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Testing_Manners

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  1. Hello there. I recently just turned 19 years old. I am doing my English A Levels from home (I am probably going to start a couple of more later) - I would say I am quiet intelligent. People who know me well and hear what I have to say enough would say that I come across as articulate and eloquently spoken often. Also my IQ is 125 which is above Average (But I don't think IQ necessarily determines one's intelligence). But I have some major issues directly linked to my Aspergers. The main problem is the feeling of getting overwhelmed. It often happens that the lights are too strong, the smells are too strong & the sounds are too loud. To concentrate on what I am doing it has to be literally pin drop silence. If there is so much as a water tap not fully shut and it's as so much even dripping softly on the sink it can give me a really bad headache and make me completely drift away from my task. This has of course always been a huge issue at schools in the past and to more of my frustration people have been very misunderstanding. At my last school which was a Private School just like in any other school the classes were just a group of kids talking really loud. It was always really hard to maintain myself together in an atmosphere like this. Within minutes the many voices all fade into the distance and I kind of mentally block everything out - Due to this my grades were always pretty bad and I was never academically exceptional in anything. If I told teachers they said 'Your clutching at Straws' or 'Your being Bone Idle'. One time in Maths Class I was getting overwhelmed and the teacher was explaining something to me individually. I told her 'You know I can't concentrate because of the voices' & She Bluntly said 'Not Interested' - It's like they always thought I was making it up just to get out of work. Since I have started studying from home I can't believe how much higher my comprehension and understanding is of material given to me. I am hoping to go on to University after finishing my A Levels on a 3 year Degree. Now after this is where the problem lies. Due to my problems such as not being able to work in loud atmospheres & having Aspergers itself I feel like I will be very limited in terms of career prospects. I have heard of working at home on the computer in which you can get a decent wage but I don't want that kind of life to be honest. What jobs are there ideal for someone who has Aspergers and more specifically my problems? I'll definitely never be able to work in loud offices with loads of noise going on in the background such as typing, machine sounds Etc. Thanks for any help in advance!
  2. Hey Scaffell. I can totally relate to where your coming from. Although I have never been extremely persistent with anyone (I maybe have tried once or twice with someone if that person obviously still gave me cold vibes I would keep away) - I've always ended up hanging around with atleast one person but it was always a neutral process. In all honest I have almost thought of giving up on trying to make mates. I could hang around with lads if I wanted to but I just can't relate to them. I've been to private school, state school, even lived abroad for a year and feel totally alienated from everyone. There is always small talk but when someone is so dissimilar to others around them it never really goes beyond that. I also get overwhelmed easily and my senses get overloaded which means with a congregated group of about 4 or 5 I get really disorientated. I used to have quiet a lot of online friends a few years back but have now lost contact with a lot of them. I try making online mates now but it isn't as easy as it was a couple of years back (I don't know if people have become more shallow or just more reserved with strangers) - But yeah a couple of years ago I could easily make online mates. Nowadays at the most someone random may accept a friend request on Facebook but never really reply to messages.
  3. I never knew there was an association of Homeopaths. If there is it's definitely something I should have considered at the time. It's been around 9 to 10 months now though (Nearly a year) although it feels less. It's just one of those things which I suppress and don't think about it just like when teachers unnecessarily chastised me or yelled at me in schools just because they were stressed out with their job. It's one of those things that if I reflect on it just makes me blood boil to be honest. It seems the more quiet, well mannered, respectful you are - The more stick you get from people.
