bid

Just to let you know we went through this too, when my eldest son was rising 15. He was out of school for 6 months. The solution for us was a residential placement at an independent special school for AS/HFA...but my son was very keen to go there so that helped as he was able to write that this was what he wanted to all the professionals involved, and he came with me to visit, etc. We had similar trials with meds, until I took ful responsibilty for slowly taking him off everything, as none of them seemed to help. But obviously, this wouldn't be right for everyone. Have you considered a special school or special 6th form college? There are now even more independent ones that cater for young people with AS/HFA who don't have learning difficulties, so maybe want to access GCSEs, etc. A good place to start is to google Gabbitas, as they list all the special schools in the country. You could also google the Priory Group and the Hesley Group too. I can only echo Kathryn's post too, as it's very important to keep well yourself and keep some semblance of 'normal' life going for the rest of the family. Hang in there, and we are always here for support. Bid <'>

Hey Smiley!! Happy Christmas to you too <'> Big A left home last year, and now lives independently in another city, working full-time and sharing a flat with the infamous Gilbo Hope you and your Ds are doing well! Bidx

Tally, I don't mean this in an unkind way, but this is actually none of your business...they are both over the age of consent, and however naive you consider either of them to be they are making each other happy and if other people think they appear 'odd' or whatever because of the age gap, that is actually their problem. I think you will only cause yourself a world of trouble if you say anything...and indeed, what would you actually say? That you don't 'approve' of their relationship? Well, that's neither here nor there, and they will just tell you it's none of your business I'm afraid. However inappropriate you privately feel this friendship to be, I think you should keep it to yourself. You can always be supportive and kind to either or both of them if it fizzles out...or buy a new hat if they get married and live happily ever after Bid

But Tally, if she is 18 then they aren't doing anything wrong at all. It may well be a large age gap, but that is really up to them. Maybe it won't work out, but then again maybe it will and if they are both happy that's actually really positive for both of them. Best stay well out of it if I were you Bid

OK, you're probably not going to like what I'm going to say helped me reach acceptance! First of all, Sally has given you loads of really good advice. The secret is to have as positive an approach to life as you possibly can manage (that ole' glass half full!!). Secondly, looking outwards instead of constant introspection. Thirdly, doing something/anything that actually benefits others. And last of all, Sally is absolutely spot on when she says that you can use your dx to feel proud when you do accomplish the things you find difficult, and be gentle on yourself when you really can't manage something. One very, very useful and interesting thing I found out during 9 months of counselling was this: it is a complete fallacy to say 'this is how I am, I can't change'. We can all change ourselves if we really want to, and are prepared to work hard and acknowledge sometimes uncomfortable truths about ourselves. Good luck! Bid

I think what you describe is very, very normal...it is certainly true for parents after a child is diagnosed with special needs. Whereas with grief the natural progression is to the acceptance stage, I read that for parents - and perhaps the diagnosed person too - there is a much more fluid movement between the stages, that can continue for a long time, especially during periods of difficulty or regression. Ultimately though people find themselves in the acceptance stage for longer and longer periods. This pattern has certainly happened for me as a parent of an adult with special needs, and I would also say for myself too post-dx. Simply put, it all takes time. I am in a very different place over my son's dx now than I was 16 years ago when it happened aged 6, and the same for myself 4 years post-dx. HTH Bridget

Hi Tally, I guess if you do think he may have AS too, then perhaps taking a step back might help you think through why he has made these mistakes in his social communication over this issue, and maybe help to remove some of the annoyance? Hope you resolve things soon <'> Bid

I think you are absolutely right! My DH often reads things posted on here, and asks why anyone thinks 'NT' people breeze through life with never a care or concern Bid

Um, I'm not sure that's an exclusively autistic behaviour... Bid

Ack, that sounds painful Aeolienne! Bid

I think the whole outfit looks really, really nice...and I especially love your second choice of boots. You're going to look fab! Bid

Welcome to the forum I'm an adult with AS, and I also have an adult son with AS, ADHD and Dyspraxia. I work nights too, and right now I'm feeling that really rough 5th night on feeling before I get ready to go in...hoping the caffeine will kick in soon! Bid

