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Mihaela

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Everything posted by Mihaela

  1. I have some experience of people with schizophrenia (one was a cousin). The voices are seen as the voices of others - mocking them, giving them orders, etc. They seem to relate to a suppressed part of that person's personality. As they can't distinguish between reality and delusion, they assume the voices to be external and real (the voice of God, the devil, aliens, etc.). They can cause those who 'hear' them to reply back or obey the orders given. A notorious serial murderer of prostitutes, genuinely believed he was hearing God commanding him to fight against 'sin' on his behalf. I had a friend who knew him as a child and liked him, and was given lifts to school by him and never harmed. Many people in secure mental hospitals suffer from paranoid schizophrenia. My cousin went through a very bad patch at one time, but thanks to psychoactive drugs she's managing well in her own flat.
  2. It's so good to hear things are improving, Jeanne.
  3. It doesn't really surprise me. For several years after I'd left school I suffered odd states of unreality, as if I'd have to go back to school at any time. Although I never expressed this fear to my parents, I did still feel it, but knew that rationally it made no sense. For Glen such feelings must be a lot more difficult to handle. I agree with you trekster, about it being linked to C-PTSD. School was extremely traumatic for me and has caused lifelong damage.
  4. Don't worry. I can imagine what you're going through. Traumas can really mess us up... <'>
  5. I suspect that this appearing not to care is because so many doctors are either not clued up on AS or (more worryingly) are trying to divert us to 'generic' therapies to save money - a short-term fix. I simply went to my doctor and said that I suspected I had AS and wanted to be referred to a specialist. I gave a few reasons why - such as social difficulties, anxiety, executive dysfunction, sensory issues, etc. Nothing in any detail. I wouldn't wait for the CBT - but there's no harm in discussing it with them at the time. I'd ask your doctor on Friday to arrange a referral for an AS assessment. It's your right, and it's their duty to provide it. Don't let them fob you off. Good luck!
  6. Grr! It did it again! To continue... ...but I'd say most are not. I suspect her experience isn't wide enough. If you read the posts made by Aspies on this forum you'll begin to understand what I mean. Why wasn't she happy with you mentioning it at the hospital? You do need advice, for your son's future could depend upon gaining an accurate diagnosis. I lived with my parents most of my life, until my mother died in 2012, when my support vanished and left me incapable of living independently. My parents always knew I was 'fragile' but had no idea why. It was only after I discovered that I couldn't manage that I began to research AS, and realised that I had virtually all the 'female-type' traits, so I sought a diagnosis and got one. It came as a great relief, and after much struggling I've at last got the support that I desperately need. An early diagnosis would have made our lives so much easier. I have an Aspie friend in his twenties living with his parents who spends most of his life in his room playing computer games. It seems to be a very common pattern, and I worry about his future. By the way, all these traits applied to me too: "highly intelligent..... terrible handwriting... not a sporty bone in his body ... socially ?? awkward...always wanted to be included in the adult company and conversations not the children ... knew every flag of the world..." Yes, even down to the flags! I'd go along with Mel's advice and wait until your son has properly recovered before going any further along the AS road. Also, I hope that he'll keep away from alcohol from now on. It was most likely a coping strategy (as are computer games), but not a good one. He's very lucky to be alive.
  7. What an awful experience for you all - and what a relief it must be that he's pulled through! What made him turn to alcohol? Was he depressed? Depression is very common among us Aspies. I've had it many times in my life, sometimes for very long periods. It never entirely goes away, but luckily I never turned to drink. (I can't stand the taste or smell of alcohol, so maybe that sensory issue saved me). I had a cousin who almost certainly had AS, who turned to drink, and eventually he ended his own life. I've identified five other relatives (all on my mother's side) who are/were very likely on the spectrum. Can you find any family links? (Be aware that no two people with AS are the same, and that girls tend to present even more differently). Working with children who have Asperger's means little. Most children with AS don't attend special classes or schools, and many are diagnosed late in life (like myself) or not at all - especially those with high IQs and females - who are better at masking their 'give-away' traits. I've known many people of all ages with AS. All are very different. Some - like those children that your son's partner recognises - are easily noticeable, but I'd say
  8. Sorry, read my next post. :/ (This one only partially posted so I deleted it)
  9. School anti-bullying policies are often little more than PR exercises. A school may well deal effectively with a single bully, but when a group of bullies target one child, they are too often reluctant to blame the bullies, and either turn a blind eye or try to find fault with the victim or his/her parents. It's much easier for schools to do this, and politically safer. Often the result of this unwritten policy is that the victim is moved to another school, or sometimes home-educated. I've known of many cases like this.
