joybed

Marcus is pretty much like this too, I am normally a very placid person but he would test the patience of a saint. Once when he was destroying his room while telling me how it was so bad living at home it was boring and he never got to do anything fun and nobody cared. I lost the plot too after telling him it was me who did all the fighting at school and took him to all his hospital appointments, cleaned his room replaced the broken things etc he went to hit me I grabbed his wrists and said to him that he was very close to having his face slapped, I left the room in tears and cried all evening. You can only take so much and kids like ours don,t know when to stop, Marcus can tantrum for hours. His little brother is pretty much the same. Don,t be too hard on yourself. I tried reading the explosive child but the problem i found with it is the child needs to be able to discuss with you what the actual concern is they have. A lot of Marcus concerns are either things that cannot be rectified or he can,t or won,t tell you what the problem is. He also never has any suggestions as to how to make his horrible home life any better. I am currently reading people with autism behaving badly by John Clements and so far he talks a lot of sense .

This really sickens me our children are vulnerable anyway without this boy getting away with it. As I believe somebody said before (sorry if i am mistaken) this just tells all the other sick people out there it is OK to abuse people with special needs as nothing will be done about it. The system stinks. Feel utterly disgusted and my thoughts are with you and your son. Is he OK, is he getting any help and counselling. <'>

Hi this is something very close to my heart as we have had to fight all the way for both our boys. DS1 took 2 years to get a diagnosis, his first school were useless and refused to get him assessed couldn,t afford it apparently, i worked full time was a single parent and my parents did the school run so at that time didn,t realise i could fight and wasnt in a position to do so anyway. When I moved in with my DH M moved schools they were very supportive payed for LSA suppport without a diagnosis and referred to a ed psych within 2 hours of him being at school, this was late september we had a diagnosis by december. Things were great for a while, good school, good statement and understanding kids and parents. I thought we had it made. Then he went to the local comp and things changed still had a good statement but teachers not so understanding and the bullying started he became lost in the system. The ASD team were great and school tried but didn,t understand the problems. This led to a period of flexi schooling which unfortunately wasn,t the right option for M either. We looked at special schools LEA refused to fund and said he was fine in mainstream (M is very passive at school and has very difficult behaviour at home). At the moment things at school are fairly calm, he is full time with 25 hours support gets a taxi to school is dissaplied from the subjects he finds hard to cope with and is happpily going. He has just chose his GCSE options and this led to a fight as the school hadn,t put him forward for ICT which is his only love, I am waiting to find if he can do this if not we will be back at square one. We have good support from CAMHS and Ms paediatrician is a fantastic man who i can,t rate highly enough, but I really had to push for a referral my GP thinks I am a pain in the bum. DS2 I am still fighting for a diagnosis for, he is nearing the end of reception, can only read five words, can only count to ten and can,t write his name, he struggles to hold a pencil. At school he is becoming increasingly frustrated, I literally drag him there every morning and at home he is bouncing of the walls all the time. his twin is battered and bruised as am I and the house is chaotic. He has no diagnosis and no support . School do all they can but with no statement what can they do. I asked for help from social services recently as i have been in hospital for surgery and can,t drive or lift anything heavy, they couldn,t help. Within 5 days of the surgery I was back to cleaning, cooking and struggling to cope with the boys. I have had to physically restrain the little one and lift him to stop him attacking his sister and last week he attempted to push me down the stairs. I suppose we have had both good and bad experiences. Sorry it is such a long reply but have a lot to say on this subject.

We are awaiting an appointment with gentisist regarding this condition for Piers. When Marcus was diagnosed ASD we had the test and both M and I were found to have markers for the condition at the upper limit of normal although not carrier status. When i was pregnant with Piers and Lydia i contacted genetics at sheffield to see what this meant for us. Thay said it wasn,t worth risking the pregnancy to get tested but the gene showed size instability and could mutate to make either of the twins a carrier and he recommended they were tested when they were older but if either of them developed a development disorder to contact them sooner. I had forgotten this until I saw Ms paed who asked about Piers without me even telling him we were having him assessed. He suggested we have him tested as apparently he has the facial features. Genetics said there is a possibilty he could be affected but it is rare so watch this space.

