Mihaela

I know children who are viewing this forum - but I also know that they hear and see much worse elsewhere and at school! Even so, I see no point in swearing anyway. It's illogical, unneessary, offensive to many, shows a lack of vocabulary and is often demeaning for the user. I don't swear unless I need to quote somebody else.

I'd agree with the previous comments. We cannot grow out of it - however much Autism Speaks imagines that we can! We can better adapt to it by developing new coping strategies and our sensory processing sensitivities can vary over time. Often, our lives can become a lot harder over time due to losing our support networks, e.g. when we become too old for CAMHS support, when we leave home and attempt to build our own independent lives or when our parents die or become ill. This is when it really hits us. I was always very shy and introverted, but thanks to my high intelligence, I did eventually manage to imitate NT behaviour sufficiently well to hide most of my Aspie traits, at least most of the time. I was known for my polymathic-philomathic traits and these masked my true (autistic) identity - even I was fooled! High intelligence can work to our disadvantage, and I now believe this imitating game to be a bad thing, and feel we should be ourselves and follow our consciences regardless of how the NT world sees us. Being ourselves is far less stressful than having to act out a false role, but we can only do that if we thoroughly understand our true selves, and often this doesn't happen for decades, if ever. I agree there are practicalities to consider here though - not least coping in a work situation. I find that the sensory issues so closely connected with autism are far more subject to change than our social difficulties, and I've no idea what causes these changes - possibly traumas. If anything my sensory sensitivities are more acute than they've ever been. Of course, they vary with anxiety levels, but even when taking that into account, they've still generally increased. This applies equally to my physical, aesthetic and emotional sensitivities. SteveR - You spoke of growing out of childhood sensory issues caused by wearing clothes. I never had strong issues in that area, but my brother did, and he was almost certainly on the spectrum, although very different to myself. I would have been too shy to run about naked as a child, but I now know that this was due to society's warped attitude towards nudity and that nudity is natural, healthy and good - especially for children. A couple of random examples of my changing sensitivities: I disliked the feel of velvet or the taste of vinegar, but I completely outgrew these during my teens, yet I still can't stomach strong tea or tea with milk... As for coping with bright lights, flourescent lights, bright sun, loud noise, sudden noises, traffic, crowds, supermarkets, etc. my thresholds have reduced a lot since then - probably because I'm more often alone than I was. When in towns I sometimes feel like a nervous wreck. Verbeia - Childhood Autism (F84.0) is the ICD-10's name for 'classic' autism (or 'typical' autism) of the so-called low-functioning type. It is diagnosed in early childhood using standard tests aimed at differentiating it from learning disability. The DSM-IV called it Autistic Disorder, and the DSM5 has lumped everything together (including Asperger's syndrome) under Autism Spectrum Disorder. Diagnostic labelling in this area is a total mess!

A very interesting thread, and there's so much I could say. For now, I'll just speak of myself. I've never been interested in fashion or my appearance, simply because my mind was on 'higher things' - my special interests. For many years my mother chose my clothes, and I was always being remined to brush my hair. Ever since childhood I've had a phobia of dentists (and operations), and I've also had teeth knocked out when passing out with hypoglycaemia. I never visit hairdressers, for I see it as unnecessary luxury/vanity, and besides, absolutely detest the smell of those places - even when it wafts into the street! I've always dressed inconspicuously and modestly, and choose clothes for comfort rather than fashion. My logical mind simply can't se any point in following fashion, and anyway it's a total waste of money. Like many Aspies I tend to be androgynous, although I do often wear skirts and like a little jewellery - but I rarely use make-up. I remain slim regardless of what I eat, and my weight has remained at around 9.5 stone for decades ever since my teens. I must admit that I'm attracted to unusual people, most of whom turn out to be on the spectrum - or at least I sense that they are. We seem to gravitate towards one another. Naturalness is important to my view of physical beauty, and I find myself attracted to both stereotypically beautiful faces and atypical faces too, which wouldn't generally be seen as beautiful. The clothes they wear and their hair styles mean little to me. Most of all, though, it's beautiful personalities that draw me.

