squenge

Congratulations (Hope that doesn't sound strange, lol!)..... It took 6-7 years for my son to finally get a diagnosis too, although we have always been told he was "on the autistic spectrum" (Because preschool couldn't handle him and demanded he be moved into a special needs school-not becuse of me voicing my worries for ages!) ,he only just got formally assessed in June this year, and that was after I removed him from his mainstream school and refused to send him back. Apparently he "got lost in the system" for over 6 years..... It feels strange doesn't it? I was kind of relieved in a funny way because it was a bit of confirmation that I'm not a bad parent-I had felt like that for a long time, like perhaps I was just doing things wrong. The funny thing is, it doesn't really make any difference to the way you are with them-because you get so used to living life their way that it becomes like second nature..... Everyone kept asking us if we wanted to know anything or if we wanted to go on courses, but we have grown with Ben for the last 10 years and know exactly how to deal with him-they looked at us like we were weird when we said that, but it's true! Hope you have good luck with your dla application!

Yes, my son has Asperger Syndrome too, he was diagnosed with both at about the same time, but we have been told he is "on the autistic spectrum" since he was about 3-4 years ago and they kicked him out of pre-school for being too hectic. He was "lost in the system" and has only just been properly assessed this summer when I removed him from school for various reasons-one of them being that the school had been recieving 22hrs per week of funding for a 1-to-1 helper, but giving him nothing. Now that he is getting older and can speak properly (he didn't really talk properly until he was about 6-7) , I have been noticing the interaction between him and his dad and how similar they are in their way of thinking and the phrases they use. It's almost comical in a way, but it can be very frustrating when I'm hearing things in stereo! By the way, love your signature butterfingersbimbo! Now, where did I put my gaffa tape....

Thanks, I know it's not going to be an instant thing, I just wondered how to go about getting some help. He was referred to a mental health guy by the doctor, but when he got there he didn't know what to say-he tried to explain about not liking people to look at him, and didn't get very far before the guy told him that he was perfectly mormal. He told Simon that he would send to him to a group for people with "social anxiety", but as Simon hates being around groups of people-that was his idea of a nightmare!! I am definately going to do more research before approaching our g.p, I appreciate your comments-thank you. It's just become very clear to me when watching Simon and Ben together that they do and say so many similar things-obviously there's going to be a lot of that anyway being father & son, but I just get the feeling that there's a bit more to it than that. And by the way, Simon is a very nice person-I hope I didn't make him sound like a monster! He is now a great dad and partner, he's grown up a lot since his teen years (Well we both have I guess), it's just that having him and Ben around doing the same things drives me up the wall a bit sometimes! Thanks for your comments.

