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Mihaela

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Everything posted by Mihaela

  1. Sorry. Too disturbingly discordant for me! It has more than a hint of brooding menace. It sound slike the soundtrack of a horror film. The uneasy year, tortured by its spring of adolescence, broke into bud-spots in hedge, copse, spinney and byre ...hmm, and those bud-spots would soon become rampant sukebind! Cold Comfort Farm is utterly unique, a minor classic - I love the book and the film.
  2. "I never realised some people can't keep track of time" I can't either. My special interests make me lose track of time and I can be very absent-minded. I often don't know what day it is, and sometimes forget what month it is. I even still sometimes start writing the year as 19.., instead of 20.. ! I'm supposed to take medication twice a week but very often I forget and may go up to two weeks before taking it again, depending on how busy my mind is, but luckily these lapses don't seriously affect my health. I'd need help with more critical medication, just as I do with paying bills, etc. I still habitually convert prices of food, etc. into old money. If I don't, it means nothing to me. Much of my life seems to have stopped in 1971! I find all this very hard to explain.
  3. Mihaela

    Desperate

    Thanks for you advice, Sally. "I was surprised when you'd posted so much of your financial particulars on here". LOL I didn't think I had. My mind just doesn't think in that way. Money has never interested me, although unfortunately, I have to put up with it. "one thing that does seem to be consistent about us aspies, is we are very trusting, and in certain areas, that is great, but in others it is not" I've learnt this the hard way, and I've not been a fast learner Some people don't like me because I'm 'too' honest. "more than we'd wish to remember most times" Yes! I phoned the surgery about that appointment. It wasn't urgent, and my doctor is ringing me today about the results of a blood test, so I have to stay in all day.
  4. If the anxiety/phobia is being caused by OCD rather than by AS (?social), there's a far better chance of curing it. Of course, it could be a mixture of both, but even so, I'm sure a lot could be done to improve your son's experience of school - Sally & Dotmars have some excellent suggestions. "in this country, if your kid don't go to school, they do put the parents in prison". Help! Which country is this?
  5. I'm an oldie, but I still thought it was cool as a child. My love affair with classical music began very early, when listening to my mother playing Chopin on the piano. My musical tastes have never changed and are very eclectic, but for music (and any art form) to truly mean something to me it must either be intrinsically 'poetic' and moving, or evoke memories from episodes of my life.
  6. I can strongly identify with your son's dilemma from my own experience of school. I was also extremely fearful of school, but for a very good reason - daily bullying. Unlike him, I detested school, and the experience damaged me irreparably. It sounds to me as if he has a true (clinical) phobia - it's disproportionate and irrational, for he actually likes school. It's important to know the precise cause of this phobia. If it's AS related it's likely to be a fear of social situations. I loved learning, and could bear the lessons (although uninspiring), but it was the social agenda of school life that caused all the anxiety. If this is the cause, maybe the school could arrange for him to avoid social situations with the other children - say, a quiet room on his own, or maybe with a close friend or adult. I would much have preferred being on my own during break times, and when I was older I made a point of escaping to an island on the lake to be alone.and 'recharge' myself. (It wasn't quite an island and I'd found a secret path there without getting too wet! ). Most phobias can usually easily be treated (generally with CBT) so I suggest you find a specialist in this area, ideally one who treats schoolphobia, but if your son's phobia is AS related, treatment like this is unlikely to work. (Home education is often the only solution with Aspie children and state schooling). Ideally, looking back, my education would have flourished if I'd had the opportunity to learn on a 1:1 basis with a knowledgeable and likeable adult. I was always more attracted to adult company than to that of my peers, who seemed so alien and stupid to me. Like your son, I was emotionally young - and still am, now feeling far more at ease with those much younger than myself. School was a waste of my childhood. It taught me very little, except how confusing and cruel the NT world could be. I've always had a passion for learning and I'm a self-taught polymath. Your son sounds very similar to me. Hope this helps. Please let me know how you get on.
  7. Eliza Pirosca, a Romanian singer, singing Sunt atat de mic ("I am so small") - and you don't even to understand the language. One of the most moving and profound songs I've ever heard. It's really intended to be a Christian song, but its deep existential meaning transcends all religions. Ultimately, we are all entirely alone in a vast world, wandering aimlessly - a scary thought, unless we believe in something greater than our mortal selves. The video adds to its meaning and makes you think about why we are here.
  8. Mihaela

