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About FlorenceD

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  1. I forgot my password so had issues signing in. The reset password thing didn't work as I never received the email and when I tried to email the moderators, it failed to send to them. (Moderators, not sure if you might want to check this out?) Anyways, back in April I received my 'official' diagnosis of HFA (apparently they don't diagnose Aspergers anymore) although I was told that Aspergers is where my level of deficits lie. I also have elements of ADHD especially inattentiveness. Receiving my diagnosis at the age of 28 has helped me to make alot of sense of my life so far, however with it has come the realisation that I'm always going to struggle which is really affecting my anxiety, depression and OCD. I had some CBT a while ago for my OCD but I really struggled with it as I have quite rigid thought patterns and to be told that the way I think is wrong and to think in another way was really hard to put into practice so the therapy helped a bit but not as much as I was hoping. Does anyone else here struggle with this? I'm also finding work hard atm as I'm realising just how socially inept I am ( a couple of incidents at work have just added to this), I just feel like every day is a struggle. Do others on here struggle too? What advice does anyone have? Also my GP has changed my antidepressants as my depression has gotten so bad, the thing I don't understand is why is there no NHS autism specific counselling/talking therapy considering that autism and mental health issues go hand in hand? My GP is constantly looking for something suitable for me but atm there is nothing so if things don't improve soon or get worse then I'm going to have to be referred to Adult Mental Health. Does anyone else have experience of this? Just wanting to share this with you all so that maybe those of us affected can help guide each other. Look forward to hearing from you all again. Thanks
  2. I haven't been on here for a while so just catching up with everything. Well done for finally getting your much needed diagnosis. Sounds like its come as a relief. I finally received a letter from the local nhs partnership trust to say they have added me to their waiting list for assessment. That was about 2 months ago. I'm really getting anxious about having to wait as its really affecting me. I've been off work sick since the beginning of september as I had surgery on my leg for an ongoing problem. I'm due back at work next week and im really getting stressed out and worrying that I won't cope being back in the busy social environment. I am now having CBT once a week for my OCD which helps. My therapist is really good and we are approaching my treatment as though I have ASD so he has been really understanding. I just worry that its going to take a long time to get my appointment. What exactly happens at assessment?
  3. I was wondering what books anybody has found useful and can relate to in regards to ASD? I have read a book by Tony Attwood which was good but I would like to gain more info on the condition and other related issues that go with it especially from a female point of view. Any suggestions would be great. Thanks
  4. The GP I saw said that she recently referred another adult for assessment and that the funding and appointment all came through fairly quickly. I hope this is the case as the wait is making me anxious. I'm questioning everything right now. I keep thinking what if its not ASC? What else could it be? Why am I the way I am? Why don't I feel I fit in anywhere or have a sense of who I am? It's just all really stressful and I have to know the answers to all my questions. I discussed it with my manager at work as I didn't want to go for diagnosis if it would affect my job. My manager was amazing about it all and really understanding. She said I should definately go for diagnosis as it would answer alot of questions. It would explain my whole life. My manager asked if there was anything she can do at work to make things easier for me. We came up with a few solutions and she told me to keep a diary of any incidences or things at work that stress me out and then we're going to sit down and try and come up with solutions to reduce my stress and anxiety. I really want some answers. If I do have ASC it would explain my entire life and how I view myself but at the same time, I don't want to have autism, I'm scared that it's going to define me and I'm going to have that label for the rest of my life. Aaagghhh it's just all so overwhelming and confusing.
