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Gold MD

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Everything posted by Gold MD

  1. By the way, using meds to combat depression caused by other "professionals" no less won't change the fact you're not getting supported by those paid to do so. This is the government's way of not having to individually help people. They think the use of medication will slowly cure the grief riddled thought patterns. Plus, some drugs that are meant to help either make you feel flighty, only work temporarily, or get you addicted to them, and thus you will find you become reliant on them thereafter. It's like booze. Psychoactive and not helpful.
  2. Is that a beta blocker? My GP always prescribes beta blockers. Do they work? I'm sick of anxiety. Now social services won't help me, and I hate not being able to do things by myself.
  3. That's too phucking bad, huh? I mean, what the Diddly Sam hell do they expect me to do now? I've told my advocacy worker a gazillion times that I need support, but the social services are dictating what support I can get, and they pay for it, meaning what they say sticks. So I'm not going to be able to do sh*t now.
  4. My current situation isn't great, because I cannot find suitable help to go out and involve myself in activities I will enjoy. Therefore, I am inclined to feel isolated and frustrated. They are being awkward too, claiming agencies have more females than guys, yet they try to say I agreed to that. Whenever any company I contact never returns my calls, I know the social worker I had is portraying me to be some danger to women. I've called a few places and not one of them got back to me.
  5. Doesn't sound like your family knew how to react. Did it seem awkward?
  6. I couldn't help but notice nobody hardly ever posts on here much now. I've continued to post threads about my anxiety, but maybe my rambling style scares people off, since my rants are obscure. Or are they easy to follow now that I've made more than enough of them? Anyway, I cannot get help in real life because nobody cares, so I feel bored now and desperate.
  7. Yeah. I'm not receiving support from social services any more, and I gave up with Blackwood. They gave me two male workers, but their hours were 'fixed' and I didn't find that useful. Social services aren't wanting to put any young female care workers on with me, because they're concerned that I'd become infatuated with them. Now the doctors, etc, try to say I don't even have autism. Well, it's PDD-NOS they "diagnosed" me with way back in 2007 and apparently, that is something like autism. I used to be supported by Autism Initiatives in Edinburgh, but as you may recall, I already posted threads explaining what occurred with the staff, and what the outcome of contacting these two women was. One of them recently tried to get me into trouble again. Anyway, I didn't have support at all for well over a year before this social worker found Blackwood and I had a stint in prison; I no longer wanted help from A.I. because of what happened, and I ended up losing my flat after they had me ending my tenancy, following a fairly long period where I was on bail between hearings and staying with my family, which in turn made my life even more stressful. The court also have me supervised, as they believe I was "stalking" those women, and sentenced me to a CPO, but now I've got three of them. I'd been contacting the ladies to try to make amends, but they don't care, and feel intimidated by me. Life with my family ain't the greatest. Our house is rather cluttered and overcrowded, and there's a lot of drama going on regarding my sister losing her son. I've got an advocacy worker who helps me, but he cannot do a great deal more, as it's not easy getting another flat. In the UK, there are long waiting times for housing, and without support, the social services are inclined to think I don't need a flat that urgently. People have to fill in a form, and put in bids. However, I've lost faith in caregivers, because they aren't trustworthy people. I'm not really unable to do anything physical, as I'm not disabled, but I kind of like having people to blether with, etc. I wanted to do acting related work, whether it's unpaid or contracted work, but it's a hard profession to be involved with. I'd rather just do it as a hobby, but I generally allow anxiety to hold me back. Sometimes, I feel agoraphobic, and I believe I should be receiving support. This feeling could stem from having social anxiety as well, but it makes life awkward, because other people won't know how to react to hearing about my problems, if I confess about my past. They may consider me to be a threat, or cast me out, which has a detrimental effect on how I perceive others. I've missed out on extras work before. Sometimes, you can be credited for doing it. It all counts towards a portfolio for future work, but the more I get cold feet and back out from attending events, the more opportunities I miss out on. However, social services won't grant me support shifts for activities like this, because they consider it to be unimportant, and these companies have a lot more women than guys. Although I took part in a zombie film earlier this week, I had been apprehensive about going by myself. Since I find it hard to go out to do stuff or meet people, I'm more or less a loner. I've got an older male friend, but he only likes doing his own things, and I cannot rely on him. It's very annoying when I want to be in there trying, but nobody helps me. My stress levels just become worse as a result, and unless I get that in check, it may be affecting me for a lifetime.
