dgeorgea

While there are fewer jobs in terms of the sciences this doesn't mean that there are none. Chemists, doctors, vets, medical research, to name the obvious few where these subjects and occupations are needed. The two expanding job markets you mention are incredibly easy to get into and are well geared for adult education to get the necessary qualifications needed to get into, and are well funded by the government so often can be done without cost to the individual. Indeed once you get away from the formal education for young people most courses now available are focussed on training people for particular jobs rather than academic subjects, more often than not for these type of service jobs, or particular trades for which there is a current demand. Personally I don't see what the Russell group want having an affect on computer subjects or the recent introduction of coding in schools. These were introduced to help cover the growing IT companies and the current lack of talented people in this area and the need to depend on people from other countries. I guess the question you are asking is what we want from our schools. As I said I believe at this level it should be a broad education, I would hate to see it reduced to what ever is required for either elite jobs open to those who concentrate on the sciences or for a particular mass job market. With regards to the proliferation of study books, growing up my local library was three floors of books covering a huge range of subjects. I remember spending one summer at the library with a pencil and note book studying algebra which was holding me back at school. When I returned after the school holidays I went up two grades. Today the chances are I can go to my local library and buy a coffee while lamenting at the lack of books.as people sit with their laptops enjoying the free wifi. With home schooling more popular these books often enable parents to offer a wider education for their children. With the state of the local schools my daughter attended they also provide a much needed resource for brighter students. When a 6 year old is threatened with expulsion for trying to correct a teacher who said that everything we eat turns to blood, than tried to cover her mistake by saying she was talking about animals, just compounding her initial mistake parents will do what they need to do to help their child's education.

Hi Canopus, I don't have a problem with the selection you have shown above, but then I believe that education up to the age of 16 should be broad, with the option to either specialise in a smaller number at A level or to continue with a broader education with ebac or bac. I am sad to hear that a combination of Geography and HIstory is restricted in some schools. Yes some subjects are harder, while some are easier, but I would disagree that because a subject is easier it is necessarily useless. My education was unusual as I attended a special needs school. So while we did the main subjects maths, English, general science, history, maths, history, geography, technology (ICT we didn't have a single computer) we also did less traditional subjects such as child development, home economics and typing. Over the years I also did canoeing, archery, abseiling and rock climbing, as well as PE, swimming and sport. One of the current issues with education is it has been such a political football over the years. One of the most damaging is the league tables. This has resulted in some schools restricting or removing some subjects, such as history because previously poor performance has lowered their place in the league tables. Another crude measurement has been the introduction of SATs. This toxic combination has caused many schools to concentrate on results at the expense of a proper education. Fall behind on one of the basics, maths or English will have a knock on effect with students falling further behind. But teachers have little choice to move on to the next part of the curriculum. Yet while parents are expected to use these two measures to determine their child's future, and politician are too happy to compare to very different performing schools, the government has one main criteria to comparing schools, which is the number of students on free school meals. One of the most pathetic spectacles I have seen is a primary head from a school in a high deprivation area going to a primary school in an affluent area to see how she could improve things for the students at her school and come back with only one suggestion. For parents to buy spelling books and get the children to learn how to spell ten words each week. This in a school where many students did not own a book or used the local library. It is no wonder our education system is failing so many children.

My daughter took 12 and got 12 A* to C, most at A* and A While she chose to do GCSEs there were a number of courses she could have taken which would have given her several Level 3 certificates (GCSE equivalents) I know there are subjects which are seen as 'soft' or worthless, but I do not prescribe to this. My daughter was not keen on textiles, seeing very little value in this subject. After school she got into Cosplay, and makes most of her own clothes and props. Once I was happy this was not just a quick phase/interest I bought her a sewing machine to make things easier. If she needs something embroidered she asks me, a skill I first learned at school, and has given me a lot of pleasure over the years. Another skill I learned at school which has stood me in good stead over the years was typing. This has helped me to move from manual work, I am no longer able to do to office based work. However I agree with Pinklemon it will depend a lot on the individual.

