jan

We went through this as well. it started when M was about 8. He used to get really distressed even though he had no experience of death at that point not even a pet! It was very upsetting, he would say, "I don't want to die but I don't want to live forever either what do I do?" We used to reassure him as much as possible, there was little else to do. On a more positive note, it has got better as he has grown up. He is 11 now and seems to have moved on from it. It is very upsetting when your child is so distressed and there are no definate answers to their problem. But hopefully like us it will improve for you!

Hi Barefoot, We took our son out to home educate in april. He has a statement and apart from a rather quick visit from the LEA we have had no problems. I wrote to the LEA saying that we felt the school he attended was no longer a suitable placement and that we intended to home educate! You only have to show the LEA that your child is learning. So keep a learning diary that you can produce when they come to call. It has not always been easy, but the change in M has been worth it. Good luck and if you need to chat or offload, feel free! jan Hi Denise and Nellie Hope things with you are going well. x

Hi Opal, <'> We've had lots of this over the years and it is really hard watching your child being "left out". Our son has always wanted to be friends with other children, he's just never had the skills to enable him to do it easily! He was never invited to parties and it used to horrid when he came out of school and all the others were going off somewhere. He even had one boy say to him I would have invited you, but Mum would not let me! (Ironic really as this boy was one of lifes terrors)! I used to do what Bid suggested and we had a fair amount of success with it. He does now have a couple of friends, who put up with his funny little ways, and he has even been on a couple of sleepovers, which I never would have believed could happen! (he has just turned 11). He has always been a bit less mature than his peer group and his social skills are still a huge problem, but I think we will always have to work on that. Good luck jan <'> <'>

Hi LKS, Sorry have not been on line for a bit, hence the late reply. He is going to have .8 which is nearly full time! Amazing eh? At the moment I am still talking with school, and no firm plans have been made on how it will be used, but I shall let you know what happens. Still waiting conformation of this from the LEA! I shall keep you informed. Jan

Hi LKS, My son is also about to move to secondary school so I understand how you are feeling! We were advised to try and get the LEA to up the hours on his statement for the first six to twelve months after the move. Not an easy task I know, but worth a try. The general idea being that this is when they may need most support to help them settle ( settle! she says with everything crossed!) So contact your chosen secondary and the SENCO there and see what they think, then contact the LEA, with your reasons why you think the hours should be upped and get the school to do the same! I would be nervous about a reduction in support during a transition phase! They may need all the help they can get! We have just heard, via the school our son is due to transfer to, that the LEA have upped his statmented hours for the first 12 months following transfer. So we await, with baited breath, the new statement which will confirm this! Good luck jan

Hi there, Just wanted a bit of a moan. I have just recieved a copy of my sons school record and it makes for interesting (and depressing) reading! There is stuff in there that makes my blood boil For instance, the head has done a synopsis of M from his first problems in school (a different school) to present day. But all she has done is emphasise all the negative stuff, she has not mentioned any of what he does well! If you were reading it and did not know him you would think you were about to encounter the child from hell! Needless to say there is no mention at all that he was actually doing quite well in his previous school inspite of his ASD and that his teachers all reported him as delightful It was only when he started at this school that his behaviours became quite so extreme and that was mainly due to the fact that he was treated as if his behaviours had nothing to do with his ASD. There are even comments about things that have happened away from school (very small rural community) all of which questions our parenting skills and tries to show M as an out of control child, whose parents are completely unable to cope!!! She has always questioned our ability to cope with M as she was completely unable to change his behaviour, or should I say uner her regime his behaviour continued to deteriorate! Her opinion was that to cope in the real world he would have to act normally! I know I am rambling a bit (ok a lot!!) but I am so cross. I should not be surprised, after all we took him out of there to home educate and the change in his behaviour, in such a short time, has astounded even me He has gone from being angry and miserable to a happy smiling child, he is much calmer and his meltdowns are almost non existant. So who wasn't able to manage him, them or us? (please don't answer that question!) Thanks for letting me have my moan, I feel better now jan PS I recommend anyone having problems with school to get a copy of their childs school record, that way you can challange things if needs be.

Hi Tez good luck, I hope it all works out for you. jan

Thanks Denise, And thank you for your advice and support you've been great! I shall talk to you soon. I agree, if it had not been for some of the posts and the support from the forum we would probably still be messing around not sure what to do! Thanks to everyone who responded to my previous posts I only wish we had made the decision sooner, we sweated blood over what was happening We still have a long way to go, but at least now it looks as if someone has switched on the light at the end of the tunnel! jan

Hi Tez, We took our son out of school last week. He was in Yr 6 and due to take sats tests in a couple of weeks. We decided to do this because his stress levels were going through the roof and we felt if we did not act now we would be picking up the pieces forevermore! We had experienced loads of problems with school! Enough to write a book! They were causing some serious emotional damage to our child! I really felt that if we did not act then our next stop was medication for depression! We had been considering taking him out for sometime and I had done loads of reasearch, in the end we just kept him home and sent a letter to school asking them to take his name off the role! We are still in the honeymoon period, but the change has been amazing! He has started smiling lots, something we have not seen in ages. He is calmer and seem to fly off into a rage less readily. He is keen to work and has designed his own time table of things we do during our school day! (he wants structure in his day so he knows where he is). He very much wants to start secondary school in September. So I am doing lots of life skills bits and bobs to try and undo some of the damage done by his last school. We are also hoping to work closely with secondary school on visits etc. and I am meeting with them tomorrow. I don't know how things will go, but I have certainly learned a lot from our recent experiences and no way will I be sitting back quietly if there seems to be a problem. No one can tell you what to do, you need to do whatever is best for you and your family. It is hard, there is no getting away from that, but hopefully for us we will have given him a better chance of being able to cope in the future! Good luck with whatever you decide jan