  4. Yeah you do have a point. Although I don't particularly come across as judgmental to be honest. I come across as really friendly & cheerful (This is more recently I have started come out of my shell at school I always used to be very mute but randomly blurt out in a conversation or not respond when someone said something to me) It's not been about 2 years since I left school & It's passed so unbelievably quick that to me it seems like only 10 months or something. Anyway since I left school my only form of social contact is working in the shop sometimes which my parents own. I rarely do it though now. Most of the people who are our customers are people anywhere from the 30 to much older range. But some people my age who come in sometimes (More specifically girls) I have tried really hard being friendly with - And they were nice at first but then all of a sudden started acting completely stand offish and cold with me. I used to think that they became shallow all of a sudden but they all seem to like my dad who is like a older & bolder version of myself so the only reason I can think off is that they start judging me because of my demeanor or how I come across because of my condition. People say you can't really take working in a shop as a social life. And I have to admit in reality you can't but being limited for options that's the only place I can turn to. I rarely come across someone who is extremely nice or cheerful when I work there. Most people are just okay or miserable - Which just puts me off going to be honest. Some people at my last school were pretty nice it was a private school. But I never made the effort with them and always hung around with this other lad I had nothing in common with. I was there for a couple of years and I added them all on Facebook delusively thinking they would see another side to me if I talked to them online but to no avail. So I can't really say I have had any form of social contact since then. The problem is I really don't no where to start. I don't know anyone Aspergers despite knowing so many people. The Aspergers Help Centers just mix someone with my intelligence with people who are obviously nowhere in the same IQ range due to cutting costs down. So I really am stuck in a rut. I don't feel my age either I feel still in the 12 to 13 range when in reality i'm going to be 20 before I know it! When I started high school as an 11 year old is as fresh in my memory like it happened only a couple of years ago. When in reality it happened almost 8 years ago. All's I can do is sail through life and hope for it to go quick (It certainly has so far haha)
  5. Yeah I have been planning to learn driving although automatic would be preferred. It's something I would really have to get sorted quick as considering I hate the area I live in and public transportation. The open study college A Level I do was all for one payment of £350 and gives about 18 months of tutoring until it ends. Regarding the socializing perspective. I do have a fear of social rejection as I feel a lot of people judge me before getting to know me. Regardless of this though even those who do accept me; It is the problem of not sharing the same interests as me, not being able to have a laugh with them. Not enjoying partying or getting smashed which is what a lot of kids these days tend to do. I find a lot of people my age very immature and juvenile. To me it just seems like the same cliched cycle of 'My mum and dad hate me and don't understand me that's why I smoke weed' which they will grow out of in a few years. Despite being polar opposites in personality regards. I still find it strange how someone would make out they are close to you only to start ignoring you just because they simply can't be bothered. Being Aspergers I find this attitude of fickleness towards friendships that many people have to be bizarre. I could live in a flat all by myself. But being too lonely like that would really depress me. And also I think getting a job whilst i'm at home and saving the money over the years will be a better option so I can buy my own house when I reach into my later 20's. I reckon I am going to be one of these blokes who is going to be single for the rest of my life so I might even adopt a child when I reach about 28 or 29 (Although I don't know if I would be allowed into consideration because of my condition) How old are you Atlantis? And are you at University? It states that your a Female that's all much I know for now.. haha Thanks a lot for the help. I have joined a forum for people with social anxiety amongst others and have never received any level of help to this degree. Cheers!
  6. I smile & laugh a lot consistently. Whereas some with Aspergers may come across as very cold. Some do genuinely seem to lack empathy - I guess it just depends really. I really would like to know how to get over it though.
  7. Thanks Atlantis. I do plan to go on to University one day but I think it may be in a few years yet. Seeing as for now I am only doing one A Level which is English Language & Literature. I am finding it quite easy and great so far and later on into the year I may start more subjects - I am using Open Study College and I can't really fault it to be honest. I wish I had done this instead of doing Gcse's at school where the teachers were very misunderstanding and condescending. I have thought of joining some classes but then I can't drive and hate going on Buses or Public Transport with a lot of people. I used to be a boxer and was going to do amateur fights a few years back when I was around 14 but I moved abroad for a year and then my eye-site just had gotten up to the point where I could only train with contacts (Which I never liked). I was going to join music college but the timetable was too demanding so that isn't going to happen. I feel like I am too genuine for people whereas all the people I know do things which are confusing to me (Like the guy who I hung around with at my last school who was into bodybuilding and made out we were close but then began to completely ignore me on Facebook) I could hang around with people. But I find it cripplingly boring and it just makes me exceedingly anxious as they are all talking to each other and I don't know what to say. When I do go to University. I am probably going to live at home. Because living with other students who are too loud is just too much for my senses and i'll end up having a breakdown.
