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Pinebunny

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Everything posted by Pinebunny

  1. Both my daughter and I have Aspergers so I do relate but my circumstances were different. She is 21 and spends most of her days in a darkened room. She complains of feeling ill but won't go to the doctor. Lots of days she won't eat and will only come downstairs if we go out. I've suggested maybe she might consider a place of her own with support but she thinks that's me trying to get rid of her. I believe and she does admit that he a support worker was to tell her to get ready to go out, she probably would whereas it's easy for her to tell her mum that she doesn't feel like it, or will do things later I don't think it's helpful to believe she can just stay at home and live off me and doesn't think she needs to work, even if it's supported. Has anyone come through this?
  2. I'm no expert but my daughter has Asperger's and she had terrible tantrums at the same age. You don't say what other problems your daughter has, but mine has problems with social skills and communication and with hindsight, I think this was exactly what the problem was. In the same way toddlers do this because they can't cope with feeling things aren't going their way and they can't voice their distress any other way than to throw a tantrum. I think it is as equally scary for the person who finds themselves in an explosive rage they can't contain. The way I handled it was to try to make sure she was safe and then had some time to cool down. I would ask her to unpick what happened when she got into a rage. It may be 'I lost my trainer' and I would ask her, 'how can we avoid that happening again?' and she would decide, next time, she would put her trainers where she could find them. I've also had to suggest appropriate phrases to ask for help as she can't always think what to say. Sometimes she communicates better by text. Back then she used messenger and could send me a sad face to let me know something was wrong. You might talk to her about minimising stress. Does she like the exams? If there are too many things going on in her head, it will only make matters worse, so discuss what makes her happy and what causes stress. It is a difficult age. Is she in first year at secondary? Is there stress there? Whether your daughter has AS or not, I think it's good to acknowledge what stress can do to us, and how to manage it in a way she can understand. She still texts me when she can't talk direct and she's 20 now.
  3. Hi, I am hoping someone will relate and offer some advice. My daughter was diagnosed late and has never got much support other than from family. She dropped out of sixth form last year due to problems with anxiety and now doesn't know what she wants to do. I feel I have been patient with her, suggesting other courses, voluntary work etc to try to get her confidence back up but we are met with silence or sarcastic comments about how she is expected to know what she is going to do for the rest of her life, when actually planning a first step is all I am hoping for. She is not signing on as doesn't feel there is a setting she can work in and all the jobcentre did was offer to send her on courses she can't cope with. I'm not sure where we go from here. She rarely comes out of her room, often says she isn't hungry because she feels sick (hunger pangs!) and falls asleep through the day. I tried to speak to the GP about her but I was told because she is over 18, they won't speak to me. She needs to phone herself but she doesn't use the phone and to be honest, I don't think she has the motivation to want to change anything. She can't seem to understand that she can't be financially dependant on me forever.
  4. Hi. My daughter had a horrendous time signing on and as it's been making her ill, she is on longer doing so. She would not be entitled to ESA in my opinion, and I am not encouraging her to go down this route. Instead she is doing an online course with a view to go self employed. I met another mother recently whose son is also dependant financially, because he can't physically cope with signing on. I wonder if others are in the same boat? She neede glasses recently and we've had to pay full cost and expect prescriptions etc will be the same.
  5. Thanks for your reply. She did do a bit of volunteering at a disability charity. They were very understanding that she didn't like talking and gave her filing to do. She doesn't want to go back as it's 'boring'. She likes to write scripts and her brother has started taking her to a writers group which meets about once a month. Her special topic is American presidents! Not sure what work would relate to that ;-) I have tried talking to her about volunteering elsewhere but she mostly ignores me. The only time she is animated is if he's little sister plays Mario with her. It's tricky. I looked up about esa. It tells you to have a medical certificate? I don't really want to encourage her to believe she is incapable of work. She is actually a lot like me. My difficulties were shadowed by my strong sense ed any injustice. I volunteered as an adviser and although talking to people was hard, I got a buzz out of helping and it got easier with time. She doesn't believe that I am like her at all.
  6. My daughter has had a tough time with bullying at school and ended up at a special provision for students with anxiety. She did well considering the amount of school she missed and passed her GSCEs. She started her A levels but dropped out as she couldn't cope with the number of people there. She signed on for a time but this was traumatic for her being sent on courses etc. Eventually she decided to a different college. We thought it was going well and we're proud of her achievements but clearly it was not. She had a suicide attempt and turns out she was struggling at college but couldn't face signing on again. I've told her that he's health is more important and not to worry about that for now. I am worried sick about leaving her alone but also realise that she needs some space as an adult. I don't know where we go from here. We've discussed work but all require contact with people and some sort ofssocial skills. Currently she stays in her room a lot and avoids talking. She doesn't want to pursue any mental health help and I can't force her too. Has anyone had similar experiences and found a way forward?
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