Akunin

Hi again, Mihaela They have sort of read up on AS and my mom has a friend whose adult son has AS, and she often speaks to her, but has also admitted she isn't always sure of how to 'deal' with me. I find that when I try to explain how I am feeling and how things affect me, she often becomes quite defensive and turns it around to the way she feels which doesn't help me. I understand that some things I say may hurt, but it isn't intended that way I am just trying to be honest so she can understand me better. My OCD definitely becomes much more severe in times of stress, due to work currently being done to the house and everything being upside down I am struggling with it. A few days ago I purchased a new larger media shelf unit, due to running out of space on my old ones. It arrived and I went through checking all the parts were there and then started to take everything off my previous shelves to make room for it, however once I started to put it together (and was over half way through) I noticed the base of the unit had been drilled incorrectly, thus rendering the shelf useless. The company said they would send out a replacement on Friday, but it still hasn't arrived despite them using an express delivery service, so currently my bedroom is a complete mess and it is making me miserable and easily irritated which doesn't help matters. dotmarsdotcom - I already do a lot of things to help my parents out. I cook, clean, do the laundry, pay rent etc, I also helped them completely re-decorate the entire house over the summer and helped my dad with odd jobs around the house and do so whenever they need doing. The main issues are more to do with feeling misunderstood when it comes to AS, which often causes arguments on both sides. I dislike the tension and fighting and want a bit more control over my life and the place I live. I know moving isn't an easy process for someone with AS, but feel I need to do so, in order to stop me falling into a deeper depression. -Akunin

Thank you everyone for the replies. I understand it isn't an easy list to fill, but I was thinking more of renting privately, if possible. Though I am on benefits, I do have a part time job and have been saving so hopefully wouldn't need to rely hugely on the council. Support wise, I need help with basic understanding of renting a property and understanding all the things that come with it (i.e managing money and all the legal jargon) and also help with finding a suitable property that fits my needs. Things have settled somewhat at home, but I am still finding things difficult. I am the youngest of my siblings and am the only one still living at home. My parents are supportive, but more often that not, they find it hard to understand me which causes arguments and extra stress, when I am already highly stressed. I am also finding it hard due to my OCD side, the house is always in a mess and I am constantly cleaning while they just seem to mess it up. I know this doesn't seem like a valid reason for wanting to move but it really does get hard for me. I need order and I feel it is hugely lacking which again, adds to my stress levels. My siblings are all NT's and living in their own houses and I am extremely jealous and don't like the thought of living with my parents for the foreseeable future and know my parents would rather I didn't as well. -Akunin

I just wondered what sort of help I could get in looking for somewhere to live by myself? I am currently unemployed and claiming benefits and due to issues at home I think it is time I looked into moving into a place of my own. My only worries are I would want a quiet area and a house rather than a flat as I don't cope well with noise from other people, I also own pets which I would want to take with me and I am not sure how I would go about finding somewhere with all these requirements? I would be grateful for any advice. Thank you -Akunin

I am sure this is a problem many of us suffer with and just wondered in what ways everyone tries to manage their anxiety? My anxiety at the moment is caused by work being done to our house (garage conversion, new kitchen, bathroom, drive etc) and it is a lot for me to take in and a lot of noise and people I don't know coming into the house. We also have neighbours moving out, and will have new ones soon, as today I saw different people coming to look around. We had a dispute with the previous tenants regarding inconsiderate noise, so although I am very happy they are going, I am also getting stressed out about who may move in next, so all in all I am having a great deal of trouble coping currently and just could do with a little advice. -Akunin

Definitely. I already feel much happier and content at home knowing they will soon be gone. I was woken up this morning by the daughter having a screaming fit and then earlier this evening had music blaring throughout the house and I just had to go and look at the to let sign, tell myself it would be over with soon and take a breath. -Akunin

Thank you, Mel It is a huge relief for all of us, and now at least when they are noisy I can tell myself they will be gone soon. It really felt like it would go on forever and I am so glad it is over with and as you said, hopefully we will have a much nicer family move in -Akunin

Well, I am very pleased to say that the noisy neighbours are moving out. A to let sign was put up today

