Mr Salvador

Im not asexual but somewhat dysphoric regarding gender Im not gay or trans, but never felt much in common with manly men football or beer drinking I am more feminine than most people notice. People saycim very manly and obviously straight but feel sometimesnat least it might be morecaccuratevto describe me as a lesbian woman in a mans body?? If that makes any sense Il never be a womam and would never do surgery bit can understand tovsome degree how people in this situation might feel Confusing isnt it Anyway, here at least we are all aspies and thankfully only get generalised as such Perhaps the sexuality spectrum is more complex than the autism spectrum! Anyone reading and suffering, please remember that being different IS normal and that no body is riggt to say we are wrong! Be yourself be amazing

Hi im an aspie parent of NT child Im separated from her mum and see her fortnightly I know I need to teach her howcto be social and stuff butchow can I when it struggle myself?? Ive posted along these lines before but still struggle. She wants to have sleepovers with friends which means im on the sofa not in my home cant do my things to calm me down I had a riggt meltdown because they were arguing aboutcwhos got the most sweets and the most pennies and I was trying to fix their pc at the time Mistakes everywhere I know but it don't want her to haveca bad life because im not goodvat going places to socialise My brain was trying to go into shutdown all day but I cant when I habe her so im forcing myself to stay with it and wish I had been in bed hoirs ago or on my pc playing my game I dont want ro let her down but I cant handle the emotional roller coaster rides of 4yr old girls squabbling for attention! Any other aspie parents of NT children with any advice? I love my daughter morecthan the world and everything in it but I dont know if I can give her everything she needs?!

Hi there Definitely sounds like the spectrum to me I used to be car mad and buold then with lego bit never played brum brum with them just building them and lining up corgi cars. All the sensitivities amd existing diagnosis of things that sound like autistic traits, imcluding how he reacts and the things you have to do to calm him down all sound like me The thing about eye contact is a strange one tho. With some people its worse than others... and at different times and levels of anxiety. I think it isnt an inability to look at someones eyes, just an uneasiness or uncomfortable feeling about when and how it shoukd be done. .. People woukd say I was starringvat them but ivwas only trying to make contact. So either I dont know where to look or im starring, however it is in my ability to make contact for short periods if required... however that IF has many variables to consider.. mostly its not valid priority so it gets forgotten about The toiletcthing I wouldnt govat other peoples house so would hold it in but dontvthink I did it at home. Never did a poo at school either not sure why Evertthing in mymife is rule based and black/white... Sounds indicative to me but im not a doctor... Sometimes things get mixed up as gender dyphoria is often not noticed for long time and female type aspergers has different traits. As with me Jist because he smiled at yhe riggt time doesnt indicate anything. Sometimes fake smiles are used in public in attempt to blend in and/or appear 'normal'...something that the NT world tries to do to us, to make us appear more 'normal'... A term I think is paradoxical by design One who thinks they are 'normal' is discounting everyone elses normality thereby making thenselves a bigot and cancelling their 'normal' status. As bigotry is not normal. ..if the term should actually exist. I was told all my life that I should be normal andvtook me till age 36 to be diagnosed. If you do havecan aspie, nurture his strengths. Many of us have special talents and this can easily be wasted by trying to make us fit into boxes with 'normal' stickers on!

Hi Florence You're right in that it was relieving to be told that infact I do know myself. As you are obtaining cbt for off, but working from the angle that it is linked to an autistic spectrum condition, I had also spent some time knowing myself before the doctors saw it! One must know ones self before you can move onwards. Seems most of us work it out, and they aren't always great at diagnosing it, apparently especially with females. You as I was anxious during the waiting, however for this I feel there is no alternative, although apparently there is an art to waiting without waiting... Somehow you must push forwards if you know yourself. If you do then forget 'waiting' and just push forwards anyway, whichever way that is for you. I didn't need then to tell me about myself, I already knew All they do is stamp your form They ask bizarre questions that seem awkardly random, and allsorts of nonsense well im sure they know what their doing, but it does feel awkward I hate being prodded and poked but I had someone with me to help me be calm. I also have my diy coloured lenses and got through it Its very drawn out and the wait is painful if one can't learn to wait without waiting. Apparently that is what patience is I mostly try to learn this. The logic is simple but doing it in real life is different lol Hope you find your calm and your answers, but mostly I hope that you achieve your goals. Just first know what they are and the rest will come Good luck