I have always said the MMR did not contribute to Marcus autism and had no reservations at all about the twins having it and still don,t really. However today i was having my annual tidy out of rubbish and found Piers development books from nursery and they described a perfectly normally developing child who showed lots of love and affection and no aggressive tendencies whatsoever. This got me thinking about a comment my DH made only this morning (that Piers wasn,t popular at school because he was immature and too babyish and wasn,t on the same level as the other kids, he added he was stuck at age 3). This led to thoughts that indeed he has not matured or even grown at all since age 3 and is in fact now regressing. Result of MMR?, not sure but interesting thought. I did look into the research prior to the twins having it and discussed with my health visitor but as we are both health professionals and know the damage of measles mumps and rubella we gladly opted to have it and think i probably still would. My sister didn,t let her youngest have it as she has chrohns disease as well as my DS1 having ASD and thought it was too much of a risk. I don,t think compulsory vaccination will come in either will cause way too many problems (freedom of choice and all that).

When Marcus was really little he never used to tell me he was feeling ill. He used to become ill very suddenly (eg once i left him with DH while I nipped to weight watchers he was fine when i left when i returned 30 minites later his temp was 42 and he was floppy and unresponsive). He also never used to tell me how he felt poorly once he wet the bed had a high temp I assumed he had a urine infection the doc gave him a good exam and he had tonsilltis he said he had never thought to tell me he had had a sore throat for 3 days, I felt like the worse mother ever. Now he is 13 and he tells me is ill all the time literally not a day goes past when he doesn,t complain of headache or earache it is difficult to tell if it is genuine or not. We should have shares in ibuprofen. I once kept him of school for 4 days took him to the GP twice and he then confessed he had been making it up. Not sure what the answer is but i have to go very much by physical signs and symptoms.

I had the same dilemma when DS1 was diagnosed. i worked full time in a job i loved and was very good at. DS went to a childminder who also had a daughter in his class and they used to fight all the time she had to keep them in seperate rooms. It all came to a head when Ds sat down in the middle of the road on the way to school one day and refused to move she rightly felt this compromised the safety of her own children who were 5 and 7 at the time so she stopped looking after DS. i left my job and worked nights part time then went back to midwifery working 30 hours with family flexible hours. It works but i get very little sleep and working around 3 kids is a huge problem. At times i am awake 36 hours+ which is exhausting. i can,t afford to give up work. My colleagues are on the whole sympathetic but I feel i am not giving my best to either my children or my work but I do the best i can. Probably not much help but just wanted you to know i understand the dilemma. For us a childminder is not an option as we had 3 in the space of 6 months who all let us down felt they couldn,t deal with Marcus and i couldn,t keep doing it to him. For the twins we used a nursery and this worked well but now we just handle it between us.

I,ve signed it too.

Just want to add my niece had no part in it, she didn,t back me up but i wouldn,t expect her to really, she is only 18 and also a bridesmaid and you have to be quiet to survive in our family unfortunately. She is very like me and this has already led her into trouble (the words you are so like your aunty Joy is said to highlight how unfavourably she is behaving). I feel for her, because she is heading the same way as me she has already made steps to leave the village we were born in (mortal sin according to our family) and is no where near being married (in fact when they find out she is Bi sexual the poo will really hit the fan I am the only one she has had the confidence to tell). She is great with my kids and accepts them for who they are and I would trust her with each and every one of them. I just didn,t want anyone to get the wrong end of the stick and tarnish her beautiful nature.