Hi Paul. So sorry to hear of your troubles, it truly is a horrible thing to go through. I can't believe how people with disabilities still get over looked and made to feel as though it is their fault that these problems occur. The neighbours themselves have accused me on many occasions of being the problem. I like to read and it seems that is not normal to them, as they don't and as their daughter is a "normal" teenager it is my fault for not being understanding of that. More recently I feel as though they are trying to intimidate me, as if they ever see me they will just stare. I have often caught them staring up at our house as well, trying to look in through the windows and it makes me feel extremely uncomfortable. Just this past weekend I went out into the garden and on my way back into the house the mother was in the garden (they have raised decking, so they can see into our garden) and she just stood staring at me, unlike most people who would break a stare she didn't, so I went back round the side instead of going into the house. I told my mom (who was in the garden also) and when she went to see if she had gone, she was still standing there staring in. When they spoke to the police on one occasion they said they feel victimised by us, but in my opinion that isn't the way a victim would act, just a bully. We are also almost certain the daughter is involved in drugs as cars keep pulling up infront of our house and she goes out and exchanges money for something, though they sometimes pull up in the church car park over the road. We had some new people move into the area and when she spoke to my mother she said "It seems like a nice area, though I did see a drug deal going on over in the car park" she even described the car and a girl that went over to it, for me it is too much of a coincidence for it to be anyone else. She also said she knows the local police and intends to report it. I have told my parents I think we should report it as well, but they are concerned if anything is done about it, that they will assume it us and then take it out on us more. I just want a peaceful life where I can enjoy the things I want, without someone else ruining it, but it seems our issues will continue until the family move out. -Tsukimi

Ahh, okay. I was hoping I would get away without a medical, I assume it will be fairly straight forward and just questions? Thanks for letting me know about the wait, I am really bad when it comes to things like that! -Tsukimi

Thank you. I was worried it involved an appointment. -Tsukimi

I went to see my doctor and she actually mentioned it before I had any need to. She said to just copy the very last page which states I have been diagnosed with ASD and also the signature of my diagnostician, she even stated "You don't really want a lot of strangers reading it, as it is very personal" so I am glad about that! Thank you again, Mel -Tsukimi

Sorry for so many posts today >.< At the moment all I have as 'proof' is my letter of diagnosis, I just wondered if there is anything else you can get as proof of having ASD without having to take the letter to appointments etc. all the time? My advisor at the Job Centre read through the whole diagnosis, as she wanted to see proof, but I don't want everyone at appointments to read the whole thing, as there is obviously some very personal information in there. -Tsukimi

Can you apply online or get a form online? or do you have to phone to get it sent out? Also what is the process, do you just fill in the form or do they call you in for an appointment? -Tsukimi

Hi Deano. So sorry to hear of your circumstance. I have also not long been diagnosed, it can be quite overwhelming and feel lonely at times. Hopefully the forum will help, I haven't been an overly active member until recently but so far everyone has been really helpful and kind. I know you said you are agoraphobic, but if you are okay on the phone have you tried to contact either National Autistic Society or your local Autistic Society? My local society sent me a lot of useful leaflets in the post, one of which was about local support groups and a befriending project, I'm not sure how it works or how you would feel about it but depending on where you live and you local society it may really help. -Tsukimi

I have found local adult services and my mom has been trying to call them, but has yet to get through due to the times she works. I am feeling a bit lost as to where to go from here, but am hoping they will help. I am also going to see my doctor tomorrow to see if she has any advice etc. she has been really helpful through the process so I like to keep her informed about any progress.

I actually have no idea, I assume she is a standard advisor. She was assigned to me after winning an appeal to stay on benefits.

Hi Trekster. I have now had my diagnosis, my mom did try to call and couldn't get through but managed to get a response through email, it seems there was a backlog and he had some annual leave so my results were delayed in the end by 2 weeks. He has diagnosed me with ASD, but not with much information after that regarding the ASD. I would like to know more as I feel the more I know, the better I can start to understand myself but my mom is concerned that he won't give any more information without a paid for appointment. -Tsukimi