Well Ricky you have made it to the right place! People here are generally helpful and highly insightful on the subject! There is usually no instant fix but here at least you will find solace and others who would not laugh simply by design. I too find it hard to find people who are patient enough for me, and mostly lose relationships due to the symptoms of my AS. Most recently my gf wants me to leave, I am ridiculed for my condition and have come to the following conclusion about the issue... If they don't care to understand then they don't care, even if we think they should we need to recognise the ones that don't, as it is illogical to care about the ones who demonstrate their lack of care for us. Therefore we need to concentrate on focus of who we are not who they want us to be, or think we should be. Associate yourself with the right people, and choose them wisely. Focus on your own path and don't be destracted by the idiots who concern themselves with their definition of 'normal'... For to define normal, one must admit that normal does not exist, and those who insist that it does only contributes to the prejudice of the world which should in itself be 'abnormal' leading the the paradox which prooves normal doesn't exist! Be yourself brother, show them how excellent you can be

Thanks all Not sure which way is up just yet but im headed there Want to an apprenticeship for an equal opportunities employer, there's an IT position for local council so im hoping they can see my condition as an advantage?? When it comes to computers I soak up information quickly. I'm just nervous because people at work usual hate me for tryig to reorganise they're business after two weeks. I know I have much to learn but doesn't mean they don't have anything to learn from me... I guess its a compatibility issue, I can talk to machines and computers, just people I struggle with... The words im using are definitely English but somehow its like im talking to them French Fingers crossed eh

Thanks CT Shame about your date but definitely time to chase. Have you had any joy speaking to family and/or childhood friends? You will need childhood reference. It was part of my long delay The GP wants to help your symptoms so make sure you approach them from that angle... That you're having these problems today and that's why they need to take action

Hi Mia Well done for your progress so far. I've been on a long journey to get to where I am now, 36 years old and just got my diagnosed today! :-)

Wow finally! :-) So its taken since august 19th till now to get my diagnosis, but to be fair they did move buildings during that time. They said I have asperger which is a form of HF autism so I think they're covering both bases using both terms? Anyway, its cleared up now and im aspie and proud! Can't wait for access to therapy etc...be great to sit with others and also professionals who can answer the multitude of questions I have to ask! Even the phyciatrists were apparently impatient with the length of time it took lol. They asked for 5 mins to deliberate so I went to smoke with my gf and she told be they were all checking their watches which meant they were impatient to leave... And they think im the rude one!! Anyway so the light at the end of the tunnel is somewhat polarised by my orange lenses but im glad to see it Good luck to everyone waiting for help, the cogs turn slow with NHS bit they do turn X peace and blessings x

Two weeks and two days.... My gp thinks this wil be the last of diagnosis period... Hopefully it will be, looks like il have to find somewhere else to live now so in addition to the above reasons for me needing this, getting support to be rehoised and stay there is now a growing priority May the force be with us all

Hi, thanks for that trekster However im not sure if I follow you properly? I'm not familiar with 'taking responsibilty' report? I have been assessed for pip regarding day to day things I struggle with. Is this what you mean? I should ring them so I know what multidisciplinary team want from me. I hate not knowing what's coming that's one of my anxiety triggers. Not fully understanding emotions either mine or others, I understand happy and frustration and anything else often leads to sensory overload. My daughter bless her is 3 and doesn't display traits, she can also lead me into aenosry overload quite quickly and my gf has noticed 'a pattern' when my daughter is due to come. The anxiety starts days before she comes... I love her so much and apparently I worry so much about making her happy that I end up making everyone stressed?! I don't understand and not understanding is probably the main trigger