  8. I am 19 years old. And I have to say that people are not nice and judgmental for those of us who have Aspergers. I went through phases where I got into trouble and the teachers just thought I wasn't behaving properly due to a lack of discipline. My advice is try and go for the Homeopathic Treatment root. My mother started giving me prescribed one's and I am finding my traits to be a lot less frequent. It works in a subtle way - I am feeling less overwhelmed with my senses, having less breakdowns (Although they still happen sometimes like this morning I told my dad to 'Shut The F*** Up'. Certain foods can definitely trigger it as well. My family and myself of course had a complete lack of knowledge on nutrition and how it effects the body when I was growing up. Try your best to keep him away from foods with unnatural properties or excess salts and sugars. Another few main issues for when he's older as well. When he reaches the age when he is going to start Middle School or High School make sure you put him in a private school or if not that a school in an area where the majority of students are from upper middle class backgrounds. Being Aspergers and going to both schools. I can say that kids from working class backgrounds are not understanding of our condition and many of them often tend to bully those with Aspergers or Aspergers traits. Being around people like this would take a huge toll on someone's self esteem (It did on mine) And make them more anxious in social situations. Then comes that frustration period where they try hanging around with anyone who accepts them into their social group. This is often tear away kids who get into trouble with school and truancy laws and smoking fags when they are 12 years old. They would threaten someone with Aspergers & manipulate them into compliance of the bad activities they get up to. Due to someone with Aspergers lack of confrontation (Except with their parents or siblings) - This may cause them to start acting up at home and being argumentative and aggressive at times. This happened to me and many others with Aspergers - I went to a Private School when I was 15. And although things weren't great there. The kids were a lot less judgmental and there was no tear away types who would humiliate you. Another problem for when he reaches his teens is the internet. Going on too much of the internet is bad for someone with Aspergers in my opinion. Things like social networking websites take a huge toll on someone with Aspergers self esteem & They may get too obsessed with it coinciding it with real life too much. And if he ever has a sensory issue and complains that he cannot 'concentrate in the classroom' because of noises and sounds and teachers disregard your pleas for putting him in another room separately so he can concentrate - Please consider home schooling him for certain times at the week. I had this huge problem for years but now have recently started to study my English A Level at home and I am learning so much more. I know I went a bit off topic here. But as a guy with Aspergers who has always gone through people being misunderstanding - I would hate it to happen to anyone else. Take my advice into consideration - Us people with Higher Functioning Aspergers always range from quiet to extremely intelligent. But being consistently in atmospheres where no one get's us can make one eventually very anxious and depressed. All the best with your son - I am sure he's going to turn out great!
  9. Thanks Trekster. I don't think the 'lack of empathy' applies to everyone with Aspergers. With some it may work the opposite way (Like Us) - My other Aspergers Traits are very strong. Such as my sensory issues. I even feel bad about those who have been bad to me. When I was around 13 years old this one kid started bullying me and starting a fight with me. I beat him up but felt really bad about it when I did. It angers and upsets me how many normal people generally don't seem to have morals or compassion for their fellow human beings.
