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cookiemonster

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About cookiemonster

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  1. .. Or at least I'm going to try to stop them from doing. All throughout my life I have been uncomfortable and awkward in most social situations, especially new ones that I am trying to figure out. I have always had all sorts of different personal reasons and excuses as to why I am the way I am, little things I have said to myself in order to rationalize my traits, internal dialogues I have used to help me sweep difficulties under the carpet and methods of reasoning with myself in order to get by. But since I was diagnosed with asd earlier this year (previous to which I had little to no understanding of the condition), I have been on a new journey of self discovery and understanding and because of this, I feel like I can use the knowledge I have gained from this and finally try to change my life for the better. For example, I would previously think that it is so hard for me to make friends because of reasons such as 'the depression I suffered with a couple of years ago has caused this lingering negative air about me that repels other people' or 'I find it hard to hold and maintain connections with people due to my commitment phobia' or .. 'I just don't appear to be the type of person that such and such would want to be friends with' .. etc etc. And I was quite often wondering why many people didn't particularly want to make friends with me (and probably coming up with just as many reasons why I didn't want to be friends with them such as not having the spare time), often concocting various possible reasons for each different person that I might see on a daily basis, that were in fact excusable and nice enough for me to consider, rather than masochistic and attributed to something negative/ consistent about my self (which is a plus). .. Only since I have had my diagnosis and have had so much else to think about, I have realised that it is not that people don't want to make friends with me, that is not the case at all. The main reason that people tended not to make the effort to talk to me much or interact with me was due to my own body language. It was quite simply merely that. Oh, and the minor fact that I didn't make much of an effort to talk to or interact with them either .. But .. Obviously the reason why I didn't make much of an effort to talk to or interact with them was because I was avoiding what usually inevitably resulted in a very awkward interaction that lasted for a very short time before reverting back to my normally quiet and 'aloof' self. Now, I actually attended a morning session at my daughter's school the other day that included parents and children and I made some connections with some of the other mothers there that could possibly result in a friendship sometime in the future, and that is due to my on going analysis of body language and interaction, and the fact that I really pushed myself on that day to apply what I have learnt during my analysis whilst around the other people that were there. Voila! During this time, everyone around me seemed warmer towards me and more friendly .. more interactive and more open to being friends. Yes, it felt very awkward at times and yes, at times I felt that certain aspects of the exchanges were too intense. I was at the session for perhaps an hour and thirty minutes and I was feeling mentally a exhausted on the way home, but I was happy and triumphant at the same time. It was hard! I had thought about many little things such as at which angle I should hold my shoulders and when, when I should speak and smile, to whom and for how long, when I should be quiet, who I should walk over to and who was apparently open to me and comfortable with me talking to them and for what reasons. But I have to say that the main thing that was affective for me and that had the most positive result for me whilst I was there seemed to be the ongoing and positive face to face interaction that I entertained with people. Because of this I feel that what seems to be one of the most important aspects of interpersonal body language is actually one of the hardest things of all for people with Aspergers to partake in (well, speaking for myself anyway), and that is real and consistent eye to eye contact and exchange of facial expressions through glances, intermittently throughout interaction and conversation. I really do feel like I'm pointing out many obvious things for many people here and I will understand if some think I'm stark mad for posting all of this, but at the same time I feel like I've made a major discovery for myself and that this will be a huge positive turning point in my life .. which I am excited about. Does anybody have any thoughts or other personal experiences to share?
  2. Hi again. I have just had a thought, it could be a number of different things, for different reasons.I think that hyper-focusing on a stressful situation would be the same as obsessively thinking about it. Then there is the sensory over stimulation when the mind just needs to switch off. I would love to have a brain scan and have it compared to many other people, wouldn't you?? I too find conversations very difficult while driving and can sometimes make driving mistakes when I'm being distracted,. though, luckily, both my reactions and what seems to be my subconscious mind reacting to my secondary senses/ peripheral vision are quite fast and accurate when they need to be. Or when I'm sending a text message, I have to block everyone around me out completely whilst thinking about what to type out to someone. Do people actually think I can send a text whilst talking to them at the same time?!!
  3. Thanks, positive_about. Hmm, perhaps it is a form of hyperfocus, but could also be a sensory thing. I know I tend to do it more when I'm stressed, confused or have had sensory overload of some sort. If it is a hyperfocus, then what would you say the (hyper)focus is on? I have become much more aware of the little things I do though I'm not sure if this is positive or not. Probably has it's ups and downs, as I'm super self conscious at times anyway and it is nice to be comfortable/ oblivious. Thank you for your reply, watergirl. Yes, I also hate when anybody tries to snap me out of it. Why do they do that?? I also zone out a lot too .. and after periods of being stressed. Also, the same with driving. It is kinda scary in a way but when I zone out, but my peripheral vision and my subconscious are so accurate and helpful, plus I can have very fast reactions sometimes. Again, the same, I also spend a lot of time doing mental arithmetics and looking at my finances. I don't pace around though, nor do I get cross. Perhaps I should start getting cross when someone interrupts me. Do you mind if I ask, why did you choose the name watergirl? Hi trekster. So you space out if you eat the 'wrong' things then? I can't deal with too many unhealthy foods, personally. Well, I can eat unhealthily but I have to balance it with just as many fruit and/ or vegetables etc.
  4. Yes, perhaps try talking to him. Understandably, you may think that talking to someone who is psychotic may be a hard thing to do but he may understand if you have a discussion about his uncle and grandmother and really get into the technicalities surrounding his feelings towards them and your differing feelings on the matter. Perhaps he just needs to see everything from a different perspective.
