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seasparrow

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About seasparrow

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    Salisbury Hill
  • Birthday 04/14/1971

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  • Location
    Bristol
  • Interests
    Clubbing, cinema, gym
  1. When I was at school I really disliked all my 'theory' lessons. Any lesson that involved writing or just sitting at a desk doing written work. I did however love all my practical lessons - the 'hands on' lessons. That is where I was the happiest. In my English class I wrote a short story - eventually - and I was given a certificate for my work. The year later I gave the same piece of work in and I got graded a B. I used the same piece in my third year and was given a C - and I had the same teacher each year. I told him what I had done and that my grade got less each year and he just said it got less because I was capable of doing better (with a smile on his face because I had kinda cheated). I also used to use same written work between different classes and no1 knew. Basically, I really really did not like writing and I did not see the importance of an education. It was never explained to me in a way that I could understand. To this day I still dont really understand the importance as people can 'naturally' do jobs with no training or formal education. My parents bought me a computer - ZX81 - which was the first home computer out (I think). They spent about 4 months learning how to use it so they could show me how to use it. Within half an hour I had already learnt more that they had learnt in those 4 months. My computer skills, which are very good, have all been self-taught. I love computers!!! When I was a teen at home I also was quite eager for my parents to 'hurry up and die' so that I would inherit everything. Not because I hated them but because I am a very impatient person and I didn't want to wait. I also made it clear that my brother was getting nothing! I kept this up for most of my teen years and into my early 20's. I gave up after I moved out and got a life of my own. Now I hope they don't die. And yes... it was a logical way for me to think. But I failed to look at the impact of how their death would have affected me.
  2. I share similar 'feelings' and anxieties like yours. When I was married my wife would make me the same sandwiches every day. Some days she would forget, or not have the right ingredients, or make them wrongly, and this really threw me. To this day, if I am used to something I expect it to be the way it always is. If it is not, it still throws me and I have to deal with the situation as it arises. What I have got used to is looking at the problem, finding alternative outcomes, and taking a course of action that best suits my immediate needs. Sometimes, I don't eat though because its too much for me to think about and I cant find the solution I want. Even today, I live with my mother (after being away for 10 years) and she cooks for me. Sometimes she makes the food differently and I have been known to shout at her because it is wrong (and I'm 36). In an instant I have to look at what is wrong and think about the consequences. I always end up with the fact that the food can still be eaten. I don't enjoy it as much, because it is not the same as always, but I have to make myself be OK with it in my head... but again, this doesn't work every time. Ultimately, having the shutters closed and your food given in a different way meant you had to adjust your mind to deal with and accept that way of having your breakfast. But what you needed to do was take a time out to put your mind into accepting this before it can happen. Having AS means we constantly analyse things and look for answers. But that can not always happen. If I have something that I can not solve I have to put it in 'holding' (in my brain) until I have more information. But asking for what is actually going on in your brain is thinking too hard. If the best doctors dont know then what chance do you have... yet? Some things you have to tell yourself to just 'let go' As for emotions, I think I was about 26 when I understood the word 'anxiety'. When I get 'butterflies' in my belly this was a physical feeling and because people kept talking about anxiety I looked at my body in situations where anxiety would apply and I noticed that on more than 1 occasion I had these 'butterflies'. I don't know if that is anxiety but its the best I have so far. I still don't understand many 'feelings' and I always try to find a physical feeling to relate to an emotional feeling but there are many emotional feelings that I just don't know yet. Love being one of them. Each time I think I feel love, it changes. I look for consistency in feelings and there are none that I can see. So I don't really have any understanding apart from my 'guesses'. This works enough for me to co-exist with normal life and sometimes I am upset that I can not understand. Ultimately, I have concluded that emotions can be more of a burden than a blessing and I tell myself that I am better off without them. Emotions are what cause people to be upset, have fights and go to war. Without emotion, people would talk logically and 'coldly' and avoid these things. When was the last time science went to war? Not sure if I made any sense so I'll end it there. Just remember.... you are not alone! <'>
  3. I have a problem with clean eating tools and bugs. I have had times where I can see marks/dirt when no1 else can. It takes me some effort to tell myself that it is ok. If something is visually dirty then no1 will eat with it. But the slightest blemish/smear/mark can also make me not use it. Teach him to wash up what he wants to use. His standards are very high. And why shouldn't they be As for bugs, I hate them. I dont like them in my room or anywhere near me, especially when I am eating. Bugs eat bad stuff. They fly from place to place standing on things that dogs leave on the street. They can also leave their own 'waste deposits' on any food that they land on. This is not good for me! Just last week I bought some net curtain that fits exactly over my bedroom window. I got some double sided tape and taped all around the window frame and stuck the net to it. I cut 2 holes in the net so I can open and close the windows and sealed the holes with velcro. I now have an bug-impenetrable cover on my window and it works perfectly! But they still come in from downstairs so I have to be vigilant. Try teaching him about bugs by getting bug books and going to the garden to try and identify them. Make bugs your 'friends'. I never did this and the bug thing has become a big obsession/problem for me. But in the 'not liking' them sense. Hope this helps