The cousin in question is a recently qualified nurse who went on holiday with me just before DH1 was diagnosed. She was 14 and her parents had told me she was allowed to drink alcohol and would know when she had had enough, 10 pints later she was still going strong and had absolutely no inhibitions whatsoever. The following night i tried to go home at a reasonable hour to curb her drinking and she did a runner I ended up touring Malia all night looking for her with Marcus in his buggy asleep, she was in some 20 year olds apartment, her parents laughed when i told them. I ended up spending my holiday putting my 3 year old to sleep on the settee of random bars so I could keep an eye on her. I had booked the holiday for just me and DS1 (single parent) but my parents didn,t want me to go alone so asked me to take her, ended up being more trouble than it was worth. She has a very nasty temper as does her father I spent my teenage years watching him kick holes in walls when he was in a temper my aunt said that was OK because at least he wasn,t hitting her and the kids. 1 of her brothers has anger manegement problems as well and all I hear is how much Piers is like him but, Piers sees no aggresion at all. I am fed up of my family telling me what I am doing wrong, how bad my DH is and how I should leave him and move back in with my parents and then everything will be perfect. For them it would be they would have control over me and I wouldn,t have a life. DH is furious and wants to go to the wedding even less now (nobody in my family speaks to him as he doesn,t allow them to walk allover him so they feel the best policy is to pretend he doesn,t exist and slate him at every opportunity). He isn,t perfect who is but he isn,t the ogre they make out. We are struggling to get a diagnosis because Piers wants to make friends even though he goes about it in innapropriate ways and the consultant we are seeing says most of his behaviour is learnt from Marcus, she suggested on our first appointment that i should take a parenting course. This and my family is really knocking my confidence, I have been in floods of tears tonight I know deep down i am a good parent. I play with my kids, I make sure they do their homework, I attend every hospital and school appointment given to us, I have read countless books on ASD and child development, they eat decent food and get loads of love and encouragement but somehow this is never enough (according to some). My parents shower DS1 with gifts and money undermine all my rules and make life very easy for him so consequently he prefers to be with them and I feel I am slowly losing him. They don,t see the twins enough to do this but still break all my rules when they do. I hate confrontation and am a very passive person, I know my family isn,t good for me but don,t have the guts to break away, I also worry what it would do to DS1 as he is very close to his Nanna but not in a healthy way in my opinion. Feel a bit ###### tonight, will go and open a bottle of wine hopefully things will feel better in the morning. Sorry if I sound morose and bitter. I try to be positive (and generally suceed) but it is hard when everyone knocks you back all the time. On a lighter note Piers and Lydia are still not asleep but have just come through having coloured their noses in with red felt tip apparently it is red nose day, at least they make me smile (although I wish they were asleep).

Hi all just spent the day shopping with my cousin, niece, and my twin boy and girl. We were shoe shopping she dragged us round the shops for 1 1/2 hours looking for shoes and tried to take us into yet another shop, Piers is a poor shopper and I could tell was about to blow. I suggested we get a drink as my 2 were really thirsty which she wasn,t impressed with, I bought them a drink to share (silly me, Piers doesn,t do sharing) and he had a meltdown throwing himself to the floor kicking and screaming, you know the score. I was also on the floor trying to reassure him when my cousin comes along and drags him up by his arms telling him he was naughty and to get a grip, she said he had better move or else. I told her calmly that that wouldn,t work with him and she was making matters worse, to which she replied that I had no idea how to deal with my kids and they were badly behaved and poorly controlled (Lydia had behaved perfectly all day). I said she didn,t know what she was talking about and that Piers was being assesed for ASD and this was the way I dealt with him. She commented she didn,t think it was a good way as he was still on the floor having a tantrum and in her opinion he needed a good smack. i asked her not to interfere as they were my children and asked if she had undergone a child psychology course since i last saw her. She completely lost the plot threatened to hit me and became very confrontational. I calmly commented on her mature behaviour. She said she didnt like the way I had spoken to her and again threatened to knock me out, this was in front of my children and niece. As you can expect the kids were very upset. My dilemma is we are all bridesmaids/ paigeboys at her wedding in july and I know Piers won,t get through the day without a tantrum and I just know this will lead to another argument if not from me from DH. This is the latest in a long line of problems with my family who are adament their is nothing wrong with Piers other than his home environment. My other ASD boy can do no wrong, as far as they are concerned every problem that occurs with him is as a result of either DH and myself or Piers. How can I keep the peace when it looks like a diagnosis is a long way off. My Mum said just to ignore me but i will not have people interfering with the way i bring up my children, I prefer love and respect not smack them till they can,t sit down. Piers is aggressive enough without me being aggressive also. Anyone else had this dilemma sureley I am not the only one, how did you deal with it, I feel like running away and having no contact with anyone but my nieces and sister and BIL.

We are also in the same situation. My Mum can see no wrong in Marcus and we are always the bad guys. She also throws money at him left right and centre. He can do what he wants when he wants and eat what he wants. she has no regard for our rules. Marcus frequently says he can no longer live with us as it is too hard, I have tried to explain to mum that i can,t give in to his every whim as I have 2 other children and a job to hold down but she doesn,t get it. We have fallen out over this numerous times once for 3 years we had no contact and a few weeks ago she reported me to social services saying I was abusing him. DH can,t believe I still speak to her but she is my Mum. On the other hand she takes great delight in telling me how badly behaved my other boy is I have explained he is probably has ASD too but she prefers to believe he is just naughty and also the cause of Marcus problems. I am finally learning to shrug some of the things off but occasionally I lose patience with her.

