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georgiapiano

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Everything posted by georgiapiano

  1. I'm going to tell my dad I think. Not directly as in "You have aspergers" but I'm going to first of all explain to him about my own journey first - which will then maybe make him recognise some of the traits in himself. He's a soft character so I do think he will be ok about it. As for you and your daughter - why not wait until the right time to actually show her the messages on here? She will see that these are your actual concerns and will help her to understand? Really, from a daughter's point of view, she would rather you were open and honest - and she will be understanding. And, for the record, whatever anyone else says, well who are they?! Reeeeaallllllyyyyy???? Are you really worried about what little stupid people say about something they know nothing about???? ASD gives you strength and independence. Use it. We are here on here to support you. Good luck xxx
  2. As soon as she's old enough, explain to her that you have aspergers. My dad has aspergers - he's not been diagnosed but I was never close with him and he would always want his own space all the time - never really spending time with me. I never knew him and I still don't really... Until I realised about aspergers. When I discovered I have HF ASD it hit home with me that my dad has it too. I spent years feeling resentful about him, wondering what was wrong with me, why he didn't want to be close with me... Now i know he has aspergers as I recognise all the signs in him, I can forgive him. I'm waiting to find a right time to tell him as he has no idea. What i'm trying to say is, when your daughter is old enough to understand and cope with it, explaining to her your condition will really help her to understand. She will be there with you all the way I am sure xxx
  3. Sod them, ajl. I always refused to take medication, as deep down I always knew I wasn't actually suffering with depression, which is what the doctors said. In fact, at one point I was on fluoxetine. It wasn't working. I still felt rubbish. I went back to the doctors. He upped my dose. A few days later I smashed up my house, kicking in the glass doors and everything. Lost it. So since then I have never touched another anti-depressant. Obviously that was NOT what I needed. Now I have a fear of taking any tablets for ANYTHING unless it's a matter of life or death because I'm scared of its side effects. I've known there was something 'different' about me all my life. I've known I have ASD only for a few months. Self diagnosed. It does make you a stronger person and you form the best relationships ever by being this way. That's my experience anyway. All or nothing
  4. I couldn't agree more! I've given up on doctors and mental health services. You are what you are and you gain strength from that. xxx​
  5. Oh my! You really are going through it. I really feel for you. I'd give you a massive big supportive hug if I could. If it's any consolation, my parents are too. I never see them really. My mum booked a holiday on my due date to give birth to my daughter last year. I never hear from my dad. I don't bother with either of them any more. Whatever happens, remember the other things we have talked about...it is what it is, you ARE who you are, and stuff the rest. But of course, I hope you get the outcome you hope for. Take care, and whatever happens we are all here for you on here xxx
  6. It sounds like you are doing your absolute best and that you care so much about her. You seem so conscientious, so already you are doing the right thing. How about taking her to nature places such as the zoo and sea life centres? All kids love that sort of thing. Near where I live there is a 'living rainforest' where you can see all kinds of creatures and animals that live in the rainforest. My daughter loved it there. I am sure there must be other similar places to go near where you live. Other than that, how about nature walks, visits to the seaside, a trip on a boat or train to another place. Trips to the library? Our local library does a story time once a week where they listen to a story and do craft activities for free. Many other libraries will probably do other similar things. Or how about setting up a project with her, like getting a fish tank, researching it, setting it up, choosing the fish and looking after them, or a vegetable patch in the garden....the world is your oyster. Hope this helps. I find it difficult with my daugher too. She's 4 but unlike your daughter is very shy and a real 'thinker'. She is very anxious about a lot of things and kicks off about simple things - I think she is very much like me and probably is HF ASD like me. This makes it easier in some ways because she likes her own space and I understand and relate to everything she does. It must be real tough for you that your daughter is NT. NT or ASD or whatever - nothing will ever change the love you have with your children. Let us know how you get on.