  4. Thank you Flora and no worries bid None of us like upsetting even 1 person and when we do we try and make it up. But I do understand that 'I can not please all the people all the time' So I dont try!
  5. ... to any people I may have offended in my Big Brother thread. I am very new to this community and do have trouble expressing my thoughts, opinions or feelings into written words that convey what I am trying to say without upsetting people. I can not guarantee to get it right every time but I do try. I ignorantly assumed that forums like this would automatically understand my meanings. I was wrong. I am still learning about AS, the fact that I have it and what it means to me as a person and how I relate to the world with this new understanding. But this is an on-going process that has no end. I just live and learn each day. For the record... I NEVER intentionally try to upset anyone. But I do seem to make a habit of doing just that. Sorry is a word I use often. Gary
  6. I forget all the time. When I go out I meet new people. I always forget them the next week. Sometimes weeks can go by before I will remember their faces ans its the same with names. I have to see someone many times before I can remember them. Sometimes I try to use a memory technique to remember them and this does work most times. But its remember to use the technique. One times I was at a local shop and I saw my uncle outside. I waved but he didnt wave back so I assumed he didnt see me. He came inside the shop and was staring right at me and I was smiling back. Then I felt something was not quite right - this man was not my uncle but he was bald and had a white shirt on which is what my uncle looks like. At a party held for me years ago all my family was there. I had not seen many of them for a few years and 1 cousin, who I had spent all my childhood with (weekends) came up to me and I had no idea who she was. That was probably the most embarrassing time I have not recognised someone.
  7. Perhaps this may help - http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/entertainment/6729673.stm The BBC clearly uses the N word in its report. On TV today 'Loose Women' also used the word on air. The use of the N word in reporting is acceptable, as I assumed it would be here. I am mearly quoting what has been said in the media already. Big Brother is going to air the conversation tonight. The point that she was evicted shows that Big Brother has zero tolerance towards racism which I am in full support of. New York is the 1st city to actually ban the N word. If you read this report you will see that using words like the N word has become part of life within the younger community. http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/americas/6407413.stm My nephews and thier friends were using derogatory words in jest. As they were mostly non-white they all saw the funny side. Of course words and thier meanings change over time and in a way it is good that some words have lost thier true meaning. This is not an excuse to justify wrong words but a reflection of what the younger generation know and understand. The gay community has taken words that have been used against them and now 'own' those words so they have no impact in a negative way. btw channel 4 has just used the N word in the channel 4 news! And the main point was to suggest that Emily has shown some AS attributes. We can and do say things that are completely inappropriate. Racism is obviously inappropriate. But lets not be hypocrites here!!!! We cant tell the world to accept that we DO say things inappropriately and then condemn someone for actually doing just that!
  8. Thanks steviegirl, point taken. I did look at offtopic but thought that as I was suggesting she may have AS this felt like the best forum. I'm still very new to this and have no problem with a little help now and then I use Big Brother as a show that needs no thinking on my part. It is like an escape. Watching people prance around on TV making complete idiots of themselves is great. They show us how NOT to behave!!! Just a bit of mindless escapism. I don't mean to offend anyone here but its not obligatory to read a thread that you have no interest in. Big Brother is in the thread title after all
  9. For using the '*****' whilst dancing. Having seen her and what she comes out with sometimes she certainly has many AS attributes. Here is the conversation: Emily: (referring to Charley dancing/pushing her hips forward) You pushing it out you ******. Nicky: (shocked laughter) Em, I can?t believe you said that. Charley: You are in trouble. Emily: Don?t make a big thing out of it then. I was joking. Charley: I know you were? but that?s some serious ######, sorry. Emily: Why? Charley: Oh my god. I?m not even saying it. Nicky: Just don?t talk about it anymore. Emily: I was joking Charley: Do you know how many viewers would watch that? Nicky: Okay, don?t make a big deal out of it. Charley: Fancy you saying that. I can?t believe you said that. Emily: Somebody has already used that word in this house. Charley: No way. (Pause) Yeah, me. I?m a ******. Nicky laughs. Charley: I am one. Fancy you saying it. I know maybe you see it in a rap song. Maybe you and your friends sit there saying it. Emily: I?m friendly with plenty of black people. Nicky: And you call them *******? Emily: Yeah and they call me *******. They call me ******* as well. Nicky: I?m quite shocked. Charley: I?m ###### in shock. Emily: It?s not a big deal though is it? Charley: Not for us it ain?t. ###### me. I can completely understand her not being aware of what she said being wrong. We know using that word is wrong but when you are around friends saying things like that do slip out very innocently. My ex-wife was Indian and I spent a lot of time with Indians. I was uncle to 2 boys and they had friends from all races. Words like ******** were often used and always resulted in fits of laughter. I myself would join in using these words and it was acceptable. But I would never think about saying those words to strangers... even though I would say them without any racist thought. [Paragraph removed] This is a good example of what is socially acceptable... and what is not. We can learn
  10. Thanks for the welcome I love using Ciao
  11. I have noticed a few people having difficulties with thier children. Of course all parents have trouble at times and its quite normal. This book I have found to be absolutely stop on on helping understand children - http://www.amazon.co.uk/Mars-Women-Venus-C...n/dp/0091826160 All I can say is read the book without judgment and practice the guidelines he talks about and you WILL notice a difference. In my opinion this applies to any child - AS or NT!
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