Finally the next step! 11th December! :-) Appointment with multidisciplinary autism team ?! What now???

sorry to hear you are having troubles obtaining region 1 dvd's have you thought about direct downloads to you PC and link using hdmi cable to watch on your tv? your pc should be able to produce better graphics than 1080 hdmi so picture quality would then only be limited by your tv although saying that it is nice to have the collection on the shelf n'est pas? as for meat, I am very wary. my degree was in microbiology so therefore I have to brave the cues in the shops. I don't and wont avoid going out if it is necessary. there is however a sliding scale of importance and sometimes these things change from day to day. if I am hungry, I must eat. I terrible for not eating alone. if im by myself I get lost in things and forget to eat, sometimes for days. however now that I have a new family I cook for them and thusly nourishing myself. in the evenings at least, or if I have a job at lunchtime too. something im working on but not much luck with work. im far too highly strung for the only things I get offered I would be far more suited to processing logic and solving problems for high level business or govt. but alas having dyslexia and not admitting it at uni stopped me from achieving my full potential now I am left with getting messed about by agencies through desperation and I lothe what I have become for not being honest about my condition earlier. I didn't know the name for my condition so tried to hide it. now I have a beautiful woman who loves me who is a mental health worker, and nurse in training. she saw it all in me and I could not hide it from the woman I felt is the one. I wanted to be honest and opened up my sectret about how my sister had this conversation with my estranged mother about how she was a teacher now and had met loads of kids with different conditions and she now believes that maybe they 'missed something' with me.... and down the rabbit hole I went... im not sure where I go from here? perhaps you have some experiences you could share? ultimately I think that sort of group therapy is where I need to be, im just afraid of falling down further. I cant afford to be homeless again now that I have a daughter, she needs me to 'live', yet in the real world I barely survive let alone know how to make it a life?

so maybe you could do your own background research first to speed things up? you need people who knew you before age 10 they have to give evidence to support the correlation between your symptoms now and how you were as a child if they cannot make the correlation to childhood they will suspect personality disorders to be the cause of 'today symptoms' instead of just waiting you can search these people out and tell them you need help and ask if they remember you as a child there is a standardised email they will send to these people who will speak for you asking questions about how you were back then don't wait longer or you might lose another witness when you have your own evidence go back to the GP and make him push things through tell him you know yourself and you have family members/ friends who knew you back then who now understand that there were issues school reports are good if you have them? mine were apparently burned or shredded 7 years after leaving school so you will have to have kept them all this time?? good luck to you apparently my wait is now not much longer, although hasn't yet been quantified. I hope there is help at the end of the wait! I certainly don't need them to know myself better, I just need help dealing with the outside world. when I am home alone I am busy but the only problems either come through the letterbox from, or are themselves 'outside' I guess im not looking for a tag, which is how they make it out to be, I just need help coping with the other 99% of 'people' in the world I have to deal with engaging in things like work, thereby negating the stresses that come through the letterbox! I need a job, but struggle intensly with the other people there, or most recently the lack of attention to detail when it comes to protective equipment in jobs that require it. if they are going to make me do a health and safety test at 6am before I start then they better make sure the PPE they make me wear is suitable for its purpose otherwise im going to have my silly mod swing and start moaning which usually leads to me either leaving or getting sacked so I guess this is the most help I need, as well as for my daughter if she ever needs help. I don't think shes on the spectrum, but if she ever comes up with something associated with spectrum disorders, or indeed if her kids have it because of me either way my head is spinning more now than it ever did because now I am aware of the name of the thing that makes me different. I cant now move on until it is just diagnosed and I can access help and support groups in the real world so I can try and learn more about how to maintain relationships and how to deal with normski's at work there is a place near me that I have found but I cannot access the help there until I have their silly 'tag' on my medical records this meltdown hasn't lasted a long time now on and off more frequently because of the waiting, and my partner is ready to kick me out, bless her she puts up with a lot. I have never hit her, but I do get a bit shouty sometimes and say hurtful things which I deeply regret, she shouldn't have to put with my mood swings and feel that being stuck in limbo is making me this way, and just need it be over with so I can find and access help to live somehow in this crazy world for my daughter and my girlfriend do as much as you can yourself brother, don't wait more than you need to may God bless us all