  7. You know what? I'm happy to be self-diagnosed. I've lost faith in the mental health services and I believe that more research into the whole ASD and autism spectrum needs to be done. Not enough is understood and there are too many people out here suffering without knowing what the hell is wrong with them. I just think now, I know myself better than anyone, better than any medical/mental health professional. No-one will ever know me like me, so what is the point? As difficult as it is, functioning daily in a very busy life and having a professional career, the rewards I get from this are intensely satisfying. I feel such a strong person. And so yes, you should know yourself - and only for yourself. I couldn't agree more. If no-one else will take the effort to really understand, or even believe you, then stuff them. You don't wallow, you get on with it. And you know what? I feel blessed to be unique, mysterious, quirky, talented, a dark horse. I wouldn't have me any other way. And another thing - you only have very few people close to your heart, but those people are REALLY close to your heart and it's hard to believe anyone could have anything closer. Xxx
  8. Mihaela, what I meant about pm me (I don't think I made myself clear reading back my message), if there are things in your past, as you were growing up - any significant things you want to share with me that relate to HF ASD, a pm would be amazing. I've got loads of stuff to share. Like I said, I could write a book - and I intend to. And it would be lovely for you to be a part of it if you would like to xxx
  9. Lol Mihaela, I've no idea why I called it a 'song' - it's not a song at all is it. Just habit I didn't even realise I'd written it (the word 'song' not prelude in Dflat)! Wow, it sounds like we share the same mindset. I love melancholy stuff. I do, like yourself crave to listen to music or indulge in anything that moves me. What's your favourite music? I have a really wide interest - from metal/thrash metal, classic rock, soul, dance.... I tend to take preference in particular artists and bands rather than a set genre. I haven't forgetten lovely, to reply to your personal message. I've been so busy and I intend absolutely to reply. In the meantime, if there are any other experiences or things you want to share with me about how our higher functioning brains work, please stick them in a pm. xxx
  10. How many times do I say that to people? "I haven't got time to relax/rest/for me..." It's like you HAVE to do what you've pre-planned otherwise something awful is going to happen. My mum took me for a spa day not long ago thinking I'd appreciate the time to 'relax'. I found it more stressful, thinking about all the productive things I could be doing. Sitting still makes me feel anxious and twitchy. She mistakes me for being unappreciative (she has no idea I have ASD) but has no idea ofthe anxiety this causes me. Not many people know me really at all. Only my partner. I guess this is typical of lots of us on here? So yeah, I 100% get you when you say "I haven't got time to indulge in any rest!" And you have my full empathy. We are very good at putting pressure on ourselves - not because we want to, but because we need to in order to function. To anyone else that would sound well weird. I love this forum because it makes you feel so not weird. :-) x
  11. I only ever get the words out properly when writing. I'm good at writing - at talking. x
  12. I'm blessed really. There is a strong musical gene in my family which I am fortunate enough to have inherited. I write my own music. It's a great sense of release from a stressful world. I wish I had more time to do it. And Chopin is my favourite classical composer. The raindrop song (prelude in Dflat) is my favourite. I remember performing it at secondary school in our school theatre. It was one of my most moving experiences I've had. It's still my favourite piece today.