Sorry for coming to this a little late. I wouldn't worry too much, it sounds you are being a great dad. Why do you always have to be the teacher? An important part of the learning process is being able to teach skills/knowledge to others. Why not be the 'student' and let her teach you? She will love it and will have a great time. Just follow the instructions. If you make mistakes who cares? Your daughter won't and whose opinion is more important? While I know what you mean by monotonal books, but they are only monotonal if the reader lets it be. When I was reading these type of books to my daughter when she was your daughter's age I used to explore the sounds with her. Usually by over emphasising certain letters in the word, like the B sound in blue. I started reading to my daughter the day she came home from hospital and read to her every day until she was 10 and decided to inform me she was too old to be read to! I wouldn't have minded but she was finally getting into books I could enjoy and we had got to a good part of a book and I wanted to know what happened next Reading is one of the best gifts we can give our children. My daughter went on to university to do creative writing and got a first. Some of her best childhood memories are us reading together and making up stories. It also helped us to bond and see us through the rough patches. Yeah, when they get older it gets easier The friends she made I would not have picked for her, and while I wondered if her first boyfriend would be a biker or skate boarder he turned out to be a skate boarder named Pinky. Then there was all the fun things like her friends wanting to know if waxing hurt, so it was decided I would be the ideal test subject. Or how it would be fun to dress me up and put make up on me, for my wife to then decide she needed something from the shops which could not wait. The Goth phase was real fun, Kind of glad she came after the punk era. Or the day the parents at school were up in arms because the girls had got the 'special assembly' to discuss female issues. One of the parents asked my daughter what she thought and the awkward silence when she said it was okay but dad explains it much better. Sadly the years seem to fly by, and against my explicit orders she grew up anyway. Why do they never listen to us? While we went through a rough patch just prior to her beginning to be tested for Aspergers I have a lot of memories and enjoyed the roller coaster ride. It can be difficult and frustrating but the best advice I can give you is to try and relax and go with the flow. Don't sweat the small stuff because there are much bigger things to come. Something you might appreciate, we got her a video scope when she was 8. While we created some of the normal slides with different materials her favourite was when we decided to dissect lice and make slides with the different parts. She loved it so much she showed them to just about everyone. Secretly I think she got a kick out of everyone's reaction.

Especially when I was younger people giving me the wrong instructions. Driver:Watch me back into wall Me: Okay... One reason I love my about my current employer and the people I work with they actually appreciate me asking questions so I don't have to make the wrong assumptions.

dekaspace, While the internet can be a wonderful place with a lot of decent people there are some who get a kick out of attacking others and trying to upset them. Responding to them and particularly showing them you are upset just feeds them. They are not worth the upset or stress they cause. I know they can be hard to ignore, if the forum allows it I just people like that on ignore. They can rant and rave as much as they like but don't get the kicks as you don't respond. As others say, while it is quieter here you and the response slower it will be without the abuse.

Rampant capitalism that causes people to step on anyone they see as less than them, constant stress and no rest, gossiping about each other and turning us against each other - all very white ideologies. As most of these existed long before capitalism it is not the only source but does have a huge impact on modern living. Other cultures still actually have a concept of community, but what do we have? Concept of and active communities. Yes these still thrive across much of white cultures. Nothing. We live in huge, anonymous cities where hardly anyone knows each other. Cities are much more complex organisms and concepts of community can be much more fluid. Without doubt though city life can be much more stressful and it is easier to become disengaged. Friendships now revolve around work. This is not healthy! This has been the case certainly for much of the last three hundred years, if not before. Many communities were built around different industries where people lived close to each other. Considering the amount of time spent with those you work with it is not surprising friendships often revolve around work. With cities where you can travel great distances to get to work and the workforce is found on a much larger geographical area this is where the complexities of city life can play a negative role. Different work patterns can make friendships more difficult. For example I worked 12 hour night shifts for 10 years including most of the bank holidays which made maintaining friendships difficult. And yet we are expected just to deal with it, act as if it's a natural progression of humanity when in reality, it's the fault of various global corporations being too greedy. While global corporations have a lot to answer for I don't believe they can be blamed for this. London was a city long before capitalism and larger communities are the result of a growing population and people living longer. Also we each have choices we can make. I have been involved in my local community for many years. While people moan about the loss of community it is often by those who cannot be bothered to be part of the community. I lived on a council estate where residents run their own affairs, deciding on the standards of repairs, what services or activities are available on the estate etc. Yet very few get involved. At one meeting I offered to bring in independent help so residents could decide what information they wanted us to report on to make the board and organisation more open and accountable, though I had made changes towards doing this. No one was interested. It is often easier to sit back and criticise than get involved. That said I love the local community as it does look out for itself and each other. It is far from unique.