Marcus was OK today said he had a good day after an initial drama about not waking up when i told him too. Taxi picked him up this morning and i collected him from school this afternoon as i was in the area, spoke to his LSA who said he had a good day. When we got home the phone was ringing it was the attendance officer asking why M hadnt been at school I assured he had and she started to argue saying he hadn,t got his mark I told her i had collected him myself and she then apologised, feel very concerned by this as it is obvious they don,t have a clue what is going on and who is at school but at least M is OK. It has been Piers causing problems today. Had to bribe him to walk to school (power ranger key ring he got for easter but had forgotten in my pocket). Collected them tonight and ended up with another child for tea (little boy a year older than them with global development delay). Piers spent the entire time having a tantrum over everything. after a tantrum over the WII I turned it off he launched himself at me hitting and scratching drawing blood. I lifted him and carried him to his room to have timeout and he called me a "stupid fu***r" I was so shocked i am surprised i didn,t lose it but calmly carried him to his room and left him to calm down. I later found out he has heard this word from a "friend" at school they are 4 years old. DH is devastated. He has continued in the same mood all night minus the swearing thankfully. The trouble is he is like butter wouldn,t melt at school and every time he gets near a professional so we can,t get a diagnosis. Hope tomorrow is better.

Marcus was very calm as i left for work this morning a little difficult to wake but got up in the end. Came home from school OK but soon developed the ever present earache/ headache Ibuprofen given with little fuss. Not mentioned again said he felt better when he went to bed. He has spent most of the evening winding up/ fighting with Piers who is equally as bad I might add. Piers was also hyper tonight fighting everyone, using lots of avoidance techniques. Lydia is still awake, that girl needs very little sleep Lord help me. Lets see what tomorrow brings.

Not been posting on here for a while school holidays work etc but have been browsing a bit rather than posting. I have been waiting to go into hospital for some abdominal surgery (womens stuff won,t bore you with the details) and have just been given my date for the op. At my last consultation i signed the consent form and had a good chat with the consultant who said I will be in hospital for 2-3 days and then discharged home if all is well. Once at home I can,t lift anything heavier than dinner plate for at least six weeks, can,t drive for six weeks and can,t stand for too long. I can deal with resting (although I am so not used to it will be bored in five minutes). The being confined to the house will kill me as i am not a staying in person. However my biggest concern is the not lifting or exerting myself. DH is taking time of work while i am in hospital to look after the kids but after that can,t have more time off. I have no support from family parents don,t live near and don,t have a good relationship with my mother as previously posted, father in law is carer for mother in law who has alztheimers so cant ask them. Have lots of friends but am rubbish at asking for help even though i am the first to offer other people help and don,t have a problem with having other peoples children if they need me too. We live within walking distance to school but Piers is a runner and also tends to lay in the middle of the road and refuse to move this means bodily lifting him while he tantrums, obviously i won,t be able to do this. He is also a fighter and often struggles as you try to dress him he won,t dress himself. I have already stopped lifting both of the twins and have set the seed that i am going into hospital and won,t be able to do this when i come out but will be able to give cuddles read books etc. I have also spoke to Piers about the need to sensibly walk to school but I am not sure he understood. I could ask my niece to move in with us for a while but again don,t want to put her out. I know I am going to have to ask for help but it doesn,t come easily. We have been referred to social services for help also. Any other tips, how can i get Piers to understand I also know Marcus will be very worried I am in hospital but will also be very put out i can,t drive him anywhere.

DS1 current obsession is super mario and computers never shuts about them. Over the years thay have changed we have had crash bandicoot, nintindo ds, highway code, clocks, ipods, mainly electrical stuff. DS2 is currently into power rangers or Ben 10 but mainly power rangers keep getting attacked power ranger style. Thay both talk about them issesantly. Ds1 is in Gran canaria with grandparents but has just sent a text to wish happy easter and tell me he can get free WIFI from the next hotel. Bless him.

