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Mihaela

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Everything posted by Mihaela

  1. Hello Shaye. I belong to a local autism group, and only last Saturday I was speaking to the father of a 7-year old girl with Asperger's who was also present. He was saying that her school does virtually nothing to support her, and it seems that this isn't unusual, even though they have a legal duty to provide support. They bend over backwards to support the needs of physically disabled children, but do very little for those with autism. It really isn't good enough and makes me angry. I've been battling for adult support for ages, and I'm getting nowhere fast. Somehow we all need a bigger voice to get ourselves heard, but how? Good luck and don't give up, Shaye.
  2. My 'friend' who was diagnosed with Asperger's at 30 was faking it in a way, and still is, for she was careful only to tell half the story. She saw her psychologist simply for an AS diagnosis, but was hiding a far bigger issue, her personality disorder in which she considers herself perfect in every way, and humiliates and exploits those who care for her most. She fakes it with strangers and authority figures, but not with those she gets to know well when her very unpleasant side becomes obvious. She now uses her diagnosis to convince others (and maybe even herself) that it's the cause of her most disturbing traits. When somebody is 'different' we all know intuitively that they are, even us Aspies can sense this. Finding out just exactly what that difference is is more difficult, but any good psychiatrist should be able to get it more or less right. The real difficulty comes when there are a lot of overlapping traits, and mistakes can be made by putting someone in the wrong box. It can then be about as accurate as tossing a coin.
  3. What can I say? Thanks! Your well thought out words needed a well thought out reply.
  4. Tired. I've spent half the day looking for a bin bag full of fluffy toys. Still haven't found it, but I've made an awful mess :(

    1. Laddo

      Laddo

      Did you have any luck finding the toys?

    2. Mihaela

      Mihaela

      Yes. Guess where they were... In a drawer under my bed! Not in a bin-bag at all ...a perfect example of my executive dysfunction! LOL

       