  10. Nor do I, not by any means, however, the profession does attract controlling, authoritarian personalities in disproportionate numbers. Some teachers are even sociopaths, and if they become headteachers the entire atmosphere of the school reflects this. I've known of good, caring teachers to be driven out of the profession due to this. If the children disrespect the good teachers (the bad ones are not worthy of respect) I agree they have a problem. I worked with children for 20 years and have seen a few cheeky and nasty ones in that time, but the vast majority were decent enough. I blame their parents, their chosen peer group and the toxic influence of the mass media.
  11. Of course I'm not being nasty. I think you've got mixed up because of the way I put it. I meant that the statement may well be right about it meaning that you "have some traits of autism but its not enough to diagnose especially under the new criteria" . I was criticising the doctor; not you. That's why I carried on by saying: "what's the point of adding that to the notes? Who benefits from reading those words? What medical purpose do they serve? If a professional suspects autism and records it, then surely a referral should be made to a specialist for a proper diagnostic assessment.
  12. Very true, Livelife, and this poll suggests that much-mentioned 4:1 ratio is way out. (I've even seen it given as 7:1 !) Those who seriously study 'female-type;' AS suspect the ratio is around 2:1 or even less.
  13. Livelife said: When you do not have the correct help and support depression anxiety stress will increase introducing physical symptoms into an already difficult life in just managing on a day to day basis. This is my experience I have specific limitations that I can operate within sometimes very effectively but for the vast majority of time people expect more than is possible pushing you into impossible situations and then when you experience meltdowns or unable to cope they look at you as some kind of off world species. To a degree I would say I feel like that, I don't belong in their society because I'm not welcomed into it for who I am I need to change which I can't do I've been this way all my life. This whole way of treatment creates stress and everything associated with it effecting my coping abilitys to function and exaggerating my traits or making them more noticeable because of meltdowns. If there is to be a better life for people on the autistic spectrum people need to know and understand we can't be changed and just to except us for who we are, we do have a lot to offer society if only we were given the chance. This is all so very true of my own experience. Exactly how I feel. Luckily I now at last have both a social worker and a support worker who are visiting me weekly at present. Because it's taken so long to get this support, my mental health has badly deteriorated, and I now need more support than I would have done a year or so ago. ST123 said: I live on my own, I am not allowed to if I don't have the learning disability team involved. I am vulnerable where I live too, so the police come out when I am feeling scared. I live on my own too, feel very vulnerable (especially when in towns), never go out at night, etc. I wish I had police protection, for I've had nothing but harassment from them for years. Their generally ignorant and uncaring behaviour only exacerbates my difficulties, but maybe now that I'm diagnosed things will change for the better. I am unable to live without support. I need help around the flat a lot of the time, even cooking safely. I need help mainly in the area of executive dysfunction, but due to increased stress levels shopping is becoming a big problem. I tend to neglect my diet and eat the same things most of the time - and very little too. After a blood test showed that my iron levels were low, I'm trying to eat better and cook a little more, but I may easily lapse into old habits. I am socially isolated and have no family support. Same here. I am a high risk of things happening to me, and my mental health. Same here. The causes of my anxiety need to be kept down. But I also not able to physically manage around the flat with the cleaning, house work and even my personal care. Unlike you, I do still manage this part of living - but sometimes I feel only just.
  14. Congratulations! I know just what you mean when you say a weight has been lifted off your shoulders. I hadn't read your previous post until just now. So much of what you say reminds of my own experiences. I'm asexual (not unusual among Aspies), but the pressure to be 'normal' imposed upon me by others forced me to attempt the impossible. I soon discovered that I wasn't suited to 'normal' life in that way - I just couldn't enjoy intimate physical relationships, get married, have children, etc. In the way of conversation there's nothing I like better than discussing my special interests. Smalltalk soon bores me, and after a while the stress builds up and I have to escape. As for dating, I gave up on that game many years ago, and I'm glad that I did.
  15. From all you say, I too feel that a diagnosis would help you a lot. But if not ASD then what else could it possibly be? You say you have no sense of identity. I'd like to know exactly what you mean by that. It's possible that you have a dissociative disorder as well as an ASC. The two often go together, but it's the ASC diagnosis you really need. You say you're not like others of your own age. That's such a very common trait for Aspies. I'm emotionally very young, and will always be. I feel that your struggling to act 'normal' is causing your loss of identity. It really isn't worth the effort, and anyway, being 'normal' isn't what it's cracked up to be. I struggled for many years and it caused all kinds of difficulties. Now that I have my diagnosis I feel freed from that imagined need. It's up to others to accept me for who I am, as I'm expected to with them. There's much more I'd like to say about other points you make, but my brain's getting tired, so it will have to wait till tomorrow.
  16. Agreed, Livelife. You may well be right, ST123, but what's the point of adding that to the notes? Who benefits from reading those words? What medical purpose do they serve? If a professional suspects autism and records it, then surely a referral should be made to a specialist for a proper diagnostic assessment.