  13. I 100% agree. Being a part of the aspie crew, we are tough - we have to cope every day with the added pressures of all the that interferes with our thoughts, emotions and physical functions. And yet we do - we keep on! Unless you give up, you are a stronger person than ever. It's all about choice. The results are not instant - especially for us aspies. But choose "life" and ye shall live it. God bless you and strength be with you xxx
  14. Thanks for your reply Mihaela. So much of what you've written relates. It's interesting what you say about the sunlight. Both myself and my mum - and my 4 year old daughter are all very sensitive to light - I can't go anywhere without my sunglasses. It's interesting what you say about your grandparents. Strangely, my dad is the one who I would say is most definitely ASD, yet on his side of the family, although many of them haven't maintained relationships, they are pretty stable in themselves. They seem to cope by putting themselves in their own bubble. My cousin on my dad's side is bi-polar and demontrates a lot of similar things to me. My dad's dad was an amazing pianist and composer. I've got some of the music he's written. Yet my mum displays herself more as higher functioning ASD. She acts out lilke she copes with life and has lots of friends, but I can see she struggles but doesn't admit it. She can be very unpredicatable and volatile at times. She went into care at a young age because her mother commited suicide and her dad was an alcoholic and died from drinking. Although her mum and dad apparently loved each other dearly it appears they both had a lot of problems. I would feel ok to tell my dad I guess because I would trust that he would listen to me and even if he didn't agree, he would have the intelligence to ask me more about it and sort of try to show a curiosity. He wouldn't judge me I guess is what I'm trying to say. If he thought I was "talking nonsense" he wouldn't say so - he would go away and think about it. So maybe I should start by talking to him. Maybe it might draw us closer, as we've been apart emotionally forever. Maybe this realisation would change things for the better - before it's too late. I'd love nothing more than that. I wouldn't feel ok telling my mum right now. We've had so many falling outs and so many misunerstandings. She is a very volatile character and even when I've tried to talk to her about troubles or worries she's brushed me aside and almost been cross with me. When I was pregnant with my 2nd daughter I had to go to hospital at 27 weeks because I had severe pains in my stomach and had to get checked. I went to her first, and was in tears. She had a go at me, started banging things around and saying that she hopes I don't get pregnant again because all I do is cry all the time. when all I wanted was my mum. That's just one example of how my mum can be - there are several others. If I told her I had ASD, she wouldn't believe me to start with, would brush it off and wouldn't support me. She would just think I'm being dramatic - as usual. If I told her I thought SHE had HF ASD, well she'd probably bite my head off. I don't actually know what she'd do. Even if she believed it deep down, she would never admit it or face up to it. Thanks for your response Mihaela - it's made me write this, which has helped me map out my thoughts in some kind of cohesive manner and now I kind of know where to go from here. Thank you xxx
  15. Thank you for your comments Mihaela. Sounds like you're dealing with it really well. As for the piano thing - it doesn't matter if you can't play well. Do what you love - enjoy it for you, and for no-one else. xxx
  16. Thanks everybody for all your comments. Here's an update. I had my last session with the CMHT yesterday. He was trying to suggest (in a round about way) that I did have borderline personality disorder. I argued with him, saying that I didn't agree (or like for that matter!) the term "personality disorder" and that I don't believe such a thing exists. I told him I believe that because I don't "choose" to be like I am. Telling me I have a personality disorder? Really? So how does that help exactly?! It just makes me feel bleeding well worse thank you very much. I told him about ASD - He argued he didn't think I had ASD. When I then went on to explain about higher functioning ASD and women, and how so many go undiagnosed and...I then went on to talk a lot about HF ASD and women - he then said, "oh, I don't know much about higher functioning ASD". We concluded by agreeing to disagree, and that I will accept my condition and travel my journey in my own way. I have decided I do not want a diagnosis because of the affect it may have on my job. Thanks again everyone xxx
  17. I get those days a lot. Some days I'm like all go and very productive - but those days I cannot sit still or relax at all, it's one thing to the next without stopping. Then I get days like the one you describe - so much to do, but wake up feeling like a completely useless zombie, brain will not function or make sense of anything - it's all like a big muddle in your head. So try to write a list. Then look at list. Oh dear, feel despondent. Even the list doesn't look right - it's not happening, I can't even remember what to write on the list, I don't even know what day it is today or what day it is tomorrow or the next, I can't even write a blooming list! I beat myself up - I'm useless, so sod it, just go on the computer and tell someone about it because there's nothing else I can do. Yep! I have those days. ​