  5. I don't know this story, as I'm usually completely out of touch with the news, but I do know that there's much evidence to prove that heavy drinking in pregnancy causes disabilities in the baby by permanently damaging their DNA. You'll always find an idiot like that. Just ignore them. They're not worth the time of day. They want to upset you, and if they succeed it makes them happy. Don't let them succeed. http://www.encare.info/en-GB/riskyenvironments/alcohol/fas/
  6. Waterboatman: An observation, most people with the high end version of ASD either will never want a diagnoses, or will never be suspected. Its possible if all goes well or not too badly to live completely without this dubious tag. I'm not sure about most, but certainly a lot. But looking back, I only wish I had one years ago, for my life would have so much easier. I feel cheated. I was never suspected but instead I got treated as weird, a loner, a nerd and far worse. I could manage with the support of parents for all those years, but now they've gone my life has fallen apart and I discovered 'executive dysfunction' and why I had it. Far from being a dubious tag for me, I make the most of all the positive aspects of being an Aspie, and wouldn't want to be any different. Also more obvious high function ASD's are perceived as being 'tiresome' even by others on the scale. This can sometimes be true, depending on who does the perceiving - but that's their problem, not mine. People afflicted by this vary quite a bit, it will never be a case of those on the lower end or with very unhelpful 'missing brain functions' running the show. I don't see my AS as an affliction at all - quite the opposite. Looked at objectively, those who tend to run the show - politicians, business leaders, petty bureaucrats, etc. are the ones with dubious brain functions. What I have said is not very helpful to well meaning dreamers. Sorry. I have lived in the real world. ********* Laddo: Well meaning dreamers? I find that quite patronising and rude. I'm sure that's not intended. Maybe it's just a feeling of bitter realism. I'm a 'dreamer', and it's a fact that it's the dreamers who change the world for the better. I've seen harsh reality too. I was bullied daily at school for years by both pupils and teachers, been bullied by the official bodies, struggled with depression, anxiety and OCD all my life, have been in several exploitative/abusive relationships, etc. All of this would never have happened had I received and early diagnosis along with appropriate support. Everyone has to deal with bad things in their life, everyone. Does that mean I should be pessimistic, not bother trying to change, even go on about my bad experiences all the time? No. That is no way to live. Exactly! I'd go as far as to say that it's our moral duty to fight injustice wherever we see it - if at all humanly possible. Life is full of horror but also full of beauty. More beauty can be achieved through change. Yes! And the proof isn't hard to find. To me, pessimism is one of the ultimate forms of selfishness - a kind of 'Things haven't gone well for me so they'll never go well for anyone. I've not seen it expressed this way before, but you have a point. A 'friend' of mine has both AS and narcissistic/sociopathic PD and she's the most negative and pessimistic person I've ever known. There's probably a connection. I am choosing to enjoy life, despite all the negative stuff it throws at me. Me too, and enjoying it more than ever - now that I at last understand myself! To be honest Waterboatman, your negativity about so many things and the way you can get quite rude to people you disagree with is starting to put me off coming on this forum. You don't have to bring everyone else down because you're unhappy with your own life. Actually this is nothing compared with the kind of stuff my 'friend' posts. She takes great pride in insulting, humiliating and her notoriety as troll. Waterboatman, I sense bitterness, rather than malicious intent. Is that right? I still have a child's emotions; I still have a sense of wonder and awe at the sight of the first snowdrops in the spring. I still feel the thrill of seeing deer in the woods as if it was the first time. Beauty cures bitterness. There's beauty to be found in words too. It could even be found in Auschwitz, for wherever humanity exists so does beauty. It's beauty more than anything that inspires me and gives me hope. "I can, therefore I am" - Simone Weil
  7. Erm...um.... that's cheating... I retorted!
  8. My thoughts on your thoughts - How strange it is, how powerful just a few words can be. I write because I do not understand myself, I almost feel as though I have no self. Most people don't understand themselves, let alone bother to try. They don't question themselves or their existence in the world. We can never entirely understand ourselves (or others) but we can get very close, but the truth will always lie a little further away - like Tantalus and his hanging fruit. How do you describe the most beautiful picture you have ever seen ... how do you even begin to understand it. Beauty is beyond words, a great mystery. Recognising it inspires us, and it's part of what makes us fully human. Words will set you free, unlock your emotions and focus your understanding. True liberty is the freedom to be ourselves while harming none. True, words do set us free, but there's a freedom that lies beyond words, where words become inadequate and clumsy. You are the same as me ... we are the same. We live, love and die! True again. Our fleeting existence is all we have on this earth, and to experience it we need everyday consciousness. We have other existences and other forms of consciousness too - but few of ever experience these except as dreams. 'I think, therefore I am.' René Descartes. We think using words. How did we think before we invented words? Words flow, like time. Before the advent of verbal language time stood still, we lived in the eternal present - like babies and animals. I am not a philosopher nor am I a greatly educated mind ... I am simply a thinker, a questioner, a child of curiosity ... a dreamer. All deep thinkers and dreamers are philosophers. To be a philosopher we neither need to be academics (a hindrance to independent thought) - or Greek! Although being a poet (an artist whose medium is words) can help. Though I am confused. There is something missing. The social expectations of the world are not only daunting, they're ever changing. So has it been the norm throughout my life. As they are to all philosophers and aspies alike. We are the only constant, while the NT world with its contradictions, chaos shallowness, and addiction to fashions and quick fixes stumbles, clumsily and aimlessly onwards. At what cost is it acceptable to not be yourself? At the cost of our freedom, integrity and eternal regret.. I have never been myself, I fear that I have no self ... I have thoughts and feelings, though I have no voice. But you 're at least being yourself as far as you can - at least when you wrote this Words are the limitation to fully being yourself. Just 'being' transcends words and language: a paradoxical state of mind 'when/where' we are both at the same 'time' entirely 'alone' and entirely at one with 'the world'. (All those 'words' can't be defined with words) I only wish to say what is right, what is just and fair. What is right is true and good, and truth, although elusive, is well worth seeking. What is fair is just, and depends upon truth and goodness. I do care and I do give a damn, for I am a person just like you ... I just express it differently ... Caring depends on compassionate empathy and a sense of fairness. Truth, goodness/love and beauty can't exist without one another. Together they are what make us fully human. If we're starved of any of one these, the others are at risk of withering, and we suffer as a result.
  9. For me it has to be Terry Thomas, king of cads! ...or his cartoon equivalent, Dick Dastardly... or maybe Professor Moriarty.
  10. Welcome, Nikki. I find it very odd that they say he has traits of Asperger's at such an early age, especially as he's on a waiting list for speech and language. By this I'm assuming he has a delay in that area. Asperger's syndrome is one of the autism spectrum conditions - often known as 'high functioning autism', but it can't be diagnosed at such an early age - for one of the major differences between Asperger’s and classic autism is that, by definition, there's no speech delay in Asperger’s. Actually children with Asperger’s usually have good language skills. To be diagnosed with Asperger’s, a child must have normal language development as well as average or higher than average intelligence. Obviously, this can't be until the child is somewhat older., say about 5 - the average age for AS diagnosis in boys is around 7. (In girls it may often get overlooked). I'm sorry that I can't help any more. .
  11. Mihaela