I've seen various chans over the years (both English language and Russian), but I've not heard of Chris chan. I do sense a strong male Aspie presence on them. I share your suspicions about their interests too. Many are into My Little Pony cartoons, manga, anime, hentai, kawai, internet memes (troll face, etc.) and video games. Atypical sexualities are also present in large numbers. Most of them talk a lot of nonsense, and yes, the scene is dominated by dumbed-down Americans. If you're looking for serious discussion you won't find much on the English-language chans.

Esotericism.

Thankfully, the Bible is silent on asexuality, so I'm saved from that being a potential 'sin'. Ironically, people find it harder to grasp than being lesbian, gay, bisexual, etc. By the way the book of Leviticus lists some pretty foul punishments in the name of religion, such as stoning women to death for adultery, and much more. So much for the God of Christians, Jews and Moslems being a compassionate one. Reading the OT portryas him as jealous, narcissistic, vindictive, war-mongering, intolerant, capricious, sadistic....etc. Not my kind of God at all.

Le Secret Devoilé par Christian Doumergue. (657 pages and I've now reached page 507)

There are enough people who are sceptical about the existence of Aspergers, and they are even less likely to believe a self-diagnosed person. So true, but so very wrong. If we had visible disabilities this wouldn't happen. Unfortunately we don't, and people make too many assumptions. I doubt it would make a difference in my own workplace, as medical conditions are generally considered an inconvenience to the company, and anyone who declares them is considered a lame duck who somehow isn't pulling their weight. Disgraceful! It makes me wonder what the point of the Autism Act can be. If is has no teeth it may as well not exist. I'd like a diagnosis because I think it would change the way my anxiety and depression is considered, and treated. I'm sure it would. Asperger's nearly always comes with anxiety and depression - due to our extreme sensory processing sensitivities (I don't only mean the physical senses, but emotional too). At the moment, I'm medically considered to have mild depression which doesn't stop me from working or being reasonable physically healthy, and without obvious cause such as a traumatic past experience, therefore it's not high priority for treatment. The fact I feel extreme distress outside my home, and can't cope with any social contact, falls off the radar. This isn't good enough. You need an autism specialist. Mild depression is hardly the same as high anxiety. Most GPs and general psychiatrists seem to to know very little about Asperger's - apart from the classic mass-media stereotype. I'm still awaiting CBT for my stress and panic attacks when in busy places. They make life very difficult.

I've known this happen before, and it always seems a shame to me. ...she doesn't feel the spark between us anymore. This is normal in close relationships, even when both parties are neurotypical. The spark slowly fades - as all novelty does, but ideally by then mutual love and affection is sustained because we are familiar with one another and understand each other's ways. If you still love one another, there's just no point in separating. I don't entirely understand what is wrong for this to need to happen, we were still very intimate and would talk to each other, she still feels safe and happy in my arms, enjoys talking to me and trusts me more than most people and doesn't want to lose me as a friend. Like you, with all this going well, I can't understand why she feels it's the 'right' thing to do. My logical mind can't see where the 'rightness' is coming from. My primary concern is about being able to transition from being a couple to being friends, whilst trying to rectify some issues we have so we don't end up losing something very dear to us. What's the difference between a couple and being best friends? I see none, but maybe that's just me. Are you still best friends? Her parents feel like I don't want to talk to them. Do you understand what she means by this? I've been accused of this kind of thing myself. Sometimes it's true, for they may not be my kind of people, but sometimes it's simply because of my aspieness - I can only take smalltalk in small doses, and find it tiring and stressful. It's not that I'm unsociable. She feels like she can't always be herself (banter) without it being a problem. The only problem I can see is that she probably doesn't properly understand your autism-related limitations. In what way does she see her banter as a problem? Do you overeact to it? Underreact? Misunderstand it? I can go around in circles with my questions. I.E. she will give a response which can be somewhat contradicting so I will end up asking the same question, but slightly different (which I appreciate is really frustrating when you feel like you gave an appropriate answer). This is because we like clear and non-contradicory replies. We can't help it. She should be able to adapt, or at least put up with us needing further clarification. It shouldn't be a big problem - unless we make it into one. Hope this helps

