Mihaela

Same here, Baz. It's like banging your head against a wall. Promises never materialise. I feel we should all be supporting one another in local groups, sharing our talents.

Naughty kitty! I've just read your new message. I know nothing about personalised learning packages - but it sounds like a good idea. Maybe others on here could help you.

So have I

All very interesting, Peter. You should write a book. Everyone says I should too. Isn't our system caring! It goes about things in completely the wrong way. I too am having difficulties with support and I'm beginning to think that we should all be supporting one another in our communities, for the paid lackeys (who don't see the world as we do) are next to useless. We live in a society run by neurotypicals, and we make convenient scapegoats for them and their mistakes.

Poor, poor girl. I know exactly how she feels for I suffered in that way in my teens, and have suffered on and off ever since. Idon't know how I'd have managed without my parents' support. I was only diagnosed after they died a few years ago - in the hope that I'd receive the support that I need. We have had to fight all the way along to get any kind of help, most of it has been lacking and when you do seem to get help they pull the service. Same here exactly. It's all making my very ill and more and more confused. I've not seen my support worker, who I'd only just acquired for six months now, and things are spiralling out of control. She only goes out with me, her mum, we go to the pub a couple of times a week and finds it easy to socialise with older people, apart from this, she is spending between 16 and 20 hours per day in bed and is extremely depressed. She has no friends. Me again - except that I spent most of my time feeling depressed and useless in a chair. I got on better with older people at her age, now it's younger people. This is quite usual, especially for female-type AS. I had no friends either, and for years my mother was my only friend. I now have a close friend half my age (with Asperger's herself) and we get on very well and understand each other's oddities. So things can get better. It's hard work though. My only advice is to keep on supporting her, for she needs you so much, and not to give up fighting for the help she needs. Very difficult, I know...

It's a rather strange test and can be used for people of any age above about 5. It has several different parts - taking small objects out a bag and making up a story out of them; doing a simple mime; interpreting the story in a book about flying frogs (only containing pictures and times). I really don't know how I did in that test, and I completely ignored the times. There was a fourth test too, equally odd, but I can't remember what it was. ADOS is designed for testing for classic Asperger's syndrome. I have the typical female presentation, and I don't think it properly worked for me. If you have the female type then it may not work for you either, and the psychiatrist must have experience of female type AS, otherwise you may get misdiagnosed. If you don't know the difference, read up on it first.

You're not alone, Ally. I've been like this all my life. I remember that feeling so well from my school days, college and work.. something inside of me that makes me want to stay away. I honestly have no idea what it is. At the time, I didn't know either. It was only years later that I began to realise what was causing it - a combination of longing for the security of home and anxiety over social situations and vulnerabilities when away from home. Dont tell me to just push through and try to go because i'll 'be fine once i get there'. I already know that, i've tried it, i've heard it, It's not how it works for me. I couldn't agree more. I used to get told this, but it doesn't work for people like us. If anything, it only increases our anxiety, for it makes us feel useless and unable to live up to neurotypical expectations. (I now seriously question their expectations and values). Due to my autism, I found that formalised education, as I experienced it, just didn't work for me, so I suppose by default I became almost entirely self taught.

This sounds so very wrong. Their attitude is enough to alienate him from school altogether. I've no idea whether they're allowed to do this, but I would have thought that children would have protection from that kind of treatment under autism and disability laws. The school are legally obliged to make 'reasonable adjustments' and there's nothing reasonable, sensible or logical about excluding him from school for simply being who he is: a boy with autism.

Whirlpool

im really worried about the issues i might face with it all - work load, responsibility, independence, and mostly - being away from home. of course. So was I, and although highly intelligent and original, I never followed the academic route simply because I knew I wouldn't be able to cope with any of those worries that you list. (I'm virtually self-taught, and have a unquenchable love of learning for its own sake). Although I eventually left home, I still relied upon my parents throughout their lives. This is quite common for Aspies. I'm sorry, but I can't give you any advice, but I do think there's a real need for an Aspie-friendly university. It's sad that so many of us have talents that are wasted.

That's great news, Richard. Most of all, it's been achieved by removing the stresses and strains of being part of rough-and-tumble classes... Exactly! It's common sense really - or at least it should be.. If only more would learn this. I am more convinced than ever that the most troubling "symptoms" of Aspergers Syndrome are caused by forced exposure to wholly unhelpful environments. Take those stresses away, and a level-headed, focused, able, and actually quite socially fluent kid emerges. Very true. The answer is simple, and neurotypical society needs to realise that they are responsible for all the difficulties we Aspies have in our lives. Far from being an 'extreme-male-brain' issue it's really all about the extreme sensitivities (physical, emotional, even aesthetic...) that we suffer by having to live in a very intense, confusing and scary world.