  5. I've now finally been referred by a dr who actually believed me and was really understanding. She said they may have to apply for funding but that shes happy to apply for it and I should get it no problems. I have many questions about the whole assessment process. What are your experiences of it and what things are you asked or have to do etc? My heads in a bit of a spin right now with it all but I do feel a sense of relief. Thanks
  6. Thanks for the links. I've been on Sertraline for nearly 3 weeks I think. I'm wondering whether the change in my mood is a side effect or not. A few days after initially taking it, my mood was amazing. I felt happier than I have for a long time and my mood wasn't up and down. Now I'm feeling rubbish again, though not as bad as the other day. I have an appointment at the wellbeing centre next week to start my sessions with a wellbeing practitioner. I also have an appointment with a doctor at the end of the month so hopefully will start sorting out all this mess and chaos in my head. I'm considering going private for an initial assessment/ possible diagnosis. Does anyone have experience of this or is better to wait for the NHS? Nobody seems to be taking me seriously and my mental health is suffering because of it. I have heard that if a private diagnosis is sought then you may not be able to access certain NHS services, is this true? Thanks
  7. I've felt really stressed out the last few days. Its got so bad that I've started self harming again which I haven't done since december. I hate the feeling of being so out of control but being unable to express myself to others. I was sick saturday night and my dad had to pick me up from my sisters house. I'd told my mum on the phone already that I wasn't sure if I was sick due to my sertraline. Dad comes to pick me up and in the car casually asked what meds it was that made me sick. When I told him they are antidepressants, he told me that I need to stop taking them and get my act together. I told him that the dr insisted I had them and he said that the dr will only give them to you if you tell them theres something wrong. He doesn't get it. There is something wrong. He keeps asking me if my nephew will grow out of his aspergers or asks me if he will ever be 'normal'. Sometimes I want to scream "look at me, I'm the same as him. Thats why I get him" I'm struggling at work. Today a child had just woken up so I gave them a cuddle. They then began crying but wouldn't stop so I said (as everybody I work with does) if uou don't stop im going to put you down. I had other babies sleeping and this was a slightly older child who understands. I put him down and explained that he would wake the others up as he wouldn't stop and sent him back through to his room. I could then hear a colleague talking about me saying that I put him down near the door and hes really upset and that hes not long moved up rooms and that I just expect him to cope with it. That wasn't the case at all and then I found myself feeling like I had to justify myself to them. I explained and they all said they do the same with him. I didnt understand the problem then if what I did was the same as them? 10 mins later, I walked into the kitchen and 2 of my colleagues were in there clearly talking about me as when I walked in, they both went "oh" looked at each other and suddenly went silent. The thing that hurts most is that one of those colleagues, I confided in last week about how much I struggle and how low I get sometimes. She was really understanding and supportive and told me to talk more about my feelings so I don't do anything stupid. Sometimes I really feel like I'm rubbish at my job and today I'm questioning everything I do and am. I had a really bad day yesterday and felt so low. I was worried I might try something stupid I felt that bad. Then I finally managed to sleep and woke up this morning feeling a little more postive but not much. I thought I was doing a good job of hiding it at work but obviously not. I then felt angry at myself for not doing a good enough job at hiding it. I went for an assessment at the wellbeing centre and she didnt even acknowledge the fact I think I may have asd. The thing I find hard to explain is that all my depression, stress, anxiety, ocd and sensitivites come from asd. I worry that I'll never get referred to the right people who will be able to asess and diagnose me as nobody ever seems to take me seriously.
  8. Well things are getting a little better for me at the moment. I don't really mention it at home except on occasion and I haven't spoken to my mum about it since our last conversation but I get the impression that she may be coming round to the idea that I may have ASD. Both my sisters seem to have accepted it so thats good I guess. My younger sister even seems to be showing some concern towards me which never happens.
  9. I managed to work all week and actually enjoyed getting back into my usual routine. I definately feel as though the medication is helping. My anxiety is not as bad as it had been and I've managed to get a bit more control over my OCD. I have an appointment at the wellbeing centre tomorrow after work and I'm starting to feel really stressed out about it. I'm not very good at articulating my feelings and emotions and I'm going to be seeing a stranger whom I have not met before. I don't know what to expect or what they will ask me. I've only got an initial assessment tomorrow and last time I went I left my list with them to put with my notes so I'm hoping that helps to get the conversation about my difficulties going. Has anyone got any advice they could offer?
