jlp

My little one has had this problem for about a year, he's 4 now. I was interested to hear that some people found this improved with dairy removed from the diet as ds#2 came out in alarming blotches with some dairy as a baby and once he was weaned from breast feeding he has never had any milk in any form, simply won't drink it. He no longer goes blotchy with butter or chocolate but this thread has got me wondering if something along those lines is still going on. We've never been referred anywhere, our GP keeps giving us lactulose and while he's on that the soiling problems are fairly manageable, I must take him back for a chat - difficult though as they want to feel his tummy (he can't stand anything on his - big! - tummy and pushes his trousers right down under it) and he won't let them.

Ds#1 (8 with AS) was given a statement in September with full time support. He has 2 support workers, one of whom he has had since he was 5 and another TA who's new to him in September. He's really taken a dislike to his new support worker. I think she's very strict with an EBD background. Now he does need to learn to accept instruction and discipline, I know this but it's a huge jump. I know I sound very airy fairy but I pick my battles with ds carefully (biggies such as violence / safety and we're trying with no success as yet to stop the shouting at everyone) otherwise I'm onto him constantly. The dislike has been growing week by week and is now a major anxiety with him obsessing, counting how many days he has till he sees this TA and not being able to get to sleep. I have a feeling it's all going to blow very soon. I really need to have a word with the TA and explain this but how do you say it without sounding extremely critical? She has a very hard job, we're well aware of this and she's still quite new to him so they need to learn how to deal with each other. I know she's been trying to be more positive but ds will go into meltdown very easily at the slightest pressure. I was going to leave it and let the explosion happen if it happens but he was so upset tonight I promised I'd try and think of the best way to deal with the situation. I'd find it easier to approach a teacher or the asd liasion but feel that that would be wrong and that I really need to say something to the TA or it's going behind her back. How can I say it nicely?! I'm really non confrontational and have never been in this situation before. He loves his other worker and has always been fairly indifferent to other workers he's had in the past.

Words aren't enough Amanda. I am so sorry to hear of the loss of your little lad. Will think about you and your family. xx

Is it only me who gets a funny head / eyes while the brush is flashing? I can't stand it (bought one each for my boys). Ds#1 isn't very taken with his and sat with it in his mouth for the required time but didn't actually do any brushing!! Ds#2 quite liked it but likes the vibrating ones too (he's much better at brushing that his older brother - ds#1 doesn't seem to have the attention span required to remember what he's doing)

I had a nightmare day on Tuesday with both of mine being sent home - one (nt) due to hitting his nursery teacher and ds#1 (AS) chucked a jumbo size Connect 4 set because he was being teased and it hit him on the head resulting in a huge egg, a cut millimetres from his eye and a trip to A&E. Ds#2 had gotten upset because we always drop ds#1 off first in the mornings and we hadn't that day as ds#1 had speech therapy. Yesterday I kept them both off, ds#1 because it was the Christmas Play and ds#2 because he'd kick off again if ds#1 didn't go in first (how am I going to get round this next year when they're both in school?!) Today ds#2 was fine and coped with a very loud disco - ds#1 was unable to cope and was sent home (having heard the disco when I picked ds#2 up I'd left a message at the office saying to ring if he couldn't cope as I knew he wouldn't) Tomorrow ds#1 is supposed to go straight to Mass at 9am so is bound to kick off again, we've agreed he can just walk to the door and return to his classroom but again it's a different routine and will make him anxious which comes out as shouting and anger. To add to the mornings fun ds#2s nursery have an open day where parents stay to play and having all the parents in sets him off (which is mortifying as they all get to watch ds#2 tantrum). Why why why do they do this to us? More importantly why does no one understand when the child then does get upset / angry? Feeling really stressed and concerned about school and it's understanding atm

Unfortunately my ds#1 (8 with AS) hasn't been able to cope with the singing in his play so has spent rehearsals reading a book and isn't in it at all. Even more unfortunately I still have to go and watch the darn thing even though he's not in it at all as he'll kick off if other people have parents in school and he doesn't! It's on twice - I am not going to watch my son read a book twice (trying to keep my resolve!)