  17. Walking for me too. I adore wild places away from cars and people. I have lots of other relaxing habits too - messing about in the garden (I'm a very inefficient executively-dysfunctional gardener!), looking at at beautiful pictures, poetry, playing music, reading, playing with my cats, making a cake, jigsaws, sewing samplers, organising my collections, and even making lists, playing with words and numbers.
  18. For me, instructions need to be clear, concise (no jargon) and logical. When listening to them they may only partially register or not at all. Too much just sends me into a trance which saves me from the stress of having to keep up with it. Bureaucrats love jargon, pointless complexity and are notoriously lacking in common sense. They fear that, if they wrote/spoke normally, their professionalism would be exposed for what it so often is: a sham.
  19. As far as I know it's only poultry that get electrocuted (in theory that is). Larger animals are pre-stunned with a captive-bolt pistol. What a horrific job it must be working in a slaughter house. All so unnecessary.
  20. A very good idea. As Livelife says, those without the money are more likely to suffer. Surely, if the state genuinely cared about our welfare, such devices would be prescribed by the NHS. Maybe we should stop getting involved with wars and divert the money to something more productive like this. Perhaps I'm just an idealistic dreamer though.... Anyway, if Aspies ran the world it would be a much happier, fairer place.
  21. Dgeorgea - mainstream schools are hideously unnatural environments for children, whether autistic or not. Like NT society itself, they are crude compromises is so many ways. They only pay mere lip service to what it means to be truly educated. Instead of fostering talent they restrict, direct and channel it to produce the mediocre adults required for maintaining the dysfunctional, unequal, materialistic society in which we live. For years I was involved in home-education, and I heard so many horror stories about schools and teachers that I soon became convinced that the system cares very little for children in any real sense. Instead, it's overriding priorities are self-preservation and the maintaining of the status quo that ensures that our next generation are kept in ignorance of so many things that matter in civilisation's progress. They educate, but only as far as prevailing neurotypical ideologies allow. Education, in the true and only sense of the word, is much wider than the mere preparation for passing state-approved exams aimed at a gaining a career - and must be a lifelong process. As an intellectually 'gifted' child, school fostered within me an intense cloying boredom, a permanent state of anxiety and an almost pathological aversion to 'authority figures' and all that goes with them - violence, ignorance, hypocrisy, arrogance, etc. I have been self-taught ever since early childhood, and school did me enormous lasting harm. That headteacher you mentioned sounds like a classic example of the petty-minded authoritarian mindset that is so prevalent in public bodies and so damaging to humanty. Ugh! Rant over
  22. First, please read my earlier post to you this morning. You must insist on your GP referring you to an autism specialist (a general psychiatrist isn't good enough). It's your right to be assessed for a diagnosis. I was signed off work due to stress in december and as soon as I went back to work, my mum acted as if everything was fine again and that there's nothing wrong with me. She tells me sometimes to 'just get over it'. She's really not understanding at all and I don't think I could rely on her if I did go for diagnosis and they needed a parents point of view. The stress won't go away, unless the causes are addressed and prevented. I know a self-diagnosed 12 year old, who has similar problems with her parents, wh tell her 'toughen up'! She can't and never will, due to her AS. Like you she feared being told that it was 'all in her head'. Her specialist (a paediatrician who specialises in digestive disorders!) agrees that she has the traits, but is reluctant to give a written diagnosis for the fear that it may affect her school work and future employment. This is not good, for it panders to NT values and thinking. Anyway, employers should only be made aware of an ASC diagnosis if the person wishes it, and feels it will cause necessary adjustments to be made (as under the Autism Act). My friend has had the same trouble with her mother - who influenced the specialist's decision. If your parents aren't supportive it makes things a lot more difficult. I get on well with my dad but again he doesn't understand me at all. Hes always commenting on my behaviours especially my OCD ones and it makes me self conscious although obviously he doesn't realise this. My 8 year old nephew has Asperger's among other things and neither of my parents get him which means that they really don't get me either. OCD can be pretty obvious when living with others. All of us on the spectrum have OC traits, and many have OCD (me included). OC traits are fine; they help us cope, but when they progress to OCD they cause problems. It's the source of the stress that causes OCD that must be removed. Your parents really need to learn about Asperger's rather than stick their heads in the sand (like my friend's parents, and probably so many more, they deny or trivialise the facts). A diagnosis ideally requires information about your childhood from others who knew you as a child; they needn't be your parents. It's a shame about your sister, for she'd be ideal. Should I discuss things with the dr friday or not? What made you go for diagnosis or not? What have you found to be the pros and cons of this? Yes, definitely. Don't be fobbed off by lazy excuses such as jokingly saying "You? Asperger's?" or "adult diagnoses are not funded in the area" (my experiences). When I said it was my legal right, everything quickly changed. I went for one, after realising that I couldn't cope with day-to-day living after my mother's death. My parents always needed to help me and protect me and knew I was 'fragile' but never knew the reason why. Reading up on my problems convinced me that I had AS so I sought a diagnosis, as was desperate for support over my executive dysfunction, stress, anxiety and panic attacks. I now have it.
