Deblegs

Dear All I haven't posted for quite a while but I have news update. I have found a very nice one bedroom flat that is brand new in the next village to where I live. I am very familiar with the village and the agent said that they would accept Housing Benefit provided that I had a guarantor whcih I do. My sister discovered it. It is 395.00 pcm and the Housing Benefit will cover all of it. As soon as I went in it I felt at home. The flat should be ready to move into some time in July. I have slowly started to pack my things gradually. I know I am ready for it and I shall learn more as I go along. I am going to have to spemd a fair amount on furniture as I hav eto buy a bed, a washing machine, fridge/freezer and some bedroom firniture - wardrobe. From Debbie Hudson

Dear All I haven't had much chance to take part in the forum for a long time. I am really busy with various things going on in my life. I manage the database of my local Autistic Society and once every three months I print off over 1000 mailing labels and stick them onto envelopes, ready for the newsletter which someone else does. Other people do the stuffing. In February this year I became a Country Market Producer and I sell my cross stitch lavender bags and cards. My stock is running low so I am quite busy making more stuff. I am shortly going to be looking for a place of my own. From Debbie Hudson

I have flat feet due to my Asperger Syndrome. I wear Arch Supports. From Debbie Hudson

I had Oxygen Deprivation when I was born. Ther Umbilical cord was round my neck. This is the cause of my ASD. From Debbie Hudson

My Mum used to go with me and help me buy clothes when she was alive. this really helped, but I must admit that I found it very tiring. When she died I started to buy my own clothes. There is a small Dorothy Perkins at the Supermarket where I do my food shopping. I like the trousers that they sell and they suit me so I buy them from there. I stick to the same sort so I don't have any problems choosing. I buy my shoes from a catalogue which works so much better for me. I buy other clothes online as I hate going to shops as there is too much stimulation. All in all I have learnt to cope with buying my own clothes without any help. From Debbie Hudson

Dear Al I make cross stitch cards and lavender bags and sell these to raise money for church projects, the Autistic Society etc. If anybody has any unwanted cross stitch kits, aida which is a cross stitch fabric and embroidery silks that they can give me, please email me. These items will be gratefully received. My email address is deb.hudson@ntlworld.com. From Debbie Hudson

Dear All I have some very supportive friends. I have one who has a son with Asperger Syndrome and a few others that go to the same church that I go to. Although perhaps I do become attached to people, I don't become too demanding as I know that they have their own lives to lead and they can't always be there for me. I keep in touch with them whether I am in need or not. This is important. I know that when I do need support, someone will be there for me. It is important to have a wide circle of friends, rather than just one. From Debbie Hudson

Dear All About eight years ago I wrote a little book about what my life was like before I was diagnosed with Asperger Syndrome. The reason why I wrote it was because I wanted to share my experiences with parents that have off spring with Asperger Syndrome. It is also aimed at Professionals with a view to getting across that a diagnosis of Asperger Syndrome shoulf be given as early as possible. Being diagnosed very late in my life at the age of 34, obviously has affected my life, but I have managed to make the best of my life as best that I can. I have published it on www.lulu.com. The book is called My Life Story Part 1 - Living With Asperger Syndrome Before Diagnosis. It is available to buy should you wish to do so. It is in the Biographies and Memoirs section. I think that it would come up if you put the title in the search box. From Debbie Hudson

I am really sorry that you are having a rough time. I was given a document called You Are Special. the words have been a real healing to me when I have been emotionally abused. I would lime to share them with you. You Are Special In all the world there is nobody like you. Since the beginning of time there has never been another person like you. Nobody has your smile, your eyes, your hands, your hair. Nobody owns your handwriting, your voice. You?re special. Nobody can paint your brush strokes. Nobody has your taste for food, or music, or dance, or art. Nobody in the universe sees things as you do. In all time there never has been anyone who laughs in exactly your way, and what makes you laugh or cry, or think may have a totally different response in another. So ?.. you?re special ! You?re different from any other person who has ever lived in the history of the universe. You are the only one in the whole creation who has your particular set of abilities. There is always someone who is better at one thing or another. Every person is my superior in at least some way. Nobody in the universe can reach the quality of the combination of your talents, your feelings. Like a roomful of musical instruments some might excel in one way or another, but nobody can match the symphonic sound when all are played together. Your symphony Through all eternity no one will ever walk, talk, think, or do exactly like you. You?re special You are rare and in all rarity there is enormous value and because of your great value, the need for you to imitate anyone else is absolutely wrong. You are special and it is no accident you are. Please realise that God made you for a special purpose. He has a job for you to do that nobody else can do as well as you can. Out of billions of applications only one is qualified. Only one has the unique and right combination of what it takes and that one is you. You are special From Debbie Hudson