Update On Friday after school ds#1s support worker came out and it turns out he did hit the girl Apparently she and another girl were carryng a box, ds wanted through the doorway and said 'move' (he's terrible for barging people out of the way, he can't wait), the other girl said 'no'. Another boy told ds to hit the girl so he went back and hit the girl who hadn't even spoken. I'm so disappointed in him, I truely believed him when he said he didn't. He says he forgot and presumably had his memory jogged by being reminded of the doorway etc - but on the Thursday night we'd went over what happened in very careful detail at home and he was adament he hadn't hit anyone. so maybe he did forget, maybe he thought I meant the yard (I thought it had happened in the yard not in school) or maybe he lied. I was so sure he was telling the truth. Anyway he has a 2 week computer ban which is punishing me way more than it's punishing him! And he apologised to the girl. Today it was purple day (for the first school day of Advent). This had been mentioned in passing in assembly, ds#1 was oblivious so when we got to school today and half the school were in purple and he wasn't, he kicked off. The yard had mostly emptied and just as he's throwing his book bag and packed lunch and screaming then who turned up but the mother Lots of self satisfied nodding and just as I left (with ds as there was no way he was going in without something purple) she was coming out of the office. The timing was so bad I feel sick all over again.

Thank you, that's all really useful and gives me something to think about. For some reason I didn't get an email notification saying there were replies so just seen this. PDA was mentioned with ds#1 after his diagnosis but I didn't think he fit the description, ds#2 does on a bad day / week but can be lovely too. He seems at his absolute worst for an hour or two after nursery, he comes out in a terrible mood even after a good day! Thanks again

I've been in this morning and spoke at length to ds#1's support worker about the incident and how I believe it's unlikely that ds#1 has hit this girl (he's will always admit what he's done and say it was because a/b/c happened) and she agreed with me and is going to take it up wth the other girls teacher who I couldn't see this morning. Both the support worker and ds#1s teacher were shocked at what happened yesterday and the manner in which it was said. Confusingly my Goddaughter came into school this morning with this girl and her mother and gave me a hug - her hair got tangled in my coat and the mother came over laughing and joking and trying to free it. I couldn't speak to her or look at her. She also waited in the yard then outside the gate while I went back in (I'd forgotten to give ds#1 his bags). I was sorely tempted to escape out of the back gate but walked past without looking. As it stands school are supportive of us and quite shocked by the other parent so I'm not going to get into any discussions with the mother. I couldn't sleep last night and thought long and hard about this and while I can agree if your child is hit then you will be annoyed but personally I'd find out exactly what happened before going in all guns blazing. More importantly I think spreading gossip about a 7 year old child is unacceptable, even if she's repeating things she's heard it's rumours like this that cause long term problems. And shouting about him in the yard !

I was waiting for ds#1 today outside his classroom when I heard a child saying to her mother that ds#1 had hit her. This other child is in the year above in the adjoining classroom. The mother immediately went to have a word with her daughter's teacher telling her that ds#1 had hit her daughter, she was aware that ds#1 has a long history of violence in other schools (!?) and how she wants his parents spoken too etc. I don't think she was aware that I was ds#1s mum and standing right behind her. She stalked off and I spoke to the teacher who is lovely and has taught ds#1 so knows him - she was reassuring but I'm quite upset particularly at the 'long history of violence in other schools' bit. Ds#1 has been to one school previously but we removed him from this school as they were not meeting his needs. Anyone who has asked why we moved to the new school has been told that we moved him as the new school has had a child with ASD previously and is more able to give him the support he needed, no mention of any previous problems. Ds#1 was asked about hitting this other child (he doesn't even know who she is) and is absolutely sure he did not, getting very angry and upset to even be asked (he did say he's going to hit her now for telling lies about him and I've tried to explain that it's probably a misunderstanding). I've tried asking again gently at bedtime if maybe he's knocked this girl by accident or maybe by flapping and he says no - even when I hinted that the school might check the camera to try and clear up the matter (they won't!). So while I don't doubt the girl got hit, I'm mostly sure that ds#1 didn't anything delibrately. I'm thinking he knocked her by accident while in his own little world or maybe someone hit her (it was in her back)and someone else said ds#1 did it? It gets worse - later this evening I rang my ds#1's Godmother who's dd is best friends with the girl who got hit. She says after the mother left me she went down to the bottom yard, was shouting about how ds#1 has hit her dd and stormed into the office to complain to the head too. Apparently my friend didn't want to say anything and upset me but about a month ago this mother spoke to my friend saying there was a bully in Y3 and gave my son's name. Friend says she told this woman that ds has autism and she'd said there'd been loads of parents in to school complaining about him. It's quite possible as there were a flurry of complaints last year too - and school didn't mention it unless asked, they said most of these people have nothing better to do than complain and not to worry. I'm feeling quite sick by all of this. I know it's gossip and I should let it go but it's really upset me, particularly actually hearing someone complaining (and why having complained did she feel the need to shout in the yard and complain at the office too?) This sounds strongly like paranoia but I feel these people hear half baked tales about ds#1 and it's sent them off on a witch hunt. This woman didn't even have time to hear exactly off her dd before she was complaining about ds#1. I know this has started when there was relentless teasing and winding up (pushing him over, calling him names and following him around throwing a ball at him) during the first half of term from the Y4 boys and ds#1 retaliated every time. This has settled down now but I know this will be when the gossip has started. I was going to have a word with the other mother (actually was planning on killing her with kindness) until I heard the 2nd half of the story but now thinking that's not a good idea. I need to have a word with school and the girls teacher asked me to have a word with ds#1 tonight and get back to her tomorrow with what happened as she says the other mother will be back - I also don't want ds#1 questioned about this without the school being fully aware of his side of the story as he'll get upset and shout. He has lashed out before but there's always a reason behind it, he simply wouldn't just hit someone - and anyway I tend to believe that he hasn't hit anyone. I'm panicking at trying to explain all of this tomorrow without sounding like I have rose tinted glasses on and getting in before school.