  23. I agree completely, Livelife. There's no earthly reason for a GP to note 'autistic traits' without referring you to a specialist. Very odd. Charlie - If you have no luck with the NAS (I've rung them over 30 times and it's always engaged) try contacting Autism West Midlands. They are really helpful.
  24. I think the main reason I would want to pursue diagnosis is because I've always felt different my whole life. I've never felt as though I fit in anywhere even within my own family. I have no sense of identity and it's something I'm struggling with more and more. I feel a diagnosis has three main purposes. First, it confirms that what we may have long suspected is actually correct, which gives us peace of mind and puts us at ease with ourselves. There is a reason for our difference - we're not bad, mad or sad, and have a lot going for us and need to make the most of what we have. Secondly, it gives us a reason to be treated with understanding, respect and tolerance by the NT world - relatives, carers, teachers, employers, official bodies, etc. (Whether they do so is a different matter, but they have a legal duty to do so). Lastly, it enables us to obtain the support that we need. Depending on those needs we may find that we can manage without support, but one day in the future we may need it and will be very glad of that diagnosis. Although getting support can still be a battle, it's a battle worth fighting, and we have the law on our side. Now to your childhood behaviours. Most of them never applied to me, but I've known autistic children and adolescents with very similar traits - the varied ways that we use to come to terms with a confusing and chaotic NT world. They are coping strategies, but not good ones. I was 'lucky', for mine were far less noticeable by others - quietly withdrawing into my own world, many obsessions and hobbies, etc., but whether good or bad, they all serve the same purpose. The attention-seeking ones (including self-harming) are really desperate calls for help and understanding. I've had suicidal thoughts myself, many times from childhood onwards - due to the stresses caused by having to interact with the NT world. My threats of suicide were calls for help. Like you, I'd also run away into woods - and still do. What was seen as your 'Jekyll-and-Hyde' behaviour, is often misdiagnosed as psychotic or even psychopathic among autistic children - and as for 'middle-child syndrome' that's more nonsense! It was simply your way of coping and screaming to be understood. Gender fluidity, dysphoria and confusion is common among people on the spectrum, and for girls being a tomboy is typical. Sometimes girls will adopt extreme negative traits (more commonly associated with boys) - such as aggression, noisiness, violence, just to make a point that they don't want to be seen as typical girls. They know they're different, but they don't know what that difference is - undiagnosed autism. Bullied at school, became very introverted, quiet, shy. I was already introverted, quiet and shy, but like you the bullying began when I got older - from 11 onwards. Depressed most of the time No wonder! And so was I - because nobody could understand me, and I couldn't understand why people we so cruel and mean to me. Instead of self-harming I retreated into my own world of books, animals, etc. I was very angry too, but I bottled it up inside, which I think deepened my depression and withdrawal. My only 'friends' at school were a few 'misfits' vaguely similar to myself. I never saw them out of school. Between age 9 and 15 I had nobody I could call a friend (at 15 my 10yo cousin became my friend, but she lived 250 miles away). I was always making plans to run away, and still do. I was always very anxious and still am. Found the social aspects of school very difficult to deal with, didn’t like being around a lot of people and found the noise and busy environment challenging and confusing Me too - the worst days of my life (and I've had some pretty bad ones since). Left school at 16 and became a recluse: I didn’t leave the house for around 4 months, didn’t go to college as I was convinced it would be hell like school was for me. I left at 17, gave up A-levels, due to stress of school life. Same here about college, and for the same reason. I've been a virtual recluse several times in my life - very comforting. I leave the house only for shopping (which I hate) or escaping into wild places. Had compulsive feelings to just get out of the house. I can understand those compulsive feelings, but I get them without the drink. I still have them and feel ever drawn to wild places. My ideal life has always been to live in the middle of a wood miles away from people. My entire life has been a compromise. Had compulsions to go outside whenever it rained I have various weather sensitivities, and it's foggy and dull drizzly weather that draws me out most - when there are fewer people and cars about.
  25. Mihaela

    Hello

    I don't belong in it either, never did, never will, and I wouldn't want to - for many reasons. I don't want to be like them. Hypocrisy, selfishness, greed, bullying, intolerance, etc. seem to be the hallmarks of the chaotic NT world. I can't fathom why any caring, thinking person would want to be part of all that.
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