Dear All I was given a piece of writing called You are Special. The words have been a real healing to me when I have been a victim of Emotional abuse. I would like to share them with you all. You Are Special In all the world there is nobody like you. Since the beginning of time there has never been another person like you. Nobody has your smile, your eyes, your hands, your hair. Nobody owns your handwriting, your voice. You?re special. Nobody can paint your brush strokes. Nobody has your taste for food, or music, or dance, or art. Nobody in the universe sees things as you do. In all time there never has been anyone who laughs in exactly your way, and what makes you laugh or cry, or think may have a totally different response in another. So ?.. you?re special ! You?re different from any other person who has ever lived in the history of the universe. You are the only one in the whole creation who has your particular set of abilities. There is always someone who is better at one thing or another. Every person is my superior in at least some way. Nobody in the universe can reach the quality of the combination of your talents, your feelings. Like a roomful of musical instruments some might excel in one way or another, but nobody can match the symphonic sound when all are played together. Your symphony Through all eternity no one will ever walk, talk, think, or do exactly like you. You?re special You are rare and in all rarity there is enormous value and because of your great value, the need for you to imitate anyone else is absolutely wrong. You are special and it is no accident you are. Please realise that God made you for a special purpose. He has a job for you to do that nobody else can do as well as you can. Out of billions of applications only one is qualified. Only one has the unique and right combination of what it takes and that one is you. You are special From Debbie Hudson

Dear All I wish that this had come when I was a little girl. It is too late for me as I am a 43 year old Adult. From Debbie Hudson

Dear Nellie Thank you for buying a copy. Actually I didn't think I would see a copy. I won a competion recently and a charity account was set up for me and 1,000 was put in it. The money is to be used to donate to charity. Any royalties will be placed in this account and from time to time I will give my Dad a cheque to give to the hospital that is doing the research. From Debbie

Dear All After the death of my Mum, I wrote a small book about how she supported me from my birth until the day that she died. I have had it published by a website called Lulu. It is a site where you can self-publish for free. The website address is www.lulu.com. My book is available to buy and it is called A Mother's Devotion. If I do manage to sell it, I will be paid and the royalties will go towards research into the type of cancer that my Mum died of. I am going to make my other account into a book as well. From Debbie Hudson

Dear All I have been sent 2 booklets about the Autism Project Report. It is all about Person Centred Services for Adults with Autistic Spectrum Disorders (ASD) in Surrey. You can also download the full report, includign the detailed Action Plan from http://www.aboutus.org.uk/ You can also contact (name and telephone no. removed by moderator). I have had a read of the report and I feel that positive things are happening for people with an ASD. If Surrey can offer a good service, then other councils should. You can use the report as a guide to how you would like your offspring to be supported. From Debbie Hudson

Hi Rach I have flat feet (Fallen Arches). It was discovered quite a few years ago, before I got my diagnosis. I am under the NHS and I have arch supports. in fact I went to see the Poediatrist yesteday for some new arch supports. Thr arch supports lift the foot up and do the job that the foot cannot do on it's own. He needs to wear shoes that don't have too low a heel or too high a heel. Try not to be bitter as it doesn't change anything and it will only make you ill. From Debbie P.S. will send you an email soon to give you my news.