  5. I was going to say the same thing. The obsessive thought patterns and the 'psychoses' are the same, to me they are anyway. Nt's tend to have common thoughts/ personal opinions that are very similar to your son's, in having the thoughts he does about his uncle and grandmother, only he seems to have taken some thoughts and feelings that he has and has latched onto them, repeating them within himself in an obsessive manner and blowing them up in the process.
  6. It shouldn't matter whether or not some of your interests and personal tastes are similar to those of many children, they are *your* interests, not any body else's. I think that the problem lies with finding the confidence to do and to be whatever/ whoever you like and who you naturally are. Perhaps question those people who try to change you, rather than questioning yourself. Perhaps consider 'growing up' when having child-like interests begins to affect your health? (If it ever would). Personally, I love some cartoons and books aimed at teenagers and/ or children and I'm in my 30's. With regards to your parents, I'm afraid that whilst living with them and in their house you may need to compromise on the wallpaper to make them happy too. Although, when you become more independent and perhaps fly the nest, so to speak, you will then be able to buy yourself all the dinosaur wallpaper (etc) that you like. Although whether or not it will be a winner with your lady friend is another matter! But that's for you and her to worry about, if you so choose to. Be yourself, that is my advice. .
  7. I prefer cats because they are softer, cuddlier and tend to smell nicer and because dogs are too demanding. Yet I don't have the time to look after a cat right now as I'm too busy.
  8. Yeah, working hard and having children definitely kinda forces one to push on forward and deal with things. I was working full time when I had my daughter and I felt like a robot when I returned to work, I was so busy. It was depressing though. Still, I have days when my mind just feels zombified, like today. If I am doing anything today I am doing it really slowly and i'm trying to come to terms with a range of things that I'm sure should be quite simple. I think I'm just in temporary shut down mode because the stress of the christmas period has just ended and my mind feels the need to recuperate before accepting that we're getting back to the normality of actually having the time to breathe. Do you ever have days like that, when you just need to work really slowly or your mind just wants to switch off?? I exercise regularly too .. I try to find the time every day and I also dance. Similarly, I quickly start to feel down if I stop doing that. I definitely keep in shape and eat healthily .. I'm too sensitive not to and I'm not masochistic. When going out drinking/ socializing, I like to exercise vigorously first and then bathe so that I feel confident and perky enough to keep up communication and pay attention. The increased adrenaline and blood flow often gives me what I need to be able to do that. Hi Dian11. <'>
  9. my post is mainly about staring into space, as i have always done this quite a lot (though i don't do it as much as i used to). When i was younger, i couldn't control it and i didn't like it when people would try to talk to me whilst i was doing it as i felt they were disturbing me (i was always washed over with such a beautiful feeling when doing it). i also used to daydream a lot too, but that was a different thing .. as when staring my mind would go blank and simply let go of all thought. I'm just wondering if there are any others that are like me as i think that that has always been my main stim and it seems the least commonly written about (i can't find much about it on the net at all). also, my psychologist wrote in my assessment that i have special hand movements, which has made me really conscious of my hands since it but i can't really figure out what they are. in my opinion, my hands are quite relaxed most of the time, but both my mother and my sister seem to understand the hand thing. (I haven't asked either of them to elaborate yet as i'm still coming to terms with my diagnosis). can people with aspergers have special hand movements yet not really notice them for themselves, even when they are looking for them? i do have longish hands and i sometimes point when talking when I'm stressed. Maybe that's partly it. .
  10. I'm guilty of this too, but try not to do it around others. When on my own i hum tunes like the a team theme or superman loudly and animatedly. Sometimes i get them mixed up and don't know what I'm humming. i went through a phase for about a year of mimicking my house phone over again saying 'you have no messages'. I'd look in the mirror and pull all sorts of different faces and say it in as many different voices as i could. i worry a lot about ever living with someone else (other than my daughter), because i won't feel as free then to act how i feel. i despise the thought of ever annoying somebody on a regular basis.
  11. Thanks for the compliment on my name choice, Paul. What is nvld and iow? I'm rather sociable myself, too, but i will become lonely if i stay by myself for too long. i can stay in for a few days without any company or other human contact but then i start to feel weird and isolated. I've always had a keen interest in psychology and can act so i guess that gives me an advantage too. This is for a limited amount of time, mind, as when my steam runs out and a social situation exhausts me i start to switch off and gaze into space (how i usually stim). i have to go home to be on my own at that point. One thing i can't do is talk to groups of people, i think you have a huge advantage there. i wanted to be a teacher at one point but i hated being watched, both by the kids and the assessor. i couldn't deal with that. i can act through interviews though, I have done and can do well in those. When i went to my gp and psychologist for my assessment, i had to write down all my symptoms to remind myself of what to say, is that the scenario you dread, when you think your mind might go blank? Hey tim, I've lacked confidence for most of my life too, but I've gained a lot more lately. Wonder if it's because i choose to work from home these days ..
  12. Hello. I was diagnosed a few weeks ago and am also happy to find the forum, though I am still coming to terms with it myself. I always knew there was something and that I was different but I kept putting it down to anything but or blaming myself etc etc.Then I read about add for the first time and convinced myself I had that, but when I went for the assessment I was invited to return for another assessment for asc (I think that's what they call it now). So during the past month or two I have been reading about aspergers for the first time. Anyway, what I'm trying to say is that it has made a big difference for me and it has been quite an emotional event looking back through my life at the all difficulties I have had and that I finally have my answer. I was quite shocked at first nevertheless and am still surprised but funnily enough none of my family were surprised by the outcome as they knew I would be diagnosed as soon as it was suggested. I was quite taken aback by their unsurprised responses actually. What you wrote regarding your general traits sounds very familiar to me and I will be sure to come back later to talk about strategies as I'm sure we could all benefit by swapping some of those. I look forward to reading and sharing more with everyone on this forum.
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