chrismrussell

I cant tell you how wonderful it is to hear people talking about their experiences - experiences that have so much in common with my own. I thought I was reading my own resume, Paul, when reading your initial post. I was a graphics specialist and technical illustrator working in environmental engineering consultancy for many years, but suffered when I became more senior: More meetings with clients and colleagues, and more socialising. I never got any training in new tech - I was always ahead of the curve, and could always pick it up by myself; I wrote the training manuals. When time came to downsize - out I went. Now I have a rubbish job in a school covering absent teachers. I tried to get other work for three years - always getting the interviews but never the job. Now my CV is a 5 page car crash, but now I have my formal diagnosis - I don't care so much. I have never really trusted my own judgement (too many faux pas), so self diagnosis was out. The formal diagnosis means I can live more or less blame-free for the first time in my life - Everything I used to stress about has kind of faded into the background a bit. I only got the diagnosis a few days ago, so I guess it might be the honeymoon period! Still, looking forward to doing thing because I want to, not because it's what I think others want me to do. Talents can be blessing or a curse - people don't expect anything much of the talentless - no pressure.

Sorry I didn't reply to your post - having written the post, I promptly forgot where this forum was. Thank you for your concern. It's a month later now, and I have been given my formal diagnosis of Aspergers. I feel much better now. I have finally got the confirmation I have wanted for many, many years. I hear some people have the confidence to use self-diagnosis, but despite my vigorous research, I could never really trust my own judgement: I have spent a lifetime being devastated by the continuous cycle of making regrettable mistakes and then repeating them almost immediately in some slightly altered form. I am intelligent enough and observant enough to have learned many techniques for passing as NT, but now I can be honest with myself and my family about the toll this has taken, and will continue to take if I keep up the pretense. Now I can look back at the last 40-odd years of trying to live up to the high expectations my talents have invited, and begin to cut these destructive ties. It's liberating, sad and hopeful all at the same time. There - I even used a smiley!

Hi - I'm Chris - I'm 45 and I found out a couple of years ago that there is a very good chance I have Asperger's. I am still waiting for formal assessment, (2 years, now) and in that time my confidence has been very up and down. It's currently rock bottom. The situation I'm in is almost laughable, and a consequence of my utter uselessness at making proper choices for myself. On the one hand, it was wonderful, initially, to know that there was an alternative to my lifetime's default self assessment of 'tactless, stupid, self-important and self-centered'. But now the novelty of that revelation has worn off, and I feel utterly confused and trapped. Frustration and depression are again taking over, and I am compelled to seek advice/understanding from elsewhere. Sound familiar to anyone?