So sorry to hear what you and your family are going through. I'm very concerned that your son is being bullied. I was bullied daily at school for years. I reacted by escaping into my special interests, or hiding away. Your son will be suffering unnecessary extra stress due to this, so no wonder he lashes out and feels depressed! What with the change in medication, the two factors could be waekening his coping strategies. Rather than address the symptoms by giving him anti-depressants or anti-psychotics, the causes of his stress need to be identified and eliminated. What are the school doing about this? There's no excuse for bullying, and I've found that many schools try to blame the victim, especially when they're dealing with a group of bullies rather than just one. The attitude they often take is that the victim must be in wrong - being in the minority.

Wonderful news! At last things seem to be getting better for him. I've always been attracted to bubbles. I find them calming.

Hi Abi and welcome to the forum. I'm so sorry to hear about the trouble you're having. Although I've no children of my own, I'm on the autism spectrum and know children with autism, I can only speak from my own experience. Have you ever suspected that he may have Pathological Demand Avoidance (PDA) syndrome? Many psychiatrists seem to know little about it, but it's a distinct variety of autism often simply diagosed as Asperger's syndrome. It shouldn't be, for it needs to be handled in a very different way. This links may help you. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pathological_demand_avoidance http://www.pdasociety.org.uk/ http://www.autism.org.uk/about-autism/autism-an-introduction/what-is-pathological-demand-avoidance-syndrome.aspx http://understandingpda.com/ (I've met Mollie quite recently. She's turning into a lovely little girl now, thanks to getting the right kind of treatment). Alternatively, I you feel your son doesn't have the characteristic PDA traits, all I can suggest is to leave him in a calming place until his meltdowns have gone. The more you increase his stress level by the things you say, the worse he will get.

"...when I compare him to other kids we know, supposedly 'normal' kids I would not swop him for the world". I know exactly what you mean. Neurotypical 'normality' can often be pretty unpleasant.

I wouldn't feel too down-hearted for it could be a blessing in disguise. Let's hope the little steps lead his life in a happier direction.

We all have our different abilities, limitations and difficulties. I have a high intelligence and intellectual ability, very poor exective functioning and very childlike emotionally. A friend of mine also on the spectrum, has an average intelligence, poorer social skills, good executive functioning and she's equally childlike emotionally. It annoys me when people use the term 'high functioning' for I'm only high functioning intellectually and verbally - not in other ways.

Excellent letter. Let us know what their reply is. Far too often, 'child protection' is ignored - when it suits them, and they feel they can get away with it. A child's well-being often comes after cost-cutting and bureaucratic convenience.

Mihaela - I find it interesting you mention gender dysphoria. I'm guessing you mean 'non gender-typical aspie' but the larger gender issue has always confused me too. I've never felt male or female, never understood why a particular set of genitals should dictate behaviour or who one should fall in love with. I'm developing my own theories about the gender thing and Asperger's. The link between being on the spectrum and gender dysphoria, gender fluidity and/or being physically androgynous is well known. All these are known to have a genetic origin, and I suspect that some of the many genes that cause autism also cause the gender variant issues too. So, therefore, the genetic condition that results in early-onset gender dysphoria (at age 2-4) must be a pervasive developmental condition - just like autism - simply because it is pervasive, and exists before birth. (Although historically it's not yet officially recognised as a PDD, at least it's no longer classed as a psychiatric disorder and it recognised at being neurological). Also people on the spectrum are a lot more likely to be asexual or attracted to the same sex, or to either. We can also have strong emotional attachments to people without having any sexual attraction. I know four teenage girls on the spectrum and all of them have both gender identity issues and atypical sexual orientations. Two of them feel they are bisexual, one is probably asexual, while the fourth is openly lesbian, and only very recently told me she had autism, although I'd suspected it for some years. It's very unlikely that this would happen among a random group of four neurotypical teenagers. Seems highly technical interests are not at all unusual then! Mihaela: I still find valve gear a bit scary but I do have a very nice old (1960s?) KW 1000 HF linear amplifier which is in regular use. Scary? I must have had many hundreds of shocks while working on valve equipment. Never pleasant, but with basic safety precautions they never harmed me. You need to be careful of high-voltage high-current situations though, such as when found in high-power PA's, old-style EHT systems (i.e. using a mains transformer) and all 'live-chassis' (AC/DC) equipment (cheaper domestic radios, and most TVs). Charged electrolytics can be nasty too. I had a friend who used to tune up his homemade MW transmitters for maximum RF burns! I've had a few of those too. You don't notice them until you smell burning skin! On a less shocking note, I've played around a lot with low-HT valve circuits (100V down to 6V). By the way, I have a mint KW2000.