Thanks all for your words of support. We havn,t heard a thing from social services so this was her being manipulative again. Mum and Dad came round and said lots of hurtful things that we couldn,t cope, were mistreating the children etc etc. Dh was very calm but pointed out that she didn,t help us by giving into Ms every whim and that she herself said things that could be classed as emotional abuse she denied she had ever said anything hurtful or nasty to any of us and my Dad backed her up as usual. She twisted things, tried to make it look like i had been bad mouthing DH and tried to turn M against us. We were very calm but stuck to our guns. She suggetsed we give her custody of Marcus and of course we refused (this is the ultimate aim of all her tactics, she can control M). I know i sound bitter but i have spent the last 37 years being told i am no good by this woman and i am not allowing her to do it to my children. Last night M went to stay with her the twins wanted to see her too, she spent all night ignoring me and filled the kids full of the sort of things she knows i don,t like them to have. As we left I kissed my Dad and went to walk towards her she told me to not bother kissing her turned and walked into the house without saying goodbye to the twins. They were calling her and she totally ignored them, they cried most of the way home. I am sick of her childish behaviour and DH and I are considering moving away to north Wales (a place we really love). M was pretending to be ill and she was being over the top with him mopping his brow etc and put him to bed with a hot water bottle. As he was walking away he smiled at me. I feel she is trying to turn him against me but the backlash of not letting him see them is too much. She would take us to court, she would turn M and the rest of my family against me as she has done before. Also life with M would be unbearable as he really would miss her. I also become really weak and feel out of control when my Mum is around she makes me feel like a little girl seeking approval. I also have a deep seated fear of being dissaproved of and hate any kind of conflict. As for Piers assessment the consultant agreed he had some autistic tendencies but says the fact he wants to have friends (even though he goes about making them in an odd way and becomes totally obsessed with his friends)and responds to praise confuses the issue, he can,t possibly have ASD and enjoy attention as well. We are waiting on a specialist SALT assessment and then we will meet again. I doubt very much we will get a diagnosis from her but will keep going. On a positive note though his teacher who was of sick dragged herself from her bed to come to the assessment and was very supportive and backed us all the way, she asked what she could do in class to help him so at least she is keen. Sorry for the rant but feel a bit despondent at the moment and can,t see that life will ever get any easier. Thanks for being their as ever.

Hi all as you know we have been having real problems with Marcus and his behaviour recently. His Nanna can see no wrong in him and believes the son shines from his backside. Well today marcus had a tantrum as he had broken his desk. DH removed it, Marcus was very concerned it was being disposed of. Dh did as he said and gort rid of it whilst marcus at school. He came home had a tantrum which scared the twins to death i sent him to his room. Came down hysterical saying his PS2 stearing wheel was broken it looks like it has been chewed through. He said Dh had done it and tried to ring his Nanna to tell what he had done. I removed the phone as I don,t need my mothers interference. He sent a text. My mother has got social services involved and is on her way to confront DH about how cruel he is to Marcus. DH has said she can no longer have access to any of the kids. DH and Marcus don,t get on and Marcus winds him up, at times DH says innapropriate things without putting his brain in gear and I stupidly have told my mother this. Mum and i don,t always see eye to eye and she once stopped talking to me for 3 years as did the rest of my family because I wouldn,t tow the line. I really don,t need this DH swears he did nothing to the wheel and why would he. I am on nights tonight and have Piers final assessment tomorrow to obtain his diagnosis. Can life get any worse.

Hi all marcus has always chewed the cuffs to his school jumpers. i know this means he is stressed and we have just kind of accepted it but now the problem is getting much more serious. Previously it was confined to school jumpers the cuffs would be literally eaten away and it was one of his characteristics he became known by, if he wore something short sleeved he didn,t do it so summer wasn,t a problem and his home clothes were never eaten. Recently however he has started chewing everything, his school jumper fell apart this morning as he had chewed it so much and he chews his t-shirts at the neck. Everything has holes in it and he looks sruffy all the time. He even chews his shoes and bottoms of his trousers. On red nose day it was non uniform and he had nothing that wasn,t holey to wear so i bought him a cheap but nice t-shirt and we had a chat about him not chewing it. It came home with huge holes in it. It is embarrassing as it looks like we are dragging him up but even more worrying is the fact that he swallows the fabric god knows what this is doing to him. He also smells all the time of stale saliva. The other concern is his sister was upset the other day as he had chewed and eaten her hair. I explained to him that this was invading her personal space but he didn,t get it he said if he wanted to eat her hair she should let him. Lydia has been told she must tell us straight away if this happens again. We have tried everything to stop this chilli etc on his clothes, reward for not chewing, punishing him by removing computer etc, nothing works. I know he is stressed but I can no longer deal with this level of destroying things. The ASD team suggested something else chewy but could only recommend chewy tubes which are huge and not practical for school. He won,t chew gum and can,t at school anyway. I read somewhere supplements can help wit PICA but can,t remenber which and no longer have access to the site i read it on. Any tips.

