Black4

Thank you both for your responses. Justine, thank you for the website name, I shall look it up shortly. I agree that it is up to me to make the decision as to whether I would accept this behaviour Aspergers or not. When it comes to adaptation and compromises, I have no problem with that. Also, thank you for mentioning the idea of emailing just once a week. I do believe that events in life do not happened by accident and there is always a reason for it. I am rubbish at remembering “small” things or questions I might have, hence why emailing daily is easier for me, but maybe this is what I need in order to force myself to either just remember things or keep some kind of diary. Sadly, I have no problem remembering conversations that I am interested in. In Exile, You are correct, I may not have got his message at all. And my lack of confidence may play a big part in it and I need to learn to “listen” better and not take things the wrong way immediately and react but ask questions instead. I know that I would have no problem with long periods of no communication. I only communicate with my best friend a few times a year – she currently lives on the other side of the world - and that is fine. But we have known each other many years and “trust” and “know” each other I guess. If that is what he wants then, indeed, I am not sure I could spend weeks or months waiting for him to contact me to then suddenly wanting to see me at short notice. Living alone, essentially for the 1st time in my life, I need to plan things for the weekends as I still find them difficult to go through if I stay at home alone. Thank you again both for your valuable comments Bx

I started communicating with this man via a website in July/August. The written correspondence was great and we decided to meet up - early in September. Upon meeting for the 1st time he told me that he had mild Aspergers. I must admit, although I had heard of it, I had no real idea of what it is. He also told me that, due to going through a very very nasty divorce (he has been separated 2 years) he was not ready for a relationship. At the time of meeting he was working and written communication was good and regular - several times daily. He works as a contractor and since he has been at home with no job, it seems that communication is a burden for him. We went away together for a week last week. I felt that it went well and he told me at the end of the week that I had made him very happy. It transpired during the holiday that he hadn’t read all of my emails. But since coming back, communication seems to have gone back to what it was prior to it. Knowing now that he doesn’t read all of my emails makes me feel very uncomfortable to send him emails with what I do. I feel that he is not going to be interested and therefore not read them. When he does answer it is only replies to my questions – most of the time – and seems not to be interested in my life as he asks no questions. Yesterday, I asked him if he was planning on going to see a certain film with somebody to which he replied that he would go and see it during a weekday time. Due to our respective geographical locations and the fact that I am working makes it impossible for us to go together. I have replied to him to let me know if it is good but felt really upset. When we returned from holiday he did not even emailed me for over a day, and when it did so it was only 1 phrase. I replied that I "got the message" and wished him good luck in life. His reply was one of someone shocked and wanting to carry on communicating. He is still looking for an other job and for the 1st time ever, he actually emailed me spontaniously last week to tell me he had an interview. He is still awaiting the answer. I feel at times that he is only using me as and when he needs somebody to “talk” to or do something and he is not interested if I need or want something. I seem to always be the one instigating communication. During the holiday he went from referring to me as a friend to a girlfriend on several occasions, ie one minute I was a friend the next a girlfriend then a friend again etc.... I really like him but I really feel like I am on an emotional rollercoaster and I am not sure if he is just playing and I am a total fool (I have come out of a 21 yrs relationship in Feb so kind of new to the dating game again....) or if these are traits of Aspergers. I would be very grateful if someone could give me their views. Thank you very much in advance. B4 x