  8. I don't know this person, but RIP to a fellow, well respected aspie.
  9. I get my shopping online and can spend as much as £100 on fruit, which is crazy, but I love healthy food. I'm too agoraphobic to spend much time in busy places. When I go for a walk, I quickly become tired. Maybe I need more exercise.
  10. Cheers, M. How have you been keeping yourself? I had to see my supervisor again yesterday. That is essential, even if I don't like it. There is some good news here, but not much. The court slapped me with another CPO to run alongside of the one they already gave me in April of last year. Due to me breaching the order, they have gave me two such orders to run alongside of each other, if that makes any sense. The first CPO (or a 'Community Payback Order' as it is known as) is due to end in October. That order now requires that I have no unsupervised Internet access. He is looking to change that restriction at some point, and that should make my life more joyous because I feel so fed up having to be online with somebody monitoring me. But I will not get my property back until in October. They took my laptop, PlayStation 3 games console and my mobile phone. They have another laptop as well, which was confiscated by the police as far back as July of 2014. The newest order runs out in March of next year because it is to run for 12 months, and it only just started as of 10 March, which was obviously just last week there. To me, it seems pointless giving me another CPO for apologetic letters being sent out, but all I can do is appeal their decision with the help of my advocate and my lawyer. The law sees that as attempting to contact the victim(s) and therefore punished me accordingly. My supervisor also got me to sign a form agreeing to the latest CPO. From my understanding of things, not signing it could have brought forth something bad, so it kind of felt like I was undergoing blackmail. Hopefully though, after so many months, they will cut my trips to his office to just once a month, but for now it is every fortnight that I must make an appearance. By the way, the last few times I was in court, the PF did not have the documents for the remaining incidents, so they will keep having to defer matters until further notice. From my understanding, they were left over in Fife. I hope someone will wake me up from this terrible nightmare soon.
  11. Yes, you *WILL* be shocked to know that all the stress and legal garbage I talked about in my older threads on here, still occurs even now. Why's that, you say? Well, last year in May, I ended up in prison yet again after sending APOLOGY letters to the boyfriend of my former key worker, Callum, since they still look upon that as being a sinister move, or one attempting indirect contact. Right? It's rubbish, I know. So the Crown still defers the outcome of the "case" to this very dull day in time. No, I kid you not. They even jailed me for several days in October. The police came to see me back in September over the other lady, because they arrested me in May, but that was over my key worker. So they had unresolved business and required me to be arrested. I'd been constantly getting charged and arrested over the years for sending messages to both my former key worker and a former colleague of hers, who also no longer desired to work with me, and their bosses lied for ages about their status with me so I would not immediately blow up at them, yet it played out like this as I obviously just knew they were lying. Anyway, I don't mean to sound confusing here, but I ran off after pretending to retrieve my jacket, and ended up sleeping rough. They never give up though, and my GP had me shafted. So just before that, I'd sent an email to my former key worker's e-mail address and it returned an auto-response, so I knew she left. That made me crumble. My beloved Spanish key worker who I cherished, was indeed gone. So me going to the slammer and suffering being assaulted, arrested, locked up and removed from my flat, all amounted to zero. Recently, I finally, finally was granted a males only team, with a different company. Sadly, the hours could not really be altered. They could not be flexible and I'm still under supervision because of the court. There is a social worker who set it up and he is in cahoots with my supervisor, and I reckon he was planning to use my support workers as his watchmen, so I cancelled them swiftly. However, due to a breach of the CPO occurring last year, I think my supervision order has been extended now, so it means this jerk will have to perhaps see me every fortnight for even longer. The court also banned me going online, so it can be awkward to hide things from him and others. Oh, drat!
  12. I chew on wine gums or fruit chews.
  13. Well, okay. Maybe using a certain 'P' word to classify the police may be seen as impolite, but my mate hates them too. I'm sure we are not the only ones either. I see you edited it out of my post. Ha-ha. I actually got my advocate to write to AI and he got a reply which I will look at later on. It hardly matters as although yes, I feel awful over everything from before, they are no longer employees of the agency that used to help me. There is no point in incessantly moaning about the past as nobody can alter the course of history. Sadly, it is only something guys such as Michael J. Fox once could do. By the way, I aim to have an all-male support team with The Action Group. However, the help is more so going to be in place in order to increase my success rate with my new hobbies and friendship pursuits. It still would be wise to not be too revealing. That way, the working relationship will be steady and we will feel more relaxed about things. It might still be annoying if someone I grow to like should one day leave. But this is something that just occurs in life quite a lot, as you know. I actually got deleted off of an acting website and I suspect they went on a witch hunt because I divulged too much info. So in the future, it would obviously be wiser to just talk about ordinary stuff and remain professional. That way, the people with the power to ban me won't think I am unsafe or that I am some creepy weirdo.