My ds#1 was always reluctant to open his pressies and would do so very slowly. If there was something there he hadn't asked for then he'd say he didn't want it and it would take days or weeks for him to look at it (we usually knew it was something he'd love but new things made him worried) Last year at just turned 7 he was well into it and opens his gifts at an acceptable pace! He's ok with things he didn't specifically ask for too although he'll still say he doesn't like something and give it to someone else if he doesn't like the look of it! He hasn't really asked for anything this Christmas - apart from a T3 Utility Droid off Star Wars which I don't think even exist - bless him. His behaviour goes downhill in the run up to Christmas and for a few days after - hyper and excited and irritable, it's a lot for him to cope with.

My little one is 4 and over the years I've been worried on and off about him however the fact that he does have good imaginative play has mostly steered me away from ASD (my oldest son was diagnosed with AS at almost 5). However his behaviour is really getting me down at the minute, it's like walking on eggshells between all the tantrums. He likes things a certain way, just an example but today we were about to cross a road, I said 'it's safe to cross' and immediately a major tantrum because he hadn't wanted me to say those words. He ran back on the road several times because I hadn't done it right. I'm forever chasing him as he hurtles away. He's also very oppositional - drawing all over new wall paper, toothpaste every where and other deliberate naughtiness. Nursery are finding him hard work and he now has a star chart but will only look at it when he's had a good day and knows there's a treat involved. Now this could all be typical 4 year old behaviour, particularly since his brother has challenging behaviour but he does seem to stand out in nursery compared to the other children - he's always the one refusing to sit on the mat whent he other children do, today he pulled a curtain down, on open days and sports days he doesn't take part and they end in tears (usually someone elses!). He's the oldest in the class and has been there for a full year since he was 3 and has always been tricky. He's totally different to ds#1 however. So I wondered if the good imagination, and the fact that he can be very social when he wants to, rules out ASD for certain and if anyone's read anything on the web regarding ASD and imagination that they could point me to for information? I can't find much online. Sorry that sounds very vague!

My son often failed to recognise his classmates - he changed schools at the beginning of Y1 and still doesn't know the name of everyone else in his class (he's now in Y3) My little one now surprises me as he'll see children from nursery and say 'there's a/b/c' and it seems really strange that he can recognise individual children so young - we're just not used to it, even though I'm sure it's what happens with most people

Oh no! It must be worse as it's a new school and all of your hopes have been so (understandably) high. I've be fuming if my son was called a muppet and regular physical assaults is worrying, hope you get them sorted!

I've just been looking on the Book Depository at it - at �3 odd I think we'll give it a go anyway! One of the reviews says it's for 10+, do you think it's suitable for younger children?

Strange you should mention that, it's something I was planning on getting for G. Does it look good?

I was a wee bit scared reading We Need To Talk about Kevin for the same reasons! Who wrote Atonement as I thought I might like that? I loved The Time Travellers Wife but haven't read it since (I usually read my books over and over) as the sad end made me really sob!

Well done - it's very hard to make your point when you're conscious of trying to stay on good terms with the school. Great news that the LEA were on your side. There seems to be such a huge gap educationally for high functioning / AS and it really worries me for the future.

Last year we went trick or treating - I regret it now and it was fraught (G getting cross if people didn't answer the door / give sweets even though I'd explained they were well within their rights) G did enjoy himself though. This year I decided that we weren't trick or treating (not 100% comfortable with the idea of bothering people for sweets) and we'd go to a local farm for a lantern walk instead (it's a very small farm and I'm not expecting great excitement!). All was fine until it suddenly clicked with G this morning that he wasn't trick or treating (I've bought sweets so he'll still get sweets) and he was very angry saying we went trick or treating last year and he likes to be the same. Soooooo....do I stick with my principles and cope with the meltdown or give in and take him? Because I took him once and it's all my fault sob! They'll probably be talking about trick or treating at school and people will probably start knocking at our house to trick or treat - both of which will make the situation even worse.