Nice pattern. I know just what you mean by 'herding thoughts'.

Good reply, WB. Parents of bullied, autistic children, must never forget that bullying doesn't end with school, and many of us continue to be bullied, tormented, insulted, etc. throughout our adulthood, especially those who are emotionally still very childlike. I may well be at the high intelligence of the spectrum, but my emotional development never caught up with my intellectual development - and never will. They call us 'high functioning' but we can have just as many difficulties in life as those on the 'low functioning' end of the spectrum - and often even more, because we lack the support we need. It's high time professionals understood that simple fact.

The police themselves still commonly indulge in a little bullying of autistic adults, so where can we turn as victims? My experience of the police has been one of humiliation, intimidation, victimisation and discrimination. I was even arrested after desperately seeking their help when living with a psychotic, knife-wielding, fire-raising woman who howled at the moon. The mental health services should never have allowed her to move in with me, and never told me she was dangerous, and had been 'sectioned' over 12 times. I'd called 999 four times over three days, and their first three responses were atrocious. So much for protecting the public. The third time, I was so terrified for my life, and their attitude was so indifferent that I showed them that I carried a vegetable knife in an autistically naive attempt at emphasising how very scared I was. I was about 2 or 3 feet outside my garden gate, on the pavement at the end of a quiet cul-de-sac. I was immediately arrested for possessing of a 'bladed weapon' in a 'public place' by a gloating, sadistic, thug in uniform. I never struggled, but was hand-cuffed and taken miles away to the cells, quiety going insane, crying and regressing to the emotions of a four-year old. I had a meltdown in the car, and all I got were taunting and insulting comments. This happened a few years ago before I was diagnosed. When I was eventually interviewed, the very pleasant female officer immediately knew that I was totally harmless, and very afraid. I was advised to accept a caution, and only did so because I wanted to get back to my cats as soon as possible, for I was afraid for their safety. To cut a long story short, It took a visit to the local mental hospital, and a fourth 999 call to eventually have the poor woman removed - she was 'sectioned' for 12 weeks. I could give many examples of police stupidity, incompetence and cruelty. Too many of them in the job for the wrong reasons and have psychopathiuc traits. The work attracts these types. It's a scandal that children bullied at school have no legal protection. The police tend to view it as a matter between the school and the parents. They're notorious for not protecting bullied children. How on earth could 'keeping a diary' protect a vulnerable child against bullying? It makes me so angry! As a child, I was the victim of intense daily bullying between the ages of 11 and 15ish and all the teachers turned a blind eye. I could write a book about how much the authorities truly care about child protection. Years ago I worked for the police, and I didn't like what I saw, and their culture seems to have barely changed.

Hello TCMSLP! (That's fiendishly hard to pronounce!) We have a lot in common. What I always look for in lists of traits is sensitivity processing issues. I share your reaction to bright light and sudden noises - along with various other sensory issues. Your 'painfully' high empathy fascinates me, for I too have that, and can spontaneously cry with the slightest of triggers. (Sometimes I don't even know what the trigger is). This tends to be a female-type AS trait, but I know of males who have it too. Also, interestingly, two physically male Aspies with acute gender dysphoria. I also know woman who appear to lack emotional empathy entirely. It's there locked inside her, but she can't express it. In my opinion, the extreme-male-brain theory of Baron-Cohen is flawed, and only applies to a specific type of person on the spectrum (classic male Asperger's). The Markrams' intense-world theory makes much more logical sense. Depending upon the individual, their sensitivities can lie at either extreme of the scale. e.g. one person may hate being hugged, another may hug obsessively; one may enjoy loud noise while another can't stand it. I see empathy in the same way: some appear to lack emotional empathy altogether, while others at the opposite end of the scale may have so much empathy that it reaches mirror-touch synaesthesia. Empathy behaves exactly as sensory issue would, because it is one - an issue of emotional sensitivity - rather than physical. So I wouldn't doubt that you're on the autistic spectrum on the grounds that you have extreme empathy. Its very extremeness, along with your other traits, is enough to convince me. By the way, amateur radio has long been one of my many special interests. (I'm obsessed with valve technology, and have built many transmitters, receivers, etc, using valves. I've even memorised 100s of valve equivalents and can reel them off without pausing, just as I can with umpteen other long lists!). Like you, my interests alternate, but they do so pretty randomly.

