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frazzled

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About frazzled

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  1. Try restricting the chewing to something that you choose. We go for chewing gum, but before that used 'chewy tubes'. which were recommended to give the same sort of sensation, and also the rubber wristbands that you can buy for charity type fundraising. Otherwise it got to be a concern with all sorts of garbage being chewed. You could also try to redirect to fiddling with something in the hand, such as a piece of blu tack, rather than something in the mouth. I also use another tactic of 'allowing' the chewing at home or in the car, but not elsewhere. I think the sensory seeking is something that you have to try and live with, just try and adapt it to something that is rather more socially acceptable.
  2. I was successful in teaching DD to read using an American system called picture me reading - you can google this for details. Basically it uses a picture of the word, for example the word 'down' has a dog walking down steps and each of the letters of the word are written down the steps. It was really quick for DD to catch onto this and read books like Dr Seuss. About 15 months after this, phonics began to make sense where previously it was hopeless. I really recommend getting the reading problem cracked as I found this was a key to DD communicating much more effectively as she could read what language looks like, where with auditory processing issues it was difficult for her to hear what it should be like. Reading your post about the school I am so pleased that we have been home educating now for around 18 months. Apart from all the unhappiness of school, which was the reason we withdrew DD just before her 6th birthday, I was not aware just how low the school's expectations were for her. Like your chap she was on the bottom table and performing at a very low level. They had assumed her cognitive skills were on a level with her communication skills. Now she is at the 'normal' level or even above it in some subjects. Shows what you can do if you have the right environment and the right method of teaching. I wish you luck in your battles with the school system to get the best for your son - I do not miss those days at all!
  3. Hi. My HFA daughter is 6 and I have homeschooled her for the past year. Unlike some of your other replies, we have no choice of school here in our small isolated community and I had tried all through Reception year to get some changes that could have made things better. It was only after we withdrew her from school (Year 1) that we realised just how bad things had been. When school stopped so did all the anger, withdrawal from us, crying etc etc. What also stopped was the massive strain on a daily basis that I had to go through, taking her to school and listening to all the grief from teachers and also the numerous meetings there. I am not the most patient mother, but I have found that my daughter will work for me and works well. She has stated that she never wants to go back to school and wants to do homeschool with mummy. She has made enormous progress with her speech while at home (no being told to keep quiet or the sensory distractions of a busy classroom), and is also working at the correct level (or even above!!) for her age on all subjects. She has become more social since leaving school, not less, and is happy to mix with a range of ages I think because she is happier and relaxed in herself. At school she was lost in a crowd and suffered bullying. I remember saying to her headteacher that just because I sat on a bus with thirty other people didn't mean I was socialising with them and that is the extent of the socialising she got at school. Now, although she still does not have close friends in the way that other children do, there is something that we do everyday that brings her into contact with others her age - swimming lessons, after school activities, Rainbows. In support of homeschooling I offer a couple of quotes. First from my daughters old teacher "We let her down really badly at school" and second from the deputy head (unofficially!) "She is getting a superb education and much better than we could give her at school". I just wish I had taken this step sooner. They are only little once, and they should not be spending most of the day in misery at school.
  4. Hi When I collected dd from school, I could hear her screaming so rushed to the window and saw her banging her head on the classroom carpet. She has never done anything like this before. The teacher was keen to tell me how wonderful dd had been this afternoon. It didn't help that dd was screaming that she didn't want to go home. It has made me feel at rock bottom and I just don't understand what is going on in her head. She is only 5 and HFA with a couple of years speech delay and I thought everything was on the up. I can still hear her talking to herself like a mad thing, I can't seem to help and all I want to do is cry
  5. Hi This all sounds so familiar. DD aged 5 is in Year 1 with teachers and LSAs who have no training in ASD. Although I can't fault them for caring (unlike your teacher who sounds like an old bag who shouldn't be anywhere near children) we have come up against a system that is just not working so as a family we are seriously looking at home ed there being no alternative school. We have pulled her out of school for a period before in reception year when the teacher was unacceptable for much the same reasons you have outlined in your post, basically he was causing anxiety and then blaming DD's behaviour on anything but school. I too have lost two children, and yes I would also have loved for DD not to be an only child. But this does not make me neurotic or a mother with too much time on her hands (yes the behaviour has been blamed on me too!). What I would be doing now is to diary all these incidents that you describe and going to see the headteacher. The statementing process is for the medium term, but you can't really afford to wait while this sort of damage is being done to your child's self-confidence on a daily basis. If the head can't take this on board immediately then I recommend that you look at other schools and home ed. I don't think there is anyone on here who is kicking themselves for taking a child away from a particular school - but I bet there are a lot who are wishing that they had done it sooner! Take care. This sort of stuff is so soul destroying to the whole family.
  6. DD is in Year 1 and bitterly protests school every day. She often crys at school. As she has a speech delay it is difficult getting any reasons why out of her, but having spent time in the class I suspect that the sheer hustle and bustle of a large class is the problem. She has 1:1 help when needed but from an untrained aide. All her time is in a mainstream class. Does this get any better with age? I wonder if she will 'grow out of it' as she is emotionally about where her speech is, about 2 years behind her peers. She doesn't socialise with the children at all. I have done some home ed in the past with her and am wondering if we should go down this route again especially as her academic performance was so much better with me than at school. I can't see that the school environment will change at all. Any thoughts?