    Desperate

    "it does appear you have been through the wars, and had a lot of really bad experiences" Sadly, there's much, much more - but now that I know why I am as I am (AS), it's given me strength, and I'll no longer meekly put up with bullying, exploitation and humiliation from anyone, and that includes officialdom. People say I should write my life story. Yes, I'll keep you updated.
  9. "anyone who is odd is cool in my books (because I'm odd myself)" LOL Same here. 'Normal' people soon tire me, and I find them boring. I like to see individualism (eccentricity), passion and deep thinking in people. "what's the point in a fantastic piece of art, if no one can see it?" - precisely!
  10. Sorry, never heard of them. I live in a parallel world.
  11. Oops! I forget to mention that little thing in my life - gaining knowledge. Yes, it's a true passion with me. When I read the thread title I was thinking more of the emotional than the intellectual aspect of enjoyment. I like pagan/Celtic type music too, Titan
  12. I gave up watching TV years ago. Far to often it seems to reflect a way of life very alien to me, and I found it was making me annoyed and depressed.
  13. I agree, it's a beautiful photo. (I've saved it!) I take a lot of photos but I'm no expert - only have a cheap camera. However, I do obsessively collect images - nowadays from the internet, both photos and paintings. My walls are covered with paintings - mainly repros but I don't care for they're beautiful. (My father was an artist) I feel the same about music, but get frustrated as I can't improve my playing due to dyspraxia, but I do collect music videos from Youtube in vast numbers. My likes in music are very wide, but it's the slower rather melancholy types that move me the most.
  14. Yes it can be horrible and stressful having to go into the NT world. I do this as little as possible. I'm lucky in a sense, because I've never needed to work for money for a long time, but I've always done a lot of voluntary work, mainly with children or animals. It's the adult NT world (which I find mean, superficial, hypocritical and unappealing) that's caused all my stress and difficulties over the years, while children and animals accept me for who I am. I also work in a charity shop (when I feel like it) and attend various meetings and groups, but these involve minimal socialising and don't last all day (as typical paid work does). On top of all this I spend most of my time working alone on my special interests (mainly research related), but I can only do this when I'm not held under a black cloud of depression. Often this depression is more akin to acedia than clinical depression; it's different in quality but equally debilitating. It's the price I have to pay for my intelligence. No, Titan, I've never had medication, but I've been diagnosed with depression several times. I think my extremely active mind helps me keep it bay, and also regular escapes into the woods and wild places.
  15. I've always had mild dyspraxia (never diagnosed) - as a child I couldn't dress myself properly until I was 8. Had trouble throwing and catching balls, balancing, riding a bike. I never learnt to swim (very traumatic). Left & right are still a problem. I peel potatoes and chop vegetables awkwardly and slowly. I can read music, but can't coordinate my hands or move my fingers fast enough when playing the piano. Playing violins, guitars, flutes, etc. would be a nightmare for me. I like the piano, ţambal, accordion, organ, etc. because the notes are in a nice logical order, but it's so frustrating as I never improve my playing however much practice I do. I have dysgraphia too, but it used to be far worse. My handwriting looked very awkward until I was 17 when I made a conscious effort to copy the writing of a girl I idolised and sat next to at school. It changed dramatically in no time and is still, decades later, barely any different. However, it tends to get very small, so tiny that sometimes even I can't read it. On lined paper (narrow spaced A4) I squeeze up to 4 lines of writing in each space, so I really have to be careful not to start doing this when I want other people to read it. On unlined paper my writing always starts sloping downwards! Before I got a computer in 2006, I obsessively filled many pads of A4 with my tiny writing. Now I write on a computer most of the time, but I only type with one finger usually, but very fast. I don't have dyslexia and I'm very good at spelling (in several languages), but I often transpose letters when typing and have to correct tehm.
  16. I'm the same with patterns and routines. I don't like change at all, and my awareness of the passing of time is weird too (not to me but to others). I sort of live in my own time and in my mind very much - always have done and I'm very happy with it. When I'm with others or in busy places, I have to switch this off. I can't always do this for long, but it depends on who they are or where I am, or the amount of noise, brightness, heat, etc. My OC traits are very many and they just come automatically many, many times a day. I've had them since early childhood and many others have been added since. When under great stress or being bullied, other people notice, and they can turn into shaking, lots of crying without warning and violent tics. There are certain rituals I must do when travelling to protect me and my cats, and certain places where I must do certain weird things such as touch stone lions, owls, etc. A lot of the more recent OC traits arose after my mother's death, and I think they all seem to be related to protection against loss or misfortune.
  17. Mihaela