I will give a little bit of background, my partner and I met when I was 16, he was almost 18. We had a turbulent relationship, and split up a few times-I got pregnant when I was 17. We are now 28 and 29 He has always been very cold when it comes to emotion, was not too bothered about me or our son for a long time, he went out and did his thing (Usually fixing cars with his mates as that's his thing-or "obsession" if you like....) and I just got on with life and caring for Ben, we saw Simon when we saw him basically. I became quite seriously ill about four years ago now, and to start with he just didn't seem to care, his attitude was kind of: "Well if you can be angry with me, you must be feeling better"-so cold. Everything's so black & white for him, no compromise. We have developed a much better relationship in the last few years, but his behaviour still worries me greatly. Our son recently started a medication called Strattera for ADD, and we were reading the accompanying leaflet when something caught my eye. It had a list of the symptoms that affect adult sufferers of ADHD, and to my (And Simons) absolute astonishment, virtually every symptom was him down to a t! I have asked him to go for help at the doctors before now, because I thought he had a temper problem and all the memory problems he has needed addressing, but he went there and when the guy asked him what was wrong, Simon simply did not know how to explain himself-he kind of mumbled that he didn't like people staring at him and didn't like going out to where there are loads of people, for instance town or shops. The guy just said:"Oh well, that's perfectly normal, most people feel like that.", so Simon left as he could not express himself clearly enough. Since then he has promised to get some help, but does not know who he can talk to as he does not know how to express his problems-he went to the doctors once and when they asked him what his problem was-he just said:"I don't know...". It's just that as our son Ben has got older and far more fluent in his speech-they seem to clash loads of the time, and I feel permanently stuck in the middle. Also I see more and more how similar they both are, they use the same phrases, have the same impatience and bad tempers... If I ask Simon to do something, he will forget almost instantly-but he knows how to strip car engines and put them back together, but he can't remember something I've just asked him to do a few seconds ago. It's the same with Ben, I can ask him to get his shoes from in front of him and he will forget within literally seconds, and yet he can hold almost unlimited information inside his head about his favourite subjects/obsessions. The thing is, it is starting to make me really unhappy-I know they probably can't help it, but living in what seems to be a permanent ticking time-bomb is stressing me out a lot. Because they have so little patience, they get cross with each other quite quickly-the more one gets angry, the more angry the other one gets! I can just see from watching them-(and refereeing all the time!)-that they are just so similar in almost every way, and I feel sad because I really don't think Simon can help it-just like Ben can't. I wondered if anyone here has a partner that also has AS or ADHD, and if so-could you give me a bit of feedback please? I don't know how to go about asking my doctor to assess Simon and possibly diagnose him, Simon just cannot explain himself to the doctor, he cannot explain the seriousness of how it's affecting his life-so they just brush him off. I would like to know if there's anyone out there that was diagnosed as an adult, and how did you go about it? Also if there are any people living with partners that have AS and/or ADD/ADHD, I would love to hear your feedback too. Sorry to ramble, but things are starting to get on top of me a little and I would love to know how I could have go about finding some help for my partner, as it makes him unhappy at times too. The last straw for me came today when our son Ben came out of school and handed me an NSPCC leaflet:"Stop the violence-How to keep children safe", he said he thought I would like it. When I asked him why he thought I would like it, he replied:"Well, I thought it might help you sort Dad out.". I felt a bit terrible but then could also see the funny side after I explained that Dad is not violent-he said:"I know, but last night you were telling him off for shouting at me.". Bless him. Even Simon saw the funnyness in that one! I think it's time that simon gets some help, or at least some kind of assessment for AS/ADD/ADHD, but I know how to go about it-and he wouldn't be able to explain it to anyone. If anyone can offer feedback, advice or information-I will be so grateful. Thank you, Leila.

Aaah, how cute?!

Sounds like all went pretty well for you, I can never understand why the LEA always have to make things so difficult....stupid isn't it? Good luck, hope you get the result you want from your LEA.