I remember my son's old school complaining because he whistled all the time (he was 5 at the time too) It lasted a while but did seem to fade (well no-one's complained for a while!) I wonder if there's anyone who could explain how this can be an ASD issue - as you say it helps him concentrate, with my son I suspect it blocked out noise and reassured him - and not just your son being annoying on purpose. With a little imagination there's probably things they could do to help, maybe have a visual support ('no humming' or 'quiet time' ?) on the board when it's particularly important that the children are quiet such as carpet time. It might help or not but just to tell him off seems unfair. Are there particular times when he hums or is it an all day thing?

I've got one who is almost 8 and very similar - he will only stay at my Mams (and only with ds#2 there too) and even cries sometimes if I leave him with dp. However it is getting very slightly better as he gets older - he managed a summer playscheme this summer (wouldn't have been possible last year) and he has entertained the idea of going to a friends for tea (although people have stopped asking and even if he was, I'd be very concerned about their ability to cope with him). I tend to think the situation will improve as he gets older and isn't forced. It's a difficult situation as some children do benefit from encouragement (and if he hadn't been pretty much forced to go to school he wouldn't be there now - that sounds awful but we need him to be in school) and this could help them to see that there's nothing to be scared of. However I think you know your own child best and whether putting pressure on them will help or make the problem worse - with ds#1 apart from school I don't insist on anything and hopefully he will come round when he feels able.

That's interesting Tally - thank you With regard to the finality of suicide it's a tricky one as he thinks he'll be off to heaven which is a better place and that the rest of the family will join him in due course (sooner if we miss him!). I suppose I could broach the fact that God wouldn't look favourably on someone taking their own life but knowing G that will get into very tricky and complicated ground. Bid - you didn't offend me at all, everyone's views and experiences are worthwhile thinking ground which is what I asked for <'>

It's very hard when they're not sure about moving and hard as it is I think you have to make the decision that you as adults think will be the best in the long run for your dd. We moved G in Y1 when he was just turned 6 and it was a horrible decision to make on his behalf - but you can bear in mind with a clean conscience that when they are young they don't have the emotional capacity to always see the long term benefits, moving schools is such a big thing and very stressful and worrying and it's natural to want to stay with what you know. I'm not explaining what I mean very well but I remember well being in your shoes and deciding to move G and at that time, even though we were pretty (but not totally!) sure we were doing the right thing, we felt like the most cruel parents in the world as all he could see were the scary bits and he couldn't understand enough to be reassured that this was the right choice and that he'd soon settle in and make friends. I'd think it's fair to argue that most small children are not able to decide what is best for them in the long term (or they'd all be eating sweeties for every meal )

I think that's part of the problem Bid, I don't know what's 'normal' and what's not. So far he hasn't done anything (actually just remembered he did stick a plastic bag over his head a month or so ago, but I was in the room). He hates school and always has - however we've just got him a statement with full time 1-2-1 support and the reason we didn't change schools at that point was because he does have good friends who he adores and because we've already moved his school once (2 years ago) and the effect was long lasting and tramatic, he didn't cope well at all. I know if I speak to the professionals that the are likely to say that it's an attention thing even though he doesn't get much overt attention for it, we stay very calm. I can't think of anyone (well maybe one but she's on maternity leave) who would take this seriously. I expect they will think we are over reacting and making a big song and a dance about this and therefore creating the problem ourselves. After half term there's supposed to be a meeting regarding G's placement and I will discuss this there, there's also teasing going on at school which isn't being taken very seriously (as G retaliates) and this needs to be sorted really I think as he's dwelling on that these holidays.

Ds#1 (almost 8 with AS) has been threatening to do various things to himself for possibly the last year or so - when he's upset, he'll say he's going to get run over so he won't have to go to school. I tend to play this down and not give much of a reaction as he doesn't understand the finality of death or what he's saying and I don't want to make a bigger issue. He's says he wishes he was dead reasonably often. Today we were talking about drugs and what they are (apparently one of the Star wars droids uses poison) and the conversation led onto how a little bit of something could make you better but a lot could kill you - I gave the example of Calpol. He said he was going to drink a whole bottle of calpol so he wouldn't have to go to school any more. I said that would be a shame as I love him and little brother piped up he loves him too and G said that's ok because we'll all end up in heaven together eventually. Now I'm sure this is just 'silly' talk but now I have a terrible dread that he would do something stupid like drink calpol (It'll be put elsewhere), not because he's suicidal or depressed but because he wouldn't understand the full impact of what could happen - and doesn't want to go to school. Should we be running off to the Child and Family Unit in panic or are these fairly normal things to say? I suppose he's been saying things like this for a while but not actually done anything? I normally take these particular things he says with a pinch of salt and give very little reaction but he's unnerved me a bit with the calpol.