I have Asperger syndrome and been in a relationship for 40 years with a Neurotypical woman,
similar problems have arisen over the years, She once asked me 'how I felt when I lost my grandmother', I replied did'nt lose her, i know where she's buried, etc.
I dont think your intelligence as deminished because of your relationship, you have expressed yourself very well, but in your line of work you probably know intelligence comes in five distinct catogories, intellectual, emotional, visual, physical and listening. You will be more inteligent emotionally than him and sometimes you may unitentionaly say something that goes over is head and vice versa. So you need to use Rules!
Rule One: when speaking to you he must use ice cream words, these are words that make neurotypical people smile like when they eat ice cream.
Rule two: investigatative talk is only used by the police.
Rule three: All men are lazy.
Rule four: When you tell him about your concerns no comment is need (by either partner), just a hug, signal this by saying these are upset words.
Remember that when an incident happens neurotypical people have an emotion and take an action. When an incident happens a aspie has a good idea and takes an action.
I hope this will help, but at the end of the day relationships work and fail all the time.