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PS My 5 year old (Reception) is excluded from school when he hurts other children and he's never there (I've just worked out he's been in for 3 days out of the last 10). While I completely agree that there need to be sanctions and the staff and children need to be kept safe, no matter how cross with ds#2 we are and how boring we make it when he's at home - it's still to his mind better than school.

I think the school with that SENCO sounds worrying Lizzie. Apart from the exclusion for a physical assault issue, it's her comments about how he'd 'just have to' with regard to football with apparently no understanding or awareness of the need for support to enable him to do this.

Good luck for tomorrow Mandy. I know it's not in the same league but when ds#1 left his mainstream school last year to go to his ASD unit I found the goodbyes really hard. He's settled in fine now and I wouldn't go back, it's just the sad feeling of farewell and a new stage starting. At least she's already familiar with the school, will she be home in the holidays?

Even when expected, it still comes as a shock as the implications kick in. Take care. On the positive side you now have a 'reason' for Ben's behaviour and hopefully will be able to access ASD related support.

Thanks Karen I did print off and take in the information from the Cope of Practice saying how there could be emergency assessment and emergency placements which the school were very interested in, not sure if they've used the information though. I have rang the exclusions officer before I read your post and he will be getting back to me after he has spoken to the head. Parent partnership are investigating how assessment placements come about in our area.

Thanks for replying. Advice is very welcome as it all seems quite complicated. The support isn't provided through school but the LA SEN support service. Who have promised school this support in an attempt to stop ds#2 being excluded. We were also collecting him at lunchtime as he was only there for half days. But the promised support hasn't been there this week because of illness and no cover resulting in his exclusion. There was a multi agency meeting last Friday where all this was sorted out for him to return last week after last week's exclusion and he returned on Monday to no support. I've spoken to the LA SEN liasion team and there's another meeting before ds#2 goes back on Monday where they should have an idea if there's likely to be support in place. This week's exclusion is being blamed on the lack of support but really even if the support was there she'd spend her days chasing ds up and down the corridor. It means she can take him out but he's still not accessing any learning. The LA had been trying to get cover for ds#2 from their other staff but there's a lot off to illness right now. Just really fed up.

I've posted a few times lately about ds#2 who started school in September. He's just been diagnosed with PDA with a possible ASD diagnosis when the S&L assessment is completed. Last week he had his first formal exclusion from Thursday pm till Monday. We had a meeting on Friday and it was agreed that he'd go part time Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday and that there would be support in the mornings. Strategies suggested and a tent to be provided as a safe calming space. Monday he went in - no support (ill) and not a good day, Tuesday (again no support) he threw cars at the other children, pulled work off the wall, knocked over furniture and repeatedly kicked his teacher. Spent most of the morning with the Head. And today excluded. He's having nothing to do with the tent! I've shed a few tears today, this is beginning to really get me down. Today he kicked a boy in the face (when on the playground equipment) and scratched a little girl. His reasoning that he didn't want to play with them and they didn't go away. He also slapped a teacher and was being held by two members of staff kicking them as I arrived. The worst bit was I was asked to sign him out in the book (that everyone uses to sign them out for dentists appiontments etc) it was written in red ink ' 'his name' - sent home for hitting other children'. Is it just me or is that a complete breech of privacy for a child with special needs? When I went back to collect ds#1 later I saw the deputy head and she agreed they won't do that in future. Tomorrow I'm going to be making lots of phone calls and maybe making some appointments to look round some special schools, this situation really can't continue. I applied for him to be assessed for a statement yesterday but we can't wait 6 months.

Hope he's asleep now Enid, you're having a really tough time. x

I think you're all right! He loves cooking and baking so we might do some of that and maybe some painting and jigsaws but I'll go with the flow. He didn't get sent home today (although he did kick the teacher repeatedly, pull work off the walls and throw stuff) and came out in a terrible mood - it was 6pm before he was calmer, so easy does it I think.

Now ds#2 is going to be coming home at 12.30 most days I was wondering if I should spend an hour in the afternoons doing something with him and whether this would be appropriate or if it would be better to let him watch TV / play in the garden and de-stress? If I did decide to do something with him has anyone any ideas? He's 5. I wondered whether we should play some games (he's terrible at losing and cheats and throws the board / game at me if he doesn't win!), maybe doing some letters / numbers by writing in sand / playdough? Crafts? We won't have that long by the time we get in and feed him and need to go back out and get ds#1 but I'm torn thinking what to do with him, he's the oldest in his class and is needing some simulation but I'm not sure what I should be doing with him!