  18. Welcome to this site. Good luck with your search for romance. I'm sure you'll find the right lady one day. You're still so young, so don't be too hard on yourself. I never thought I'd find love and gave up on the idea. Until I met my partner at the age of 29 and it's amazing. Enjoy you and your young life and try not to get too hung up on meeting someone. That right person will come along. Good luck x
  19. Hi. For those of you who haven't encountered me on here yet, I'm self-diagnosed higher-functioning ASD at the age of 34. It's been a very long journey to get here, and I'm still discovering more about the nature of higher functiong ASD and coming to terms with it. Part of my journey has involved wondering about genetics and where it 'comes from'. During my learning about ASD, my discoveries have revealed that there's a very strong likelihood that both my parents are the same. I've never had a close relationship with either of my parents. They didn't like each other, they divorced in my teens. They have never settled in good relationships; my dad has always been in his own bubble - impossible to get through to him or engage in any conversation with him and never shows interest in anyone else but himself. He's AMAZING at playing the drums, even at the age of 60 odd. He obssesses over music and drumming, and he lives by routine only. As a child, he used to shut himself away in his room and just drum and listen to music all the time. He finds it hard to even arrange meeting up with me because it interferes with his routine. In his late 30s/early 40s he had a massive breakdown. The last time I saw him was 3 months ago and that was just because he popped over for my daughter's birthday. Neither of my parents have ever sustained friendships - my dad avoids contact with anyone unless they want to tell him how amazing he is at drumming. My mum chops and changes friends like the weather and has always been unpredicatable and struggles with life, even though she won't admit it. My relationship with her as a child was volatile. I have, in my journey, come to the conclusion that my parents probably have ASD (my dad) and higherfunctioning ASD (my mum). I haven't told them about me being HF ASD, and I'm not ready to yet. They have no idea about it. Should I say anything to them? If I do, how should I tell them? Has anyone else experienced the same? Love Georgia xxx
  20. This is so refreshing to read. You know what, as hard as it is sometimes, I find a strength from somewhere. It's hard to find it, but it's stronger than any NT person would have, generally speaking. I think "f*** everyone else and what they think. I am me. If you don't like it, you're not welcome in my world." Although having said that (and it's easy to say that - but I mean it) you need to have at least one person close to you who does understand - or who at least knows what it is that makes you "you". It's quite a lonely place otherwise. Being 'different, special and non-conformist' gives me power, strength and a voice on the outside. On the inside it's a lonely world. And I guess that's why we're here on this forum xxx
  21. Hallejuah! I am not alone! I don't know what words to put first really... I have posted a thing in the general discussion forum about 'women' and taking action with regards to "higher functioning" ASD - but what you say about yourself truly matches up with what I have experienced, and what I experience day to day. I feel so alone a lot of the time and crave to have friends, but when I'm in the company of "friends", I feel weird, tense, anxious and I have to think about every move I make and everything I say. In an ideal world I would not say anything, or maybe the odd thing on my terms - and if they ask me about anything to do with me, then I crumple into a heap of panic. The words don't come out easily and sometimes I find myself saying things I wish I hadn't said. I think a lot of people find me weird. But I appear normal all the same. I think people generally don't get me - but think I'm just normal, if that makes sense. It's a lonely place - kind of like limbo really. Please look at my post on general discussions and join in if you would like. xxx
  22. Mihaela and Mr Salvador, these are exactly the type of responses I'm looking for in this thread. Thank you so much for giving your time to respond. I'm just looking in quickly now to read up on any replies I've had. I'm really pleased to see yours. Being me, I now need about 100 hours or so to now proess and think about what you've said before I reply. It's a lot to take in - very positively! I don't want to reply now because I'm tired and it's bedtime. Half assed posts aren't needed on this thread. But I will respond, I promise, as this is very important to me and it wont escape my mind. Thank you lots xxx
  23. This is so true. Thank you for this comment. It backs up what I am trying to do. Can I please emphasise again, I am not trying to discuss gender differences through this thread. I am merely trying to meet like-minded individuals who can help me build up some sort of support network. XXX
  24. Of course (I've tried to 'quote' but my computer is playing up), I was thoughtless to not mention trans gender - so, yes, this thread welcomes anyone regardless of any gender. I don't want to get caught up in a discussion ABOUT gender however. My intention with this thread, as said in my initial post, is to share experiences with those alike and who have experienced the same or similar as me (and no doubt all our experiences are diffierent and I respect that), and to discuss thoughts about what we can do to support those who experience the same. Maybe I didn't make myself clear in my initial post? Apologies if I was misunderstood. I haven't intended to upset anyone. Love to all xxx
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