  7. I have the same issue. When any comment is made I just say I am homeschooling because the school system has let my daughter down badly. The response to that (if any) is usually 'well done good for you' and they back off. I agree though that you should never consider you have to justify why your child is out of school - that is strictly your business.
  8. Hi We use ear defenders, the type that people who shoot use (should be available from a farming type outlet). We find that having some control over the noise means that our little girl will often choose to take them off after a while as she knows she can use them if she is finding things too bad. Also find an exhausting day (swimming etc) and an early night (helped with Phenergan if necessary) can get her off to sleep before the big bangs start. Hope this helps
  9. It is not only ok to feel sad and heartbroken - it is normal!! Just take the time to remember that you may be feeling awful, but your child is probably getting on with life just fine. We as parents have different expectations, but our children know no other way of being so to them they are the normal ones. Although I seem to spend a good part of my life having a good cry, my daughter (aged 5 and high functioning) is a happy little girl. You will find a great deal of help and advice here, but probably the most important part is that you are not alone with this. Take care
  10. Hi I looked up your previous posts and saw that your little one is 3. My dd is 5 now and I can say that the period from 2 and a half to about three and a half was the worst for us. It got better going into the school system as there was better access to support, and behaviour did improve as some of the age-related things like tantrums got better. Also you begin to understand them better which in turn leads to better behavour. That said, I probably still have a little weep sometime during each day due to the sheer hard work and frustration.
  11. Hi My dd is 5 and is in Year 1. We do not have a formal diagnosis for her but expect one of ASD as she shows some of the sensory traits with sound and is speech delayed by about 2 years although is worse at understanding language than using it. The biggest problem is her response to school - she dislikes going (but is unable to explain why), behaves reasonably while there, although has started to refuse to do work, but turns into a mad thing when she comes out. It is like having the terrible two's all over again with extreme defiance, negativity coupled with being hyper and regressing with her speech. Totally heartbreaking to see. Although she is on a par academically with the rest of the class, she is being largely taught with a small group of special needs children within a mainstream classroom. As far as I can tell the others in this group are way behind her academically but probably much better behaved! She appears to have no friends as such and does not choose to interact with any of the children. She has been on School Action Plus since pre-school so this is her third year. To reduce some of the pressure we have reduced her school time to half a day and are using the rest of the time to do some physical activity, get homework out of the way and do some short 1-to-1 for those subjects she is missing by being part time. In the next week or so I have to go through the IEP process again. I am concerned that, although the teaching staff this year are very caring, they really do not understand her at all. There is no real SEN expertise at the school for ASD, but unfortunately there is no viable aternative school. I do not want to be put in the position where I am alienating these nice people, but at the moment she is not happy, not learning (except at home) and not socialising. We are strongly considering homeschooling, but do not want to pull her out of school without at least trying to fix the situation there. Has anyone got any suggestions to offer?
  12. Thank you all for your replies. After some time I began to realise just how angry I am with the people around me and that my little girl was not the problem. For example my mother in law has bought presents for her other grandchildren for having good school reports - nothing for my little one. Now the football season has started my husband will be spending his spare time on that, leaving me less respite time and less adult company. So what have I done. Well I've told the mother in law of a book that I have seen that would make a nice present for our little girl to say well done for being so good with your reading. I've booked a family weekend away in a cottage with no tv, and told hubby that if he wants to stay at home and watch footie then fine it will be just me and our little girl and we will play mud pies and eat ice cream all weekend (and I've used his credit card to pay for ithe holiday!) The school books are put away until after our weekend break, and the craft materials have come out. Have cried a lot over the last couple of days, especially over the honesty of your replies. Love frazzled
  13. I hit my 5 year old daughter today. We are homeschooling and are working through the holidays to try and catch up on the work she has missed while the school failed to understand her. I was so angry that she couldn't do what I asked her, that I smacked her. I feel awful and am unable to find anything that would excuse what I have done. I am posting because I want to know whether there is any one out there who has felt this way. I don't get any support from my husband or family (they are all in denial) and all the friends I had disappeared when it became obvious that we had a special needs child. I would like someone to look after me for a change but know that I just have to get on with it.
  14. Hi I understand that in Canada, a special needs child is considered to count as up to 4 ordinary children when classes are being made up and this affects both the ultimate class size and the financial and teaching resources that are available. Is there a similar procedure in the UK for additional weighting to be given for a special needs child in mainstream?
  15. Hi again Thought some more about the problems we share. One of the things I do is keep a sort of log of how bad things are on a day to day basis. So 0/10 is a terrible day, 10/10 is a good one. Two benefits: you may be able to see a pattern in this whining/control freak behaviour so can see the trigger, and when you put it down on paper you will probably realise that your child is only dreadful for part of the time. The last is important as it makes them a bit more lovable when they are being awful. Otherwise you tend to get hung up on the bad things when they only represent part of what makes him up. I am not surprised your boy is more challenging with his younger brother. My girl will dominate younger children as with poor communication skills she finds its easier to do this than communciate on a real level wiith peers. Must go - 9pm and still being a pain in the bum
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