Hi, just wanted to introduce myself-I am Leila, my son Ben is now 10 and a half, we live with Bens dad Simon and two mad labradors-Busta and Chewie. (Black boy and yellow girl) Ben has just finally been given a formal diagnosis this summer, about time too! I was asking the health visitor questions since he was about 2, because he did not talk like other kids the same age, just screamed at me. (Among various other things, an obsession with washing machines and spinning things and more...) They just told me he was fine and that all kids do things at their own pace, when I persisted I was referred to a doctor who told me that he could not be autistic because he loved cuddles and gave eye contact. He went to pre-school at the age of about 3, they almost immediately noticed he had problems-I think the fact that he was still in nappies and reguarly flooded their toilets by chucking the chalks & pens down there had a great deal to do with that! Because they could not deal with him, at their insistence he was statemented and then placed into a special needs school, but then within a year began a placement in a mainstream school and this soon progressed to attending the mainstream school fulltime. (Apparently he was one of the first children to do this, he was their "guinea-pig"...not that we knew that until this year.) We were assured that he had one-to-one assistance, as he had funding from the LEA-allocated through his statement. Over the next few years we were almost constantly querying the whereabouts of the one-to-one, as there were many incidents that made us very unhappy, Ben was getting told off of he couldn't finish his worksheets and made to stay in at playtime-he was being dominated by two girls that totally isolated him from the other children and much, much more. We were always assured that he had the help he needed. We had a meeting in December where we finally discovered that the school had been recieving 22 HOURS PER WEEK funding for a one-to-one helper for Ben, but couldn't account for even one minute of that-we were so disgusted! The lady from the LEA was very cross that they had even been recieving funding when Ben had never had any assessment for a diagnosis, so she asked for him to be referred for assessment. The school agreed that they would arrange for an assistant to come in to help Ben. This of course never happened. I finally snapped in February this year, when Ben came home saying that two girls had been touching him inappropriately, and that he still had no helper, so I removed him from the school and refused to let him go back. Of course the school tried to frighten me and told me that I would be reported to the education welfare officer and could be fined etc etc, but no way was I sending him back! Because I stuck to my guns, the ed.psych that came to visit us recommended that he might be able to go straught into middle school as he had been held back a year in primary due to his learning delays-he has moved on so much academically that there is no reason to keep him back anymore. This suited us fine!! Because of this Ben finally had an assessment, the psychologist said that he is one of the worst cases she has ever seen, because he is so literal. When they were doing the assessment (they play and draw and do sorting games), she put her head in her hands and said to the assistant: "My god, how frustrating and confusing it must be..." , she looked very sad for Ben. When she talked to us afterwards, she explained that she feels Ben will probably have quite a troubled adolescence because of the problems he has with processing information, and also that he is extremely intelligent. The conclusion of the assessment that was that he has Aspergers, and also ADD. We were told that because of his early language delay, the diagnosis must come under the heading of "High-functioning Autism" rather than Aspergers-but it is basically Asperger Syndrome. She explained that Ben is extremely comforming, and that is why the school got away with ignoring his needs, because he just smiles and nods when they ask him if he is getting on okay-despite the fact that he doesn't understand what they are saying, so they could pretend that he was fine even thought they knew he wasn't. We had started to wonder if we were just terrible parents and that maybe he was just being a little so-and-so, because he always was/is very well behaved at school and then when he comes home he lets rip and will hit us and himself, throw wobblers and generally be hectic! The doctor assured us that it is simply because he is so conforming at school, and he can let go with us because he feels safe and spends all day conforming, so when he gets home he can relax and be himself. It was more than just getting a "label" for Ben, it was so reassuring to hear that we are not the problem and that Ben is not just naughty-because we had started to really question our sanity somewhat. We are not bad parents-WOOHOO! I could have hugged her to be honest. He gets along very well in his new school, we have had a few problems with a couple of kids that have taken advantage of him by "borrowing" money from him at school discos/fetes and stuff, but we managed to get that sorted out. Most of the kids are quite protective towards him, and willingly help him out if he needs some assistance with finding his way around or understanding the work he has to do, he also has a one-to-one helper too. That's basically our story, I have tried to keep it fairly short but not managed very well, apologies for the length! We have run the gamut of obsessions over the years, from washing machines and anything that spins-including toilets(because when they flush, the water spins!)-Cbeebies, Terminator, Flags, Maps, Dinosaurs, Harry Potter, movies/film-making, Jaws, insects, extreme weather, and many more! Currently we are on extreme weather and insects/bugs-he has 5 stick insects that totally fascinate him, and some "Sea-monkey"-triops. He has also developed an obsession with freddy from nightmare on elm street and keeps badgering me to let him watch the films-um, I DON'T THINK SO!! I don't know where this one has come from and it does bother me a bit, but I just hope it will pass like some of the others have. He keeps trying to sneak looks at trailers on the internet, but we are ever-watchful and usually manage to nip that one in the bud before he can start the trailer.....I have told him that I wouldn't like to watch freddy films even when he's 18 because they are gross, but that just seems to make him more keen-aagh! I'm really pleased to have found this site, I visited briefly some time ago, but had no diagnosis so almost felt like I had no right to be here. It was very interesting reading some of the posts and I thought it would be a good idea to come back-glad I did. I actually read something the other day that someone had posted about their child being diagnosed with Semantic-Pragmatic Disorder, googled it because I have never heard of it, and it sounded like Ben to a t! I think that Autism, Aspergers and S.P.D are all fairly closely related though aren't they, so bound to be similarities between them. Extremely interesting reading. Anyway, that's us, so hello! And more apologies for making this post even longer! Leila