people on buses who insist on blocking the exit even though there are plenty of seats and standing space. kids on buses who insist on standing on the first step of the bus so every one has to squeeze past. One young girl who then decided to call me a pervert and paedophile when I told her I don't get my kicks from rubbing up against young girls and could she move. I asked her why because I had refused to rub against her, or was she there to pick pockets? She must have realised it was her stop after all because she got off. When the bus is late but idiots have to hold it up longer by moaning at the driver and delaying it further. People who are rude or abusive to shop assistants who are trying to do their job. Security guards in shops who insist following me around ignoring those who are actually shoplifting. Head lice, and parents who cannot be bothered to treat their kids. Main reason I bought a hair trimmer and use it without attachments. People who comment on headlines in newspapers who cannot be bothered to read the actual article. The biggest thing at the moment which makes me tear my hair out - I have plenty on my chest - I don't have a passport because I have never been abroad, I don't drive so don't have a drivers license, since splitting up with my wife I rent a room in a family home so no tenancy agreement and as my wages used to go in my wife's bank account I have no bank account. Although I have no interest in travelling abroad I am going to have to get a passport to be able to prove I have the right to live in the UK, get a job in the UK, be able to find somewhere to rent in the UK, and get an account so I can control my own money. So having been born and lived in the UK for over 50 years I am finally getting a passport so I can finally function in my own country. At least with a national ID card it would have been cheaper.

It's called echolalia and is common with aspergers, though does not affect everyone.

It was probably the best thing we did, as she got older she would begin to recognise the signs for herself and take herself to her room. There were times I was concerned she was spending too much time there, but most days she would choose to spend some time with us. I've separated from her mum now, but still spend a lot of time with her, and stay sometimes when her mum is away. Usually she spends a lot of time in her room, but there are times when she chooses to spend time with me talking about things, having a laugh, or just watching tv together and making comments about what we are watching. I love those times with her not least because I know she has chosen and wanted to spend that time with me. It is difficult to explain how much that means to me.

Hi Sunworld, I know how you are feeling at the moment as we went through this when Aspergers was first mentioned when my daughter was 10 though she was 12 before we got the diagnosis. First of all drop the guilt trip, it saps your energies and a piece of self indulgence you don't need and your children don't need. Diagnosis has not changed your son, but it can help guide and identify ways you can help your son. Regarding your son's Jekyll and Hyde behaviour, the best way I have found describing this is imagine the worst day at work when you want to lash out either physically or verbally but cannot. You look forward to getting home to wind down but when you get home for whatever reason you cannot. Away from the confines of work and in the safety of your own home you are more likely to be snappy and express how you feel in ways you wouldn't at work. Now imagine this happening everyday but without the skills most adults have to cope or the skills to express yourself. While you don't want to end up walking on eggshells around your son as he gets older you may need to make some changes around the home to make things less stressful for you all. For example as the boys have their own bedrooms a simple rule like they are not allowed into the others bedroom without being invited. With our daughter when she was 10 we agreed that we would not enter her room without knocking first getting her permission to enter. This was important in establishing a safe area in our home and where she felt some control in her life. It also meant as she got older we were able to help her recognise when she was getting stressed and to take some time to calm down. Her behaviour was often bad when getting home from school and by allowing her to go straight to her room and listen to her music until she was ready to join us calmed life down a great deal and made things a lot easier. Understanding what was going on also helped us to be far more relaxed in dealing with it. If she started to kick off I would send her to her room. Later on when she was an adult we talked about this, as she always found it amusing that to punish her I would send her to the room she wanted to be in as it had everything she wanted in there. As I told her it was not about punishing her, but giving her space to calm down. She always chose when to come out. Once our stress levels went down hers began to become more manageable for us and she began to be less stressful around us. One of the hardest things was to find where some of her challenging behaviour was coming from and finding the right way to deal with them. For example when she started making friends there was a rough patch where she was hitting her female friends as hard as she could on their arms. They tolerated it initially but it quickly started to annoy them. Fortunately one of them mentioned it to me and when i asked her about it she said it was what friends do and the boys do it all the time she was just joining in and they didn't mind. At that stage I knew trying to explain the differences would not work so spoke to her friends and explained why she was doing it and asked them to tell her they didn't like or enjoy it and girls don't do that sort of thing. It worked out well. The reason for picking up this behaviour was because it was obvious and as it made the other boys laugh she thought it was normal and part of being a friend. If it helps I often describe finding out she had aspergers as stop seeing a child and discovering the individual. She was still the same person, it was us who had to change. Its not always easy but worth the effort. One thing I used to worry about was her future. At the age of 22 she came out of uni with a first and new friends and has a job she enjoys. I have a couple of weeks off coming soon and she is taking me lazer tagging as I've never been. Personally I think it is to fulfil some childhood dreams of 'killing' me off. But then it can be good to realise some childhood dreams.