Dear All When we are 18 we are classed as mature adults, able to make wise decisions about our lives. This is a different kettle of fish for an adult with Autism/Asperger Syndrome. Although they are classed as adults, the nature of their impairment means that they appear immature and they don't know how to make wise decisons. Parents are not allowed to be involved in the affairs of their adult child because the child is an adult in age. Well, there is a way that parents can be involved in their adult child's life. If the adult child writes a letter giving permision for the parents or someone else to be involved in their affairs, then this is ok, the professionals will accept this. From Debbie Hudson

Dear All I had a meeting with my Social Worker and my friend and colleague, to discuss employing my own Support Worker. Unfortunately this is not going to happen as it is too complicated. My Social Worker was given a pile of papers about it. Also I would have to do a job description and state exactly what I would want the Support Worker to do and the hours I would need them for. I am not able to do either as I don't need fixed help as I can do a lot for myself. The Direct Payment System is only suitable for those who need fixed help eg needing help to get out of bed each morning or help with cooking meals. However, in the future if I need fixed help such as a cleaner to clean my house, which I will need help with, then I can easily get the Direct Payment back. One or two good things did come out of the meeting though. I am not able to handle some of my affairs on my own without help. I have been told that if I write a letter giving my permission for someone to deal with my affairs on my behalf, this can be done. The person will not make decisions for me. They will just do the communicating for me and give me guidance about decisions. This is because when you are an adult, the professions won't involve the parents, unless you give written permission for the parents to do so. My friend said that she would be happy to be this person. My friend has also said that she would talk to my family about my future eg. when something happens to Dad and where I will live. I am really pleased about this because I have problems talking about things that are afar off because I can't process information outside of now. From Debbie Hudson

Dear All A dear friend and colleague of mine who is the mother of a son with Asperger Syndrome, has offred to help me with employing my one Support Worker. She is going to do the advertising and the interviewing. I shall want to be present at the interviews. I have also been told that I can get help with doing the finance for it. My friend knows exactly what I need. She says that I need a motherly lady who is patient and kind and gentle and who understands autism and AS. I don't want to get my hopes up too much, in case it doesn't work out though. It isn't easy though. From Debbie

Dear Tally Thanks for the encouragment I am going to see about employing someone for about 4 hours a week. It has to be like this so that I have someone there for when I do need occasional help. If I don't get any joy with this I will try and do it on my own. From Debbie

Dear All I do have a really good friend who has a son with Asperger Syndrome. She has very understanding, patient, kind and very emphatic. She is being a real support to me with this issue of getting the right support worker. She suggested that I had a word with the secretary of the Asperger Syndrome Parent Support Group that I attend, about me getting the right support worker. I did but I didn't get anywhere. I was told that I would not get a support worker who was kind, understanding, patient and emphatic and I was also told that I could not really employ any parent with someone with AS because they are too busy with their own lives to be able to have time to take someone else on. Also, employing someone myself would be a mammoth task I am told. You have to advertise and make sure police checks are made, none of which I could cope with. I am thinking very seriously of giving up the search for a support worker and managing without. Maybe I am more capable than I think. I am coping doing the shopping, cooking, ironing and washing. Perhaps all I will need is my family setting me up in a place and help to sort my bills out using Direct Debits. I would need a cleaner and occasional help buying clothes and replacing house equipment such as the washing machine etc. I am going to give it a go. At the end of the day I would rather not have support than have support from someone who won't treat me right. From Debbie

Thanks for the advice I tried to do all that you did suggest, but I was told that I was asking too much and that I couldn't expect to get a support worker who would understand and treat me right. I am now going to choose my own person whom I would want to support me. From Debbie

Dear All I have stopped the support because I was given no reassurance that I would be given a Support Worker that would understand me. From Debbie

You can employ relatives if they don't live with you.

I don't suppose experience is always essential. I do have two close friends that have not had any experience of AS. They are just very empathic. I have other friends too that are very empathic.

They are answerable to someone, but it was the someone who told me that a support worker might be funny with me. I am not annoyed. I don't want to waste my energies on feeling annoyed because this only produces unpleasent side effects in my body. At the end of the day, it isn't my problem. Thanks for the concern though.