charliesmomuk

My son has very limited interests (Andrew Lloyd Webber musicals ..yes seriously) Wikipedia, pencils and TV guide lists. When we introduce something new it's hard work, but if it sticks it just becomes a new fixation. he can't have a casual interest in anything. We keep plugging away though because I feel it's important to TRY even if he reverts to his comfort obsessions. It's a tricky one! Julesx

You could be describing my son EXACTLY there LizK.. seriously..every single sentence IS my son. The bad news is he is 11.5 and nothing has improved..if anything it has got far worse as puberty hit and his anxiety levels have risen.....don't ask me why but it has and as he's awfully overgrown for his age (5 ft 6 and growing by the minute and thin as a rail poor kid) people find his social skills more alarming than they did a few years ago, when it was still kind of sweet in a way (in a sickly 'aw bless him ' kind of a way. We didn't realize til relatively late , just how UNable Charlie is to have a normal 2 way conversation. After a speech delay (grunt only til he was nearly 4 then just a few key words) we were delighted that he was talking. At first he'd repetitively ask strangers how tall they were and how old (major obsession) then it evolved into 'are you old.. (no pause for reply)..you ARE old you will die with a tube up your nose??' (cos grandad did... Now he monolgues every one on his current topic..TV listings. He has NO idea that no-one else is interested. He's in a special school and he even bores the less able kids in his class! The ONLY thing we have been able to do is to set rules..absolute rules. NO approaching people in the shops. Do not touch. That's about it..we haven't found a way to help Charlie understand that other people don't share his interests, or even how to start a simple conversation..is brain just doesn't do that. The sad thing is that the adults at his special school are lovely and everyone tries to help him chat...but the outside world isn't as kind. I would be very interested in other people's tips and tricks for dealing with the social skills like these because it really is quite a big problem! Juliex

Hi:) I'm a TA in very similar circumstances.. had good As and O levels (even a completely useless degree lol) but stayed home and raised kids... then got an ASD kid of my own. Eventually I applied for a TA job on the strength of my experience with children..mine (all 4) and especially my ASD child..and I got the job. Do NOT discount your actual life experience.. it will be far more important than you think! You have hands on practical experience and that beats all the NVQs in the world! Go for it! I've been working in a class for children with severe ASD and challenging behaviour for 5 years now! Julesx

My 15 yr old son smokes (not in front of me..sneakily with his mates). I hate it, but realise there is absolutely nothing I can do about it. I tried the grounding him route, stopping pocket money. Tried (lots of times) to discuss how detrimental it is to his health and wealth..but he is 15 and thinks he is immortal like all teens do. I think if your son was at home you'd probably not know about it... In the end they can only decide for themselves..thats the hardest thing, knowing that in the end you can say and do what you can but if they want to smoke..they will.. However as someone who started smoking at 12 and gave up as an adult, I am pretty sure that my son..and yours, WON'T be a smoker for ever. These days it is just too unacceptable socially, too expensive and it will dawn on them that actually it was a really stupid idea getting hooked. Here's hoping your son decided to quite and stay quit soon:) Julex

I think it's the unworldliness that makes so many children with ASD attractive. I work with children who have severe Autism (non verbal teens) and several of them are just gorgeous! Also rather large headed!! My son has a whopping head (seriously..been 100th centile since birth) and ASD..curious! I like to think he is very handsome but his hair went from dead straight to afro 6 months ago when he hit puberty so now he is a bit WILD LOL Julesx

My son's obsession is.. (don't laugh) pencils. Preferably untouched unsharpened (ie totally flat ended) pencils. There are literally hundreds around the house, grouped neatly. He doesn't play with any toys at all.. but he spends HOURS totally absorbed in his pencils. he lines them, he holds them just so, and in his head they are something I'm sure but tho he can talk he has never been able to explain why they matter so much. Whenever I get a bit down about his limitations, I remind myself that he is lucky..he is happy, absorbed and peaceful in his pencil dominated world! Julesx