Marcus gets a taxi to school but he leaves school earlier than everyone else so he can get the bus so encouraging some independence. We only live a 10 minute walk from Piers and Lydias school and lydia loves the walk to school. she never ever complains about her brother making her late she just seems to instinctively know he finds it all difficult. Piers and Lydia are now at the school marcus was at and it was great when Marcus was there but they have a new headteacher and lots of people are having problems, (the ones with special needs kids are having problems). He doesn,t appear to like to statement and there are diagnosed kids who (according to there parents) he has openly questioned there diagnosis. I so far havn,t had any problems but from what i have heard don,t hold out much hope of getting help. I suppose in the past i have been too proud to accept help even from family and have a tendency to feel like a failure when things like today happen. DH tries his best to help but burys his head in the sand a lot and if he does help he does it in an unhelpful way, although i know he tries. Marcus anxiety levels are through the roof at the moment and he appears very depressed I also think he is developing a bit of OCD. I think he may benefit from medication but not sure what and if this was prescribed i would have a fight with my mother as she doesn,t think this is the way to go. However I think we may be heading this way as we are at rock bottom right now. One of his obsessions is really impacting on everyone in the family. He becomes very concerned about any kind of waste. We as a family are very keen on recycling and are reasonably environmentally friendly this has turned into an obsession for Marcus. He refuses to leave any food on his plate even if he is overfull, he attempts to make everyone eat everything and becomes very distressed if they don,t. If there is any waste he becomes very distressed about the food going into the bin he can,t stand the thought of it all being mixed together in landfill and will say every few minutes thats not going to landfill is it. If he sees plastic/ glass bottles or paper lying in the street he collects it and brings it home for recycling. i have to retrieve rubbish from his bag every night, he even collected and brought home a load of broken glass for recycling. He attempts to make us recycle things that are not recyclable. It causes him great anxiety if we don,t do as he says, infact he becomes very anxious if he isn,t in control full stop. We are seeing a family therapist but no psychiatric input (except ED psych). I don,t know where to turn he is attempting to control everyone and because we won,t comply he has tantrum after tantrum. i know he is anxious and feel desperately sorry for him but i can,t reach him and equally I can,t give into his obsessions as they are unrealistic. my Mum thinks she can but he just pretends everything is fine and is just as bad when he comes home. Mum thinks he is a little angel as he doesn,t behave like this with her. I try to be patient but am rapidly running out of this, this makes me feel bad as it is anxiety. There is a family history of anxiety disorder (my sister is agorophobic and clinically depressed) We see CAMHS next week and I will ask what they suggest, but any suggestions in the meantime. Thanks in advance.

We have had a rough couple of days with the 2 boys. Last night being particularly bad. Piers came home from school in a bad mood (he isn,t sleeping due to a cold) and threw a large pebble which narrowly missed Lydia and hit my car. Then i had a phone call to say Marcus had missed the school bus and wouldn,t get the next one and was having a panic attack. Had to go out anyway so went to pick him up. Then went to chemist to pick up prescriptions, it was only a matter of running in and collecting them so i left them all in the car (bad ideawon,t do it again). when I returned lydia was hysterical, Piers was shouting at Marcus and Marcus was laughing like a maniac. It turned out he had released the handbrake while on a slight slope and the car had started to roll, Lydia was terrified Marcus thought it was hilarious and Piers was upset because Lydia was upset (despite the fact he regularly beats her). Told marcus off who couldn,t grasp what he had done so he was sent to his room when we returned. From that moment on we had tantrum after tantrum, the usual stuff i have posted about, lasting for hours. Eventuallly got them all to bed and fell into bed exausted. Another bad night for Piers, night terrors, general waking etc. This morning Marcus continued to argue Dh made matters worse as usual, twins at this point OK. Left for school in plenty of time, Piers wanted to wave to Daddy DH not quite ready so explained we didn,t have time. This led to another morning of him being dragged to school, laying in middle of road, shouting, avoiding complying. We got to school 10 minutes late. We were 15 minute late the other day and his teacher said if we were that late again could i please take them to the office. As we wern,t that late i took them to classroom to be greeted by an NTA who said could i take them to the office as i had been told before, she wasn,t particularly rude but it was the last straw and i broke down. The lollipop lady ended up comforting me and then i met another mother of a child with ASD who also helped calm me down. Feel a twit now but just fed up of the fight all the time and lydia getting late marks due to Piers. Feel better for posting this but still feel like crazy lunatic mother.