  10. Yes, I'm doing much better thanks. The Sertraline has given me minimal side effects and has really helped to stabilise my mood. I had a long chat with a friend the other night and she helped me to realise that the way I think isn't neccessarily a bad thing, just different. I'm starting to accept myself a little more I guess. Although I'm reminded of my struggles all the time at work when I give facts or statements in conversations. Nobody else seems to know alot of the useless info I seem to take in, I always thought everybody knew pointless stuff, turns out I know more than most! I managed to drag my backside (just) back to work today. It was a struggle and I did feel pretty detached and out of my depth despite knowing my job inside out and back to front. I work with young children and I find myself more and more just observing them rather than interacting with them. I find it fascinating watching them learning so much about the world, themselves and each other. I find myself really having to make an effort to interact because I've just realised that it doesn't come naturally to me. I watch my colleagues at work and how they all interact with the children and each other and realise that I'm an observer. Anyways hope all of you guys are doing ok atm.
  11. I was prescribed Sertraline just to help take the edge off everything. I'm obviously still on the waiting list for CBT so hopefully by the time I'm having therapy, the meds will have helped a little. I know theres no quick fix and I've got a long way to go. This time last year, I was probably the happiest I've been for a long time. I don't know why, just like I don't know why I feel so low now. I just don't want to feel like this anymore. Thanks as usual for all your advice and wisdom. Much appreciated. Have any of you been on sertraline? What side effects did you have and how long did they last? I've researched it and the side effects don't sound pleasant. My younger sister had to come off them as they caused her to feel sick all the time and fatigued.
  12. Well I rang and spoke to a doctor just now. She was brilliant, very understanding and couldn't believe how long I've waited for CBT. She also believes I could be on the spectrum and also said it is a good idea to get the CBT pychologists input first before going forward for autism assessments. She has prescribed me some antidepressants which should help with my anxiety, low mood and OCD. She said they should take the edge off a bit which will help me function better day to day. I need to make an appointment to see her in a few weeks time to discuss how I'm doing. Hopefully it should lift my mood and I'll start feeling better soon.
  13. Went to the wellbeing centre. It wasn't very private, for one you have to be buzzed in so you're standing in the high street for all to see whilst you wait fir them to open door. Secondly there's no private rooms just a few chairs with screens round them. I found this a bit difficult to explain myself so in the end I kind of just threw the list at her and siad its all in there. Shes booked me in for an initial assessment with somebody but its not until 3 weeks time. I need help now, I've waited 6 months for CBT and now have to wait 3 weeks for this. Not sure what type of therapy they will recommend to me either. Now feel like I have to keep explaining myself to my family to justify why I'm off work this week. Not sure whether to make an emergency appointment with a doctor for today or to just keep waiting for therapy???
  14. Thanks guys. I've asked my younger sister ( the one I don't really get on with) to go with me to our local Wellbeing Centre, its run by Mind the mental health charity so I'm hoping they can give some advice as to where to begin with everything. My younger sister is currently on antidepressants and since she has been shes been more understanding and dare I say 'nice'. Its complicated my relationship with her but I don't want to burden my older sister anymore than I already have. Shes got a tough ride ahead of her in her personal life and I don't want to add to it. I will let you know later how I get on at the wellbeing centre. I've still not had any contact from CBT and I can't wait any longer else I might lose my mind.
  15. I struggle with OCD too. My colleagues at work always joke with each other about OCD as others I work with are a but anal about things. It stresses me out when they laugh about it because for me it is a real struggle. The last few days have been especially hard for me to keep it under control. I have a fear of germs and contamination. I wash my hands several times a day even if they're not dirty (I think they are). I have to wash with soap then rinse again at least twice but often 3 times in one go. I don't touch doors or walls when I'm out, I don't use public toilets, I hate touching stuff in shops (clothes, food etc) I won't touch raw meat at all when shopping, I hate touching trolley handles, I don't like touching chip and pin machines or cash points. I use alcohol gel several times a day when out and about. The list is endless as to what I won't touch or where I won't go for fear of germs. I went to a theme park at the weekend with my sister, her 3 kids and her friend and 2 kids (who I'm comfortble with). I couldn't enjoy myself because after every ride, I was using alcohol gel, I felt dirty. I wouldn't touch the animals (I love animals) because they looked dirty. I wouldn't put stuff in the bin because the bins dirty. It goes on and on and on. I can't stop it. I shower twice a day, I change my clothes if I think they're remotely dirty and put them in to wash. Its ridiculous I know but I can't seem to stop it or reign it in. I'm glad others on here have OCD too and that its not just me.
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