Hi Mel.. thanks..you are absolutely spot on..and I hadn't really thought about the amount of 'forced' interaction Charlie gets at school.. he's in a class of 10 children..all with MLD and some of them are quite loud and active ..a great bunch but much more in your face than Charlie cares for. A school he doesn't run around with the pack but usually seeks an adult to obsess at or just sits on a bench and watches the world.. (I know cos I am a TA two classrooms up!) he's not antisocial as such (he would say he has lots of friends) but he doesn't have the ability to do normal social stuff..even within his MLD peer group.. and at home he has to put up with 3 very typical teenage siblings! I think he just likes to be with his pencils at home and is finding demands made on his limited playskills a bit overwhelming..but I do like the idea if a 'set' social activity. I might try inviting the other child swimming because it's an activity Charlie can manage (ie both children are poor swimmers!) and we can call it quits after 30 mins! Thanks,, (btw are you in Oxfordshire seeing your name... I'm in Carterton...) I wish I didn't wish for more for him tho.. I adore his own delightful rainman way... Julesx

Hi, I'm newish here and just tend to read but wonder if anyone could offer advice. My son is 11, has Autism and moderate learning difficulties. He attends a special school where he is an able pupil.. he is academically about aged 6-7 for most things, and he is a gentle passive child. Left to his own devices Charlie simply likes to look up his obsessions on wikipedia (it has helped his reading!!) and to line up pencils. Unused, blunt ended pencils.. hundreds of the things around the house. That's about it. He is self contained and content as long as no-one messes with his pencils ! Recently to my amazement another child from school has come to the house (amazing as al the children are MLD/SLD so independence like that is rare).he wants to play with Charlie. He is a very nice kid too, a few years older, about 10 developmentally and sweet..just wants Charlie to ride his bike (trike!) or play PS2. Initially I was pleased because I thought YAY he has a friend!!! Charlie has never had a friend! BUT... Charlie doesn't want to. He likes the child.as much as he likes anyone.. but really playing isn't something he can do, he's not independent enough to go out unsupervised so if he is outside on his trike I have to be outside near..which neither child minds, but.. Charlie looks anxious now if our doorbell rings because he thinks it will be the other child wanting him to play. Charlie really really just likes to be alone. Half of me feels I should persevere with encouraging Charlie to interact, even if it's just for 20 mins and then make his excuses.. his solitary leisure time upsets me. But that is probably because I am wanting things to be 'normal' for him socially..and I know Charlie just doesn't see the world that way. he's yr 7, has never really played but has always been happy in his own world but he seems to becoming more isolated by choice.. do I let him be? Jules

My son is the touchy feely in yer face type of child. he has a particular thing for hiar..mine, his anyones and drives his family NUTS with his getting too close. he always wants to touch me when we are out too..he is still holding my hand at nearly 11 and I accept that because of his learning difficulties but he touches me continually. When he was smaller he was DREADFUL..he would plonk himself on the lap of every passing stranger and we have worked hard to help him learn who he can and can't do that to! We have used social stories and also a traffic light system... literally a visual..people in the green zone..ok to touch, people in the yello, ok to talk to, people in the red stranger..NO. It's not perfect but it has helped! Juliex

Today my son had 8 teeth out under general anaesthetic. No they weren't rotten..he had some rare problem where the baby teeth welded to the jaw bone and couldn't fall out:( He was amazing. he wasn't anxious beforehand (he has mild ASD and moderate learning difficulties) and I'm sure it is because he doesn't imagine whatit might be like..he wasn't thinking 'oh it might hurt, will I wake up' etc..because his head is filled with his obsessions and little else filters thro. The ONLY time he was distressed was SEEING a drop of blood on his hand from the canula and when he drooled blood (all afternoon!) The fact that he has 8 holes and stitched gums seems irrelevant to him! (Obviously he IS having meds but still...) Is he unusual in this? His pain threshold isn't so much high I don't think, it's more a lack of interest in his pain... other stuff ( Dr Who, lining pencils, Spyro) is far more engaging to him!! Just wondered if other children were like him! Julie