Thankyou all for your replies. I am at a bit of loss sometimes to explain his behaviour, tonight he came home said he had a good day and appeared fairly calm. He proceeded to do his own thing but then he remembered I was going to work and started to get worked up. 15 minutes before i left he became increasingly upset and was sobbing in his room, I went to him and he said he couldn,t cope with me going to work and then him having to go to school shortly after I return. I pointed out that he had a good day today but he said it was too much for him to go everyday. He said he liked being at home with me that he couldn,t cope with being away from me and was scared something bad would happen when i wasn,t there. When questioned as to what could possibly happen he said he had heard of people going to schools and shooting kids. i attempted to reassure him these were isolated evnts but he was having none of it. He also said he gets very anxious and doesn,t understand his feelings, he doesn,t know what is happening to him. I know he is having panic attacks and appears depressed. He isn,t on meds, they have never been suggested. what kind would they give. We are under CAMHS but just a family therapist he doesn,t have a paediatrician anymore. I am almost scared to leave him alone now and am fed up of people telling me he is attention seeking.

This thread has helped me realise i am not alone in DH poor way of dealing with Ms ASD. he too has (attempted) to ban him from the playstation/computer for weeks at a time and when i point out to him that it is too long a punishment (not in front of M) he gets really shirty saying he doesn,t know why he bothers. If he does attempt to calm down M he makes matters far worse and i end up shouting at them both. M is a very anxious boy who can be aggressive and very loud. this really scares his siblings who are nearly 5. DH gets very upset about the effect his behaviour has on them which I do too but i have asked him o try to be a little bit more sympathetic towards him as he is having a rough time at the moment. Only tonight Marcus was very anxious (the reason school again and the fact that i was coming to work) and was crying in his room. DH chose this time to suggest again that a residential placement would be best for him (I don,t agree as i feel he would view this as a punishment and he is too anxious to be separated from me) We had an argument again before I came to work. we dont see eye to eye at all on how to deal with M and CAMHS believe this is part of the problem as we are not consistent, perhaps too but i view him as unrelsitic in his expectations and he thinks i make too many allowances. PS i don,t have a problem with residential placements just not right for me and my son.

Well done LouLou and i hope Kai settles into his new school. Take care hope you get some sleep soon.

DS2 is currently being assessed by the ed psych, she has enough info to make a diagnosis we are just waiting to here the official verdict. we have been told by a paediatrician that he has no problems and is just naughty but the ed psych thinks there is, there has been talk of many different conditions, development delay, aspergers, PDA and ADHD. There are a couple of things which are currently major issues, more annoying than anything and wondered if anyone had any advice. 1, Getting to school in morning: Piers has got better at getting ready for school i still wash and dress him but he doesn,t fight much anymore. The problems start walking to school, most days he just flatly refuses to walk or walks very slowly. This makes us late every day for school. He uses various techniques, pretrending he has forgotten something, his legs don,t work, he takes his coat off and throws it on the floor, he is tired, he needs teddy/daddy his brother anybody really, he doesn,t like school, he feels sick. If all this fails he lays down on the floor and cries, most days i half drag him to school and a lot of days other children tend to win him over and he walks with them, i then feel quilty because they are late for school. 2, When he leaves school he attempts to go home with anyone but me, he insists on going to someones house and often they allow this. If he has to come with me then he cries and becomes very distressed crying after the chosen child of the day (he becomes obsessed with particular children and rotates tham periodically) and the performance on the way to school begins again. He will often blank me when he comes out of school and run to the chosen childs mother despite the fact the teacher says he has been asking for me all day. It looks like he doesn,t want to be with me and am worried what people will read into this. Also i don,t want the other mothers to feel obliged to take my child home every night (although i do take theres very often as the twins are in the same class so there is rarely a night we are without someones elses child). I am fed up of fighting with him and don,t have any ideas how to prevent this occuring. I am beginning to dread the walk to/from school. We live within walking distance and really don,t want to take the car for such a short journey as both myself and Lydia enjoy the walk and it is an unnecessary journey, he is also a hassle to get into the car. Any ideas.