Hello Norfolk Broads,
I have just joined the forum after seeing your post and wanting to reply. Your situation is one that I can identify with and I'm sure lots of other parents will too.
As with your son, my son has 'traits' but no clear diagnosis as yet (that's a whole other story!) and I do think that's part of the problem. Without this, in my experience, teachers (unless they have years of teaching under their belt, and even then only if they have an interest in this area) will follow a behavioural path which for all the reasons you set out so clearly in your post simply won't work and will only create confusion and possibly distress for your child. At worst, his self-esteem will be affected and he will be turned off education as my son has been.
Even if there is a diagnosis, the responses will depend on the knowledge and understanding of the teachers who come into contact with your child. Example - my son's paediatric assessment concluded that he had hypertonia (muscle weakness - classic ASD trait) and I wrote a letter to the school to ask if he could sit on a chair in assembly and not on the floor, as it hurt his back. Sometimes this was followed, sometimes he was told to sit on the floor and if he complained he was told 'you'll be alright' (he is very good at telling me exactly what goes on in his day!).
Does your school have a SENCO? It might be worth talking to them. If not, the school nurse might well be able to be a support to you. I think the post you have written is very clear about what has happened and your analysis of those events is reasonable and balanced, given your knowledge of your son. With a bit of editing would be a very appropriate letter to send to the governors, with perhaps a focus on asking how the school could improve its response to both working collaboratively with parents and helping children who are in your son's position.
I think this is a huge issue and one that requires more research and campaigning. If anyone knows of any work going on in this area I would love to know about it. In the meantime good luck Norfolk Broads, continue advocating for your son because you know him best and let us know how you get on.