My son is the king of this.. drives me nuts though it is kind of sweet in its own way. He will talk about something as if I was there and can get quite frustrated when I explain I DON'T have the foggiest what he is on about. he has learning diffs too and combined with his obsessions means I can never be quite wherever his head is at!! In some ways I think it's nice he thinks I'm omnicient... :) Julesx

My son also has very poor muscle tone.. to the degree he wears AFOs (leg braces)and uses a wheelchair for long distances. His ankle bones almost sit on the floor if he doesn't have his splints on and his co-ordination in general sucks. Low muscle tone is very common in children with ASD, tho prob not to my son's degree. Charlie didn't walk til he was 2 either. Sometimes insoles are very useful if the feet are pronated (flat and rolling over) as a little support can really help:) Julesx

Have you tried a visual prompt? I bought his from ebay http://cgi.ebay.co.uk/VISUAL-SHOWERING-PRO...1QQcmdZViewItem and since then have made my own with a free trial of windows boardmaker. It really does help!!! My son is very similar (he's 10) he has NO self help skills at all.. would happily sit naked all day long (we have a prompt for dressing now) and we are working on the showering withthe aid of the prompt... When Charlie starts zoning out I metnion his dressing prompt (he ahs to move ticks to the finished position when he has done stuff) and it does help move him along! Julesx

Hi, new here, and newly diagnosed (though not new to special needs) My son Charlie, who will be 10 on Friday, was recently diagnosed with autism.This was kind of a relief mixed with sadness if you kwim Charlie has long been in the 'system' as he had significant motor and speech delays as a little'un and has what I would call moderate learning difficulties with a few areas of brilliance..so he attends a very nice special school. He is probably working mostly at a yr1 level and he's yr 5 but he has THE most phenomemal memory for stuff that interests him:) Anyway he is a quirky little person. He has always loved order, and HATES anyone to shout or misbehave..rules are rules. He has never been deliberately naughty in his life and is passive in the extreme. He melts down if teased or confused but as a sobbing mess not an aggressive one, He does NOT comprehend why anyone should want to be naughty and it frightens him badly.h wants to be a 'good boy' so why are his classmates naughty?! That's his view! Obviously I am very grateful that Charlie has no aggressive behaviours (in case you think I have it too easy he has a VERY aggressive older brother and I work with children at the severe end of the spectrum and very challenging behaviour lol) but it worries me because he is so passive he is basically unable to cope with anything!! Charlie has very strong obsessions ..and currently (and for the last two years!) he has had an Andew LLoyd Webber fixation he can't dress himself without help yet but he can sing (and does..over and over) CATS, Joseph, Jesus Christ Superstar . If someone tells him to stop..he completely breakes down:( He just doesn't understand that just because HE wants to watch the DVD over and sing over and over, the rest of the family/world doesn't! I don't want to 'toughen him up' ..his passivity is also his self containent and contentment..he can spend hours lining up pencils (or sometimes they are being people in the musical!) but I want him to be able to cope. Even in his speical school class (all MLS kids) there is teasing/ rough and tumble etcand Charlie seems to beoming more and more anxious:( My other problem is that school just can't see his autism because to them autism means angry behaviour!!! He wants to please everyone and will spend all day at an adult side spouting his one sided conversation..therefore he is 'such a sweet boy' and'he can't be autistic he likes people!' The psychiatrist identified that he actually has quite significant impairments in the triad.. no he's not aloof (tho he's happy alone) but his actual understanding of social stuff SUCKS. Does this sound familiar to anyone? I'm at a bit of a loss, a) how to help him cope with , well just about everything and how to get through to school that how they talk to him does matter. They understand that he take severything literally but they still don't 'get' him. Thanks Jules

We received a letter from the Psychiatrist (he was the last stop..he'd already been seen by the Paeds) about 10 days after his assessment. I was amazed how fast that was! It detailed the last appointment , stated the diagnosis and the agency we have been referred onto (autsim support). My son is already in a special school and well catered for so didn't need any help there Jules