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About Stella63

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    Ben Nevis
  • Birthday 03/22/1963

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    Surrey UK
  1. Stella63


    Hi Mumble Haven't been online much recently but just saw this thread. OJ is now nearly 15 and has finally decided to start getting rid of some of his many collections of things. We took two crates of megabloks down to the hostice shop today and although he struggled to part with his dragons he was really understanding that other children may benefit and the charity itself. Anyway, we have boxes and boxes of stuff to pass to them, but I have a huge crate of lego, nothing special but loads of bricks which have no personal meaning to OJ. I also have a box of my lego, from the 1960's, 1970's which is going as well. If you are interested, pm me and we can arrange for it to be sent to you. My only thoughts are that his and my toys go to people who will get some good from them and enjoy them. Please let me know asap as I am trying to clear his room - his Xmas present is new funky furniture - all black and red - he and I are going to attempt making up flat pack furniture tomorrow - not too sure how that will work out!! Stella xx
  2. Hi Interested son, I, too, have a father who was a complete mystery to me all the time I was growing up and into my adulthood. I thought him to be completely devoid of emotion, both to myself and my brother, and also towards my mum, very awkward in social situations, would walk past me in the street, had some very strange habits like nose picking which he would do publicly and lots of strange tics which I can remember as a teenager I was just so embarrassed about. It was not until my own kids were diagnosed with AS and all the co-morbids that they have that made me realise that it is my dad that is AS and has Tourettes and I am beginning to understand who he is and what makes him tick. My mum died 11 years ago and she always knew that he had 'issues' as she also knew my brother did and was beginning to see in my eldest son. I wish she was still here to understand because it all makes sense to me now and I do love my dad inspite of his 'issues'. He can't see it in himself, he is 79, but he is interested to a degree with what is happening with his grand children and suggests that their problems stem from my mothers side of the family!! Stella xx
  3. Hi Soraya, We are in a similar situation with AJ - he left school last summer with acouple of qualifications - absolutely refuses to go to college and spends his time on computer and out at night time. He did get a gardening job earlier this year (3 days a week) and managed to lose it within 3 weeks cos he couldn't be bothered to get up!! His anger and aggression have improved however especially since his girlfriend appeared 6 months ago - but she is too young to be a proper role model for him. And the trouble is there are so few jobs out there even if they've got a string of GCSE's and they know this which makes it even harder to motivate them into trying. I am now thinking that in 2 months he will be 18 and able to sign on for job seekers allowance and that is pretty much it!! At least that lifts some of the financial burden off us cos between 16 and 18 there are no benefits, we lost our tax credits and child allowance and have been supporting him as well - not an ideal situation at all so really sympathise with you. Stella xx
  4. Hi Jsmum, AJ was prescribed Strattera when he got his ADHD dx - the doctor wouldn't give him the others because they have a street value and he had started smoking weed by then. The strattera definitley worked, it is slow release and builds up over a period of about 6 weeks. You might find this may work better as there are no immediate changes that J would feel. We never had any issues with suicidal thoughts but obviously each child is different and that is a risk you would have to take. We noticed gradually that Aj became calmer,started giving more eye contact and just seemed happier in himself. It didn't last of course as he then stopped taking it and used weed as a way of self medicating which he is still doing. Also, have you considered Prozac for the anxiety side of things? OJ has been on it for 3 years now and although the anxieties are still there, they are more manageable and he is more in control of his emotions. Hope this helps - if you want any more info, let me know. Stella xx
  5. Hi Karen, Yes, there are always people who think a label is a bad thing but from my own experience it has been all good. I had been banging my head against a brick wall trying to get OJ's primary school to acknowledge there was a problem and it wasn't until he had a breakdown in year5, when he realised that he was different from his 'friends', got the diagnosis and was then able to use the internet and books to find out about and develop an understanding that he was Aspergers (and all the other co-morbids!!) so that he could make some sense of himself. I just wish I had done the same earlier with my eldest son,who had the same labels of 'lazy', 'disruptive' and 'the naughty boy'. Unfortunately, I went along with these labels without questioning why he was behaving in that way - he was dx'd Aspergers at 14 and then ADHD at 15 and this was a little too late for him - he had developed strategies to avoid school work and went down the school refusal route and has ended up with virtually no qualifications and is pretty much unemployable because of drugs convictions and other bad choices he has made. I would say to you to fight for the labels and the help it will then give you. And as your child gets older, the problems change and if you have the appropriate support in place, it helps you, your child and the school. Stella xx
  6. Hi I have to say been very impressed with the range at Sainsburys - and all very loose and floaty and has some give in it - plus looks smart as well!! Stella xx
  7. Fantastic!! What did you say and what was his response???? Please give us the details!! Stella xx
  8. [Mod note: these three posts appeared within minutes of each other, so I've merged them. Not come out as I'd envisaged, but still understandable I think - Jaded] Stella 63 Call Me Jaded: Coolblue:
  9. Hi As you can see from my signature thing, OJ has Tourettes as well as AS and OCD. You don't mention how old your son is but OJ was dx'd when he was 9 up at St.Georges hospital in London. They have a specialist Tourettes clinic and are fantastic. His tics were initially the eye blinking, squinting, rolling, then arm and leg jerks and as he has got older have become more complex. the vocal tics can include things like coughing, any noise that comes from his mouth or throat, not to be confused with verbal tics which only 10% of Touretters have. It is almost impossible to suppress tics although there is medication but OJ refuses this as he says his tics are part of him, even when they are extremely painful - I think the worst was when he was cracking his jaw hundreds of times a day - chewing gum helped to alleviate this one! Sometimes it is possible to encourage a replacement tic to stop the one that is hurting (I did do some research on this) but OJ found that difficult to do in most cases. I'm cautiously thinking that his tics have peaked and are decreasing which does happen for a lot of people in their teens - the hormones make them worse in early puberty - he is now 14, voice broken etc and although he has more vocal tics now, the motor tics have definitely eased. He has always been very upfront about Tourettes and when he started secondary school he wanted all his classmates to understand the condition, even taking in a dvd for a PSHE class!! I hope this helps in some small way - it has been a long journey of understanding and if I can in any way please feel free to pm me (also if you want any resources) Stella xx
  10. Stella63