The forum rules don't allow me to post a link, but if you google Centra Pulse, then click on the link for the gps watches. They show the prices for the Everon Vegas, but not the Limmex which my daughter uses. Not 100% sure of the purchase price for the Limmex as my daughter was a tester for this. though they were talking around the £200 mark. The price quoted is for service element to the call centre. The GPS side of Limmex is not very accurate when we tested it. They can narrow it down but this does take time. So it is more suited to those who can communicate and being able to exactly locate where they are is not a major issue. When it is answered your information comes up on their system so they will be aware of your needs and communication skills. I was impressed with the communication side, it is like having your phone on speaker, clear and easy to understand what the person is saying. It is the hardware and software in the watch which pushes the cost up. Vega while more expensive has a much superior gps tracking. Where as the Limmex send out a single signal for gps locating Vega sends three allowing for quicker and more accurate location find.It is more suited to those who are less able. But if you are interested speak to them first to ensure it will be suitable for you. The watch section is a little thicker than normal, I mention this because of your concern about wearing a bracelet. Both my daughter and I are big fans of the Limmex watch, but for transparency while I do not work for Centra Pulse I do work for a company which is part of the same group.

My favourite method of relaxing is ironing. It is one of the few times I find my mind relaxes and goes blank. I enjoy walking in the rain watching the world rush by and not feeling part of it.

I'm not a christian, but many of the christian people I have known are wonderful people and real ambassadors of their faith. I have also had a lot of run ins with fundamentalists and will admit to having a little fun at their expense. The problem is many christians do not understand their own religion. The Jewish relationship with God is one of a covenant of law and obedience. This 'failed' and so God sent Jesus to set a new covenant, one of grace and forgiveness. Yet so many still revert back to the old laws when it suits their prejudices, often failing to see their context. To give an example on one hand many believe abortion is wrong and is murder dooming those involved to eternal damnation, on the other they are happy to quote 'an eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth' to justify themselves. The quote appears once in the bible, and it is discussing the penalties if two men are drunk and fighting resulting in harm to a pregnant woman. In the same section if they cause harm to an unborn child the law is clear about what should happen. The father, not mother, can set a sum to be compensated for the loss of the unborn child. However if the person who caused the loss of life feels this is set too high they can take it to the judges to make a final decision. So the value of the unborn child is what the father decides what it is but can be tempered by another man (judge). Another thing often overlooked is the only example of Jesus sending his apostles out to speak to people about him and his teaching he specifically told them to ignore the gentiles - non Jews. It wasn't until after his death and ascension that men decided to include gentiles. Talk about the dilemma of dying and finding you picked the wrong religion. Nothing however demonstrates the personal prejudices of the religious bigots than their attitude to sexual matters, and gay sex in particular, but are far more tolerant toward adulterers, fornicators etc. On a lighter note, do you know the oldest make of motorbike? In the old testament it says of King David that they heard the roar of his triumph across the lands.