Hi He was diagnosed by our local child and family unit. I didn't think they did formally diagnose PDA as it's been mentioned with ds#1 but never diagnosed formally, but apparently they do. I don't think our area will fund diagnosis by the specialist centre.

Ds#2 (5) was diagnosed with PDA today, with a possible diagnosis of ASD to follow. Anyone got a PDA child? Are they managing in mainstream? It looks like my little one will need a specialist placement but there's nothing out there for PDA. There is some information on the PDA group site but not much and the forum doesn't seem much used. It feels like a lonely diagnosis compared to ds#1's dx of AS some years ago

That's fantastic Karen thank you - I do have a copy of the SEN Code of Practice gathering dust on a cupboard but forgot what it contained. Will take the relevant references in on Monday.

Thank you for all those helpful replies - I did ask about an emergency assessment but they were adament (sp?) that this can't happen. I'll have a good look at the links provided and take them into school on Monday, there's another meeting next Friday. It is an emergency situation and school can't cope with him any longer and were not happy hearing that they need to keep him till a statement can be provided. Today's meeting - there's been lots of complaints from other parents, including some formal written ones, that's the bit that really hurt me. I can understand it but it really upset me. Our consultant was there and said that ds#2 has PDA definately, they can't give an assesment of ASD till he has speech and language assessment which will hopefully be quite quick. We're (dp and I) quite shocked at this partial diagnosis, especially dp who thought the assessment process would be just to put my mind at ease about my concerns. School said he's a real Health and Safety risk to himself, the staff and other pupils. Ds is only going to do mornings now when the support worker is in to chase him up and down corridors, and a full day on Friday as she does full days then. I can understand this but he's exhausting and those hours when he's at school is a real respite. Can't really keep him back a year as he's 5 already and he urgently needs some specialist input - I know ASDs inside out and can cope with ds#1 but ds#2 just doesn't respond to anything as yet. Head's buzzing now and have bought wine for tonight.

I posted last week about ds#2 who's just turned 5 and just started Reception. He's averaging being sent home twice a week now. Yesterday his new support worker spent the entire morning running up and down the corridor after him (she's only there for mornings), he then moved on to the head's office where he tipped out all her drawers, hid under her desk and rang the - large and noisy - school bell continously. then spend the afternoon photocopying his hands with a teacher who was supposed to be doing her PPA time. At 2pm they'd either had enough or ran out of breath so rang me to collect him. The head says they're going to apply for a statement as soon as possible (needs to be 2 cycles of IEPs first but she says they'll make these as short as possible) and will really have to look at if a mainstream school is the right place for him Unfortunately G's unit is only for Key stage 2 (although if desperate they've had the odd younger child) and the head says there's a Key Stage 1 unit at another school, at the other side of our area. I know the school and it's excellent but I can't see L going in a taxi and we only moved him from his old school so he could be in the same school as G. Today he was sent home at 1pm after hitting the TA so hard she needed an icepack and may well have a black eye, and prior to this he was generally disruptive as usual. This time is a formal exclusion till Monday and in future all exclusions will be formal. School are beginning to think he needs a specialist ASD placement but as yet we have no diagnosis or statement. There's to be a multi agency emergency meeting tomorrow. I'm gobsmacked at how quickly things have escalated since he started school. I really didn't think he was as bad as ds#1 (AS) let alone worse and didn't even anticipate him needing support at all in the first few years of school. Sorry for all the recent moaning posts!

Yes please jsmum!

I'm after a punchbag for ds#1 who's 8, advised by our hospital consultant after this weekend. There seems to be a wide range out there. We did have a child's one for a day before it broke (was already faulty) so I'm not sure if a child's one will be strong enough not and if it would fall over after a good punch! Also if you have one where on earth do you put it?! The boys rooms are like box rooms, it is NOT going in our living room and there's no room in the kitchen. Any experiences of punchbags (good or bad) welcome!

I had the same with ds#2 when we used to go to toddler group. Ds#1 was also the same and I persevered with him and went twice a week every week (I ended up running it!), at that age I didn't know he had ASD and thought we needed to keep going and he would learn. Unfortunately he didn't and it was just stressful. So with ds#2 I gave up, we went occasionally but not religiously like I had with ds#1. I just couldn't take it! In your situation and having a diagnosis I would possibly look into a special need play group (our local Barnardos has one), ideally an ASD one where hopefully you wouldn't feel so awkward and could maybe have specialist staff helping you get some strategies going. I know this wouldn't be everyone's answer and some people prefer to be included in mainstream activities but I just couldn't do the stress all over again.

We've a hospital appointment tomorrow afternoon. Ds#1 is ok today, a little bit quiet, although he did cause alarm by running right out of school and down the street after me because he thought he'd forgotten his pencil case.