  10. Hello people. I am 19 years old and got diagnosed with Aspergers last year. My traits always seemed pretty obvious and I was surprised that no one caught on sooner - I had many assessments growing up when I went to schools with never any clear speculations to what I might have. I hear a lot of people say including the doctor who diagnosed me. That people with Aspergers tend to lack empathy for others. But I have to say I am the complete opposite in that sense. I see something on TV or read an article and it can really make my heart sink and feel bad because of what the other person is going through. For example I came across this article about how a Woman & Her Husband hired a Nanny to move into their house and how the Nanny & The Husband then began an affair - And how they both started being horrible to the wife. Here is a link to the article: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-1085257/The-nanny-stole-husband-But-whos-really-blame-you.html And it made me feel very down for months - Sometimes it would randomly pop into my head & I don't understand why. I know it isn't normal to think like this but at the same time I can't help it. I feel really bad about what others go through and their level of pain is something I can really relate to. Is there any advice on how to lessen feeling like this?
  11. I have always found doctors to be condescending and patronizing to be honest. This is what totally put's me off going to them a lot of the time. I am 19 but last year when I was 18 (Still far from a child) my mother took me and my sister to a Homeopathic Doctor. Me and my sister both have Aspergers but we weren't actually diagnosed yet when this happened. We saw her the first time & She praised me and said I came across as very articulate and intelligent for my age during the interview. The second time we went seemed to go pretty normal as well but after sitting in the 'waiting room' and coming back inside her demeanor totally changed. She started to our shock yelling at me & my sister and using uncouth language and just having a very unprofessional demeanor. She said something like 'Your Not Babies get off Your Asses' - Then she directed it towards me and I was just contradicting her and disagreeing - And then she told me to 'Shut Up'. We hung around for 15 minutes more and she never apologized for speaking like that to me and acted like nothing happened. I felt very angry & hurt. When I got home I sent her an Email saying she should question what profession she's in as she clearly doesn't know what she's on about. I sent it but I still found no solace really - Like with many other times things like this have happened like with teachers at school I wish I had said there and then to her what I felt - But i'm just not that type of person. It still angers me now thinking about it. Like many others things really.
  12. Hello people. I am 19 years old and have Aspergers. I have never been able to make any mates & even if I have they start to get put off with me after a while due to the fact that I can't relate to what they are saying and vice versa. I am quite self analytical and am aware that I do come across as dis-coordinated and disorientated socially. I am quite intelligent but because of my Aspergers traits other people think or have a Pre-Conceived Notion that I am moronic & many people in my life have seemed to harbor a malevolence against me just for the way I act or come across including teachers at previous schools as well. I have hung around with all sorts of lads in my teenage years. From the 'home arrest trouble kids' who get up to no good and are smoking fags when they are 12. To those who are considered 'Outcasts or Moshers' - To guys who are into bodybuilding and partying - To Weed Smoking Slackers & I just find them all so boring and hard to relate to. Now I am most of the time completely alone. I live in an a quiet area full of chavs which makes me even more anxious walking around the area as I have been ridiculed on the street by random people before. My parents own a convenience shop which I used to run sometimes and didn't mind doing small talk and banter with the customers but now I don't go because I just hate doing it - There will always be that one arrogant or cocky person who happens to come in and they will just ruin my day. I have recently started doing English A Levels from Home & I am surprised how much higher my level of comprehension is when I am in a quite atmosphere rather than in a class full of everyone talking. I have tried going to a couple of Aspergers Help Places but I am really put off ever going again. The last time I went was a woman who talked to me for about an hour and seemed to relate to what I was saying. She said 'Do you want to meet the other higher functioning Aspergers People' - And I said 'Yes' - I went upstairs and it was full of people in the nicest way to put this clearly very low in the IQ Range and obviously not Higher Functioning. Never mind articulacy - They couldn't even speak properly. I found it very humiliating and depressing being associated with people like that. I have a really bad problem with my senses which no one seems to get. The sounds are too loud, the smells are too strong, the lights are too bright. I really actually do feel like there is a wall between me and other people. I don't know anyone else Aspergers. I'm not going to one of these help centers again where they associate someone like me with someone who is obviously very low functioning and they are delusively associating the two probably due to budget cuts. Any Advice?
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