JFTB

Hey, You still struggling with this? I'm probably too late to respond to your specific question - sorry - I'm new to the site - but just wanted to send a message to say that its not good if you don't feel she is listening to you. Everyone with autism is different, and if she doesn't listen, she might not have the right answer for your family - one size doesn't fit everyone. I've had a few experiences of that over the last few years, and often if it isn't the persons fault - sometimes they haven't had enough experience to understand what you are telling them, or, like at the school, they have 400 other kids to deal with. But you're the one who suffers if it's not right. A couple of times, I've ended up going over their heads and dealing with their manager - you might not need to make a formal complaint, but if you don't have the name of her manager, often organisations have a complaints procedure. It would tell you who you could speak to. I'm sure they would be happy for you to pick up the phone and talk things through with them. Mostly I've found that their hearts are in the right place. Don't lose hope. JFTB

Hi there, Do you mind if I ask another couple of questions? Would your husband have reacted in the same way if he hadn't just had to deal with a difficult social situation earlier that day? Was your kid just being a normal kid, but your husband couldn't cope with a difficult day at work, then also a difficult evening at home? If so, does your husband recognise that he might be having a meltdown, and just needs space to give his brain a break after his day at work before he can cope with home life? I used to have melt downs at work, until I figured out that I just needed some space during the day without people in it to stay balanced (and yes, as a woman, it was hard to get). Also, why was your daughter being argumentative? Is she being an unreasonable teenager, and therefore needs the boundaries as suggested in the previous post, or (in addition to the boundaries) does she also need someone to listen and is finding it hard to get any attention (it sounds like it might be a busy household)? If she is on the spectrum, is she finding school hard for any particular reason? You won't be able to change everything over night, but you can probably start by making small changes (ones you think are positive changes for your family), and small changes can often make a big difference over time. Good luck with this! JFTB

Hi there, I'm new to this site too, so hopefully you are still watching out for a reply. I don't work as an engineer in the oil industry, but I do work in the oil and gas sector, and am married to an engineer, so hopefully I can give you a few bits of advice. The positives are that you could make a really excellent engineer - you will probably have a lot of good skills which the industry needs - focus, determination and attention to detail. But I feel I need to let you know that there are quite a few downsides. Firstly, the industry is still extremely male dominated, so it's unlikely that you will be given special treatment as a result of having Aspergers. I'm not saying that there aren't good mentors out there, but you will be expected to pull your weight. Also, you need to watch out for the environment. If you decide to go offshore (and sometimes even when you are working onshore), the hours are long. If you decide to go offshore, it's currently 12 hour shifts, and they can be noisy and dirty. If you don't cope with the environment, and you are offshore, there is nowhere to go. The next helicopter might be 2 weeks away or more. I don't want to put you off. If you go into this for the long term and are prepared to work hard, I expect that you will learn lots (yes, your education is only just beginning!) and you could become an expert in your field. As I say, you probably have skills that the industry needs. And once you are in a position where people trust your judgement, then it is easier to manage your environment. Good luck! JFTB.