    Tally, That is amazing!! You are quite right to feel proud of yourself and to not only enjoy your stay there but be able to make other people, who may not have been before, more relaxed and at ease with the conference/retreat. It sounds an amazing experience and I hope you can get hold of some photos. Stella xx
  11. Well, he's back!!! Looking taller, slimmer, browner and extremely whiffy!!! He seemed to think that going in the sea and getting wet on a kayak equated to having a shower!!! It really was a hugely positive experience for him and he has matured during the time away. He took on every single activity on offer and even won a prize for being the most achieving pupil!! After an 18 hour coach journey home I think he will sleep well tonight!!! Thanks for all your support and comments - If someone had told me 2 years ago OJ would do this holiday I would never have believed them!! Stella xx
  12. I'm thinking of you Sciencegeek - hope everything turns out good. Stella xx
  13. Happy birthday Tally!!! Let us know how you have spent your day!! Stella xx
  14. BD that made me laugh!! Living in a household of males with very loud bottoms and then I get berated for the occasional burp!! Stella xx
  15. Hi Sorry to go on (as in my other thread) but so proud of OJ. He is in the South of France on a 9 day water sports PGL holiday with his school. The first couple of days were really tough for him (and me!!) and I was getting phone calls and texts saying he couldn't cope, was homesick, his filling had fallen out, his trainers were wet, didn't know which trousers to wear, didn't like the food, didn't want to tell members of staff what he was worried about etc etc. Yesterday he called and was very upbeat - had been on a catamaran, banana boat and successfully wind surfed. Today he didn't phone until just now, they had jumped off a gorge into a lake and this was one of the things he had been paranoid about (even though they don't have to do it!!). Apparently there were 3 levels, low, medium and high and he did all 3!! He was so full of positives and there were no negatives at all!! To put this all into perspective, 4 years ago in yr5 and 6 OJ was sitting at a desk outside the classroom with a screen around his desk because he couldn't deal with the other children, couldn't do assembly, play time or p.e. and the EP involved told us he would not cope in mainstream secondary school. Well it just goes to show that sometimes these professionals get it very wrong!! I have to say that this was something he chose to do (I would never have even suggested it!!) and although I knew it would be extremely challenging for him in many ways, if he succeeded, it would give him so much more confidence and self esteem and my feeling is that that is happening - I heard it in his voice tonight - he is really pleased with himself and now he is familiar with the routine (and they are told exactly what they will be doing each day- very structured) he seems happy to do everything on the agenda. Tomorrow they move to a new site inland to kayak down the Ardeche river - it will be interesting to see whether OJ deals with the change in location because of what he has now achieved. Stella xx
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