They did tell me they were moving but not until half way through, in fact towards the end! Surely once I've done my assesments and they've spoken to my people then all they have to do it tick the sheet and let me get on with therapy and meetings etc

good news, the diagnostic centre have finished moving premesis! they left an answerphone message to say they were putting me priority to get finished looking at my data from September my doctor rang them and he couldn't get through either, so I assume that when he did get through he said something to get me to priority I therefore recommend to anyone waiting and waiting, to be persistant in ringing your doctor and don't just pester them for a response, what I did was to explain to him that I need some other kind of help while im waiting because im getting stressed out at home and its not fair on my family to have to put up with me while im waiting! I think im a lovely person and have a lovely heart and would do anything to make people happy, but apparently when things don't go the way I think they would I have a meltdown and get annoyed and frustrated and for this reason was asking for more help, maybe this is what has promted him to chase them more firmly? usually what I would do is run away and live elsewhere and start again, again... but now I have a daughter and cannot just run away and/ or be homeless like before. I have to face it all and find a way to move on, for her, my darling daughter, the one who has the ability to make my life, up until now, mean something! I need her to know herself and have and make use of all the opportunities she has available to her, so for her I need to go through this now and face the system and pray that they can see it so I can go to a local college that is 'autism friendly'! wouldn't that be nice :-)

I have tried that before but I ordered my food for Friday delivery and the chicken I ordered for sunday roast had Saturdays date on it... I have to brave the shops to make sure the food is fresh, usually I take my stepdaughter and my coloured lenses, she loves the chance to get away from her brother for a bit lol however I can see the logic in doing most of it online...as we speak I can see myself ordering the bits and pieces so all I have to go into the shop for is the fresh stuff, then I can go thanks for the idea, or at least reminding of its usefulness in avoiding anxiety peace and blessings

Yes I think they are doing it in regards to ASD, although it looks like there may be a tendancy to change it again to ASC, so it doesn't sound like they're saying that something is disorderly about us, just 'our condition'. it doesn't help much changing the names, I also don't relate as much to the term autistic as much as I do with Asperger I have a nephew is autistic, now that I have been added to 'the spectrum' it has become necessary to describe him as 'severely autistic' which I think is unfair to him. people who don't know much about 'the spectrum' or Asperger here me being termed as autistic and say no you're not, and now I have to explain to them all, which is bizarre unnecessary and somewhat degrading... as if someone in a wheelchair would have to sit there in the cue to the bus and have to explain and justify his condition to others?! then there are the added comorbidities that will also drag things out... personally I identify as having Asperger and dyslexia, high intelligence with low social skill. anxiety with little or no cause, aversion to lights lack of ability to maintain relationships etc for me at least, autistic spectrum condition doesn't really explain much about a lot to those that don't need to know but ask and get confused?! I think regardless of wether or not the current legal classification is ASD or ASC to myself I will always be an aspie or someone having Asperger, they can fund any support under whatever name they choose but I am me and I don't like acronym's let alone be reduced to one! whilst I seem to have a sort of silent mental connection with those that may be termed silent autistics, and would like to use my gift to help themto learn and make things, I do not believe that they know enough about 'the spectrum' yet to de-classify Asperger in its own right...so its in the autistic ballpark but I don't think it should be blurred into a number scale, so what am I then a 3 or 4 when my nephew is a 9? how degrading to be a number and to have to explain the inner details of my condition to everyone I meet simply because now I have become an acronym with a numerical tag ?? oh dear, the system is a major drag isn't it I thought I could get by without addressing the differences about 'me', but now I have to admit it and carry on my way, regardless of their meaningless tags, I just want official recognition now as I have to show my daughter that even with 'issues' one can still still achieve in life and be successful enough to have holidays by being strong and working through the problems that come by it is simply trying to work with 'the system' that my confidene has once again been knocked. I bounce back every time don't worry, but being made to wait by the system is making me worse soon as they get round to looking at my data after their office move, I can gain my acronym and go to cbt and meetings to understand myself and how to cope in the NT world better and have access to adult funding to go back to college to see if this time I can achieve my potential