I have an appointment tomorrow, this will be my first visit back since being officially diagnosed and I am concerned about what will be suggested and I am also trying to think of what I need to ask, for instance what happens next and what happens regarding my benefits etc. Question wise is there anything in particular I should ask or anything I need to tell them? Also, I have heard about PIP do I ask the person assigned to me about this, or is it all done through the post/online? I have found a local project which helps people with ASD get back in to work and supports them through work life and would like to utilise this, as I think it would be my best bet with getting back into some kind of work. I do have some leaflets so will take them with me to show to her. I just hope they don't suggest I do anything through the Job Centre as I don't think they will fully understand my needs. -Tsukimi

I am very much the same, when I am caught up in something I don't really think of the outcome. I will let it all settle before I decide on what I plan to do. -Tsukimi

My thoughts exactly. My dad comes with me when I take my own dog due to my feelings towards the neighbours and not knowing exactly how I would react if I saw them on the street, but with my mom's friend's dog I will be further from home and feel more comfortable going out by myself (hopefully) and that will be a whole new step for me as I haven't been out of the house by myself for years now. Thank you again, for all of your support and advice -Tsukimi

I must admit I am rash to make decisions like this, especially when under added stress. I have now had my diagnosis and he has diagnosed me with ASD, though not given me much information after that. Not knowing what is standard procedure, I don't know if there should be more information or not? I am planning on seeing if he can offer any more insight into my diagnosis as I think it will help me in the long run. Thanks Mel -Tsukimi

It really does, you either waste your time getting wound up or waiting for the next problem to start. I must admit I don't like to leave the house a lot, partly due to the neighbours and partly just because of the way I am. I'm currently unemployed and self-study at home, so the majority of my time is spent here. I do go to stay at my sister's house every so often though. My mom's friend has recently told us she is considering getting a dog and needs someone to walk it in the afternoons when she is at work and thought of me (I have my own dog and love animals) and she wants someone trustworthy. I have agreed as it will be some extra time away from the house and the nearby area, so hopefully that will be a positive step for me. I really hope so, I really miss the times prior to them moving in. -Tsukimi

Regarding the housing side of things, I meant to add this link to my previous post: http://england.shelter.org.uk/ I have not used them personally, but have heard great things. It could help, even if just for the time being until your diagnosis. They may be able to offer advice too. It is extremely frustrating that a piece of paper is the difference between getting help and not. Have you looked to see if there are any support groups around by you? I know you don't have a diagnosis but they may let you join and it could be at least worth a try so you don't feel so alone in the process. I wish you the best of luck. -Tsukimi

Hi Rob. Sorry to hear you are having a bad time of things currently. I am in the same position at the moment, I have had my assessments but not my results, so can't get the exact help I want at the moment until I have the official diagnosis. Have you tried phoning your local Autism/AS society? I haven't called mine personally, but I know my mom has when she was concerned due to me having a meltdown and though I don't have an official diagnosis they were happy to speak to her and give her advice, would this perhaps be an option? -Tsukimi

Thanks everyone for replying. Sally - I am really not sure how I feel about the assessment itself, the first session was a fairly basic interview with questions like "Why do I want a diagnosis?" and slightly covering my background and the reasons that have led us to believe it could be ASD/AS. The second interview was all read from a form which he marked off and added notes to, he was very abrupt and quite rude through this appointment I felt, as he said "I just want yes or no answers" and when I wasn't sure of questions or he asked my mom questions about my past which you can't always give yes or no answers to, he would often cut us off and repeat that he just wanted yes or no answers. Looking back I assume he didn't want to waste extra time as he was behind due to his family emergency cutting into what should have been my appointment. We were just told that it would be two, one hour sessions and the things it would cover. I think the complaint would firstly be about the fact we paid him for these 2 hour sessions and didn't get our full time and the second session did feel extremely rushed along. I also do feel the time keeping needs to be mentioned as why should my appointment be cut short because he had a private matter to attend to. I am annoyed at the time taken to send me my results too, why tell us 4 weeks and then not bother to tell us it would be longer due to a backlog (which in my opinion is not my problem) and him having some annual leave which should have been known at the time he told us it would be 4 weeks. I do feel at times he really didn't understand my anxieties or take them into consideration and I think this is an integral part of establishing trust between a doctor and patient. Special talent - I must admit I didn't think about contacting him first, but will certainly try that. Cathcart - That is what I felt. It seems very unprofessional to me especially as you said we paid for a private service. We had to pay on the first visit as he said that was his practice, but still asked on the second if we had paid.