mina

Hi all, I have a dilemma regarding my son who is 23 years old and has a high functioning autism. He likes girls and would desperately want to have a relationship. He fantasising of getting married, having children. However, so far the society keeps rejecting him. He has no friends and his experiences with people are generally bad. He was being bullied in the past and has been often excluded, even from the groups he interacts online, although he is desperately trying to fit in. My son and I are very close and he often talks to me about his feelings and desires. He says that I am the only friend he has and who accept him for who he is. He is a beautiful, gentle , romantic and caring soul and pains me when I think what he has been through. He definitely deserves better. My dilemma is: Should I encourage him in his belief that he will one day have a girlfriend and wife, not to loose hope, or tell him to accept the fact that this will probably never happen, just to be polite with people but to keep a low profile and get used to the idea that he will be alone all his life? Any thoughts grately appreciated.

Hi all, I have a son (22) who has ASD. He has a ritualistic obsession that he likes to do every day. It also involves me. I understand that he needs that since it gives him a sense of security but I am not sure if I should go along with it or discourage it. It is a short clip from Come outside bbc series for children that he likes to copy, as a pretend game. I don’t find it hard to do that for him (I love him to bits and would do anything for him) but I am not sure if it is good for him in a long run. What are your thoughts? Any suggestions greatly appreciated. Mina

Hi all, My son has just passed Level 1 Horticulture course at college but we were told by his tutor that the college will not hold Level 2 course next academic year. He also told us that my son could enroll Level 1 Hard Landscaping course instead until 2018 when they plan to organise Level 2. The problem is that my son also has a severe dyspraxia and he really struggled with practical side of his course throughout the year although he managed to complete it at the end. The college and the tutor were brilliant and helped him a lot but at the end report they also wrote that he did not improve much with practicals. The Hard Landscaping course also involve fencing and using hammer and nails and my son is concerned about it. When I told him that perhaps he could try IT Level 1 instead he was happy about it. He does not know much about computers but can use it and learned some things from his father. He likes watching his clips over and over again. However, my son also likes gardening (despite his dyspraxia) and we are all very proud of him that he managed to pass his Level 1. The tutor has a son with asd and understands my son very well. He is also keen on him completing the whole course. He told me that my son is 'his little project'. This kind of support from any tutor my son has never had. We do not know if he would get the same support on IT course. Besides, maybe it would be pity not to continue with Horticulture. The tutor thinks that he would benefit from attending Hard Landscaping course since it will widen his experience and increase his chances to get a job. But with his dyspraxia would he be good at it? Maybe IT is more suitable for him? At the moment he applied for both courses and will make a decision nearer the time of enrolment. Any advice will be appreciated greatly.

Sorry to hear that, Yvonne27. Your story reminded me on the problems my son had at schools. It is really bad that schools find more important to protect their image than their pupils. And they boast about their 'strong anti bulling policy'! 'My son was deliberately pushed on the ground at his primary school and broke his arm. Instead of punishing the boy who pushed him the school protected him. In secondary school my son was bullied but when he complained to senco about it he was told if he keeps complaining he would be thrown out of school! We decided to pull him out of school and home educate him. Our lives improved, his education levels improved and he was much happier since we could chose with whom he socialises. He now goes to college and is happy there, so far. There is a whole community of home school children out there, organising activities. You just have to inform the LA that you will home educate him and they will send someone each year to see what your son is doing regarding education. I always used to prepare a detailed report about it and they were happy. Good luck, Ivonne27. I hope you will find the best solution for your son.

Hello Ferret, Thank you very much for your very supportive reply. I will definitely think about your advice and the idea to write to YCMA did cross my mind.

Dear all, I was shoked when I found out recently that my son, who is now 18, was verbally abused in YCMA gym for a couple of years before he decided to stop going there. He managed to pluck up the courage to talk about it, encouraged by the friends he has luckily made in college this year. He told me that the gym instructors (volunteers) repeatedly told him that he was a sinner and that he would go to hell etc. They did it after he told them that he believed in God. Since he has ASD, my son is very naive and impressionable and easily believes everything people tell him. And he trusted these people who enjoyed themselves making fun of him and took advantage of the fact that he believed them. They also told him that if he told me or anyone else about it they would call the police and send him to jail. He, of course, believed that as well so did not tell me at a time. I was horrified when he told me that he believed that he was a sinner and prayed three times a day to God. He honestly believed that he would go to hell. He told me that at a time and I was perplexed why. Now I know. They also told him that the satan is watching him too and they are all watching his every move! He was really scared. He told me that he was thinking to commit suicide and tried it once but gave up at the last minute. Even now he hears their voices sometimes and believe them but less than before. And I thought that he enjoyed going there since everyone pretended that they like him and he always wanted to go there! I am sooo upset and thinking about my options. He told the college (they were very supportive) and they told the police woman there about it but she said it would not be enough to stand in court. YCMA is a charity that helps young people. It stands for Young Christian Man Association, I think, but did not protect my son from their own volunteers! What are my options? I would like the most if we try to leave the whole thing since it happened more than a year ago, and move on. I am not sure that dragging it would help restore my son's self esteem but it is important what he thinks and he wants something to be done about it, if possible. Any advice appreciated.