Ds#1 has recently made friends with some boys (5 and 7) who live 2 streets away, they seem to roam at random with no one keeping an eye on them and after having them for an entire weekend - from waking till sleeping we banned them from our garden. They were bringing lots of other children in and it was chaos and they weren't behaving very well, chucking stuff at the windows, swearing and it just got too much. We agreed with ds#1 that he could play in our street with the children, on the path only. In the past few days ds#1 has been shouted at twice - once the 5 year old boy threw a stone at someone's window and someone came out, ds#1 was blamed although the boys later told me that K(5) threw the stone, and shouted at ds#1 and threatened to kill him if he saw him there again . I brought ds#1 in but let him play out again yesterday where this boy spat at someone's car, again ds#1 was the one blamed and threatened with the police. Again the boys told me that 'K' had done it and when I went to speak to the man he pointed 'K' out so I'm happy it wasn't my ds#1 either time. So we banned him from playing with 'K' as he keeps getting him into trouble. He's been really upset about being unfairly blamed and shouted at. Today he went out to play and wants to go and play with the boys on the street where these boys live which isn't going to happen. He went on and on about how terrible his life is and was eventually told he was not allowed to play out at all today. Much sobbing and he took himself off in a huff. Ds#2 came downstairs to tell me that ds#1 was sitting upstairs strangling himself so I went up, he's sitting with a table tennis net wrapped around his neck many times and turning bright red. I feel sick. How can we make him see that something so minor is not worth taking his life over - you always hear about children hanging themselves after minor tiffs. Leaving this quickly as ds#2 has just appeared to say he's flooded the bathroom

Ds#2 has just started Reception 4 weeks ago, we've had various concerns about his behaviour which have increased over the last year and he's just started the assessment process - we've had a home visit, ADOS and on Friday a school visit. He's started a completely different school (as it has a Key stage 2 ASD unit which ds#1 has just transferred to and we need them to be at the same school for practical reasons) and has caused havoc! He's been sent home 4 times, twice in this last week and there have been urgent referrals made. He lashes out at the other children, hits / scratches / kicks the TA, is obsessed with squirting the water fountain all over the wall and won't stay in the classroom so ends up being chased (laughing as he goes) through the school. I was told on Friday that he is getting a support worker for possibly 5 mornings a week! I'm pleased but really flabbergasted, he must be really bad for this amount of support to be put in so quickly. Ds#1 was extremely challenging too but didn't have any support till Y1 and only got half days when he started Y2. It hadn't crossed my mind to even ask for ds#2 yet. He's so different from ds#1 - our consultant said he made very good eye contact, especially when he's being naughty as he wants a reaction whereas a child with ASD would do what they wanted to do regardless of what reaction they would get and who was watching, so I'm not sure if he'll end up with a diagnosis and if so if it'll be ASD. DS#1 is suspected of having PDA but it's not formally diagnosed in this area, but from the reading I've done it reminds me much more of ds#2. I'm not sure what else the problem could be, but he's getting worse by the day - so oppositional and controlling. He also has bowel issues and his poo ends up all over the floor or smeared on the wall, I'm almost certain there's 'something' wrong.

My ds#1 (8 with AS) had very similar behaviours to yours and has just moved to a unit. I expected that he'd hate this just as he hated his first and second schools but to my surprise he has settled in well. It's early days but the relief of not having to basically train every teacher we come across in ASD is fantastic. The staff aren't scared of him or the possibility of a meltdown and just know what they are doing. I really didn't want special ASD provision and was convinced that he'd be fine in mainstream with the right support (he had full time 1-2-1 support) but it's not just the support, it's the trained staff and all the things like clear explainations of what's going to happen, visual timetables, small class (6 with a teacher and 2 TAs)

I started mentioning things to my son for quite a while without mentioning the actual diagnosis. During various conversations I'd drip feed things like how he had special ears that didn't like loud noises, and how his brain worked a bit differently etc - all very casual and part of everyday conversations. If he had questions I'd answer them honestly. When he was 7 he asked me what I was reading and I said it was a book about Aspergers Syndrome and he asked if he had AS and I said yes. We've always answered any questions but never had a 'big' chat about it.

I sneak ds#2's lactulose in his morning juice and as long as he doesn't see me do it, he's fine with that! Much sympathy for bowel problems!

You can use ordinary melatonin to get the child off to sleep and slow release melatonin to actually keep them asleep. We've just discovered this at a recent review! Ds#1 is now prescribed both and can take 2 2mg 'normal' melatonin and another 3mg slow release one - he takes them all at the same time.