Nobody is evil. Those evil traits found in some people are due to childhood traumas and/or lack of love which cause personality disorders. Much more could be done to prevent children developing histrionic, narcissistic and anti-social traits, but modern neurotypical societies rely on them in business, politics, military, policing, etc. Aspies are far less likely than NT people to harm others, but if they have a co-existing personality disorder (as very many NT people do) this makes them just as likely as NT's to become mass murderers, etc. What is so wrong is the media are too eager to latch on to the Asperger connection, when in reality it's barely relevant.

I like the fish-tank idea. I'd have enjoyed that as a child, and I'd get very excited over visits to Chester zoo and picnics in the countryside and trips to beaches (preferably quiet ones). I agree with Georgia, Mr S. - you love your bambina and you're doing your absolute best. Love conquers all. I've known very many children over the years, and I worked with them for over 15 years, and looking back, I can now identify several girls who showed typical female Aspie traits. These were what I would then have called the more interesting but less 'popular' children. They were noticeably different from the rest, and I found them a lot easier to work with - less stressful.

I've lost faith in the mental health services and I believe that more research into the whole ASD and autism spectrum needs to be done. Not enough is understood and there are too many people out here suffering without knowing what the hell is wrong with them. So true. I've lost faith in most people who are paid to be 'experts' or 'authorities'. I find that their expertise is often very limited and narrow. They all sing out of the same hymn book, and find it hard to imagine that not all of us can be pigeon-holed so easily. The fact that 'female-type' Asperger's syndrome isn't strictly confined to females and isn't even strictly Asperger's syndrome - but something without an adequate name certainly exists, speaks volumes for their professional competence. Diagnosing us with BPD, the standard catch-all PD, makes life easier for them, but not for us. I was lucky in that I was diagnosed as being on the autistic spectrum, and they said at the time that things will have to change with the increasing numbers of patients who present with 'FTAS'. Meanwhile, the suffering and misdiagnoses continue. I just think now, I know myself better than anyone, better than any medical/mental health professional. No-one will ever know me like me, so what is the point? As difficult as it is, functioning daily in a very busy life and having a professional career, the rewards I get from this are intensely satisfying. I feel such a strong person. One characteristic of AS, and maybe especially FTAS is that we are 'psychologically minded' - highly introspective, so yes, we know and understand ourselves better than any 'expert' could know us (and especially over a mere couple of hours!). People with LF autism, PD's or psychoses lack this ability for introspection. Their lack of self-understanding requires others to interpret/analyse their problems, and this is really the 'bread-and-butter' of psychiatry. Psychiatrists are unlikely to meet many people who understand ourselves as well as we do. In the past they've even hinted that I was arrogant and had delusions of grandeur - simply for daring to analyse myself! They see this as a threat to their expertise. Thanks to the internet we now know a lot more about psychiatry and how hit-and-miss it can be. Yes, it makes us strong. I've suffered many traumas in my life, due to NT 'misunderstandings' and generally being different. Each one, although horrific and debilitating at the time, makes me stronger, and more willing to fight ignorance. And so yes, you should know yourself - and only for yourself. And BE yourself too! If no-one else will take the effort to really understand, or even believe you, then stuff them. Exactly!! I feel blessed to be unique, mysterious, quirky, talented, a dark horse. I wouldn't have me any other way. And another thing - you only have very few people close to your heart, but those people are REALLY close to your heart and it's hard to believe anyone could have anything closer. Lovely words - from one unique, mysterious, quirky, talented dark house to another! And another thing - you only have very few people close to your heart, but those people are REALLY close to your heart and it's hard to believe anyone could have anything closer. I no longer have anyone really close to my heart, and due to my executive dysfunction, I do unfortunately need support. That's why I sought a diagnosis, although so far, support has been minimal - which isn't good enough for problems will only pile up in the future. I never took medication, although prescribed it for depression. My only medication comes from being inspired by beauty in all its forms. That's all I need. Chemicals would damage my relationship with my true self. Same here about knowing that we're different. I knew this by the time I was four, and so did my parents. I've never regretted being different, although I used to pretend to be 'normal' when with others, but it never quite worked.

Yes, Georgia, there really is loads, and I keep discovering more... I'll PM you later. Like you, my muzickal interests are very wide and not easy to describe in a few words, and also like you, they tend to be particular performers within varied genres. They extend way beyond Chopin's songs... Most of the songs I like aren't sung in English - except those that evoke memories from my past. (Strangely I don't know any that evoke memories from my future... yet). Recently I've been making a list (I'm a listoholic) of my favourite music, and its already getting pretty unwieldy.