    Desperate

    I've just checked my earlier posts on this thread and saw that I got that phone call from CAB on 22nd October: "I had a call from CAB yesterday to say Creative Support will be contacting me soon. I'd never heard of them, but I hope they can help me. She said Adult Services had suggested trying them. Oh well.... I'll wait and see". As I'd been waiting for some time I rang CS today. They had no record of the referral at all and told me to contact CAB! So I tried to chase up the CAB adviser to find out what was going on, but she wasn't there, so I'll have to try again on Monday. I feel as if I'm banging my against a wall.
  12. I'm not ignoring this topic and some very good points have been made. I just need to think about it more before I make my comments. The whole subject of NAS politics is new to me. If the NAS isn't delivering the goods, then perhaps a new organisation devoted to adults with Asperger's should be set up.
  13. Music transcends national boundaries and can be used to promote peace, understanding and tolerance. Here's June Tabor singing Lili Marlene. She gives an introduction to it explaining how it became so popular amongst troops on serving on both sides of the war.
  14. I'm an incurable romantic, but at the emotional level of a naive 12-year old. People have so often misunderstood me because of this. All my close relationships have a bittersweet aspect to them. I can only truly be myself with another of similar emotional age. (Their chronological age is irrelevant).
  15. Silly thing! Nobody is no good! Your posts say enough to me to be certain that you are good. You talk a lot of sense. If you feel you're a social failure there must be a reason for it. Believe me, you're no failure on this forum.
  16. I've read quite a bit about eidetic memory, and it forces us to ask questions about how much we really know about the brain and consciousness, but I've never come across anyone who has it until now. I can well understand why it can get in the way of your life. I'm sure I'd rather be the way I am than in your shoes, although I agree your memory must very useful at times. People tell me I have an extraordinary memory for facts and knowledge but my day-to-day memory isn't all that good. I often remember my childhood days better than I remember what I did yesterday, and I'm always misplacing things. I'm used to it though, and only see it as minor nuisance. I suppose I'm a typical absent-minded professor type!
  17. Of course it is Aeolienne! People in this country are strange in their aversion to learning other languages. England is known for this throughout Europe. I know of many children in Moldova, the poorest country in Europe, who can fluently speak three languages. Italian, French, English, Russian, songs are commonly played on the radio, as well as the native Romanian. (All there is here is English and American - very boring). As soon as children start school at 6 they begin learning English. In Wales, every Welsh-speaking child also speaks fluent English, but go across the border and barely anyone will speak Welsh. I love languages.
  18. It must be discouraging not to get a single reply. If your'e still around let me know and I'll reply. The forum seems to be getting busier now.
  19. I fully agree with you on all points, Laddo. Regarding crimes being committed by men more than women, I wonder if this is anything to do with the pressure society puts on men to be stereotypically 'manly'? Certainly, and masses of research has backed this up. I don't like to think that men are just inherently bad people or the worse of the sexes. Of course not. I've met some absolutely awful women! I know feminists go on about women getting raw deal, but men also get a raw deal - but in different ways to women. Your 'friend' sounds like she might have been hurt very badly in the past, especially if she treats herself badly as well as other people. As much as I despise my ex for all the horrible abuse she put me through, part of me does feel sorry for her as she had a very difficult family life when she was younger and I think that is mostly to blame for her actions - when someone is shown so little love, they find it difficult to show love themselves. From all she's told me, she had a quite dysfunctional family. I know it's not her fault, and that's why I feel so sorry for her and still have a lot of affection for her. She actually shows pride in saying she has no empathy (complete with 'psychopathic gaze') and even boasts about it. She endlessly calls herself 'delightful' because she latched onto the fact that her psychologist had said in her Asperger's diagnosis that she'd been 'delightful to interview'. True, she can be delightful, but only with 'authority figures' and when she's trying to manipulate. (The psychologist was looking for AS traits, not a serious personality disorder nad would have had no inkling of this during the interview). As soon as she gets to know somebody well, her narcissistic/sociopathic traits become very obvious. Due to her AS, her manipulation skills are thankfully very poor, but even so, she's left a trail of unhappy people in her life. Top government figures never - and I mean never - admit they have made a mistake. True, and nor would my friend, ever. In her words: "I don't do gifts or apologies. I just receive them" She demands them too. I just don't understand how people can be resistant to change that is obviously for the better. Cognitive dissonance, special pleading, apathy, 'brainwashing', conformity, peer pressure.... all seem to play a part. It is ironic that autistic people are often cited as having little empathy, yet it seems that a huge proportion of society are the ones with no empathy. The NT masses notoriously shy away from 'uncomfortable' facts when they go against their agendas or pose a threat to their sacred cows and cosy, cherished beliefs. I'm an unrepentant iconoclast and see mass society as sick and dysfunctional... wrong in so many ways.
  20. Mihaela