Sorry I should have been a lot clearer on this. My experience of working with communities is there is a lot of youth on youth crime. In some areas this seems to be predominantly gang based, especially in cities like London. In others it seems based more on differences and non conformance. For example when my daughter began getting into the goth culture was the same time Sophie Lancaster was beaten to death for being a goth. But these two different causes of youth crime often bleed out to drag in others. However disability hate crime is not restricted to young people. I often witness too often adults who seem to believe when they meet someone with learning difficulties or mental disabilities it gives them the right to abuse the person, usually verbally. Medic alerts used to do just that, alert those who needed to know that there was something to be aware off with further information to be found either on the back or inside. Googling medic alerts I notice they are far more obvious now about what is wrong. For diabetes, epilepsy or allergies this might make sense. What I was trying, very poorly, to say is it might be better to have something which tells others you have specific needs but doesn't broadcast those needs. But at the same time contains the information you can choose to share with others when you choose to. For example with my daughter, and she was 12 when we first got her a medic alert we chose the snake around a staff pendent, on the back we had engrave 'Aspegers' and mum's number on the back. The pendent was something we knew she would like and wear when she went out. These days she wears a watch with a button she can press which puts her through to a call centre with trained staff. Where necessary they can talk to someone to explain her difficulties and help, can stay connected to her until she is somewhere safe or if necessary speak to the police or ambulance to get her help quickly - important as she works in a shop where they sometimes get very difficult customers and where potentially she could be followed after leaving work, or connect her to mum or dad via our mobiles. It is not a cheap solution. The solutions we have chosen have always been discrete. I guess one of my main concerns is not to put young people off from travelling independently or pursuing their interests. My daughter has been doing so since she was 12, with one of us going places with her in the first place until she was confident to go on her own. It has enriched her life, given her confidence and helped her to make some very good friends based on shared interests. She has been the victim of crime once, she had her mobile snatched out of her hand while talking to mum. A bad 20 minutes for us as the last thing my wife heard was her screaming and as she was in Liverpool having to wait for someone to call us to let us know what had happened. The main point I was trying to get at is the solution you choose should also allow you to choose who you share the information with. The advantage of medic alert is it tells someone there is probably a good reason for your 'strange' behaviour without jumping to conclusions like your drunk or on drugs which initially could result in a negative experience with individuals of authority, as well as getting appropriate help quickly.

Yes a lanyard would do. There are a huge range of options on what you could have, depending how obvious you want it to be. For example you can get usb flash drive with the medic alert logo and can carry additional information on the drive. Or you could go with dog tags, or a plastic card with the relevant details. If you google medic alert using images you should get a good idea of what is around. I hope you don't mind but I checked your profile and see you are a little younger than my daughter. One piece of advice I would give you is whatever you choose don't pick something which will inform others immediate why you are wearing it. If you decide to use a lanyard I have found which ever way I put my work id on it invariably turns around to show the back of my id card. As a young person it could put you at risk.

We went through this with my daughter when she started to be more independent and especially travelling on her own. The alert cards are an excellent way of communicating your issues and to help others to help you. I would also suggest considering wearing a medic alert bracelet or necklace. There are some good designs around and need not cost a small fortune. The advantage of these are they tell people there is a medical condition without immediately telling them what is wrong. My daughter's experience was that it also changed the way people treated her. For example when in shops staff were far more patient and helpful when her necklace was on show. Also when she became agitated or upset because of sudden changes while on her own strangers were more likely to ask if she okay or needed help rather than judging her or ignoring her.

Thank you for the reply, and clarifying the main issue as you see it. "stands out' more than some others I know with AS or Autism we were worried that he may be bullied or taken advantage of by less than moral people at work or in the street, and so should not be allowed out on his own unless he learns some more skills" I don't know how many times I have heard this excuse as the reason given stopping young people with aspergers from going out and mixing with peers and others. Only for parents to complain later that their child has no friends and it gets them both down, and is often a source of depression. As a father to daughter with Aspergers once she wanted that independence to go places on her own and to pursue her own interests I had these sort of issues to contend with. What if she was raped, attacked, snatched etc down to how I would feel if she was killed. A lot of the concerns were around the way she could be very vulnerable when something didn't go right. I didn't know if her first boyfriend or girlfriend would be a skater or biker. It turned out to be a skater dude called Pinky. I didn't particularly approve of some of her friends or choices, like when she decided to go goth. But I always respected her choices and supported her, despite the many dangers I could forsee for her. Although nothing too bad has happened to her yet doesn't mean it won't in the future. If it does I will hopefully still be around to support her and help her. Despite his vulnerabilities Luke obviously has some skills, maintaining a job for one. One of the best ways I know of developing skills is being out and there and learning. Sometime those lessons can take a while, and I'm sure his parents will continue to support him if something does go wrong. As I said I do understand and appreciate your concerns, but my view is if a level of independence is achieved going backwards because of these is going in the wrong direction.