Ditto here. 'Relaxing' gets me all on edge and frustrated. These people who go away on holiday to 'relax' (i.e. do nothing) - I just don't get them. I feel as if doing nothing is a waste of time - and life. I've always got to be busy doing something, and when people moan about being bored I can't understand why for there's always so much to do. They must lead very empty, shallow lives. I only feel bored under duress - such as when I was at school, which was so mind-numbingly b-o-r-i-n-g! So I understand your frustration at visiting that spa under duress. I'd have felt just the same.

Good for her! When I bang my head against brick walls through having to put up with the stupidity of the NT world, I often feel like tearing my hair out as well - just for good measure.

i just realised i have asbergers and in one second my whole entire existance make sense for the first time ever. this is amazing. confusing. and a million other things im feeling That's exactly how I felt too! ...and I've read similar things since so many times, especially written by women, who can so easily be missed for diagnosis. Letters & colours? Do you have synaesthesia? I have it a little, and it goes with Asperger's. Anyway, welcome to the forum

its made me strong and helped me to find my real me! I am an aspie and always have been and just cant wait to start my new life being proud of my special talents and interests, and be true to myself never hiding or pretending again to please others. This is just how I see it. Maybe it's because that we're aspies that we have that strength to bounce back. People have always said that I had a hidden strength, and I now think it's due to my stronger than average moral sense that extends far beyond my own or family interests. Listed among so-called 'female-type' Aspie traits are: a strong sense of justice, honesty, loyalty and empathy (for people and animals). All these are moral traits, unlike all the rest, such as eye contact, special interests, stimming, etc. which are morally neutral. Of course, most NT's have the moral traits too, but they're not as intense, obsessive or wide ranging. I've often wondered why we are like this, and I feel it's due to us generally being a lot more sensitive - which fits in with the intense-world theory. Autism needn't just affect our physical sensitivities, but can equally affect our emotional/empathic sensitivities. We may not be able to show empathy very well (because it overloads us) but we feel it intensely. Let's hope your auntie convinces them. I'm already convinced!

I feel so sorry for what you have had to go through, Paula. I thought my parents went through a lot with me, but my outbursts now seem mild by comparison. The council have let you and your son down very badly, just as they did with me over a different matter. I'm still having difficulties due to my support worker being unable to visit because a social worker is holding her up - and at a time when I really need her. It's all so very frustrating and annoying, and as you say, it must be going on all over the country. If the system is 'stretched' it's not fit for purpose and people will suffer as a result.

Diagnosticians are unable to see through the scaffolding of compensatory methods we use. So true, Trekster. I really do think that those best equipped to diagnose Asperger's are friends or family members, preferably Aspies themselves, who are well-read on the subject. Neurotypical psychiatrists get it wrong far too many times, and maybe after years of suffering the correct diagnosis is at last given. Even within the profession, it's well known that diagnoses depend over much on which professional sees you. It's far from being an exact science.

Over time you might find that her being like this could help you cope better with people. She sounds so cute. ...she does her improvisation and tells me that the egg is a plate because she cant find the egg and my head cant handle that so I go off to find the plates and she says im such a grown up and I cant pretend! Ah, what a shame! Can you pretend to pretend? She wouldn't know the difference. so I spend the rest of the day worrying about it and go into shutdown mode when shes trying to get attention from me There's no point in worrying. Just give her your attention. She needs it. one thing I definitely hope from official diagnosis is that kind of family support so I know what im supposed to do to entertain a toddler except teach her Chinese and about nature and read her monotonal stories that are already pushing the limits of my reading abilities. Read her fairy tales, play games with her, make things together... It will all become easier as she gets older.

There's no point fighting it. Just distract yourself with things you like doing. Spend time with your daughter. Fighting it will only increase your stress.

I'm blessed really. There is a strong musical gene in my family which I am fortunate enough to have inherited. I think I inherited this gene too - from my mother. I was brought up listening to her playing the piano, and really miss hearing her now. (My dad liked listening to jazz). I had many piano lessons as a child. I write my own music. It's a great sense of release from a stressful world. I wish I had more time to do it. I could possibly write my own music if I put my mind to it, for I've always made up my own music in my head - and played it. This is something my mum couldn't do. My big problem is playing music well - due to my dyspraxia - as well as reading it fast enough to play. I understand all the symbols, etc. but it's just far to complicated for me. My mind doesn't work quickly enough. And Chopin is my favourite classical composer. The raindrop song (prelude in Dflat) is my favourite. Yes, yes, YES!!!!! ...Although I've never heard it described as a 'song'. We must both have a melancholy streak; I certainly do. It was one of my most moving experiences I've had. It's still my favourite piece today. I can well imagine it. I'd say that the only music, art and poetry that really matters is that which evokes deep feelings within us. The Raindrop Prelude can move me to tears very easily.

Haha! Same here, unless I'm talking about some special interest, but then I must be careful not to bore people. This good-at-writing, rubbish-at-talking thing is quite normal among aspies.