    Desperate

    That housing adviser knows how incompetent and cruel the council can be. He told me of a case where a couple leased a market stall, but had to close it after a month due to low custom. The council charged them 64,000 pounds! YES - 64 thousand! But worse still, they're continuing to charge them business charges and rental on the empty stall. The couple can't afford to pay, for the council had forced them into bankruptcy. I asked whether what the council did was legal, and apparently it's a grey area of law, and he knew of no case where a council had tried this dirty trick, but he says there's an increasing trend for council's to gain money by unscrupulous means. I've often thought of having a companion, WB. Due to being vulnerable to exploitation (by three women since my mum died) I'm very wary, but yes, it's an idea. I'll send her a message and find out a bit more about her. PS - I've never heard of Ocado. My mum used to order from Sainsbury's online, but all that stopped after she died. I've never bought anything online. Spending 40 GBP all in one go gives me the shakes! I've never spent over 10 GBP in a supermarket. I might look into it though, now you mention it.
  21. had really good holiday at half term and she was much more relaxed and happy. The problem clearly lies with school environment. No great surprise to me. I've come across it so often. It's such a shame that home education isn't possible. She'd flower in the right environment - as she did on holiday. I hope school won't damage her in the long term - as it did with me. We never get over it, and it haunts us daily. and affects our relationships in so many ways.
  22. Not at all, Aeolienne. A special talent needn't be the same as a special interest. I may have lots of special interests, but with most of them my talent is pretty average. @Unusual - I dislike modern OS maps. They seem impersonal. They lack the aesthetic appeal of those from the 1960s and earlier. Even the fonts used are boring. To really enjoy an OS map, it must be an older version, before the advent of the motorway age. I find those awful blue scars across the maps extremely irritating - they jar my senses, almost as much as when I see them cutting across the countryside. The traditional paths of animals used over countless centuries obliterated in the dubious name of 'progress'! This country seems to worship the car and speed, and has more than its fair share of motorways. I know of countries not that far away that still don't have motorways. Their maps are easier on the eye. Yes, I know I'm 'too' sensitive for this mad world, but I can't help it.
  23. Me too. I had a bad accident years ago due a blackout (hyperglycaemia) and I've never driven since. I'm quite happy not having a car as I always found driving stressful. I also feel much healthier.
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