Luke is in his 30s, has a number of degrees and works full time. However he still lives with his mum and dad, who have kept him at home as he has a lot of 'immature' or 'Autistic' behaviors, suchs as drinking out of coke bottles like a baby would, sticking his fingers in his ears when talking and also closing his eyes. Children often live with their parents into their 30's or later, a trend which is likely to increase in the future with the housing crisis in the UK more likely to worsen before it improves. For someone who claims to be non-judgmental you use a lot of judgmental language - 'such as drinking out of a coke bottle like a baby would' I would suggest if you see a baby drinking out of coke bottle the parents could do with parenting classes. On top of that he doesn't change his underwear and hangs around with a man called Tim, who he likes to go bus and train trips together. This would be fine save for the fact that when the bus is late Tim kicks off and... runs away.. Luke is in the habit of following Tim when he does this, in some of the roughest parts of Liverpool.... I will put some of this down to your middle class upbringing. My daughter travels independently and has done similar things as Luke, like pub crawling late at night looking for men in the West End of London when she was 15. My way of explaining the danger she put herself in when she followed an older friend who wanted to get the signatures of a band they had just seen at a gig. Her response when we stood on our balcony and watched a shooting was 'are those real guns?' For a while me and my friend thought that it would be a good idea that Luke be allowed to leave home and live on his own. But when we last met him we also discovered that as well as being unwilling to change his ways he also is totally unable to defend himself as he does not know what to do if someone tried to attack him. I know a lot of NT people who are unwilling to change their ways. Granted I'm not the greatest fighter in the world (I come from a middle class background) but even I know how to push a thug to the floor and then run away! Like on the other hand just let my friend take his phone when we tested him. Seems to me Luke passed the test. You complain that Luke follows his friend into some of the toughest parts of Liverpool, but you would rather see him risk getting beaten up than hand over a simple possession which could be easily replaced. My advice to my daughter is to give up what is asked for and we can replace them afterwards. Now we feel that he should not be allowed to go out on his own or go to work, as he is THAT vulnerable. Sorry but looking at what you have actually said I don't get your conclusion. The fact is Luke has achieved a high level of independence, all be it from still living with his parents. Nothing of what you have said suggests he cannot cope travelling on his own, the only example you have given is a potential to get into trouble when with a particular friend. He has a job, which you have not mentioned any particular incidents which would cause concern.

Angelwings, I see Mihaela has given you some useful links. One problem I do potentially see for you is from reading your post again your son is mainly educated at the school and may be dropping one or two subjects. Depending on the subjects being dropped this is potentially 1 to 4 hours spread through out the week. Depending on how far you live from the school there may be practical reasons for saying no, but this needs to be part of a sensible conversation, not simply dictated like this. I am often bemused on how much titles like 'inclusion room' sound awfully like exclusion in the way they are defined. So I would question why he would have to spend his time in the inclusion room rather than the school library, and most secondary schools do have them, where there are resources to manage his own lessons and are usually staffed so he is not left in a potentially vulnerable position. When my daughter's secondary school became an academy they decided to use the safe room as a 'sin bin' (my words for it) and when I questioned it because I knew my daughter would not use it if it was associated with naughty children, I was told that while they respected my concerns the policy would not change. After talking to my local councillor who took it straight to the safeguarding board the policy was changed in weeks. The school of course said it was because of the concerns of some of the parents. Good luck, and hope things work out.

No it is not right. Fundamental principle of education is that the parents/guardian are responsible for the education of their children. This principle is enshrined in our laws. I have to leave home now but will post this afternoon if no one else has responded. In short though it sounds like you need to be having this conversation with LEA rather than the school. One question though, is the school a community school or an academy? It should not make a difference but if an academy it might be a little more complicated.

