AnnD

Hi there Lynda Thank you for your response. I don't feel your response is harsh at all and I thank you for it. I am more than happy for my son to be branching out on his own, it I feel will do him good, and has broken the previous rut he was in whilst living here, out of work, having lost all pride in himself and possibly depression too. The benefits certainly outweigh any fears I had of his going. Yes, he is a grown man, and this venture to Germany will certainly give him far more than he would have gained had he not gone and I fully support him in it. In the end, he knows I am here if help is needed. Ann

Fortunately he did initiate gathering family phone numbers for 'future use' although I am sceptical of his actually following through and actually doing it. Maybe it was a form of 'security' feeling for him to have them, I don't know. I have tried and will continue to keep in touch with him, though I have to do the initiating of any contact as he forgets or time passes without his realising it, typical boy. I believe the experience of actually going to Germany has done him good as he also takes pride in his culinary and shopping experiences and bargain hunting in the process. I will research further and will keep as close a watch on his progress as is possible, there is little more I can do from here. If the opportunity for me to speak to his father arises to discuss the matter, I will do so though I am not in regular contact with him.

Thank you for the link and advice, I will certainly look further into those presently. Obviously his moving to Germany has been of concern to me, although he appears to be coping well with the experience. He has been out there for three months now living as a 'house-mate' to his friend whom he has known 'online' for almost five years. Apparently the guy also has aspergers but holds down a highly paid job out there. I do have all the relevant addresses/phone numbers and contact for my son while he is there. He is 'earning his keep' whilst there by cooking/cleaning and being a trusted friend' to the guy and is being 'paid' to do so. I did meet his friend breifly when he came over to the UK to pick my son up and appeared to bea decent person. although I do realise that little can be determined from a short meeting. If it were necessary to bring him home quickly, I do have contingency plans in place both from the UK and with family who also live in Germany .

Hi there, I have just joined this forum and would like other s thoughts or advice regarding my 23 yr old son. I and other family members have all had similar thoughts about my son, and think he shows signs of possible aspergers. From a young age he has always been in the higher intelligence bracket, this was originally picked up in porimary school and he was put forward for special extra activities. As the school years went by, he became 'over confident' with his abilities and gave up trying. As he approached later teens, he hardly had friends or any constant friends and never seemed to really connect with anyone to any degree. He started work, and although he was always dedicated to his job, found it hard to keep to the time requirements of whatever job he did. Always late or almost late because of never leaving himself time to get there etc. He always leaves things to the last minute and never prepares for anything in advance and it never really seemed to sink in the reality of such time requirements. His father and I split up many years ago when he was about 3 yrs old. He had contact with his dad regularly, went on holidays with his siblings to visit him abroad etc. but since he has grown older and his dad has returned to the uk, he can't see the necessity of getting in touch with him or understanding other peoples anguish at his not doing so. He lost his last job a couple of years ago, and although supposedly looking for work. seemed to absorb himself into playing games online, the same game, day in, day out. never wanting or needing a life of his own. Reclusing himself to his room. He had no real life friends or any social life and didnt seem to want any. Three months ago, he moved to Germany to be a houseguest of an online friend, he prepared himself reasonably well for that , well sufficiently for him to move to Germany. He, despite suggestions to contact his dad and siblings just to say 'goodbye' before he left, just couldn't understand why he would need to, and subsequently after being out in Germany spent a long time chatting to me online trying to understand WHY they were upset at his not having contacted them prior to his departure. I tried for so long to explain that people have feelings and worry, but he just did NOT understand even though he said he was trying to understand. Looking back over his childhood, there seem to be so many things which seem to fall into line with possible aspergers syndrome. I just don't know where to go from here or know how to help or get through to him to understand or to interact in a normal manner with those around him. There is so much more to his story, but I just need some advice please. Ann