  14. I doubt I will be able to shop in a big store again, unless somebody is with me. Even then, my anxiety is still very bad.
  15. There will be a lot of things I will not be able to hide from him, namely jobs and housing. Support workers are not to be confused with social workers, even if you receive help via both. You should not get them mixed up as their roles may seem alike, but they aren't really that similar at all. With that said, however, should I receive a flat with help from my social worker, he would have to inform my supervisor and I guess if we met up as well to have a discussion about anything important, he would tell him how we got on. That is how supervisors work. They have to know your change of address too and all that, so they know where to send the police should you 'breach your bail terms' again. With support workers, they have to type up reports which are usually kept in a folder where their office is. You may become close with these aides, especially if you see them a lot. That was a mistake I made with the caregivers within Autism Initiatives. Their staff may or may not have had my best interests at heart the whole time. In the end, it all went haywire. This mainly occurred because I was honest about something or I would openly admit to having a fancy for a woman who was employed there, and then someone would go and 'spill the beans' to the people in charge. I got the impression that their nice mannerisms and laid back approach was just a cover-up, and they went back and blabbed about any concerning statements I made, such as the remarks about the escorts, my ex, or Ruth, Sara and Joanna. Yet they never even forewarned me this was going to have to be the case.
  16. Where are you, Charlie?

  17. When it comes to buying my horror films, most of them are Region 1 and so many aren't in the UK. Buying them on Amazon is annoying, as sellers will deliberately up the cost of anything hard to find. But yeah, be wary of meat going out of date. That will certainly be very bad for you if you ate it.
  18. Like my buddy on Psych Central says, we are all perfectly normal, but the organizations that are full of ignorance don't think so. We should rise above all that nonsense.
  19. I love transgender people. There is nothing wrong with this. I've never told my family I don't care if a guy believes he should have been born a girl. They are not homophobic as such but I don't think my parents have much positive things to say about gay people. The word P-O-O-F or tranny is very nasty.
  20. There is a man I have to legally see currently at least twice a month. He monitors me and types up court reports. He tried to land me in trouble before which is partially why I missed court once, but there were a couple of other reasons too. So, what should I talk about? I have a habit of rabbiting on about my former support workers who had me charged. But when I have to see him, I leave his office feeling a bit rubbish because I keep thinking my life should never have gone down this route and I get sick of the members of Wrong Planet saying I caused this by harassing Sara and Joanna. I've been depressed lately as I live in my family's house. It is cluttered and my sister has issues with her kids, and she has a children's health and safety guarder watching her every move. I would rather not divulge all my business to him. Another issue is getting a flat as without support, it might be impossible. Unfortunately, I feel caregivers have let me down in the past and they cannot be trusted.
  21. How do you think I feel? Right now, all my web related devices are kept away from me and music is my life. All my music was put on my phone which the court legally took off of me.
  22. Whoever said we are evil wants to use us as a scapegoat. Remember how M and I discussed it? Not many care workers can be trusted. It all comes down to procedure. Having a different outlook on the world is not our fault and we are perfectly normal. They want to order us around and act like we are below others and need the help, but that is wrong.
  23. If that causes you stress, you could perhaps order food online with Iceland or Sainsbury's so you get a delivery guy to bring it to your door. Minimum £25 usually and £3 for delivery. It is what I do.
  24. Edit: I use this lame phone, so it screws up my posts sometimes as the keypad is awkward. The pigs took my laptop away. I may have sadly developed agoraphobia. If I go in a shop, I can only buy one thing in case I have an anxiety attack. Last night for example, I wanted to get two mochas for £2 and a box of chocolates. Most other shops charge £2 just for one mocha so obviously it makes sense to look out for deals. However, I end up wasting money going into multiple stores as having to wait until all my items are scanned makes me panic like crazy. You also know my support ended a year ago, so doing everything by myself is not easy. It might be a case of my life is ruined. People with anxiety can become a hermit which is not good. That ABBA singer went that way, and that worries me.
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