Hi Livelife, "Parents and children are the same constantly learning evolving never perfect so the very idea that blame is correct or even taking responsibility for what you do is not right it's wrong and created by a culture of blame that made my life awful." I could not disagree with this sentiment more, though as you say our views are often developed and coloured by our experiences. Most of my childhood I neither accepted the blame or responsibility for what I did. In most cases it was in reaction to either a threat or wrong. Someone I grew up with paid a high price for me to learn that lesson. He was very similar to me in relation to the above but he would lash out when there was not a threat or wrong. To give an example I saw him pin another child's hand to a table by sticking a knife through it. I promised him if he kept it up I would not mess about I would kill him, At the time it was something I was certainly capable of doing and we both knew it. He chose to act first by trying to drown me, did not succeed and the teachers got us before I could retaliate. We were kept seperate on the way back to school and to be honest by the time we got back I had lost interest. I did not even notice I had not seen him the rest of the day. After the weekend I was called to the headteachers office and questioned about what had happened after we got back and I honestly told them nothing happened. I later found out he had run away from the school and at some point over the weekend he had a complete breakdown and was sectioned and sedated in hospital. After all that I had done this was what pulled me up and made me take a good long look at who I was and I didn't like what I saw. It was not until I accepted the blame for what I had done and started to take responsibility for my own actions that I was able to start to change. It would have been incredibly easy for me to justify what happened, similarly as I had not had a chance to threaten him or take any other form of action and the type of person he was to say that I was not responsible. I never found out what happened to him after that. He never returned to the school and even talking to a teacher years later it was the one thing about my childhood he would not discuss. If we do not accept the blame for our wrong doing or responsibility for our action how then do we change? Why would we after all we would not accept that we have done something wrong so why change? There was a time with my daughter when things had gotten really bad. I knew it was wrong but could not break the cycle. When I spoke to my doctor about it he dismissed it. I was genuinely concerned that I would end up hurting my daughter. It was about this time that we found out she probably had aspergers and reading up on it a lot of things started clicking into place. I have always said that it helped me to find my daughter and I stopped parenting a child and began being a parent to an individual. But there was a time when I seriously considered it would be better for my daughter if I just left. I knew she felt the same way. However in discovering who she was I discovered her true strength of character and in the end decided that if she could cope with all she was putting up with she deserved a lot better and a lot more from me. So discovering she had aspergers did not change who she was, but it changed me. Again because I accepted the blame for what was going on and accepted personal responsibility and did something about it. Fortunately you are right, as parents we can learn and change. As a result I have a fantastic relationship with my daughter now, even though she does remember those darker days in our relationship. We do talk on another forum, and so I may be making the wrong assumption here, if so I am sorry, but I do want to address the last bit of the quote from your post above. There is another sort of blame, one that others would put on us unjustly. I spent most of my working life in warehousing of one sort or another from MOD, chemicals including acids and heavy metals to stationery. I knew I was good at what I did and so did others, to the extent I was sought out and asked to be part of a team to sort a warehouse that was having huge problems, including an area with returned stock worth over £2 million. When I started my last job I found I was getting the blame for a lot of items going missing. I could not understand why so took extra care but still my name kept coming up. Eventually I had enough and having done a 12 hour night shift I stayed to speak to a friend. We went through the last lot of items I was 'responsible' for. We found I was responsible for most because I signed the goods in when checking the delivery. That was as far as he went. Inside two hours I found all the missing items, one of which came in when I was off, including the reasons why they got misplaced. When I complained about it I was told not to worry about it, which I did not accept as when something went wrong it was always my name which came up. It was eventually dealt with. My relationship with this person was mixed over the years. I learned to take steps to protect myself, and eventually he was caught deliberately hiding stock which resulted in an important customer being very upset. I had not checked the stock that night due to a fire next door and having to vacate the premises for several hours. However the night before I had taken photos and it had been there then. In the end he admitted he had hidden it to 'check if I was doing my job properly'. People like this, and I have met many, can do a lot of damage especially in undermining the person's confidence. You did your last job well for many years, it is unlikely you would have lasted so long if not. Your abilities did not change, your competence did not change. Those around you did and that is not your fault. Looking for a new job is stressful and I hope you find one soon with a company that appreciate the strengths you bring to them.