I think you are in danger of becoming over-qualified, especially as you have no work history. This will make it even harder to find work. I would advise as follows: 1. Email the advocacy service again setting out your needs very specifically. Then they can arrange for a home visit to advise you on getting into supported employment. 2. Investigate voluntary work, as not only will it give you something to show prospective employers, it will help you learn and practice valuable skills in a less stressful situation than a paid job. 3. I noticed that in one of your initial posts, you say that you send out 'thousands' of job applications each month. I have AS too, so I'm not sure if this is true or literary exaggeration Either way, if you send out too many applications, I fear you will not have been able to spend enough time on each one, researching that particular company and so on. Best of luck, Bid

I was originally seduced because I'm such a sucker for dressing up and sparklies...but now it's drawing ever nearer and I'm having a real wibble about the whole thing! Bid

So, back before the end of the summer term, in a mad rush of optimism, I paid up to go to this with 50 odd other people from work!! http://www.bestpartiesever.com/christmas-parties/christmas-parties-essex/christmas-parties-Essex_intro.html Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear why did I do it?? Ooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!! Bid

I'm afraid the problem would appear to be your attitude rather than AS! Bid

As though my nerve endings are being sand-papered! bid

No, Darkshine, my post was to give you a concrete example of what happens when you pre-judge other people, as you and FD have done in all your posts in these three current threads. I used my job as it is what I am most familiar with, but the same thing is replicated throughout society, both in many and varied professional scenarios and on an individual basis. You simply cannot dismiss a whole raft of people because they are different from you. FD and Darkshine, the views you have both expressed in these current threads are no less offensive and discriminatory than racism or sexism. Go through your posts and replace the term 'NT'/'other people' with the term 'black people', or 'men/women'...or 'disabled people'? You would then see just how prejudiced and offensive those views really are. FD, you say that you are entitled to your opinion and have a right to express that opinion...this is certainly true. But if you choose to do so on a public forum, then you must expect public comment and disagreement with those views. Neither of you come across as particularly happy people, and indeed you have both posted extensively about unhappiness. I'm very sorry if you are indeed both unhappy, but in all honesty, I don't see how continuing to hold the views that you do will ever help you to find personal contentment. Bid

Hi Loulou, Lovely to see you posting again! I can understand your concerns about her holding his bank card, but do you actually know for sure what mum spends the rest of his DLA on, or even if she does spend it? She may be abusing her position, but then again she may be saving his money. It's really tricky, because it could be a case of real abuse, or it could be a situation where mum needs more support and education in the best way to support her adult son. She may be over-protecting him from the best of intentions and needs help herself to support him in a more appropriate way. I'm afraid I don't have any real ideas how you could go about approaching this situations Bid

OK, apologies to everyone, but now I am TETCHY!! Sorry mods if you need to edit... FD and Darkshine, you have both written at great length, dismissing huge numbers of people as shallow, desperate, unimaginative and much more, sneeringly calling them 'ants' or 'sheep'. I'm afraid I find your arrogance absolutely breathtaking...and you are so arrogant that you can't even see the hypocrisy of your opinions. I will give you a concrete example. The majority of my colleagues are young adults in their early twenties. Some of the young women have hair extensions and fake nails, some of them even read 'Heat' and 'OK' ...in other words, the very sort of people that you dismiss if we believe everything you have both written above. Every day these young women look after children and young people with the most severe of learning disabilities, feed them, attend to every aspect of their personal care, support them through severe epileptic seizures, administer emergency intervention medication in the case of life-threatening seizures, get punched, slapped and bitten. They do all this with good humour and compassion. So, who is the most shallow? You, for judging people by their appearance and making sweeping assumptions about them when you know nothing about their lives whatsoever? Or these girls who do a job that frankly most people wouldn't be able to hack, just because they like a bit of sparkly nail polish, straightened hair and celeb gossip?? (And for the sake of balance, there are plenty of young staff with multiple piercings and tatoos, about whom a lot of people might make equally sweeping assumptions. And we have just as many young men whom I'm sure you would also dismiss as ants or sheep, but they don't have fake nails...). And I have to say, neither of you come across as being particularly happy people within your world-view...something to think about perhaps? Bid

I do know how you feel Mel <'> I had very similar feelings when my DS turned 18, and it wasn't a very good time for him at all. I can remember seeing his peers from his old mainstream school around town and knowing they were off to uni and so on. But often it just takes our kids longer to get where they want to be. When he was 18 I would never have believed that at 22 my DS would be working full-time and living independently in a nice flat in another city. He has never managed to finish off his A levels or go to uni which he wanted to do, but he's doing his own thing, and yesterday he texted me to say he's been working on a short film which he will start shooting next week. So don't lose heart! Bid <'>