della

I know how you feel. I've kind of adjusted over the years to my son's differences, but suddenly I will see something - a group of youngsters his age, looking happy and relaxed - and it will reduce me to tears. My son is having to manage quite a lot on his own now, and when he needs to cross town, he will walk miles to avoid going on buses. On the other hand - I've a feeling it upsets me more than it does him. He knows and accepts his limitations. He certainly isn't unhappy.

I agree - don't go. You certainly helped me a lot when I was confused. As for what to say to your son - well I have had doubts about my son being aspergers and I have told him this. He deals with it fine. He seems to pick out the aspects that fit him, it helps him identify and recognise stuff about himself.

We didn't have a TV from th etime my son was born until he was 14! Wish I could tell these "researchers" this.

Thanks barefoot. You have helped clarify things a lot. Your son sounds as if he's got similar interests to mine. He has become interested in stuff his bigger brother never did, certain periods of history, a particular painter (who paints lots of dragons) The thing about adrenaline is fascinating. They are interested in some things to that extent.

Another thing that does my head in completely because I don't understand. Home here, when we're just family he could pass for any other 15 yr old. In fact he is really interesting and talks to me more than his brother and sisters. Eg he asks how my week has been. But when he came back last weekend I asked how his drum lesson had been and he was very enthusiatic, told me all the projects his teacher has for his this term. Well I just phoned his drum teacher about something else and he said he had to stop the lesson last week as my son couldn't or wouldn't play. On the other hand he has no problem telling me when he IS upset - he phoned in tears last week because he couldn't do the work. I DON'T UNDERSTAND.

Yes I could see that maybe he might not have obssessions, but the being very focused on special subjects - that sounds like an essential part of aspergers. Or at least from what I've learned. He's an avid reader - loves fantasy stuff for teenagers and has always read loads so I don't think it's dyslexia. ADD? I don't know about that. He certainly has no problems with attention when he's reading his books. He isn't very handicapped, but he doesn't fit in at school - I've always had lots of worried calls from teachers when he starts a new school. And more worrying, he has this problem with getting the work done. I wonder what sort of help would be useful to him if he could get some. What is ASD?

I need help with this as I certainly can't get it from the health services here. Some aspects of my son's character definitely fit the asperger description and don't seem to be symptoms of anything else. His problems with contact especially seems to be classic asperger. When I told him the characteristics of aspergers he accepted that it was him. But I wonder if it is this because other things are missing. He isn't obssessive, he doesn't at all have routines. Also he doesn't seem to have special interests on which he is really focused. He is, on the other hand, having problems with school work. It seems to be a problem of concentration. I'm hoping he will get to see a psychiatrist who specialises in autism. But I don't have much faith in the professionals here and wonder if it is something other than aspergers whether it will be found and diagnosed. The other things doctors have said - psychosis and depression are wrong. Anyone got any ideas or similar experiences?

Perhaps I shouldn't say this Neil. Yes, I can see it was hell. But you're account of it really made me laugh. Which is perhaps some compensation?

I breast fed all mine.It's true it isn't as easy as you'd think. You need a lot of support. I had my last child in hospital and they took her away and gave her a bottle as soon as she was born, despite my saying I wanted to hold her. I had a terrible time breast feeding after that. With a bottle the milk comes straight away and she didn't "understand" that results weren't immediate on the breast. I have one child with, I think aspergers (out of 7). The difference between his way of breast feeding was really noticeable. He sucked very very hard - my nipple was squahed completely flat by the time he came off. And he refused all solids until 10 months. Even then he was showing signs.............

Just had a phone call from my son at college, who was very upset. He cannot do the work. He is intelligent, that isn't the problem. I don't quite understand this problem he's had with certain bits of work. It seems to be getting worse. I asked if it was a problem of concentration and he said yes. The thing is that here you aren't allowed to specialise until you're really about 18. So he's having to do general stuff like geography, french, english etc. What he wants to do is computing. I reckon I'm going to be getting calls from the school again soon telling me he's refusing to do the work. And I'll have to look as if I'm trying to find a solution, although there doesn't seem to be a solution.

Thanks to another member here, nikki I've made great progress. She pointed me in th edirection of a local autisic support group. When I phoned them I had a good chat about aspergers. They tend to concentrate on adults with aspergers and getting them integrated, so that will be just about right for my son, who is coming up to adulthood. They also have a psychologist who is trained in autism who comes to the nearest big town when there are a few people waiting fir diagnoses. So I'm feeling loads better.

Well done. I bet you get good responses from the people you work with.

Well there is this Irish woman........... I was trying to get a decent (ie correct) diagnosis so the school would be more accepting and understanding, but I'm beginning to wonder if it's worth the hassle. Both my son and I agree it seems like he has aspergers, and that fact alone has helped him. It's always been very hard when he goes up a school and then the problems wear off a bit and the teachers begin to accept him as he is. He has always managed to get thru the exams when necessary. As you say, Ian, getting help is going to be expensive, and, maybe worse, energy-consuming. It has all turned out much more difficult than I could ever have foreseen and it's very frustrating, to say the least, to have to deal with doctors who see themselves as little gods.

Hi Madme, I'm looking into getting an evaluation done in paris by an Irish psychologist. But even that might be too expensive and complicayed - I'm single with a big family. I'm beginning to wonder if I really need an offiicial diagnosis. My son , as well, agrees that the most important thing is that he is beginning to understand that what he has has a name and he isn't the only oone with aspergers. The scholl might put pressure on to see a psychiatrist and I might end up seeing the french one that he has an appt with. And goodness knows what he will come up with, but that won't matter in the long-run.

Hi D's mum. I have PM'd you with the name. I'd be grateful for any information you could find. Thanks , barefoot for taking the trouble for me and my son. Toulouse is too far away. I live in rural central France. I just don't know what we'll do. We've managed so far without an official diagnosis, I suppose we could go on. But the school are taking a close interest now and the other day the nurse asked me if I had an appt with a psychiatrist - which I have, but am not specially keen to go to. I'm beginning to feel it very unlikely that a French psychiatrist, unless specially trained, will ever diagnose aspergers.