As the children I'm talking about were usually between 13 and 16 I blame them, unless there is an underlying cause such as autism and even then not always. I am always bemused at how quickly we are in blaming others for young people's actions, rather than holding them responsible for their own choices and behaviours. Equally how we tend to avoid or deny the influence we each have as a society in general. Absolutely poor parenting has its part to play, but also good parents have kids that go off the rail. My parents raised 3 well behaved children and then me. If we are going to undo the affects of toxic parenting and other influences though we need to start instilling personal responsibility. My daughter learned at an early age that if she had done something wrong starting her reasons by blaming others was going to make things worse. I have always applied this principle even when dealing with other young people. It is not about dismissing the influences of others but rather getting young people to understand why they choose to do something. To give an example when she was young she threw a tantrum in a shop and started shouting and swearing at the adults around her. After I calmed her down I asked her why and she said she was angry because she had been waiting to ask for what she wanted but the staff kept ignoring her and the adults kept pushing in. To give the staff their due the one who ignored her apologised and explained she had not seen our daughter and after that when another member of staff saw her come in they made sure whoever was serving was aware she was in the queue. Similarly in an example I have given elsewhere where she got home in the early hours her explanation didn't start with 'because my friend wouldn't come home' but rather she chose to stay with her friend than abandon her leaving her more vulnerable. I think we are also too quick to each deny our responsibility as member of our society for the problems we see. One example I give of this is I taught my daughter to queue up for a bus, society taught her to put her head down and force her way onto the bus. How often do we consider the example we provide for young people and children in the way we interact with each other. Perhaps because I live in the middle of London I regularly see examples of this. It can be seen in the abusive way we talk to shop assistants, or one of my favourites, having to spend a minute or so admonishing the bus driver because he is late further delaying the bus. There are plenty of other examples a lot more serious. I am not saying you as an individual set a bad example, but in general while we blame other influences we seem to ignore the examples adults set in front of children. As for authoritarian figures I always got on better with those types at school. They set clear boundaries and expectations. It didn't stop me kicking off but I was less resentful towards them when it came to taking my punishment. When I finally learned the lesson of taking personal responsibility and wanted to change I found they were also my biggest advocates. Everyone expected me to stumble, but while others were happy to say it showed I hadn't changed they helped me to develop the tools and skills to learn how to control myself. I do agree that most children and young people are basically good, but can make poor choices. I also hate the way children are portrayed by the mass media. Very quick to bemoan the excesses of our young, but a lot slower in recognising a lot of good they do. Also it is hardly new for older generations to moan about the younger generations.

Interesting question, one minor point it kind of indicates that parents are in a better position to make decisions for their children than the individual child. It also implies that there is a real choice, one of the great modern lies to parents. One thing I always did was involve my daughter in the decisions, after all she was the one who would be spending time doing the studying. When it came to making choices for what GCSEs she would do a lot of pressure was put on her to do courses that were 'equivalent' to 2 or more GCSEs. Her choice was for 12 individual GCSE courses and we backed her decisions. Several teachers approached us afterwards to say they were relieved with her choices as the others do not really carry as much weight. I don't agree that it is always the school or teachers who are at fault. I have had numerous conversations with teenagers who blame the school but fail to see their own part in the problem. The typical remark being 'if teachers showed me some respect I would show it to them!' So you line up quietly outside the class room until told to go in, go in sit down and get your books and pen ready for the teacher to start teaching? The usual answer being no we mess around, send text messages or talk to our friends. So the bottom line is they start out disrespecting their teachers but expect their teacher to earn their respect. They don't see they might be the problem.

I once got the cane for breaking school property, I attacked a wooden ruler with my knuckles while talking to a friend during class and did not realise the ruler was there and so broke it with my stationary hand. Though there were plenty of things I got away with so swings and roundabouts I guess. When my daughter started secondary school I made it clear that I was happy for them to deal with bullying in accordance with their policies, as long as it was dealt with. On the other hand I do believe physical assault is not bullying but assault and if they didn't deal with it I would through the police. Actually the school was very good at dealing with bullying. One method they would use would be to sit them separated in a hall and ask them to write down their account of what happened. If you were caught lying you were suspended. I know one occasion where the bully confessed but to of their friends tried to cover for the bully. They were immediately suspended and their parents called for. I got the same advice as some of the men here, and took it to heart. One reason I quickly got kicked out of mainstream schooling. It didn't stop the bullying, but I did get better at hurting others and seeing no problem in doing so. I also got very good at justifying my actions. Including hanging a kid over a footbridge crossing a busy motorway. So it is not a piece of advice I would quickly offer to a child, especially one where they might take what you say literally.