Thanks guys, You are so right Nellie. we were watching our child fall apart and it was having a huge impact on the whole family! We were being told not to listen to him (by the head) as he only sees things from his point of view I have a permenant red mark in the middle of my forehead from banging it against the wall so regularally! I think M is a bit shell shocked at the moment! He is very happy not to have to go back to his old school and is really looking forward to his new school in September. He has not stopped smiling, which is great because we have not seen many smiles in recent months! He has stopped complaing of headaches and nausea, which were a daily occurence and he is sleeping better and all this in a few days!! I know this may be false high so to speak and there may be some fallout to come, but to be honest we are used to it. We have lived with so much fallout and meltdowns caused by the situation in school! We are working with secondary school, I have told them of our situation, they were surprised but supportive!! We are hopping to be able to arrange a range of visits for him so that by the time he goes there in September, he is at least comfortable with the surroundings ie., has been there when it is full of pupils going in all directions and has met some of the staff possibly even seen some lessons, especially PE! So fingers crossed that we will have done all we can to help it to work. It will then be sit back and wait and hope!!! We are now hoping to enjoy the best bits of weather and may even decamp to the beach. It would be a crime not too! Thanks for all the advice, I shall let you know how we are getting on! <'> jan

Thanks Carole and Nellie. Thought I would just let you know that after a lot of soul searching and research, we have decided to go ahead!! The letter has gone off to school asking them to deregister (sounds painful) our son! Today is his first day at home (needless to say we are having a relaxing few days)! Hopefully this is a short term solution to enable him to transfer as planned to secondary school in September. The school he will attend has several AS children and both children and school seem to be flourishing! We can only do our best to undo the damage that has been done in the school we have just left. We have our work cut out, but we love him and will give it our best shot!! I am feeling a bit wobbly about it all, but I know we have made the right decision! Thanks for your support. I am sure I shall need a lot more of it over the coming weeks! jan

Thanks guys. It just amazes me how low this person will go to achieve what SHE wants! Does anyone know where the home for the bewildered is. I think I need to check in? Never mind, pass the wine somebody! jan

Well done Simon. I am delighted to hear your good news take care jan

Hi All, We have been contemplating this for a while now and given the latest incident in school feel that now is the time. What we need now is advice please from anyone out there who has taken their AS child out of mainstream school to home educate? What do we have to have in place to keep the LEA happy? I'm terrified, but if we leave him where he is we shall be picking up the pieces for ever more! Help!!! All advice greatfully received! Also did anyone have a NT sibling in the same school as AS child? He is settled and happy but we are worried about potential repercussions for him. We are looking for an alternative school, but very rural area, the good ones have no space! Having them both at home is not really an option as I am not sure it would work! Thanks guys jan

Hi there, Sorry but I just need to have a moan and there is no one here to listen! My eldest (who has dx of AS and a statement) got sent home from school (again) this morning supposedly for being rude, unco-operative and for tearing up his work! Apparently, they had used all the strategies that have been agreed (by them) but he would still not settle. (If he is being stroppy, they are supposed to tell him they are leaving him for 10 minutes to give him time to settle, if that does not work, he gets "counselled" by his LSA for 10 minutes, if no improvement, they send him home). Needless to say if the 10 minutes on his own have not worked, then really we are on a hiding to nowhere. They tell me he is manipulating things and trying to shift the blame to everyone else. M tells me his LSA was nagging him, telling him that it was his fault that things at school were so bad for him! M also said that his work got torn because the LSA grabbed it out of M's hand and most worrying of all he tells me the LSA grabbed him by the arm and closed the door on him to prevent him from joining the rest of the class when they went to watch a video on the topic they were covering. The head did not mention any of this and I know that school will deny all of it and tell me it is just M being manipulative and contolling!! I was not there so it is their word against mine. (I did check his arm, there were no marks, although M said it was very red afterwards) He is a bright boy and he does like to be in contol, but I am not sure that he is sophisticated enough to make up such an elaborate tale! This is a mainstream school, I already have him out lunchtimes and two afternoons a week (but have spoken to a very nice man at the LEA who has been very helpful and supportive regarding this and lets just say it is being dealt with!). He has extra tutuition twice a week (paid for by us). He is due to transfer to secondary school in September and I can't wait in one sense, but am petrified too. He has been in manistream since reception and was doing very well. It was only when we moved areas and had to change schools that things went pear shaped!! But a decision is imminent as to whether he stays there any longer!! Sorry to go on and on, but I really needed to offload! This school or more so the Head have caused us an amazing ammount of heartache! Thanks for listening jan