Immie B

I'm 23 and female, this is my first time on a forum, I have a diagnosis of Aspergers and live with my boyfriend, I am gradually getting more erratic, reclusive and depressed (it has always happened in cycles), he thought it would be a good idea to try and speak to other people who are similar, we live together and have been a couple on and off for 5 years. I tried speaking to my parents (my mum also has a definition of aspergers) and said that I felt I couldn't cope, I don't feel like I can engage with other people, I don't understand society, they told me that's how they feel and it won't change. I also have bad experiences when I try socialize, I've stopped attending college, I just sit in the house and don't speak to anyone, I have a bad reputation due to my drink and drug problems, I get aggressive and do stupid things, drugs aren't as much the problem as drink. I feel completely alienated by the whole of society, I got a diagnosis when I was 16, I tried to commit suicide and had to see a mental health officer- since then the only help I've received from the NHS has been citalopram which I've stopped taking, there is no service that specializes in AS in the area apparently, that's it I have to accept it. I live in an out of the way area and the subsidaries are going to be cut meaning my boyfriend won't be able to get to work come the middle of April, this still has not been officially announced. He says he can't cope with me anymore because of my behavior, I just feel like a burdon on other people whenever I try interract with them. I don't understand how people have any motivation or interest in what they want to do with their life anymore. Sorry this is a very self absorbed rant but has anyone felt like this and how have they made themselves better? Without just making things worse by drinking?