yes this is like me too. people at uni said it to me and I didn't know what aspie meant then lol I knew I was different but not the name, obviously I have missed other aspie's trying to reach out to me, someone who recognised it in me too, but I missed those chances. many people have said it to me too. it wasn't me who said the A word first now im waiting and waiting :-(

agreed

I don't think I have agrophobia but I have become a bit of a hermit I hate shopping but I have to have a list and just buy what is on the list, and I never go without my coloured lenses. the cue waiting to pay is the most stressful I think as I am stuck in the sue with nowhere to go. I didn't know about your support ending, I am waiting for support, I have had none my whole life and its gone all wrong in trying to survive all on my own or relying on women to support me when they are often too ignorant or selfish of my issues my anxiety however has led me to be a hermit, I want a job but it always goes bad and I end up homeless, I know living on benefits isn't great but at least its better than homeless

hi beth what do you mean removed from DSM? im waiting for diagnosis as we speak and getting stressed waiting if it has been removed as mental health illness then what am I waiting for? I was hoping for help as my life has been upside down all the way and im 36 on sunday! starting to feel a little destitute to be honest

Still waiting. How frustrating. Is help 'actually' out there?

Thanks Georgia I know my daughter loves me, she doesn't hesitate to tel me when her mum shuts the car door, its great but very emotional. I love her so mmuch and my worry is that I will let her down with the things I don't think about. My struggles are coping with emotions and making decisions that are based on or involve emotion. Where decisions can be made with logic I excell, and decisions made logically are made in spilt seconds, however when ot comes to making a decision which may have negative impact on how she feels about me where I mess up and start stressing. Same with sensory overoad with noises and light, I am particularly sensitive to stress and worrying my actions may let my daughter down makes it difficult now for me to think about getting back to work. We still have bills to pay and because my partner earns over 'the threshold' we don't get much in the way of financial support so I need to work but haven't found anything il be happy doing Monday to Thursday. Best I can gdo is half day on Fridays in engineering environment. I know I need to show my daughter even if one has difficulties that one can still work and earn money and overcome the problem and conquer it. So for her now I need to do this job even if it means I can't pick her at lumchtimes, maybe next year when she goes ful time and I get there in time (she lives 120 miles away) I just worry a lot. I want to be a great dad and know I am sometimes, but thinking about the things one by definrion 'cannot' think about makes me worry. I just hope she will always love me, and not being able to process al the emotions involved makes me stressed. I never knew how to process emotion, and never realised I had any till I became a dad Trying to make a life so far away makes me nervous, but my only option after I got evicted again after only ring rescued by my new gf. I am determined to be there for her, just confused as to how to do it. I still wait for dignosis, but no money now forces me back to fake normailty in order to work. If they sort me out later then il tel work but need new tires and engine parts worth 460 so need to work and hope I don't have major issues at work. Need to pass 3 months probation and Yule is on its way!

it IS confusing and frustrating waiting is the worst, an inbetween stage which doesn't fit into computational binary code, at least you know where you stand with that, its either a 1 or a 0, never any inbetween stage! I hope it is all worth it! so many stories of not getting the required help im starting to wonder if its all going to worth it at all I want help not a tag round my neck that says 'liability' I want help to get back into stable employment, not have to prove that im not useless once ive been 'labelled' I really do hope it all works out for us all, it isn't right they obviously don't know as much about us as we would like them to!