I feel so sorry for you all, and wish I could do more to help, but it's way out of my ability. ...and no, you're not a bad mother. You're naturally worried and have nowhere to turn - like me at the moment. The mental health services are certainly not what they should be. Even basic awareness of this kind of mental health issue by GPs is sadly lacking. Just because childhood schizophrenia is very rare among NT children, they're applying that dodgy statistic to your neuro-atypical children, and seem oblivious that they should see a flashing red warning sign when you get symptoms of schizophrenia among autistic children. Two of my cousins had schizophrenia, and I suspect both were on the autistic spectrum. The girl developed the symptoms at around 17, and the boy at about 21 (the more usual ages). The girl, is now in her late 30s, was originally taken to a Christian healing centre, which caused a lot of harm. Eventually she had to be 'sectioned' and was properly diagnosed. She never fails to take her medication, and lives a contented life in her own little house - but does need support. The boy took his own life and was never diagnosed. He became obsessed with God and took to carrying a Bible around with him. The system badly let him down. I've found that you've really got to fight before they take serious notice. Never give up. Your children's futures are at stake. x

From what you say, Gem, it does sound like very-early-onset schizophrenia. Your GP is wrong; it's not 'part of the ASD' at all, but may possibly be related genetically, for there's a significant correllation between autism and childhood schizophrenia - that should never be ignored. Autism spectrum disorder (ASD) and childhood onset schizophrenia (COS) are pediatric neurodevelopmental disorders associated with significant morbidity. Both conditions are thought to share an underlying genetic architecture. http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3869044/ I think it's appalling that they aren't taking it seriously. You must insist that they do, and that they assess him, and the sooner the better.

I have a very high IQ, but it has black spots in the area of executive function (including dyscalculia). EF is vital for modern living, and for me EF is a learning disability. Also I tend to take things literally, so instructions must be clear, concise and completely jargon free. I'd have managed perfectly well living in a little hut like a hermit. It's my relationship with modern life that's the problem - or maybe modern life itself, for it's so unnatural and goes against human nature in so many ways.

Hello Tim. It's all very interesting reading how so hit-and-miss the system is. An appaling state of affairs. My story was that originally my GP laughed off the idea, and said there was no funding available for adult diagnoses in my area. When I insisted that it was my right to get one, things started moving. I saw the psychiatrist twice and then got my diagnosis quite quickly after that. I then saw him again soon after, along with a psychologist. Confirmation of what I long suspected came as a relief. My behaviour, sensitivities and world-view can all now be explained. My trouble at the moment is getting the necessary support - which is also my right. You say a couple of psychiatrists dismissed that you had AS. There is no point at all in having a psychiatrist who does not specialise in ASC - especially if you're a woman or of very high intelligence. They're a waste of time, and there's always a danger that they may misdiagnose you. I was once diagnosed with schizoid-avoidant traits - which is nonsense. Not once did he even consider autism. I fear the system is badly letting you down. Haven't they explained why it's taking them so long? Behaviour like this is hardly likely to improve our mental health. You should demand your diagnosis within 14 days. They've no excuse to cause you more stress by delaying, what to you, is a very important piece of paper. Tell them that if you don't receive it, you'll be making an official complaint. This is really the kind of thing the NAS should be doing. No wonder there's no consistency. It's a total shambles, like so much in this country - a 'post-code lottery'.