    Desperate

    Thanks very much for your reply Dotmars and Sally. I had the visit from the CAB lady yesterday and she stayed for over an hour (and agreed with your reply, Sally). She's made a list of things she needs to do, so everything looks more hopeful. She says I'm entitled to a doctor over here and she's arranging for that. She said it would have been easier if my solicitors had been able to handle my money, but having learnt about all their mistakes she understands why they're unsuitable. I told her Bradford Council had got away with breaking both their Equality Duty (under the Equalities Act), and the Autism Act (this had been explained to me by someone who understands laws). I realise they didn't know I had AS at the time, but they should never make assumptions when dealing with the public - we're not all on the fiddle; we're not all liars; some of us are very vulnerable! I'm still suffering from the trauma of their inhuman treatment and it's made me nervous, depressed, confused and scared. I should never have made that phone call to them in August 2012 - I naively trusted them and they let me down. IMy mother had died and I expected them to help me, but all I got was abuse, and then layers of lies and cover-ups. They didn't believe I had no bank account or that the solicitors had made bad mistakes. I'm not used to dealing with people like that and can't understand why they behave so badly - they have no principles. Everything stems from my solicitor's original failure to pay the bills and follow my mother's instructions - and from me stupidly trusting in them and the council. I just can't help trusting people - it's a bad weakness I have. My cousin kept reassuring me that I'd be able to cope with money - but I now know that I simply can't! My brain just can't take it all in. Throughout my life I've been exploited by people and organisations (either for money, presents, power over me, humiliation, or sexually) because I trust too much and can't see that they're using me until it's too late. My parents protected me as much as they could against this. Since they died, two new 'friends' tried to take over my life. The last one tried to get me to transfer all my money into her account and the ownership of the houses. I went to the bank and said I wanted everything transferred into her name, and the only thing that stopped this happening was that they wanted her to come in too. Before that could happen, I talked to my cousin about her and we worked out that she suffered from a personality disorder and cared nothing for me, her own mother, or anybody else. All this makes me more and more afraid of people. So now I'm hoping that yesterday's visit will take some of this awful pressure off me. I'll let you know how things go on.
  18. Mihaela

    Baking!!

    I immediately pictured these tasty parcels, neatly wrapped up in gift wrapping - complete with tags and ribbon. Hmm... I suppose it's my Aspie literalism at work again!
  19. You had to read it for your course Flooby? So has it become an English Literature set book? Unbelievable! No wonder most of us in this country haven't a clue about how to write properly.
  20. I do, and normally I can cope with them, but when I'm under stress they can be debilitating. They all seem to be linked to my quasi-magical thinking and a fear of loss.
  21. I have both, but they're not as bad as they once were. I also have a problem with left and right - I always have to think which is which, and I think this is also connected with my problems with negative numbers, credit/debit, reversals, etc.
  22. Mihaela

    Desperate

    Thanks Sally & Dotmars. Sorry about being slow answering - for some reason I missed your replies. The NAS advised me to have an advocate, and I do have one although not an expert in AS - so I can only get limited help, but very useful anyway. I'll try and find out about local disability organisations. Meanwhile I'm writing to see that person that the CAB arranged to visit me - on the 8th. "It sounds like you need adult help, and it would be adult social services that would assess you to see what you need help with". Yes, I suppose that happens after this visit - I've no idea really. No, I've no mortgage but it's all very complicated and I've been following the advice of various people. Sometimes they give conflicting advice. I'm living in my parents' old house most of the time, but I've ended up with two others. One was my brother's - he drowned in the sea and no-one knows how it happened. The other was a house my Mum bought for me. She was hoping that he'd look after my money problems after she died, but he died first "Did your mum leave a Will and who [solicitor?] is sorting out the financial side since she died". Yes, and this is still going on. The solicitors made some really bad mistakes and my advocate is trying to make them admit it. (They even gave me a case full of somebody else's private papers!) "This is a disability organisation that should be able to give you some advice". I'll try this next week. The phone line is only open until 1 p.m. and it's 2 now. "but if you have anyone you trust 100%, they could be a good resource to pull upon, to make sure you don't get ripped". My cousin can't really help very much. She doesn't know what's best. She said I didn't need house insurance and the other day my advocate insisted that I had it, but I had no idea the houses weren't insured. Yes, the solicitors severely ripped me off - it cost 5 times the estimate bill! AND they made many serious mistakes. "a trusted person from your own life, would be a valuable asset to make sure what your mum left to you don't get streamed off in lawyers fees". But now my brother's gone there's no one left who could do this. I've now just had a call from my surgery to say my doctor wants to see me for a 'routine appointment'. The receptionist didn't say any more and I'm worried. A few days ago my psychiatrist spoke to my cousin on the phone asking about my childhood. (At last!) She gave good answers, so I hope things start moving now, but why would the doctor want me? Could there be a connection? It's never happened before. What should I do?
  23. I can well believe it, but please give details. He needs an advocate speaking for him, and the bullying needs to be addressed and must not be allowed to go on.
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