer yes maybe you need to ask yourself another question; why are you with a man who doesn't make you happy and makes you feel bad. My husband is somewhat similar in that he truly believes that if I am upset by something he says than it is my own fault for taking offence and not his for having said something upsetting. His justification is that he would never intentionally upset me and so if he has said something that comes out wrong and unintentionally upsets me then it is my own fault for being upset and not his!! In other words, I am being over-sensitive and interpreting his comment in a way that upsets me. He is blameless. Infuriating; yes! ~ Mel ~

The downside to forums is that people don't know the ins and outs of anyone's situation, all they know is what someone has written in a few lines and they make assumptions and make up their minds about things and are often wrong or mistaken. Don't take it to heart. In future try not to get into heated debates with people because nobody wins in situations like that, they just deteriorate into slanging matches and people get hurt. There's no point in trying to ram home your point and make people understand because they can't know you or your situation from reading a few sentences. Best to take a breath and accept that they don't know what they're talking about and shrug it off. ~ Mel ~

She couldn't have applied for DLA on your behalf without your signature, like Soraya said, as you are over 16, payments are made directly to the recipient unless they are proved to be incapable. Does she have any disabilities that she would have applied for DLA for herself for? She could have claimed herself and used your bank account to pay the money into, perhaps so that it would not be taxed or she would not have to declare it as income as it was officially in your name or to stop your father getting hold of it or something like that? You need to clarify it with your mother and get a straight answer about it certainly. ~ Mel ~

It's an up and down time, I remember. My lad is now 20, so not that long ago. Where is he going to college, is it a mainstream and what subject is he doing? Does he have anything planned for the time before he starts, it's a long time isn't it! Does he have friends to meet up with? ~ Mel ~